Moving closer to grandkids

Moving areas is tricky you have to be very certain this is absolutely what you want to do and the area suits even if your family are not there.
If you are happy in your present situation with good friends there I would not consider moving.
You are only 45 minutes away which is no distance and you can care for the little one at their home.
You never know health wise what is round the corner.
Your family may move for work having no alternative and where would this leave you.
I would stay where you are.

We are on our first grandson and only have one son. We decided to move nearer for a couple of years only, renting a small house nearby and letting our own house. That way we can see how we all feel about it before making a permanent change. A deciding factor was that although we only lived 20 minutes away in principle there were many times thst the journey took over an hour and if people are depending on you, that makes for a stressful arrival. Furthermore having moved nearby, we can pop round spontaneously whereas previously we had to plan to spend the day together.

We live over an hours drive away from our two daughters and their families and thought about moving closer to them. The best thing we did was to rent near to them before we committed to buying. We soon realised it wasn't the right move to us as we were 'on call' during the week but not needed at weekends (rightly so) and away from our friends and interests. We decided to stay put and accept that we wouldn't see just as much of the family but be able to continue with our own lives. I can't recommend renting and trying it for a few months enough. It really did help us make the right decision for us and our family.

Stay where you are

If I lived only 45 minutes away then I wouldn’t move nearer, for that reason. I see you are thinking of moving anyway. Perhaps the mid way point would be a good idea.
I moved to Scotland from Nottinghamshire and are now living about half mile from my Daughter & Grandson. However, I hated where I lived before and was always going to go back on retirement. It was the best move I made. I sometimes feel put upon , but it works both ways, my daughter will drive me to out of town shops etc and buy me lunch regularly.

I spent a lot of time looking after grandchildren when they were younger but as they grow up you are needed less and less until they are all looking after themselves and you are not needed at all. This is not a long time. I wouldn't move away from good long term friends or you could find yourselves dependent on your family when they are too busy for you.

I would not move too far away from friends. The baby could be brought to you if you were worried about driving or, as others have said, stay over.
Having said that, you are not really going to be that far from either. Would getting a taxi occasionally be possible or what is public transport like?

Is there no room to stay over when you help out ? My number one son lives 45 mins away, son number 2 lives an hour and a half away, daughter lives next door to me. I make sure I do as much as I can for them all, but always stay over when at DS’s as it gives me quality time with them too. As others have said, GC grow up very quickly, plus your sons could move with work etc Have you discussed this with your sons for their input ?

Do not move. As Luckygirl suggested look after your grandchild in child's own home. You will not then be driving the baby anywhere and ill only have to do one return trip.

My DS and his family moved to live near us when they had their second DD! Houses were cheaper here than where they were currently living, and I'm sure the thought of grandma childcare played a part in their decision! So we were never facing your situation, but I don't think we would have moved, as DH was still working then. I was happy to help out, we did two days a week before they went to school.

In my experience of friends who have made this move it has almost always NOT turned out for the better. In several cases no sooner had the grandparents turned up than the children and grandchildren found themselves having to move due to work requirements etc. In other cases they didn't all get on as well as expected or ended up not seeing the grandchildren more often than they would have done if they had had to travel to see them. In all cases they had left behind good friends and trustworthy neighbors. IMHO you need to have more reasons to want to move to that particular area than just being near your AC and GC

We are also thinking of moving to be close to our D,I see and care for the children a lot ,in fact its a rare week if I dont have at least one child for 3 or 4 days..and nights.Its not about the GC in our case,my daughter has multiple health issues and is bedbound for days at a time .She is on her own with the children because her OH works away 10 or 12 days out of every two weeks .She's not sure us being closer is the right thing as she worries she might become too dependent on us and she wants us to enjoy our retirement which will start later this year .Decisions decisions .

If you are looking after the baby, why not just drive there and do it at their place ? I get the impression that they bring the baby to you and then you drive it home at the end of the day. You're still driving both ways, so why not do both trips with no baby in the car, if that is your main worry.

I wouldn't move when they are only 45 min away. My DD is that distance and I feel like it is quite close.

My concerns about moving too close to family is that we may be ‘put upon’ for help with too much childcare

as others have touched upon: have you also considered the risk of the opposite happening? What if you see them LESS when you move closer. This has happened to a few people I know who moved to be nearer family.

If you move to their area make sure that you like the area, and it has things to offer you other than them.

Its nice to be near but once they are teenagers grandparents - allthough still loved are not the most interesting people for them to spend time with.

If you are a few hours drive away then you have more weekending time and I like to see them round the table at breakfast.
We have DD1 living nearer and she was here this afternoon but by herself. I've not seen her son, my GS for weeks.
My instinct says don't move away from friends from a house you love.

My advice would be to stay put.

I know three separate grandparents who have moved and regretted it.

One of my friends moved from a vibrant village to a quiet village with just a shop which opened a few times a week. She went to live opposite her DD and GC. Her DD split up with her husband and she now has a new partner where she stays most weekends. The GC are with their father most times and my friend of 80 is lonely and marooned in where she calls Outer Mongolia.

Two other friends have had different experiences but they both wished they had never moved. One couple tried to return and found they could no longer afford a house in this area.

I am sure it does work well on some occasions but bare in mind as others have said that children grow quickly and you may not be needed in the same way in 5 years time.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

Thank you all for your comments which have been really helpful.

The main message that came over to me was to think very carefully and to remember that Grandkids grow up and you don’t have their company for long. They’re soon off to school. So to move home just for little ones is not a good idea!

But, of course, the other idea behind moving is to be nearer your adult children too.

I’m still thinking about all this but your comments truly help. Thank you.

Can I just add that the process of buying and selling properties can be stressful and lengthy.
It could easily take a year to move, and in that time your health might change, or your children might move away, or your grandson might be nicely settled in nursery.
As others have said think carefully.

Just to add that some of friends seem worn down by the demands made by their families. You have to learn to say No, and to do things on your terms sometimes. My children never ask me on nights when they know I have a commitment.

We moved four years ago, now living 10 mins drive from DD, 25 mins from DS .
Whilst we do see more of the GC in some respects, it is for shorter periods. I am rarely called upon to baby sit, and they are now not far off being too old to need it. DD pops in about once a week. I sometimes have DGD at tea time or if there is a parents meeting etc. Or a day in the holidays. Whereas when we lived away, I would come down and stay for a couple of days, or would have a GC to stay for a few days.
So beware of going it purely for the grandchildren, as it does not last for ever.
However I love where we live. We chose a small market town with transport links, a bus into the city every ten minutes, not far from the motorway network, trains, local shops, easy access whatever the weather, low crime, Health centre, chemist, library, all you need, plenty of groups, clubs, choirs, countryside nearby. We have made friends and don’t miss our old ones too much( can still keep in touch by email).
You need to weigh it all up.

If you like a quiet life then I would definitely stay where you are! at the moment you have a life in a settled community, if you move you have to start again, Doctors, friends, not forgetting the upheaval, stress and huge cost of the move.

What happens if your son moves? Do you move again?

What if they want you to have the child at weekends, evenings? Do you want to be on hand that much?

As you said you have 3 AC, you could be on call to all of them!

As the others have said, let them bring the child to you it can stay over and then they can pick it up the next day, 45 minutes each way in a car will be a pain with a young child and even worse as they get older.

I think if the parents are expecting you to care for the baby, they should bring him to you, you should not have to do the driving.

Grandkids grow up! My 4 year old grandson is a lot less interested in me now than when he was a baby and I could carry him around - the point I am making is unless you intend to continue providing child care for older grandchildren, you are thinking of changing your life for the sake of a few years ...

Think carefully about this Foxygran it may not be such a good idea to move away from friends and neighbours with whom you have a good relationship. Your family also may move on at some point. If you do decide to move closer to your family then you need to have an honest talk with them about the amount of help you feel able to provide. There is nothing wrong with wanting tine to yourselves and a peaceful life, there should be a compromise here.

I moved very near grandchildren and both daughters 18 months ago after being 150 miles away when they were first born. We all live on the same housing estate, they in one street me in the next. I am divorced so only had to think of myself and I also still work part time so am not available all the time.

The positive is that it is wonderful that I am such a big part of their lives. The negative is that it took a while for me to find my way around a new area and I do miss my friends especially one whom I've been friends with since childhood. I do drive back to my home area several times a year and do still miss home and friends as I had lived in my original area all my life until I moved. For me the positive outways the negative but only you can decide if the same is true for you.