Overstaying lodger!

Hi all
Thank you again for your posts, new and old. In answer to many, why is she still there? I gave her 7 weeks notice- ample time for her to find something. This Tuesday gone- with three weeks notice left and only 3 rooms/houses/properties viewed I told her that my son and 2 DGC are now staying instead of just my DGD as was the original plan.
I told her she HAS to be out by 31st March, (my exact words were “I WANT YOU OUT”) which only gives me a week to give it a thorough overhaul. Forget the decorating now until after my son has returned home. She saw one yesterday on Spare rooms which she said was lovely but... the owner is putting the house on the market?!?! Why ask for a lodger in that case? Houses round here go very, very quickly.
So.... dear friends.... I will keep you up to date.
Just a note to some Gransnettets who have basically accused me of being a wimp and not standing up for myself and maybe not being able to cope and make decisions in an emergency, I cannot change the person and character I am. I am very tolerant and patient as youwill have seen, but you know the saying The worm who turned? Watch this worm on 31st Matcht!!!!

Nest of course. Auto correct again!

Ive just found this thread again after a month and simply can't believe it's not resolved yet! We are all spitting blood and vowing this cheeky so and so would be out on her ear in no time but the OP is obviously a lovely non confrontational person which is why it's ended up like this! Please come back and tell us the cuckoo in the next has gone! It's driving me mad!

I know this thread has gone on a long time and it might be irritating for anyone not in the situation, when it seems to be going round in circles with no apparent action by the OP. But I also understand with how easy it is to keep going round in circles when you don't expect someone to behave as they do so one keeps on trying to work out the next step!

Annie Please let us know how things go ...and please stick to your guns.

Sure of it, Sparkly.
All that is needed is one direct question:
"Which day will you be moving out?" followed by a card with the address of the nearest storage unit: "in case you haven't found anywhere perfect yet."

I wonder if Annie's DH has reassured the lodger that his very tolerant kindly wife would never see the eviction through? That would explain the lodgers lack of effort or urgency in seeking new accommodation, because she believes the eviction will never happen, and unless Annie pulls her finger out it never will.

There is no problem here, the date has been given, if the lodger has not found antwhere she will have to go into a hotel or move in with another friend or relative. She surely cannot be short of money. The way for the OP to play it is to assume she is going and act as though it is going to happen. This is probably quite scary for the lodger but she needs to know it is going to happen. The day before the deadline, make sure she has packed and removed all traces from every room, if not offer to help her. Make a big show of making cakes etc for the upcoming visit. Talk about what you will be doing when they come. Remember this is YOUR HOME. If by any chance she goes into a hotel and asks if she can leave stuff behind to collect later say no. Make it very clear that she cannot move out for Easter then come back by talking about your plans for the room. Talk about a an old friend you have been wanting to have come and visit but haven’t been able to ( if you don’t have any such friends enrol a gransnetter!). Just be firm and gentle. It will be good for the lodger to stand on her own two feet. When she is settled she could be invited round on the odd occasion for a meal, maybe even make it a weekly thing, but no more than that. After all, she is not the enemy.

Good Luck Annie. Remember the power of the grans is behind you!

I'm hoping the lack of posts from Annie means that progress is being made, in one way or another.

If she were to come home on Good Friday to find her belongings packed and in the hall and a granddaughter in "her" bed, she might get the message.

I'm officer in charge of the elite Gransnet expletives corps. We turn up and say all the things that an unfortunate Gran wishes she had said at a particular time to a specified person. We specialise in volume, choice of words and if necessary, use of a graded range of expletives. I expect we could blast this cuckoo from her comfortable nest. Failing that we could let that rabble from the Argy Bargy loose?

Absolutely Oldwoman.
We’re here for ya.
Always ready to administer a kick.

Can I book the roving grans to come and give me a kick up the backside and help me with the decluttering I have to do before I move?

I like the idea of a posse of roving grans. There have been a one or two posts recently where being able to call in the cavalry would have been the solution.

You’re right NFK, it’s frustrating isn’t it?
Maybe we should form a roving help group.

Something weird happening in your house? who you gonna call? Gransnetters!

I'm quite glad that we're all far flung and unaware of where Anniechip lives. This has riled us all up so much that The Lodger would have been bodily picked up and removed before now and probably dumped on a train to Timbucktoo with her belongings in a black bin bag!

Apart from dropping strong hints and becoming uncooperative and colder towards her, there's little that can be done until the deadline is passed.

Good Luck Annie. Remember the power of the grans is behind you!

Anniechip, the solution to your problem, be it good, bad, draconian, or outrageous, surely must be lurking somewhere within these pages and I hope you find the courage to act on it.

I'm hoping you can get her out of your house in time for the deadline. Please let everyone know because from the amount of posts your plea has generated, a lot of people care.

The trouble with being a reasonable person is that you expect others to follow suit.
A discussion was had, a date was set, and it seemed that everything was going to work out, because all were in agreement.

She is not

Eloethan
I've made friendly and practical suggestions quite early on.
Look back in the thread.
I got fed up with this lady. So many many Gransnetters are concerned and using their precious time to post advice.
She is the doing anything to help herself.

correction: ad infinitum. Posted while I thought I was correcting the preview.

Mawbroon, I take your point about 'too many cooks' and at the end of the day the OP has to do what she feels comfortable with. I admit my comment about estate agents was said a bit 'tongue in cheek' but leaving around particulars about a new house/single flat for herself could make hubby realise she means business. Given that she has indicated a deadline and made clear she wants to redecorate and have the room for the child's visit, I do not think it is unreasonable to ask the lodger to shift out onto the airbed while this happens and for the visit. Alternatively, the lodger could occupy the bed while the decorating is going on. If the OP can afford it I would get a decorator in to do the room. She could move her office into the lodger's room and put the lodger in the smaller room if still there after Easter. Otherwise, the only alternative seems to be to put up with it infinitum but she could at least make money out of it by raising the rent to the market rate for their area - easily found out from letting agents. I just wish her well with it as I think it is causing her a lot of stress.

Your last post is spot on, eazybee. Nothing will change unless the OP does something herself.

The "perfect place" comment would probably have tipped me over the edge!

TBH anyone who has put up with this for a year, and still hasn’t sorted it out, will probably still be in the same situation after the deadline has gone.
Maybe the Op will surprise us all.

Problem is that the husband wants her to stay, or he did when the OP first posted. Not sure if that has really changed.