Moving closer to grandkids

Have you mentioned, to your sons & partners, the concerns you have re declining abilities in driving, or other health issues you may have?

Maybe realisation of your need for quiet periods as you get older, and on changes in your physical health, could help your sons to understand that you are not as robust as you always were, and that you should not be overloaded with childcare.

Would it be possible to rent a property, close to your sons, for a few weeks to see how you might like living near them?

?Look after the baby at their place so there is no need to drive baby at all.

I moved very near grandchildren and both daughters 18 months ago after being 150 miles away when they were first born. We all live on the same housing estate, they in one street me in the next. I am divorced so only had to think of myself and I also still work part time so am not available all the time.

The positive is that it is wonderful that I am such a big part of their lives. The negative is that it took a while for me to find my way around a new area and I do miss my friends especially one whom I've been friends with since childhood. I do drive back to my home area several times a year and do still miss home and friends as I had lived in my original area all my life until I moved. For me the positive outways the negative but only you can decide if the same is true for you.

Think carefully about this Foxygran it may not be such a good idea to move away from friends and neighbours with whom you have a good relationship. Your family also may move on at some point. If you do decide to move closer to your family then you need to have an honest talk with them about the amount of help you feel able to provide. There is nothing wrong with wanting tine to yourselves and a peaceful life, there should be a compromise here.

Grandkids grow up! My 4 year old grandson is a lot less interested in me now than when he was a baby and I could carry him around - the point I am making is unless you intend to continue providing child care for older grandchildren, you are thinking of changing your life for the sake of a few years ...

I think if the parents are expecting you to care for the baby, they should bring him to you, you should not have to do the driving.

If you like a quiet life then I would definitely stay where you are! at the moment you have a life in a settled community, if you move you have to start again, Doctors, friends, not forgetting the upheaval, stress and huge cost of the move.

What happens if your son moves? Do you move again?

What if they want you to have the child at weekends, evenings? Do you want to be on hand that much?

As you said you have 3 AC, you could be on call to all of them!

As the others have said, let them bring the child to you it can stay over and then they can pick it up the next day, 45 minutes each way in a car will be a pain with a young child and even worse as they get older.

We moved four years ago, now living 10 mins drive from DD, 25 mins from DS .
Whilst we do see more of the GC in some respects, it is for shorter periods. I am rarely called upon to baby sit, and they are now not far off being too old to need it. DD pops in about once a week. I sometimes have DGD at tea time or if there is a parents meeting etc. Or a day in the holidays. Whereas when we lived away, I would come down and stay for a couple of days, or would have a GC to stay for a few days.
So beware of going it purely for the grandchildren, as it does not last for ever.
However I love where we live. We chose a small market town with transport links, a bus into the city every ten minutes, not far from the motorway network, trains, local shops, easy access whatever the weather, low crime, Health centre, chemist, library, all you need, plenty of groups, clubs, choirs, countryside nearby. We have made friends and don’t miss our old ones too much( can still keep in touch by email).
You need to weigh it all up.

Just to add that some of friends seem worn down by the demands made by their families. You have to learn to say No, and to do things on your terms sometimes. My children never ask me on nights when they know I have a commitment.

Can I just add that the process of buying and selling properties can be stressful and lengthy.
It could easily take a year to move, and in that time your health might change, or your children might move away, or your grandson might be nicely settled in nursery.
As others have said think carefully.

Thank you all for your comments which have been really helpful.

The main message that came over to me was to think very carefully and to remember that Grandkids grow up and you don’t have their company for long. They’re soon off to school. So to move home just for little ones is not a good idea!

But, of course, the other idea behind moving is to be nearer your adult children too.

I’m still thinking about all this but your comments truly help. Thank you.

My advice would be to stay put.

I know three separate grandparents who have moved and regretted it.

One of my friends moved from a vibrant village to a quiet village with just a shop which opened a few times a week. She went to live opposite her DD and GC. Her DD split up with her husband and she now has a new partner where she stays most weekends. The GC are with their father most times and my friend of 80 is lonely and marooned in where she calls Outer Mongolia.

Two other friends have had different experiences but they both wished they had never moved. One couple tried to return and found they could no longer afford a house in this area.

I am sure it does work well on some occasions but bare in mind as others have said that children grow quickly and you may not be needed in the same way in 5 years time.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

Its nice to be near but once they are teenagers grandparents - allthough still loved are not the most interesting people for them to spend time with.

If you are a few hours drive away then you have more weekending time and I like to see them round the table at breakfast.
We have DD1 living nearer and she was here this afternoon but by herself. I've not seen her son, my GS for weeks.
My instinct says don't move away from friends from a house you love.

My concerns about moving too close to family is that we may be ‘put upon’ for help with too much childcare

as others have touched upon: have you also considered the risk of the opposite happening? What if you see them LESS when you move closer. This has happened to a few people I know who moved to be nearer family.

If you move to their area make sure that you like the area, and it has things to offer you other than them.

If you are looking after the baby, why not just drive there and do it at their place ? I get the impression that they bring the baby to you and then you drive it home at the end of the day. You're still driving both ways, so why not do both trips with no baby in the car, if that is your main worry.

I wouldn't move when they are only 45 min away. My DD is that distance and I feel like it is quite close.

We are also thinking of moving to be close to our D,I see and care for the children a lot ,in fact its a rare week if I dont have at least one child for 3 or 4 days..and nights.Its not about the GC in our case,my daughter has multiple health issues and is bedbound for days at a time .She is on her own with the children because her OH works away 10 or 12 days out of every two weeks .She's not sure us being closer is the right thing as she worries she might become too dependent on us and she wants us to enjoy our retirement which will start later this year .Decisions decisions .

In my experience of friends who have made this move it has almost always NOT turned out for the better. In several cases no sooner had the grandparents turned up than the children and grandchildren found themselves having to move due to work requirements etc. In other cases they didn't all get on as well as expected or ended up not seeing the grandchildren more often than they would have done if they had had to travel to see them. In all cases they had left behind good friends and trustworthy neighbors. IMHO you need to have more reasons to want to move to that particular area than just being near your AC and GC

My DS and his family moved to live near us when they had their second DD! Houses were cheaper here than where they were currently living, and I'm sure the thought of grandma childcare played a part in their decision! So we were never facing your situation, but I don't think we would have moved, as DH was still working then. I was happy to help out, we did two days a week before they went to school.

Do not move. As Luckygirl suggested look after your grandchild in child's own home. You will not then be driving the baby anywhere and ill only have to do one return trip.

Is there no room to stay over when you help out ? My number one son lives 45 mins away, son number 2 lives an hour and a half away, daughter lives next door to me. I make sure I do as much as I can for them all, but always stay over when at DS’s as it gives me quality time with them too. As others have said, GC grow up very quickly, plus your sons could move with work etc Have you discussed this with your sons for their input ?

I would not move too far away from friends. The baby could be brought to you if you were worried about driving or, as others have said, stay over.
Having said that, you are not really going to be that far from either. Would getting a taxi occasionally be possible or what is public transport like?

I spent a lot of time looking after grandchildren when they were younger but as they grow up you are needed less and less until they are all looking after themselves and you are not needed at all. This is not a long time. I wouldn't move away from good long term friends or you could find yourselves dependent on your family when they are too busy for you.

If I lived only 45 minutes away then I wouldn’t move nearer, for that reason. I see you are thinking of moving anyway. Perhaps the mid way point would be a good idea.
I moved to Scotland from Nottinghamshire and are now living about half mile from my Daughter & Grandson. However, I hated where I lived before and was always going to go back on retirement. It was the best move I made. I sometimes feel put upon , but it works both ways, my daughter will drive me to out of town shops etc and buy me lunch regularly.

Stay where you are