Where next? Time to move.

I am afraid Cathy that you need to get your OH around to your way of thinking and then search out your final destination. If you have no ties to the village whatsoever then 'the world is your lobster' although I would suggest being reasonably close to a motorway route so that you can get to your family when they need you, which they most certainly will.

Start by thinking about your age, your health, what help you may need for the future, what happens when you can no longer drive. This will set parameters about whether you need to live in a town, village or would be happy in a more rural setting. Consider what kind of property would suit you best now and in 10 - 20 years time , house, bungalow, flat, garden size etc then consider where friends and family are, how permanent they are in that location. It is only at this point that you should consider where you would like to live (by the sea).

If your children all live in the north, living in a south coast town with a difficult 30 mile drive to the nearest motorway and three changes of train to visit them is not a good idea, but possibly an east coast location may be better, perhaps you will realise that the seaside is not practical, where else would you like to live? Draw up a short list of places you would like to live apply the above parameters - distance from family, availability of public transport, motorways to family etc. Narrow the list then go on Rightmove and see what a suitable property in the area will cost. If you can get the kind of property you want, visit the place, look around, read the local paper, visit the library see if there are activities going on that interest you. If you are both retired and afford to do so rent a flat for a few months to see if it really is what you want.

In 1980 my parents did just that. They moved 60 miles to their new retirement home and lived there very happily for 25 years. They made lots of friends and had a busy social life - but they spent a lot of time researching and thinking before they moved - they were also ex-services so used to moving house and settling into new areas. Have you ever upsticks and moved area before? There are an awful lot of lonely old people in south coast towns who having lived in the same area all their lives, didn't have the skills to break into a new community and make friends.

Good advice given, take it!

Move in haste, repent at leisure, perhaps?
For some, at least...

It might be worth thinking about moving close (but not too close!)to one of your children - perhaps the one you have the closest relationship with? Having someone dear to you close by will ease the difficulties of relocation.
Good luck!

Thank you FlicketyB for your comprehensive reply and very good advice.

Just wondered Cathy how long it has been since you've been free of looking after family members and if you've thought of options of branching out more from your current base; U3A membership and such like? Are you on a bus route? I only ask because we have a village near us which is great for older people; lots of activities and some lovely bungalows, but no one wants to live there when they get older because there is no frequent bus service to the nearby town. Mind you, Flickety's advice is spot on and this is a good place to come to to air your thoughts.

We did exactly as Flickety said. We decided not to move too far, and to a country town so we could live without a car if necessary. It took two years to sort out and whittle down our possessions and find the right place. Even then we had to compromise and buy a house rather than a bungalow (bungalows were too expensive). No regrets though. We shop daily at local shops, the doctor, dentist, optician etc are all within five minutes walk and there's loads to do socially.
Do consider though that if you move to a coastal town you half the hinterland around you. And they can be very quite places in winter when the holiday makers and second homers aren't there.

Thank my parents, not me! I drew on their meticulous research before they moved. They did at one point find the house of their dreams, put an offer in and a few weeks later withdrew it because research showed that the community it was in offered no activities that they were interested in.

I just glanced back at my last post on this thread. I hope it was the iPad jumping in which played havoc with my spelling and it sort of still makes sense! My phone is even worse turning many text messages into complete gobbledygook!

Tegan it's been 2 years since my mum died. I have been to 2 U3A groups, both based 3 miles from me and neither of them very active. I've been trying to get a voluntary job for the past 18 months but they are hard to come by. To see anyone during the day involves a drive as I have no close neighbours and in any case there is nowhere to walk to around here.

The advice about renting somewhere for a few months is a good one and would take away some of the stress of selling and buying at the same time. We have only moved twice in 36 years and I have lived close to here all my life so even the thought of moving is scary but I want to do it now while we have the energy.

It is exactly a year (to the day!) since we moved from Kent to Devon, and we thought long and hard about it, did lots of exploring and research, and weighed up pros and cons endlessly. We are now near our DD and her family, close to a wonderful medical centre and cottage hospital, near the sea - and a long way from the motorway! It was the best thing we ever did, and also one of the most stressful.

But - we were a services family, and had done a lot of moving in the past, so the actual move wasn't an issue. (Not that you'd realise it wasn't if you'd read any of my posts at the time!)

So - Cathy - think, talk, research, and, as Flickety says, look to your future too. And Rightmove is an excellent idea.

Such good advice from everyone especially the bit about renting... Cathy take you time making any decisions its not a race..

My OH retires in 2yrs and we've always joked about moving to the 'seaside' when it happens... but now the time is closer although I would love to do it both my daughters and my grandchildren and a brother and sister live within 10mins of me. I know I'll miss them all terribly and I know they could visit but they all have very busy lives and I know it will end up being a 'once or twice a year' thing where at the moment I see them all the time and know they a short walk/drive away and I'm terrible about 'joining' and making new friends...
So its going to be a big dilemma for us(me) as OH is very happy to go, his family live an hour away from us and he doesn't see them very often and is wonderful at joining and making new friends...

Its preying on mind big time at the moment.

Oh just sell the house and go! Not worth staying anywhere really boring if you don't have to. OH will come round.

That was to the original poster btw

Suffolk is lovely.

Just make sure you research the transport links with your children before you move to the south coast.We live in Devon, with children on SE coast and the journey is a nightmare. if it was London or even the midlands the journey would be easier.

This is our experience of moving away from the area we had always lived.

We decided long before we moved that the only way we could have a more comfortable retirement was to sell up just before retirement and move down market, neither of us having a good pension.

I did so much research on cities and communities, traveling at different times to places during the day and in the evening over a period of about 3 years.

Our children live miles away so moving wouldn't make any difference to them and apart from that they have their own lives.

We finally decided on the Lincoln area because we could buy a bungalow within our budget.
Out of all the areas we looked at around that city some of the villages seem to offer us what we wanted, plenty going on and with at least a shop Pub church and on a bus route.
We like to be out and about and are involved in the U3a association, WI, walking groups etc, there's lots going on and this suits us beautifully. Our neighbours both sides are retired like us and are lovely people.

Moving is a huge step it was for us leaving friends in the town we had lived for years. But we have room so our friends from time to time come over and stay with us for a weekend which is lovely.
We stay in touch over the phone and by e-mail and it as worked out wonderfully. I can honestly say it is the best decision we have ever made.

Thing is though your husband needs to think the same as you so you need to get talking.
Do the research that is so so important, I can only say for us it as worked out perfectly and we have the funds now to do everything we wanted to do in retirement.
Best of luck

I live in a small seaside town that many people retire to. I think most people would say that they had holidayed here before making the move and had investigated transport, clubs, societies etc. There is a city just an easy half hour drive away with good access to coach, rail and air links. There's also a local cottage hospital as well as a big teaching hospital in the city. I would suggest you do your homework on a few places and then start to involve your husband in discussion about specific towns - it can be quite hard for some people to discuss an idea rather than a concrete suggestion. I wish you well with your plans.

I live in a seaside town and there's no difference here between summer and winter, just colder. It's Southend on sea. And no, it's not all kiss me quick hats. That part of it is just a quarter mile long.
We have a new university, the new library is opening on the 30th Sep.
We have The Cliffs Pavillion where they have top west end shows on all the time, not only the shows but there are lots of different bars in the building with views over they estuary. You can get boat trips over to Kent and up to London.
Less than 30 mins and you are in lovely countryside. 1hr drive to the beautiful town of Colchester.
Transport: 50 mins to Liverpool Street or Fenchurch Street every 15 mins.
A wonderful coach company with days out all the year ( shows in London)
Sports centre, about 3 years old, with an Olympic size pool ( Tom Daly practiced here)
Longest pier in the world with a Jamie Oliver resturant at the end.
And I've saved the best till last. Easyjet fly all over Europe from our airport.
If you want to fly from Stanstead we have a coach that goes there and you can use your bus pass on it.
I Love Southend.
Oh, forgot our great Hospial.

I recently met a bunch of gransnetters in Llandudno. Nearly all of them have moved there, mostly from the Manchester area, so knew the area well before they made the change. They all agreed that you have to "throw yourself into the new place" as people won't come looking for you. I expect they were all used to the wet climate.
I know people who moved to remote spots and regretted it sometime later. One nearly died of an ectopic pregnancy up a hillside in the mediterranean. The other couple had to move again when one of them became elderly and infirm - the countryside was too far from hospital and other services. If we live near a big hospital we take it for granted and forget that there are places where people have to drive 2-3 hours to get to one.
I have just moved to the coast in N wales (at least for a while - long story) and it was a huge task going through the downsizing and decluttering of our lives. I am so glad we have done it. Too many possessions are a curse!

Interestingly, Petra, my friend has just moved back from Southend after 26 years. Her family moved for her husband's work when the children were young, and although like you, she thought it a lovely place, her heart belonged up north. She hasn't found moving back easy, but feels they've done the right thing. It might be a cliche, but it seems that home is where the heart is!

Thank you everyone, all interesting posts. My children live at opposite ends of the country and they too have their own lives. Our decision is made more difficult because we really have no reason to stay in one place or to move anywhere specific. Last year we met a retired couple who had sold their house, put their furniture in storage and were touring in a caravan. We met them again early this year, still in the caravan with no plans to change. Maybe that's the way to go. I'll become a traveller

JessM ! love..Llandudno.. would love to move there myself(well suppose I would have to take OH) lol...one of my tasks to do as yet is ride round the Great Orme on my motorcycle (house is up for sale and they are coming back for a second viewing today at 2pm) so who knows lol.