Feeling trapped in my home

If I was having a noisy party and a neighbour complained I would apologise and ask guests to keep it down a bit, and turn the music down. This is only fair at 2.30 in the morning. Your neighbours sound like horrible people. I would try to be pleasant to them when you see them, you don't want to antagonise them more, get them on your side quietly. There may be a conscience in there somewhere.

If I had the option and felt intimidated I’d learn from my own experience and simply move. Some people won’t change - we spent three years with “neighbours from hell”. Just be aware, even expensive homes can have horrendous neighbours.
Good luck.

Because I live in an area where many people work shifts, I've always avoided noisy housework tasks when my neighbours are sleeping & it's not hard, only occasionally inconvenient. It's well worth it to avoid disputes, especially if you're hoping to sell at some point. It can happen anywhere, not just with HT tenants. Even pricey developments nowadays are sold to investment buyers, so it's pot luck who you get for neighbours.

In their efforts to pour oil on troubled waters, I fear that some gransnetters are missing the point. The neighbour in question does not sound like a pleasant or reasonable person at all and I cannot imagine that anything Marieeliz does will change that.

I would put in the photinia and pursue a move. I can imagine just how you feel, Marieeliz. Good luck with finding a home that you can relax in.

Marieeliz
Don't spend money on making your property a 'fortress' consider selling up as it does not appear a 'love thy neighbour ' is on the cards .? Unless you have had serious face to face confrontations with this person,, smoking at her back door, another person living there, would be seen as what you personally don't like and not what I would see worth a mention in the Good Neighbours Box
If there have not been any further incidents of late night parties, and solicitors look for far more serious issues than one party it might be worth for your peace of mind having a chat with Citizens Advice.

You're allowed one party until 2.30 am. They become a 'nuisance' if there's one every week. Apart from this, she doesn't seem to have done much wrong. It would be pleasant of you to leave your hoovering until the afternoon as you know your neighbour works nights.

It is polite to inform your neighbour if you are having a party if it is going to be late but if it was the first party I would grit my teeth and bear it. Everyone is entitled to an occasional party. If she had them every night or even weekly then it would be different but it is very likely that people are going to be drunk and not react well in the early hours of the morning so complaining was unlikely to help.
Why does not vacuuming when she is asleep annoy you? It sounds as if you all got off on the wrong foot and now everyone is feeling aggrieved and resentful.
She may be someone that you can't build bridges with but signing the agreement would have been a good first step. There is a time to put expediency over principle and that looks like one.

We had two awful neighbours, one next door and one opposite so we moved. Our first neighbours were lovely, but they moved and unfortunately we were stuck with the two from hell.

I think it is sad you couldn't see your way to signing a Good Neighbour Agreement. It would have put the HT in a much stronger position if you had and then problems continued. It is quite easy to find yourself feeling that you have the moral high ground but sometimes, in order to move forward, you need to bite the bullet and be prepared to go the extra mile. It isn't a case of backing down, it is a case of giving yourself the best chance of living peaceably in your own home.

Starbird she did not give up her house she went on a swap site and swopped with another HT tenant. She is definately not lonely she has 4 children and 7 grandchildren who live around and are here all the time. Bluebelle when she first moved I put a welcome to your new home card through the door never got a thank you or an acknowledgement.

She could have told me before that she was having a party and I could have stayed somewhere else. Luckily another neighbour stood by me. I did not sign the Good Neighbour agreement because they are only for Tenants and I am an owner occupier. Besides I am a good neighbour and signing this agreement would have been tantamount to saying I was bad. The family have a reputation for getting drunk and then getting bolshie. This has all come out since the incident in October.

I agree with Bluebell. My father often had to work nights and had a lot of trouble sleeping. It is not the same as sleeping at night and it is not really asking much for noisy tasks to be avoided if possible.
If her visitor doing it at 11.30 was a problem for you, then you doing it at what was mid-sleep for her would also be a problem.
She may be unreasonable in other ways but maybe you need to meet her more than half ways or at least avoid making things worse.
I have moved because of bad neighbours. I exchanged contracts and then a few days later they moved, so I didn't have to which was very upsetting.
It is a very difficult situation. I am very lucky at the moment although things can only change and my nightmare neighbour could return (her flat is boarded up at present).

Awful, inconsiderate neighbours can ruin your life (particularly when you’re retired and spend much more time at home). It happened to us, and we moved. Sadly, we inherited another set, but they were universally disliked and THEY moved. All of this in rural settings - so with lots of space between homes- but still the ill-feeling is miserable. Definitely move if possible, but check out where you plan to move to as thoroughly as possible. Good luck!

I just think life’s to short to make enemies It seems you got off to the wrong start over the party whilst I would complain if it was a regular happening I would accept a one off and sooner keep a civil relationship with neighbours it has to be give and take sometimes whilst a noisy party into the early hours is difficult to accept I would have given her the benefit of the doubt and waited to see if it happened again Sounds like you annoyed them and maybe with drink flowing the plant pot was thrown A shame as that seems to have been the start of a sour relationship
Good luck in your move if you do go as that does seem the only way forward now

Sympathise with your plight Marieeliz but can't help feeling that a move is pretty radical and dramatic if, in your heart, you really don't want to. Sayings like 'the devil you know' and 'out of the frying pan' keep coming into my head. I think you should have a serious go with the shrubbery and other practical suggestions here before anything else. Helps me to be very grateful for the lesser neighbour problems I have. Thank you.

The police are wrong! You are bound to declare any disputes on the SPIF form. If you do not declare the purchasers can sue under the Misinterpretation Act 1967.
There will be records from the Police and HT to prove your dispute.
Out of interest why did you refuse to sign a good neighbour agreement?

We had a neighbour that spent at least 4 hours a day in his garden shouting and swearing into his cell phone.

...so we saved up and had a lovely conservatory built.

He's now moved to Cadiz and the council bought his house for four mentally disabled teens and their full-time carers.

...they are lovely neighbours.

Definitely move!

Move.

I can echo the benefits of Red Robin. It can be shaped easily too. It may make your house more saleable when an over 55's property does come up if there's a screen between you. Most people value a bit of privacy. The comments about not making a big deal of things but working round her are right I think as you don't want to have anything to put in the Disagreements With Neighbours box on the solicitors form when you do sell!

If you cannot change the fence but can afford some large shrubs, I suggest a Photinia Red Robin - it is fast growing - a foot a year, and you can buy them as large as 3-5 foot although shorter ones are cheaper. No need to do all the length, just place them where they will give you privacy from her back door. I have one in a large tub which adds to the height and gave me instant 6’ of coverage ( and a hernia potting it up! ) just by my back door between me and my neighbour.

I expect you4 new neighbour had to give up her house to a family. She may be lonely not knowing anyone, and being on night shift makes it harder to join things and make friends. It sounds like you may never be good friends with her but could you be friendly acquaintances? - especially with both having a dog. If you meet her on a walk perhaps your dogs will get to know each other and stop barking.

I hope it all works out for you.

For those of you who don't know the history. I had to call the police in the early hours of the morning in October, because of party noise till 2.30 am. This was because I asked them to "keep the noise down please" Family members threatened me banging on my door for confrontation. The plant was thrown into the street after that.

I do not look at her she is not a pleasant person, I did not want to be friends with her but, as usual, with neighbours was happy to pass the time of day but she obviously wasn't.

I have always got on with my neighbours, I am retired so should be enjoying my home and garden, the neighbour on the other side is at work all day so there is only myself at home during the day time.

I did think the car was rented.

I have my name down on a waiting list for a purchase property for over 55's.

Re telling about neighbour problems when the police came and I said I could have a problem selling they told me not to mention it!! My cousin had a problem and moved did not reveal it to the purchaser. They may well get on with a new owner. Although, as I live in a 3 bed property she could have noisy children around especially at holiday time. So there may be some Karma.

Like Nanabilly I m not too sure what’s wrong if you know she sleeps till midday I wouldn’t do noisy chores like hoovering etc till after you know she’s up Do your garden stuff in the morning while she’s in bed I totally understand it s not what you want or expect but what actually is anti social about her behaviour ? She smokes on the doorstep but that’s not too terrible, her dog and your dog bark at each other, normal I guess if they are close to each other
Does it matter who s living with her or why or if she’s got a big car
You say you feel like a prisoner but why ? can’t you go out and about away from the house ?
Unless you live in a detached house with a big garden all round you have to learn the give and take of living with neighbours close to you
Maybe make a friend of her, not a close friend but an acquaintance to nod or have a few words with better than being in fear of enemies

I would also echo what Cornergran advised re neighbor disputes, if you are considering selling your property.

You are now legally obliged to state any past or present ongoing disputes with your neighbors.

Good luck

I can remember your earlier posts about her but sadly not the full content. Other than a story about a moving plant pot unless I have stories mixed up , sorry if that's the case.
After reading this post I am not seeing what she's done wrong other than have a barking dog and standing at her door smoking and a "guest" who Hoover's when she's gone to work in the evening.
Have I missed a post or two with more explanation as surely no-one can expect a HT or similar to move someone on for those things no matter how uncomfortable you say you feel living with them at your side.

The car will have been bought under one of those leasing agreements. Cheap to finance, but has a kick in the teeth at the end of the lease. According to the pundits this system could trigger the next domestic financial scandal.

DH is an owner occupier on an estate of mainly ex-council houses and in the last year or two, her estate has sprouted all kinds of new expensive up-market cars and large 4X4s. Even saw a Porsche there on our last visit.