Help, calm me. House buying and selling stress

Craftyone. I'm not lonely because I am on my own I'm lonely because I want my husband. It is amazing how many young widow and widower there are. My neighbour was only in her 20's and their son was 6 months old. In the 20+ years since she has never bothered with any other man.
Had a lovely meal last night with a friend. Cheered me up. But today came down with a bang. Should have had the removers in today.
Off to a funeral tomorrow.

Whiff, I think it is sometimes good to get a bit upset, I know I bottle things up all the time and really it has to come out. I daren`t watch certain films and I have not been to any funeral since he died, even my own relative but everyone understood. It isn`t far from the surface if I am honest and doing all this stuff, it is supressing what is inside me.
You are right about an exercise group, I think that has to be my first group, got to stay active. I met two widows last week, both saying how lonely it was when they went home. There are many thousands of us

Craftyone. I have always been stubborn and had a temper. But when we knew my husband was terminal he made promise quite a few things but the main things was I had to live and live the best life I can. Because keeping those promises is important to me I have tried. He died 15 years ago and it took me time to do that. I won't get a pension for 5 years. What money he left and my mom I have to be careful with. Because of my health I don't work . But because there is no name for what has been wrong with me for 31yrs I have never been able to claim any benefits. I have been told by works and pensions my husband paid into 30yrs NI I will get 43p a week. He would go mad if he knew. He paid a lot as he was earned a good wage.
I know I have gone off at a subject.
When I move whenever that is I want to join another over 50's exercise group. As I enjoyed being with other people both men and women. Also I cross stitch and would like to join a mixed craft group. Why I want to do this so my children don't think that just because I will be close to them that they feel they need to keep doing things with me. Hope that makes sense.
We brought this house 34 yrs ago. Most of the neighbours knew my husband. When I move no one will know him. That scares me. As you know moving is scary.. I hope when I move I like where I have chosen to live. Sorry have to stop I've got myself upset.

I took stock of my life when I felf more settled after hubbie died, at first well, nothing had much meaning for me but I now realise that life going forward is what I make it because nothing but nothing will fall into my lap. All the decisions about everything, down to only me and only me is a lonely place to be.. I am different to you whiff, am not stubborn and don`t have a temper but I have learnt to say no and to speak my mind as long as I can do it gently

Now I am killing time on pretext of sorting the house and garden and what then? when it is all done, then I will have to join clubs and will have to make small talk in order to make friends. I see where mosaics is coming from, I have been there and selling the house is all encompassing, it is a time thief but it also stops that awful lonely feeling because it is so intense and fills the mind

Mosaicwarts. What made me take stock of my life and what I want from it was after my mom died. Not because of her death. But a month after I started to feel really ill. Nothing to do with my normal health problems. Just thought with having the children, my illness, my husband's cancer and death helping mom look after dad until he died and then looking after mom for 10 years I was just run down. What a fool I was. Waited 2 weeks to get the Dr to come and see me. Should have known something was seriously wrong when I had trouble getting out of bed and stopped eating. 2 of the tablets I had been taking for over 25yrs gave me jaundice. After I came out of hospital I could not do anything. Jaundice is a horrible illness and does awful things to your body. Anyway I had a lot of time to think. Now no one was dependent on me what did I want. 1. Lose weight .7st 7.25lbs gone only 9lbs to go. 2. Get fitter which I have and do 30 mins exercise before my lunch every day and 3. Move closer to the family. If people weren't so horrible I would be doing that.
When I decide to do something it takes a lot to deter me. I am stubborn and have a temper. It's not easy especially since my husband died but I am luckier that a lot of people I have a lot of people who care and love me and whom I care and love.
I not saying you need to be seriously ill to take stock. But try and think what you want to do with the rest of your life besides moving house. You may fine it helpful. Hope you are ok take care and keep us posted.

Thanks Whiff, it's very nice of you to take the time to write. My fault my daughter didn't do it, I do treat her as a child even though she is 23, I need to ask her to help me. Woken up with stiff neck this morning, feeling sorry for myself!

I did come on here and ask about auctions some time ago, my neighbour started the procedure but someone bought it beforehand. I think you have a month once the house is sold at auction and I'm not being active enough in clearing out, I must start, I really am having trouble getting going. If I'm still here next June I think I'll have to do it. I do feel as though my life is ebbing away, and I must start doing things I enjoy again instead of 'waiting'. Thing is, I can't think of anything I enjoy anymore - honestly, my brain has turned to mush!

No sign of my neighbour's dog - apparently the 'dog sitter' was putting the dogs into the house and he ran off. So common, I always put Jazz my sheltie into kennels in case this ever happened with a dog sitter. I've just driven down some of the back roads on the way home, no sign of him. Fields are fully grown, I so hope he's not lost in the middle of a crop.

Mosaicwarts. That was naughty of your daughter . She must realise the amount of stress you are under. It's the white vinegar spray from Wilkos I use. Agreed about the smell but I like the sparkle.
Ment to say my brother and sister in law brought their house 2 years ago by this modern version of auction. Once their offer was accepted they had to put down £6,000 non refundable deposit. There was a short time frame when everything had to be done. The estate agent only sold houses this way as he was fed up of the system and the lack of security for buyer and seller. If all goes pear shape again for me that is another possibility as well as these buy any house companies.
It is very hard to get going when you keep getting knocks . Don't be hard on yourself. Is there something you love to do and haven't done it for a while? If so do it.
When it all gets to much for me I try not to cry . I give myself a pep talk works most of the time.
Hope the rest of the day is better for you.

Thanks for the encouragement Whiff. I was upset to get back from the beach yesterday and find that my daughter hadn't hoovered downstairs, as the viewing was cancelled I thought she'd do it anyway. Argh! I had two women who came to clean too last August as I thought I was going on the market imminently - sadly didn't happen for a month so the sparkle had gone. One of them used a cleaning fluid called 'Wild Orchid', I never managed to find it again.
I bought the white vinegar spray from Wilko ... smells a lot more than when I've used ordinary white vinegar, not sure I like it.

My daughter has just gone off for breakfast with her friends on the beach, I'm not dressed yet, can't get going today. I feel awful for my neighbour this morning, his cocker spaniel chased the milkman yesterday morning and is still lost

Mosaicwarts I know just how you feel. I put my house on the market March 2018. When I think of how much time I have missed with my grandsons I could kill the two buyers who pulled out on me. I have shouted at lot at my late husband which is really wicked of me as he didn't want to die at 47. I think I have said before I use a cleaning firm to clean my house before I had my photos done. It was a franchise called bright and beautiful cost £194.94 including vat. There where 4 women. Brought all equipment and biodegradable cleaning products which was safe for allergy suffers, children and pets. They were here for almost 5 hours and never stopped working from the minute they arrived. They even used toothbrushes to get rid of the mould on my upvc window frames Because I loved how what they have done I have kept everywhere clean . I use anti bac wipes on window frames kept any mould forming. White vinegar on my kitchen and bathroom tiles and vinyl floor kitchen flooring.
All of us going through this hell can't give up. We live to fight another day. Hope you feel more positive soon.

Thanks friends, I am still smarting from it, obviously holiday visitors who thought they'd 'just have a look'. I wish I could bar them from coming again but won't cut my nose off to spite my face as they say. As craftyone said when I was going through the throes of the offer, at this moment in time, if I could, I'd give the house away. It's been going on for so long now that I can hardly face the thorough cleaning, I'm sure there are some glaring areas I've learnt to live with. I must get a cordless Hoover, Henry is just too heavy and enjoys peeping at me stuck on distant door frames! I'm having an angry internal shout at my late husband day today, we should have moved years ago when he first became poorly.

I've just been looking at 'where to live' - I do think I've been spoilt in Northumberland, only one other person on the beach this morning. I have got used to the low population and peace of the area but on the other hand hate having to drive 45 minutes for entertainment. My daughter's new 'friend' is coming on 28th and she wants to go all over the place, so much driving Luckily he's arriving on pension pay in day, not sure what I've spent this month's on!

Mosaicwarts so sorry this has happened to you again. It is awful living in limbo. Heard from my solicitor everything in the hands of my buyers solicitor. May not exchange this week hopefully next. But I'm not getting my hopes. Try and give yourself a treat. A friend of mine is taking me out for dinner tomorrow. She is a very good friend. We have only known each other for 18 months but you just click with some people. Have known my other friends for 50 years we met at junior school. You just never know who you will met in this life. I have always tried to keep myself open to new experiences not always successfully. Keep you chin up.

oh no, I could cry, I am so sorry

Thanks everyone for your good advice and good wishes.

The viewers cancelled at 10.30 am as they 'wanted to return to Cardiff early but are back in a few weeks'. So casual, I am at their mercy.

I know I have to take it on the chin, but my chin is wobbling a bit, it is the third cancelled viewing in a row.

What it has done is make me very determined to choose my new home extremely carefully as I don't want to go through this process again. I will definitely be renting when I eventually sell.

Have a good day everyone ... think we are in for an electric storm here, it's so humid.

Hello Mosaicwarts - Just wanted to wish you well for your viewing today. Hope it's just the right people to buy your absolutely beautiful house. So hard doing it on your own, I feel for you. You are being amazingly strong keeping on top of the maintenance of your house - I'm in awe of you. Hoping for a positive outcome for you from today.

Mosaicwarts. I always did my own viewing. That way I could always answer any questions. My estate agent always phoned and told me about the people and had confirmation email ,and they always phoned with feed back. As I think I have said before mine is a no shoes past the porch home. Never had anybody refuse and many said they were the same. I also had a strict policy of only 2 adults for the viewing. I had to feel safe. My now buyers are a young couple in their 20's and when they where leaving asked if she could bring her parents for a second viewing. I said yes but wanted to know where her parents lived and made sure the appointment was via the estate agent. I know it's not easy doing it on your own. Try and take care of your health. I know with all the stress its hard as my health has suffered through this process. My late husband's favourite saying was "Don't let the buggers grind you down. Let us know how it goes.

I was asked just once to show someone around, I said an emphatic no, cor blimey, what do EAs expect!! I paid £4800 to EA and I made them work for their money

I cringe when I read of the amount of tidying and cleaning that you are doing, has to be done to max the chances of selling the house, I had the t shirt. I stopped completely on exchange, my buyer made me go through hoops and all my good will was well and truly gone. I went out every viewing, realised the first time that just laying low somewhere was exhausting, so I went somewhere where I could get at least a cup of tea/late breakfast or lunch

I always had a phone call to discuss the date and time, would not have expected any less. I went past a david wilson development this morning, asking for part exchanges, must be because the market is slow right now. I saw the tale end of a horror story about persimmon last night, to be avoided. Maybe just ask about past exchange mosaics, no harm asking and it might mean being safe and cosy by christmas

You house sellers are really going through the mill, do hope you will soon be able to relax.

Think it is always better to have EA take viewers around. I notice that they tend to put on lights in places etc. When I tried to sell four years ago, I did my own viewings (as it had always been that way in the past), found it extremely stressful and this time made it clear to EA that I would actually go out when they did viewings.
I agreed to do a second viewing at one point with a couple who were interested. They, however, turned up mob handed with both sets of g.parents. These older people, coming from a totally different culture really intimidated me as they tried to get me to reduce the price of the house. I told the EA the following day, that I would not be willing to sell to this couple whatever they offered.
Good Luck with the viewing, whether or not successful, do ensure you get feedback. Not always useful, as there are some things that cannot be altered, but can alert you to any other queries.
I have a busy week and being a bit under the weather at present with an infection which is refusing to respond to a.biotics (GP yesterday gave me a third different type). Just feel that there is no point in getting too stressed out, nothing I can do at this stage, so trying to enjoy the good weather, etc.

How nice of you Whiff, you're up with the lark! I woke up at 7.30 but read for a while - my wonderful 'touch' lamp died last night so I missed my bedtime read. I am still nervous on my own and liked the thought of being able to fling an arm out of bed and have light. Will have to see if they still sell them.

I feel really sluggish in this heat, I just can't function properly. I'm taking my dog to the beach shortly, and while I'm out my daughter said she'll hoover downstairs, I did upstairs yesterday and handwashed the bathroom floor. When I return it's polishing right through and floor washing downstairs.

This EA is different and I don't like their procedure - they don't phone me with a viewing, they make the appointment then email me. I will just go with it, but preferred getting a call and some background on viewers from my other EA. I feel rather depressed about it all now I am definitely facing another winter here, but must shake myself and get a grip. I wonder if I should have taken a break after parting from my other EA.
It's only ten months this month but I feel as though I've been on 'standby' forever.

My friend's husband does the viewings - she is valuation manager for this EA. He is 52 and has had a poorly heart for many years, but has recently had a procedure which has helped him - I think it was called ablation. He is a very calm and confident man, and when he came for the 'tour' last month was very complimentary. My late husband really liked them as a couple, I am glad to have their support. I am nervous to do the viewings myself and saw a car going past very slowly with two men peering at the house yesterday ... definitely wouldn't like to show them around!

Mosaicwarts. Hope all goes well with your viewing. You may hear some unflattering remarks about your home I did but don't take it to heart. Some people are morons. Just look on it as practice it was they only way I got through it. If anyone turns up on the door step without an appointment don't let them view. Always go through the estate agent for your safety. Fingers and toes cross.

lol mosaics they make good furniture for sewing. The hideaway is a sewing table that folds to the size of an ironing board and could lurk under a bed. Franbern, those last minute questions, I think the solicitor asks their client first ie `do you want me to ask?` makes me think that this was similar to the last minute questions I had when she was playing for time

Don`t worry about me being busy, I have had a really good day, nothing too fast and very productive. I just sorted my new tv and my old panasonic blueray dvd. I could not record direct from tv, so I connected up the tv via freeview on the dvd. It was straightforward and it works. I can now watch dvds and access all the recorded films and record more. Then I moved a few plants around because of the shutters, they actually need muted light and look nice in their new homes, one is very big. All philodendrons, which are very good at cleaning the air. 3 are rare and one other is very big. Even fitting plants in is not without problems after moving

Good luck to all, sending positive thoughts. I am so glad I found this website and can mentally prepare for the things to come, a viewing is nothing is it! Not happy to only have 24 hours notice, but beggars can't be choosers. Hopefully she won't drive past and 'not like' the location like the second viewer. At least she had the decency to cancel.

Thank heavens we can all use a computer. My 82 year old aunt asked me to help her turn on Call safe on Talk Talk last night .... after entering her email address on the web site four times the penny dropped and I realised she didn't have an on-line account! She was very confused She agreed to phone and luckily got a very nice helpful person who sorted it out for her. She ended up in hospital last night having 26 stitches in her leg - skinned her shin very badly on her tapestry poufee, watch out everyone. Talking of watching out, yet another dog here has been bitten by an adder, but has luckily received the antidote in time.

Better go and start cleaning again, it's spider heaven here, very fragile skinny ones have moved in with gossamer type webs. New long handled duster moults unfortunately, and there are bits stuck on the picture rail xmas nails! As we haven't had a viewing since joining this EA I'd started clearing out the airing cupboard and it's all over the landing. You started it craftyone, when I read your post, ha ha! Don't have lovely bags like you though, going to have to ugly black sack it.

My daughter has just gone out with a friend for ice cream, wish I could have joined them!

PS craftyone, what is the 'horn' you refer to? I've been trying to work out if you pressed the wrong letter but still can't work it out!

Franbern
I know what you mean. We had a similar situation a few days before exchange.
I got the letter on the Friday morning. I phoned solicitor to ask how long it would take to get said info. This was being held by the council, he said minimum 6weeks
So once again (as I said in a previous post) I took matters into my own hands and phoned the council.
I don't know if God was looking down on me that day or the fact that I was a gibbering wreck but she took pity on me and transferred the document electronically which I printed off. There are good people around. Pity most of them aren't solicitors.
Except for the one I had for years who would literally do anything for anyone. So much so that he had a heart attack in his office and died

I have been brought down to earth with a bump with a letter from my solicitors with all sorts of questions from my buyers solicitors. One question was asking for a transfer form from 1980 (I purchased this house in 2003)!!!
Do wonder of Solicitors ask all these awkward questions to convince us that they are worth the fees they charge. Or just to annoy and upset us.
Surely, Whiff, all that would be needed is to put English system to come in line with that in Scotland. Perhaps that could be winnable.

Wow Craftyone you have been busy. Try and have a rest and have plenty of cooling drinks. Mosaicwarts had to wait for answers from solicitors. As you know they only work 9-5 Mon to Friday. Good luck with your viewing. I got in touch with my MP months ago about the appalling buying and selling of houses. And explained what has happened to me and others. She forward to the housing department. They e-mail me that they have no intention of changing the procedures that apply to English and Welsh property laws. My brother says it's because it is not a vote catcher. But it effects all age adults and all walks of life. Age UK sent me an e-mail asking if there was a campaign I could suggest for then to get involved with. I of course suggested selling and buying properties. They said they only campaign for things they can win.