Waiting for memory clinic referral

Granonthemove

I’ve read the posts about husbands with diagnosed Alzheimer’s/ Dementia but my concern is how do you get your husband to agree to see a doctor? Mine has increasingly alarming loss of short term memory and he knows it. If by chance I say something like “ I told you that yesterday “ there can be an explosion of anger based in his own frustration at lack of memory. He refuses to have a hearing test and that’s another issue and likes to set himself apart reading the paper or books. His siblings are also reclusive. I am noticing this more and more, worrying about it but can’t see how to get him to get help, without him getting angry. Any advice gratefully received.

I feel your pain. Mine refuses to acknowledge, but picks up any small memory slip of mine to suggest it is me. I do have the usual age related (walking into a room and wondering why?)
He is really deaf but will not wear his aids and so loses the thread of TV or conversation.
He gets very angry with me, calling me a liar if I suggest we have already discussed something (today he came home with cream instead of cream cheese even though we had a conversation about where to find it - half way down the cheese aisle next to the Philadelphia).
He makes plans for times when I already have something booked for months, but forgets to tell me or add his plans to the calendar.

Ask your local Dementia group. Even if it is not specifically dementia, we have a volunteer run music group, a puzzle group and coffee and chat that helps people whose cognition is not what it was.

Sometimes it is just a result of poor hearing, eyesight or isolation that reduces cognition and these activities can help pick up. Suggest the U3A - they have lunch clubs etc that can help men - who are often more likely to isolate in later life.

Physical activity is also recommended - can he swim, bowl or just join a walking group?

Just an aside - if diagnosed with dementia, you can often get a council tax reduction

To qualify for Council Tax discount the person with dementia also has no qualify for Attendance Allowance.

Council Tax relief is 25% if two adults share the house or 100% if the person lives alone..

Sorry for your loss, KathrynP. But thank you so much for your positive advice and very helpful suggestions. I'll try to take it one step at a time, instead of worrying excessively about all the 'worst scenario' situations.

Grannyjacq1, I am in the same position . Although my DH was diagnosed over two years ago. Like kitylester I have had many years working as a volunteer with The Alzheimers Society. I have a sound understanding of the disease. However now it is knocking on my door I have a deeper understanding. I cared for my lovely Mum when she had dementia, but this is a different ball game altogether! I always knew that as Mum's condition progressed I had my DH beside me. I knew that when she died my life would eventually get back on track. This time my life and future is precarious. You are correct it is so much harder when your husband has dementia. Like you we have been married a long time - 52 years. Watching him change breaks my heart. I am very slowly losing him and can no longer rely
on his judgment. Do look at the Alzheimers Society forum , you will find great support there.
My husband is no longer driving - thank goodness ! He passed 2 driving assessments and in my opinion that should not have happened- he ticked the boxes on the day but when driving me his judgement was appalling- it was an absolute nightmare! We too have supportive children.
Good you have POA , I sorted that when I could see the early signs of dementia. Like you I am getting to grips with financial matters - not easy.
After my DHs memory test and assessment we had diagnosis a few weeks later. I take a day at a time and try not to think too far ahead. Life is difficult at times especially when DH loses keys , ipad , medication and accuses our 15 year old GS of stealing from him and breaking into the garage to steal tools! Nothing I or our children say will convince him otherwise!
Please keep posting 💐

Have now got a date in a few weeks' time for a 90 minute appointment for DH - at a specialist CAMS centre. Not quite sure what to expect, but at least I will probably get a diagnosis and some advice. Some really helpful comments from gransnetters - thank you, all. It's good to get others' experiences to share problems. Do keep posting and let me know how you are progressing if you're in a similar situation. It will affect so many of us now.

We've found AgeUK very useful.

My DH has started with memory loss. He’s fixated with his tablets that I put in a weekly dispenser. He asks me two or three times daily about them where are they, what are they for etc. he doesn’t remember things I have told him.
But the worse thing is. He falls asleep all the time most of the day, he’s 92. But reasonably fit. But why is he asleep all the time?

Has your husband had a diagnosis? Memory lapses can be signs of other things not just dementia - an infection for instance.

kittylester

One suggestion is to ring his gp and tell him your concerns. Hopefully, the gp will talk to your husband the next time he sees him and give him an assessment and a referral if he thinks it's necessary.

The GP might even invite your husband in for a 'general age related health check'.

Yes, speak to your GP. We did this with a relative and they came round, in her case, saying they were there for routine checks as they hadn't seen her for so long. She got a formal diagnosis of dementia a few months later.

Granonthemove

I’ve read the posts about husbands with diagnosed Alzheimer’s/ Dementia but my concern is how do you get your husband to agree to see a doctor? Mine has increasingly alarming loss of short term memory and he knows it. If by chance I say something like “ I told you that yesterday “ there can be an explosion of anger based in his own frustration at lack of memory. He refuses to have a hearing test and that’s another issue and likes to set himself apart reading the paper or books. His siblings are also reclusive. I am noticing this more and more, worrying about it but can’t see how to get him to get help, without him getting angry. Any advice gratefully received.

Your GP can't discuss a patient with you; but remember that doesn't work both ways. You can talk to GP about his patient, DH . Make yourself an appt with GP to discuss your anxiety about your spouse's anger and the reason for it. Thus informing GP of what you've noticed in DH.

Your GP could then invite DH to attend "a routine health review the Practice is offering to all men his age" .

They could also put you in touch with any local support groups/ advice services for families dealing with dementia.

Lilypops

My DH has started with memory loss. He’s fixated with his tablets that I put in a weekly dispenser. He asks me two or three times daily about them where are they, what are they for etc. he doesn’t remember things I have told him.
But the worse thing is. He falls asleep all the time most of the day, he’s 92. But reasonably fit. But why is he asleep all the time?

It's very, very normal and healthy for older people to nap during the day. It can be beneficial to mental performance.

<https://www.ncoa.org/article/a-guide-to-napping-benefits-duration-and-best-practices/>

Like many others on GN, my OH, aged nearly 77, has been on medication for Alzheimers for 2 years. He's also on a clinical trial for one of the newer drugs, Donanemab,which is meant to slow down the progression. As mentioned above, use the Alzheimers website, where there's a wealth of information. My OH is still driving, although not often, and is reluctant to give up completely. We have a GP appointment soon, and I am hoping she will refer him for a driving assessment, although he may pass, I hope he doesn't. Please feel free to send a PM if you want to ask anything.