Overstaying lodger!

You've had lots of good advice on here, Annie. You must act on it, hard though that may be. I feel it goes against your nature to be harsh, but I'm afraid this leech is taking advantage of that. Do it today!! Get those boxes packed and in the garage, empty her stuff out of the kitchen, take down the curtains, strip the bed, remove her towels, get the locks changed (or put one on " her" bedroom door with just one key that YOU hold). Subtlety doesn't work on her, you've got to be TOUGH. Can you get your son on board to support you as DH can't or won't.
Be strong, and good luck. We're all rooting for you on here.?

"If you are going to have the mother of all rows, have it with her, not your husband."

Why not with him? He got Annie into this unpleasant situation. He needs to be made aware how it's affecting her and that the woman has to leave.

Possible problems at work have been suggested, as a reason for him to keep his head in the sand.
Tackling the situation calmly and firmly, rather than leaving it till Annie blows her top to the lodger, could help him avoid future problems with the woman at work.

I'm not sure that the lodger and DH work together any more as Annie says at the bottom of her first post that DH was made redundant 18 months ago but has since found a new job. Unless she works at his new work place? Still shouldn't make any difference though to the fact that she has well overstayed her welcome and must now leave.

Sorry, made redundant last June, after 18 years, not 18 months ago.

"night after night they sit and watch sport and chat endlessly. I end up in the dining room or upstairs in bed!"

Definitely don't allow this to go on.

Find a programme or a video (maybe a box set!) that you really really must see, tell them about it beforehand and how keen you are to see it, then get settled before their usual time.

Or maybe take up noisy video games. I like Zuma but there are lots to choose from!

Do this every night.

So, he’s NOT working with this female now? In that case he’s a wimp and it looks Annie as if you’re going to have to take this onto your shoulders. Or leave home.

I wouldn’t mind betting she’s already got a friend or two in reserve to take her in if all her prevaricating fails and she does have to leave. I doubt she’ll be on the streets. Time to buy those door plaques and bring some paint and curtain material swatches home.

Anniechip has to live with her husband after this lodger has finally been ejected; he may, just possibly, be chary of the empty nest. First the son and his wife and child, then the lodger living there.
This should be a happy time and the start of a new phase; not a good time to have a blazing row.

Not a good time for Anniechip to be bullied by DH and lodger, eazybee.

Anniechip, you’ve been dithering about this for over a month now, it’s time you did something about it.
Start emptying her stuff out of your areas and into boxes. Go into the sitting room tonight and select a programme that you want to watch and don’t move!
Stop letting them take over the room. And to be honest if You don’t start doing something soon, then I’m afraid that you will still be dithering about for the next 12 months.

I agree with all those suggesting action now. Empty and pack everything in your cupboards etc and put it in the hall, I am not sure how much stuff there is but as soon as it is done I would go into the living room when they are watching TV turn it off and calmly (at least to start with) tell her in front of your husband that time is up and she must go. This will be difficult and distressing I know but I don't see any other way unless you are just going to pack all her things and put them in the front garden. Speaking to them together would be best. Are you sure she has actually viewed three properties? Could your son say something about it all?

There never will be a 'perfect' place. Next time she witters on about finding the 'perfect' place, tell her the perfect place doesn't enter into it and that she can easily find a B&B to stay in until she finds the 'perfect' place.

Another thing do not say 'please' to her. Just tell her that she must be out of the house by 31 March or you will put up her belongings into black bin bags and leave them in the garden. (full stop), no 'please'. Speak quietly but firmly.

When she goes let us know and we will break out champagne bottles all over the country to celebrate your success!

If your husband is unhappy about this he can, if push comes to shove, leave with her.

You are being far too nice about this now, you agreed a time scale - more than generous given she had already outstayed her welcome - and she is obviously not going to stick to it unless you take action.
Be firm, start clearing her stuff from your cupboards and tell her the room is going to be used by your family at Easter and she has to be out by then.
If you don't stand up for yourself now she will still be there at Christmas!! Finding the perfect place is her problem and not yours.

Put ad in your local paper.
Under Rooms for rent

Wanted
Perfect room
Sky sport a must
For a perfect awful lodger.

Say to yourself 'I can do this'

"I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore (we're all behind you!!)
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again"

Having read through the last 6 pages of advice and support I have to Agree wholeheartedly with the opinions of everyone. She clearly has no intention of leaving unless forced.
Easter is 30 th March and she should be gone at least a week before that date in order for you (and your husband!) to clear and clean it.
That is next Friday 23 rd. she has been totally unreasonable in the face of kindness, you have your son and family visiting, she must go and where she goes is up to her. Its not your responsibility. If your husband won’t speak to her Can your son ring her?
I hope you get your house back and enjoy your family visit.

Your husband is not putting his grandchildren first. He's not bothered about his flesh and blood being pushed out to sleep on the floor?
What a shitty Grandad.

Good grief ,woman , you cant take a stand can you? You've had endless good advice and still no result?
Dither, dither, taking no action that achieves your goal.
Its a good job you're not needed to be strong and decisive in an emergency.

You need to get your priorities firmly on your grandchildren .
When your grandaughter grows up she'll be asking you some serious questions about why she got barred from her little bedroom, consigned to an airbed on the floor while you put the horrid lodger up in comfort.
Your Grandaughter would be right if she felt she came a poor second to the lodger in both your and your husbands household arrangements.
Stop dithering .

I thought you genuinely wanted advice A MONTH AGO when you first posted. Seems to me that you've started a new online soap opera.

She won't be on the streets.
If every one who is a damn nuisance was truthfully homeless and genuinely had no other options then the streets would be lined with these freeloaders.
None of us would be able to get to the shops because of the crowds of homeless roaming free. She's a lying , sly little cow and she's laughing at you.

If you do not want to do it. Ask a couple of us round and we will do it for you!

That's an excellent idea.
A couple of grans with suitcases to turn up, and throw her out!

It's almost 24 hours now since Anniechip last posted, so let's hope some progress is being made, while we blather away on here.

Annie, perhaps you should call in the heavy guns and get in an estate agent or two to estimate how much you can get for the house. Then tell hubby when he questions it that either she goes or you both sell up and find a smaller place. Drastic action is needed. Loads of estate agents are only too happy to give a price on spec, although they will pester you for a while afterwards. Meanwhile, move her into the dining room or small office on the airbed and start decorating. Word of warning - if you are packing up her belongings take care not to lose, damage or destroy anything. Even if she hasn't found anything and you can't get to redecorate move her to the airbed while they are there. Good luck. Rooting for you.

OK.....time for desperate measures here!

Start eating in restaurants and stop buying milk, sugar etc. Better still, put a padlock on the refrigerator door and the bathroom too. (Keep the keys on your person at all times).

Hide all the sheets and towels. Disable the TV, hide the remote and change the password on your computer. If hubby doesn't go along or nothing seems to work, then double her rent!

I just hope we haven’t frightened OP off as there have been some draconian pieces of advice and some things are easier said than done.
It doesn’t have to be drastic, just firm and consistent.
You gave her until Easter as I remember, just keep reminding her that means the beginning of the holiday weekend, not the BH Monday.
I don’t know when your family are arriving, but she needs to be reminded of that and a calm discussion about what her plans are will be easier than some of the dramatic advice given here. I am sure it can be sorted without changing locks or putting the woman’s possessions in bin bags on the front lawn. But do (re) start the discussion ASAP and make sure she realises that she needs a Plan B as the “ideal”place may be elusive.

Mawbroon I think Gransnetters are talking in this way because they feel for the OP and can see that this young woman is causing her anxiety and distress.

This young woman now says she must find the "perfect place" and seems not to be taking the issue seriously. She has already been told that the room is needed. To be quite honest, if this happened to me I would find it very difficult to be calm and reasoned and I think the OP has been most reasonable and accommodating.

I think that if this young woman has not vacated her room by 31st March - which isn't that far away now - drastic action probably will be needed. She has absolutely no legal right to security of tenure or even to demand time to find new lodgings. If she continues to mess about, surely packing up her belongings for her to collect and changing the locks is the only thing the OP can do?

Some people have suggested that if the OP's husband continues to be unsupportive in this matter, she should move out. She should most definitely stay put.

gmelon When people ask for advice I don't think it is right or at all helpful that they should be subjected to the sort of rudeness and criticism that you addressed to the OP.

Gosh ! I havn't visited this thread in ages. I thought it would have been resolved by now. Why is she not gone ?

I think Anniechip needs to box clever here by not letting this lodger come between her and her husband and showing it will be to his benefit if she leaves. It might be too late, I hope not. Hope we hear soon that she has left.