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Friends want to stay for two months - while moving house - help?

(157 Posts)
Feelingmyage55 Thu 02-Nov-17 19:30:43

Casual friends, are moving house and need accommodation until they get an entry date. This might be in six weeks, so they would be in their own home by Christmas. But we all know the pitfall of entry dates ................ AIBU to worry that they will need to stay for longer? I have plenty of space but honestly just cannot be bothered being super tidy and organised for that length of time. What do I do about housekeeping? I am not financially stretched at all but .. am I worrying about nothing ? The parents both work full time and the children are at school all day and after school club until 5 pm. DH is working abroad so I feel like a sitting duck. Usually I just say okay but ... Help?

VIOLETTE Fri 03-Nov-17 14:42:16

NO ...definitely NOT ....do what I did send them a list of local hotels, B & B's, mobile homes , property for rent short term ........see if these 'casual' friends are still friends after..........you don't say how 'casual' they are ....but I would only do this for family, and then only if they were desperate ! When we were between houses we stayed in a cheap hotel with our furniture in storage ......find local storage facilities for them ! May go against the grain but you will not regret making that decision. Good luck

123kitty Fri 03-Nov-17 14:46:15

You are being used - say NO - no excuses needed (get it over with.

willa45 Fri 03-Nov-17 14:49:23

From your post, these people are not even close enough for a one night sleepover. It's your home and you shouldn't let anyone take advantage. If they haven't been invited, this is a barefaced imposition on their part!

Clearly your house is not a hotel! How well do you even know these people? Would they go out of their way to show some appreciation afterward? Have they even offered to share for extra groceries, water, heating and electrical? What about housekeeping and laundry services?

You may want to suggest that they move to a hotel 'efficiency' suite. If they still don't get the hint, tell them outright that the proposed arrangement may work well for them, but it doesn't work for you. You don't owe them anymore explanations. Above all, do what you want, NOT what they want.

They won't like it? Better they get upset for a few minutes instead of you being upset for a long, long time.

Eloethan Fri 03-Nov-17 14:55:06

I think the fact that these casual friends have asked you would make me wary. I don't think I would ask even very good, longstanding friends to put me up whilst awaiting moving house. And to expect you to board a family with children for what could be an indeterminate length of time seems very unreasonable to me.

My son and his partner and their daughter lived with us for around a year while they were in the process of selling their flat and purchasing a house. It could be quite tiring at times just keeping things tidy, etc., but we had the pleasure of their company and forming a strong bond with our granddaughter and there was no awkwardness in speaking out if there were any little niggles.

I would feel very uncomfortable having people I wasn't that close to staying for a prolonged period and, to be honest, I think it's rather a cheek.

I think you should say it would be too much for you.

LoobyLoo33 Fri 03-Nov-17 14:55:42

I also can’t believe they have asked a casual friend. Do they not have family members they could ask? Why can’t they rent like most other people have to, and put their furniture in storage? (I dread to think what plans they might have for storage of all their possessions - which could also include using your space).
Just say no, very sweetly, and say it doesn’t fit in with other plans you have.

Mapleleaf Fri 03-Nov-17 15:01:07

Have these casual friends asked you if they can stay with you or is it something you are contemplating as your post doesn't make it too clear. If the latter, I would refrain from offering, it could open up a whole can of worms, and if the former, I'd say "no" as it's quite an imposition on your time and freedom. I wouldn't like it, personally.

Diddy1 Fri 03-Nov-17 15:02:20

Definately NO, very cheeky to even ask, imagine the house would not be yours,and the fights over the remote, just with the children, it isnt worth thinking about.

Maggiemaybe Fri 03-Nov-17 16:37:27

Well, to be honest as I read from the start of the thread I was going to say what a load of angst about nothing - so many posters huffing and puffing and saying how cheeky they were, when all they'd done was ask the question and all you really had to do was say no.

But hang on! They stated their intention of staying with you? shock What on earth is that all about? Are you some sort of charitable institution? If the answer is no, just tell them in no uncertain terms where they can go, and waste no time about it. I can't even imagine how many liberties these people will take if you let them over your threshold!

Coconut Fri 03-Nov-17 16:38:27

Personally I would just say that you value the friendship too much to say yes ! It would be a minefield and just before Xmas when most of us want things just so .....

loopyloo Fri 03-Nov-17 16:54:46

Or if necessary ....No,no,no.

loopyloo Fri 03-Nov-17 16:55:51

When do they say they are going to move in? The sooner you tell them it's not on the better.

starlily106 Fri 03-Nov-17 17:07:58

I would say no, especially as you only know them casually.

Bridgeit Fri 03-Nov-17 17:08:34

Please put us all out of our misery Have You Told Them NO Yet ?

Caro1954 Fri 03-Nov-17 17:46:03

Maggiemaybe is absolutely right! They've taken the liberty of inviting themselves, they don't seem to intend to pay for their stay, what else will the do!!! Say no, as politely as you can, giving no reason other than it wouldn't work.

CardiffJaguar Fri 03-Nov-17 17:54:26

I suspect they are looking to avoid the expense of renting temporarily and they see you as an obvious target. Such people will not do you any favours. I am in that category which suggests you should say NO. Whatever excuse you use stick to it and do not be swayed. In fact that should not be an excuse but a simple reason which you do not need to disclose.

Daisyboots Fri 03-Nov-17 18:03:57

And it is a No from me too. What a cheek especially as they are only casual friends. My DS, DIL, baby and child came for a two week holiday to us and by the end of the two weeks we felt as though squatters had moved in and couldn't wait for them to leave. It's not a nice feeling and I am sure you would feel the same. If they can just assume they can stay with you they will most certainly ride roughshod over you if you agree. I do hope you will now just say no to them. After my DS's visit we decided we would never have visitors for longer than a week again.

cc Fri 03-Nov-17 18:09:07

I must admit that I wouldn't welcome casual friends into our house for an open-ended stay, especially if they have children, they'd just take over and your life wouldn't be your own. Different if they were close family or even good friends - and most children and grandchildren are a nightmare if they're not your own! Don't do it, for your own sanity.

FarNorth Fri 03-Nov-17 18:51:12

They didn't ask - announced they would be staying because on tight budget, upsizing massively and said I could babysit while they deal with the move. I mentioned budget and they don't have a budget for the gap.

These people are complete chancers. How can you even consider letting them stay with you if they haven't had the decency to ask?
Take the advice of every single poster on this thread and Say No.

Direne3 Fri 03-Nov-17 20:14:30

Seems to me that you are being emotionally bullied - or maybe take your pick of the following:-
Synonyms: cadge, beg, sponge [informal] , bum [informal] More Synonyms of scrounge
scrounger 
Word forms: plural scroungers
countable noun [usually plural]
They are just scroungers.
Synonyms: parasite, freeloader [slang] , sponger [informal] , bum [informal].

I agree wholeheartedly with other posters but if you are feeling intimidated just write an email saying "sorry but our answer has to be no" and then let THEM deal with THEIR problem. flowers

FarNorth Fri 03-Nov-17 20:25:17

You could assume that as they didn't actually ask, the whole thing was meant as a joke.

Do nothing at all and, if they get back to you about it, tell them you thought they were joking and that you can't have them at that time anyway. (No need to give them a reason why, you just can't.)

Luckygirl Fri 03-Nov-17 20:40:48

It does sound a real cheek TBH. I would hesitate to ask a close friend this sort of favour, especially as house purchases so commonly fall through. I would feel that I had to take full responsibility for myself in this situation (e.g. renting somewhere) rather than expecting someone else to help.

Jalima1108 Fri 03-Nov-17 20:43:54

now wondering if other people clean the bath fully clothed or ....
Yes, in a pair of bleach-stained old jogging bottoms and an equally disreputable old t-shirt.

I know someone who puts on a swimsuit to clean the shower.

ellenemery Fri 03-Nov-17 21:19:26

Definitely a no from me too.

We put in an offer for a bungalow 8 weeks ago and there are no chains etc. The solicitor was off sick then the searches were delayed. They require originals of everything and will not except printed from the computer so everything is taking time. It is only 7 weeks to C and we all know how much extra work that involves. What if there are delays and they need to stay over C and the New Year.

You have no idea how tidy they are or how it will disrupt your own holiday plans. Hope you get what you want.

Laine21 Fri 03-Nov-17 21:52:17

No!

Use husband, as he is working away he can't contradict you. Just say you have spoken to him and he is bringing colleagues back with him / arranged for colleagues to stay while they are in the uk, so you are very sorry, but no there won't be space.

Imagine how you would feel if their house purchase is delayed and you are stuck with them all over Christmas and into the new year. Where would your own family fit in if hey ended up staying longer?

I'm precious about my space and the time I spend with my family and as for having 'casual' friends stay.......that would fill me with horror. I spent on many years giving in and accepting people take advantage of me, so I learned to say NO! And it feels good ?

Feelingmyage55 Fri 03-Nov-17 21:58:11

Yep, I think maybe just the way the younger generation speak. But as I say friends of very good friends indeed and goodness knows, confidence or cheek or naiveness thinking that the relationship is closer than it is! I have said no now, having accepted all the advice here. Very obvious disappointment from the parents and much huffing and puffing about having to pay for somewhere so the right decision. I suggested they push the agent for an entry date. Bettter be pushy with the professionals than me. There are lots of seaside chalets lying empty in our town so.... I am sure they will not be homeless, in fact I expect an out of season seaside chalet will be less than a mortgage! Do you think I will be asked to the house warming???????