Feeling trapped in my home

To the people who say do your vacuuming in the morning, remember the OP said the neighbour retaliated by doing hers at night.

People don’t usually choose shiftwork unless they have few choices, it is not an easy life. A bit of consideration and give and take on both sides is more likely to lead to long term peace of mind. (Along with the hedge).

Regarding the the dog, have you tried saying “be quiet” to it in a loud, firm voice? You never know, it might work!

I see you have lived in this property since 1960, I suspect living somewhere so long would make you feel you ought to be able to control everything around you but of course as we know so well on GN time moves on, I agree this woman's life must be upsetting for you as she is unpleasant but the things she actually does are probably normal for her age group, busy life, more noise, people coming and going. Although hard after so long I think I would move on.

Codfather, bit bemused by your complaint about neighbour doing DIY on a bank holiday - surely that's quite a good time to do it? If s/he is working full time diy has to be done on bank holidays or at weekends, otherwise you wind up doing it late in the evening which would surely be worse!

I share your pain with the dog situation, I have a neighbour with 3 very loud dogs who bark every time I go outside in the back or side yard (my laundry lines) and at times we have to close our windows in the summer as we cannot hear ourselves in the house. We have addressed this with the neighbour to no end. A few times I took my IPAD and played a barking dog recording which went non-stop for 3 hours back at them. (we went out) There was quiet for at least a week then. But it never really ends, it is time for me to do it again.
I KNOW you all love your dogs but it can be misery to live with them when it is not your choice!
Alas you will need to move as it may only get worse.

My daughter had a similar problem she moved into an old cottage that had not been touched in years ,the neighbours tried to block every improvement she tried to make it made her quite ill as she couldn,t understand where it was all coming from but she stuck to her ground and planted Laurels all around her property which grow very quickly she now has a lovely screen which stays green all year and is easy to maintain as it us a shrub, Don't change your hoovering routine put your radio on enjoy your garden Don,t bother to look at the nasty neighbours it's not your fault they do shift work you are also entitled to live your retirement as you wish take deep breaths look up and enjoy the moment and keep smiling

My daughter had a similar problem she moved into an old cottage which had not been touched in years the neighbours were so horrible some of the things they did you would not believe any improvements she tried to make they tried to stop ,she grew a laurel hedge all around her property which grows very dense very quickly she now has a great screen of lovely green shrubs all year round,Don,t stop your hoovering routine put your radio on do what you want to do its not your fault they do shift work ,you are entitled to live your life how you want do your gardening and Don,t stop anything that you have always done if they think it hurts you they will only do more take deep breathes and look past these miserable people and en joy your retitrement

Buy some Laurel plants they grow really fast and will block the nasty people out, my daughter had a nightmare she moved into a village where the house had not been touched in years and any improvements she tried to make neighbours tried to block it,she luckily grew laurels all around the garden and now a wonderful screen is there which is lovely all the year long good luck and Don,t change your hoovering or gardening put your radio on put some earphones in and enjoy your retirement fight fire with fire and in the long term you will win

Fences around the rear of the property can be up to 2 metres high, higher might require planning permission.

Some years ago, a neighbour spent all Boxing Day doing DIY with power tools. The Local Council offered to put a restriction on him on the basis of that alone! I deferred as it was the first occurrence and fortunately, wasn't repeated.

Well i certainly wouldnt change my household routine just because my nieghbour worked nights, who wants to be doing hoovering etc in the middle of the afternoon.
Beside if the boot was on the other foot,bet the nieghbour would carry on as normal.{smile}

Marieeliz, doing a GN search I see that you mentioned the new tenants back in April 2016, that is a long time feel uncomfortable, I also read a post from you about complaining about children playing noisily in your street. Her grandchildren?
For someone you don't have contact with you seem to know a remarkable amount about her, her profession (I won't mention it on here but I remember it from a previous post) her expensive car, the hours she and relative choose to go to bed and get up, the fact that she has 4 children and 7 grandchildren and the details of her moving properties.
As she has 7 grandchildren it may well be that she is a member on here and has read your posts or a relative or friend has seen them. From the incidents and circumstances you have posted you are both easily identifiable. Be very careful, this is a public forum.

How can you say you are a good neighbour, say you are being considerate when you insist on doing your housework at the same time you usually do when you know it will antagonise her? Could you not just do the noisy stuff when you know she's up. I've had some awful neighbours despite bending over backwards to accommodate their needs, no one else in your neighbourhood is going to back you up if things get tough, and you can't have a reasonable conversation with an unreasonable person but you have to make an effort to be nice to start with. There's no point in retaliatory actions, that just makes everything worse but if you can be the better person and make the effort to behave like a caring, considerate person you'll feel better about yourself. In the meantime buy yourself some noise cancelling headphones, it may not be what you want but it's better than standing screaming at each other in the street or having a hotline to the police every 5 minutes. Ask yourself what life you want because your neighbour can always make it worse!

There is absolutely no way this would be regarded as anti social behaviour. None whatsoever

How did you know it was the relative vacuuming?!

Make a call to 101 to report the nuisance. This will be past to the Anti-Social behaviour team. There is a procedure which a PCSO will explain to you. They will also arrange for a noise monitoring machine to be installed in your property, this is normally for a week, but can be up to 2, to monitor the frequency and level of noise, if it is felt necessary. You do not have to put up with this, but need to be pro-active. Please make that call.

That s good that someone wants to buy your house. I think that is the way to go. You are not at ease in your own home now and that will not change as long as you have this neighbour.

Thank you all for your replies. She hasn't had chance to do it again because Police were called by other neighbours and she is afraid of a further complaint.

I was brought up to be considerate to neighbours, as I am being considerate to her by living quietly and just doing my housework at the time I would normally do it.

Thank you to all those who are sympathetic. As I say I have good neighbours one of whom put CCTV up for me after the family threatening me. He also rang the Police on my behalf. So it wasn't just me. I was the unfortunate one to live next door.

I am on the waiting list for a property. How long it will take I have no idea. A friend says his brother is looking for a house and would like first refusal on mine and he knows the situation.

Different working hours can be a problem. My first husband was a chef, didn't get home until midnight when we used to relax together for an hour or two before bed. In the morning we didn't get up until ten (this was when children were little & I wasn't working).

BUT I couldn't play music or use the tv or radio in the daytime because the neighbours one side were nurses on nightshift (they used to complain about the noise the children made but I couldn't do much about that).

Neighbour the other side was a milkman who used to get up at about 5, his wife used to get up at the same time & do the hoovering before leaving for work.

I suspect we all had to get used to sleeping through the noises!

It is actually feasible to vacuum at 10am in the morning. However it is not at 11.30 pm. If she is a light sleeper she should simply buy ear plugs. Don't change your routine. That would be unfair . Good luck and dont you let them belittle you!!

Wilco (and other places) sell some expandable trellisand this might be your answer. It's not expensive and you can even buy the sort that has faux leaves already woven into it.
You can always train a clematis onto it too so it can be useful right away until the plants grow.
As for the 11.30pm nonsense. Make a note of these occurances and times and if they become ridiculous then ring your local council Environmental Health dept and they'll send a warning letter to the neighbour and a form to you to fill out like a diary.
There are sanctions that the EHD can enforce if it continues.
My guess is that the neighbour enjoys your discomfort.
Please don't let her keep you indoors.
I wouldn't snitch to the HT about her overnight visitor, that's not your business.
The trellis will prevent her seeing when you are in the garden and that is your only concern.
Good luck and don't be intimidated or retaliate.

As a former night-shift worker for many years, I would suggest that using your vacuum during her sleeping hours would be a red rag to a bull. Daytime sleep is a precarious thing at best - everything is against you, the light, street noises, people mowing, dogs barking. A neighbor vacuuming might be the straw that broke the camel's back. If this is something that you can do at any time, I'd certainly make a habit of doing it in the afternoon.

Signing the Good Neighbour Agreement would have shown her willingness to resolve problems and is the first step for a HT to get rid of a tenant. They wouldn't have been asking them to be friends, just to cohabit peaceably. If the tenant had broken the agreement, the HT would be in a much stronger position to get the tenant out. Signing one in no way declares you to be a bad tenant, quite the opposite in fact. It shows you to be amenable to compromise and negotiation. Sometimes you just have to jump through the officialdom hoops to get what you want.

You have to separate, one noisy party and the price of her car. What is it that really bothers you?

I get that the party was a stinker but once is hardly the neighbours from hell, you went round there and they didn't do as you asked and then there was a row. All of that could have been avoided had you stayed indoors. One party is their entitlement even if it does keep you awake.

You say she has a well paid job and an expensive car, lucky her, none of that is our business or yours for that matter.

You have a dog each so must expect some barking.

All of that is just life. I would enjoy the garden when she is sleeping and if she smokes let her, it is not your problem.

Just sell up and move to where you prefer to be but don't let her be the reason for that. Do it all for your own sake and be happy.

Mulling this over will make you miserable, not your business who she has there,your business is to make sure you can sell and move without the worry of a bad history affecting anything.

Put the problems behind you and start making steps forward for yourself.

Why do night workers think the rest of us should change our daily habits? My husband used to work nights and always slept well in the daytime, regardless of noises.

Sadly we can't choose our neighbour.

I understood that The Good Neighbour agreement was for tenants only. It would also mean that Marieeliz would have to declare a dispute if she does decide to sell. This would penalise her twice.
Sadly not everyone responds to acts of friendship/neighbourliness or even reason. Indeed the reverse can be true: some folks take a positive joy in upsetting the equilibrium.

moorlikeit I agree that they sound unreasonable but that does not mean that everything they have done is wrong and there does seem to be a bit of stubbornness on both sides. If there was an agreement to be signed presumably they were at least prepared to discuss that.