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House and home

Overstaying lodger!

(480 Posts)
Anniechip Fri 09-Feb-18 22:10:26

Hi everyone,
I don't post very much but always read the very interesting topics, such great advice on many things, which leads me to this topic.
8 or 9 years ago my husband met a young lady through work. She is the same age as our DD- 36. They (DH and female) are both big rugby and football fans so had a lot in common. She started coming round to watch matches, stopping for tea etc chatting about this and that. A nice enough person who I chatted to about cooking,holidays etc general life 'stuff'! Her family live away but she has a very large social circle.
Last March she told us that she was going to have to move out of her rented house that she shared with another female as the owner had sold up. She had a month to find somewhere alternative. We live in a 3 bed terrace, both our children have families and houses of their own.
DH asked me if she could move in with us 'for a few weeks' until she found somewhere.
Reluctantly I agreed but really wanted to say no, I felt under pressure as she was having no luck finding anything.
12 months previous to this our DD, her husband and 15 month old who had been living with us for 18 months, saving for their own place, had moved out and I was just about getting my house back to what I wanted it to be.
So....... The lodger moved in lock stock and barrel.
I had to empty a large wardrobe in my second bedroom, clear 2 kitchen cupboards and fridge and freezer space.
We agreed on a rent of £300 a calendar month.
Now she is becoming far too comfortable and complacent.
Leaves washing in the machine for a couple of days or on my dryer in the back room, coats over dining chairs, shoes in the hallway, dishes in the sink for a couple of hours, etc etc.
Now I feel it's time she was moving on. My dGC like to have sleepovers but have to sleep on an air bed in our room instead of a nice comfy bed in their own little room.
The back room is my 'office' so no room for a bed.
I want my own space back but unfortunately my husband sees no wrong. If anything his life has been enriched as night after night they sit and watch sport and chat endlessly. I end up in the dining room or upstairs in bed!
AIBU to say it's time now? I want my house back!!
DH doesn't think there is a problem and says we need the money- he was made redundant in June after 18 years in the same job, but has since found another so we are both still earning.
I would willingly give up the £300 a month to have my life and house back! Any ideas on how to get rid?!

Luckylegs9 Tue 20-Mar-18 17:38:09

I have just noted that someone else is commenting on posts, name of lucklegs, I am lucklegs 9, I read the post and did a double take, as it was written in such a way that I would never have written it. I don't think it is right to have confusing names like this and wonder why it was allowed.

MawBroon Tue 20-Mar-18 17:40:23

Why don’t you take it up with GNHQ then Luckylegs9?

Gigi57 Tue 20-Mar-18 20:38:27

Be completely honest it’s always the best way. Tell her you will help her find new digs ( not financially)
You must have your husband on your side though. Try and explain to him it’s for your relationship moving forward to retirement.
Get him thinking past his football watching and the rest of his life. For instance you may decide to sell up and travel in caravan for awhile. Downsize to a flat. So then this lodger is not in the picture.

Blinko Wed 21-Mar-18 19:14:29

Just as well we haven't strayed over to Pedants' Corner.. re my earlier post, that should read 'bated breath'. Apologies if it set anyone's teeth on edge grin

Telly Wed 21-Mar-18 19:26:53

I think you need to talk to her every day and ask her what she is going to do on the 31st. I think she is going to call your bluff. I would suggest to her that she NOW needs to be looking at B & Bs as she has left it so late. Tell her to start packing. You really need to make her feel uncomfortable.

luluaugust Wed 21-Mar-18 20:27:35

Has she no family or friend she could go to, ten days to go it will be hard to sort out the flat of her dreams in that time. Keep talking (nagging) and if you are inclined to offer to do anything make it the packing. Good luck.

Anniechip Wed 21-Mar-18 21:20:37

Good evening my friends!! The lodger is moving out on Good Friday! She has just returned from looking at a place and is delighted with it! I am bloody ecstatic about it- excuse my language! Perfect timing to spring clean the bedroom and get it perfect for my family to come the following weekend!
Thank you all soooo much for your advice, support and giving me the confidence and occasional push to keep persevering, you helped me realise that I can be forceful when necessary. I am still that kind natured tolerant person but I know now I can be more assertive if I need to be. I think it was telling her last week that -I WANT YOU OUT made her realise I wasn’t messing about!
DH has offered to help move her things on Good Friday! She has cancelled the Direct Debit for the rent from 1st April already!
So again a huge thank you to each and everyone of you. Lots of love ❤️??xxx

MawBroon Wed 21-Mar-18 21:22:39

Congratulations!,

tanith Wed 21-Mar-18 21:25:34

Well done and congratulations for sticking to your guns ??????

Jane10 Wed 21-Mar-18 21:26:05

Excellent news! Bet you're counting the days.

fiorentina51 Wed 21-Mar-18 21:28:36

Wonderful news! ???

MissAdventure Wed 21-Mar-18 21:29:22

It'll be good Friday in more ways than one, then.
You've done really well to persevere and sort it out. smile

Cherrytree59 Wed 21-Mar-18 21:29:23

Wow thats wonderful news Anniechip
The cuckoo is ready to fly!

Time too roll up your sleeves and get your Dgd room
ship-shape in time for her visit.

Wishing you and our family a lovely Eastersunshine

mcem Wed 21-Mar-18 21:36:33

So the GN swat team can now stand down?
Well done!

SpringyChicken Wed 21-Mar-18 21:37:03

Hooray, well done, you did it - all by yourself. Put the champagne on ice!

Cold Wed 21-Mar-18 21:46:00

Great news - a Good Friday for everyone!

Mapleleaf Wed 21-Mar-18 21:55:53

Well done. ?

Oopsadaisy12 Wed 21-Mar-18 21:56:56

Well done, you will have your Home back, I bet you can’t wait.

However the GN swat team are available at very reasonable rates for any future problems.

Distance no object

Payment in chocolate cake preferred.

jusnoneed Wed 21-Mar-18 22:04:19

Well done you! Have fun with the family.

Blinko Wed 21-Mar-18 22:12:57

Fan-bloody-tastic! Have a large glass of wine when you get the chance.

Chewbacca Wed 21-Mar-18 22:38:15

Not posted before but followed you through the whole debacle Anniechip, and I'm very glad that your unwelcome lodger is on her way out. Onwards and upwards!

willa45 Wed 21-Mar-18 23:06:45

Hooray for you Annie and a very happy Easter! Well done!!

Apricity Wed 21-Mar-18 23:08:42

Great outcome Anniechip and a real boost to your self confidence. Don't underestimate yourself. Go Grans. I love the image of the GN SWAT team standing down - for now! Just waiting for the next call from M. ???

FarNorth Wed 21-Mar-18 23:34:09

Wonderful news!

wine flowers

BBbevan Thu 22-Mar-18 05:43:10

Excellent news Well done Anniechip Enjoy the time with your family