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Help, calm me. House buying and selling stress

(678 Posts)
craftyone Thu 21-Mar-19 07:52:20

I have a bad stress headache today, never normally get headaches. I am buying a new house before selling my own, at least that was the plan. There has been a buying hold up, caused by waiting for sight of an important document. All in all 3 months has turned to 8 months. Just waiting for one document, which was `in the post` to nhbc

My buyer, february viewings, is starting to lay on the pressure. I had 25 extra and difficult questions to answer yesterday, some relating to building planning dating back to 6 years before we moved in, a new build.

The whole idea was that I would complete on my new home and move in stress-free, a bit at a time. I will definitely not move to rented. I had a string of people wanting to buy my property and will delay my buyer if needed

The stress is awful, widowed, doing it all myself and even with a good solicitor, I am churning up inside after yesterday`s questions

NotSpaghetti Thu 21-Mar-19 08:11:29

My daughter had questions for the person she was buying from. They didn’t answer even the simplest (eg how old is the boiler?) so just day you don’t know to everything. They did. My daughter bought it anyway.
Good luck.
Give yourself a pat on the back for making the move and just keep looking forward.

NotSpaghetti Thu 21-Mar-19 08:12:00

Sorry - just say you don’t know-

GrandmaMoira Thu 21-Mar-19 08:13:13

You have my sympathies. I moved a few months ago, buying and selling at the same time and it was a nightmare. Just try to visualise when you eventually move you will be happy in your new home.

Anja Thu 21-Mar-19 08:37:10

Don’t stress. I sold my last house very quickly...too quickly as hadn’t yet completed on the one I was buying. I simply put everything into store and ourselves went away on holiday then stayed with relatives for the 6-week delay.

It’ll all come right in the end.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 21-Mar-19 08:53:55

You have my utmost sympathy, crafty - I moved house three years after losing my husband and it's stressful enough when there's two of you. My wonderful neighbours (who I would have taken with me if it was possible) were a tremendous help. I think it's a case of 'one problem at a time' if you can possibly do that.
I sold the house quickly and then my buyer turned out to be a right 'madam' and it became so ridiculous I nearly pulled out. Hold on tight, it's a roller-coaster I'm afraid. Just tell yourself that this time next year it will all be over and will be worth the aggravation. Best of luck.

Badenkate Thu 21-Mar-19 09:05:12

My younger son has just started the process and got The Survey report yesterday. I had warned him it would be really depressing as they cover themselves for every eventuality, and it is an old house. So now we've got the discussion this evening over the phone about what we think about it. It's bad enough buying your own, it feels like twice the pressure when it's your child!

Teetime Thu 21-Mar-19 09:22:31

Well you may think this is silly but we have quite a lot of experience buying and selling and I always pretend I'm Kirstie- I borrow her phrases, her sideways looks and hopefully her strategies.

Luckygirl Thu 21-Mar-19 09:36:42

The questionnaire that sellers have to complete can be very difficult, unless you are obsessional about paperwork and filing; and unless you have every document about every appliance etc. from the people you originally bought from.

When we moved a couple of years ago, we just put N/K by several things. Mind you we were selling to our DD, and she knew the house well.

I am sorry you are having to undertake this arduous task on your own - it must be very hard; and I hope it all goes through in the end.

Whiff Thu 21-Mar-19 10:12:49

Dear Craftyone
I put my house on the market a year ago this month. I accepted an offer end of June and found a bungalow to buy and had my offer accepted the being of July. Should have exchanged contracts on 7th September and completed 14th. My buyer moved into rented accommodation on the 7th I didn't find out until the afternoon of the 11th she had pulled out. I was devastated. I got another buyer October. We should have exchanged on 1st March and completed 8th. This buyer pulled out on me four days before the 1st. Couldn't believed it happened to me again. Got another buyer on 5th. They are first time buyers hopefully everything goes well this time. Luckily each time the bungalow I want to buy was still for sale and the vendors are willing to stick with me. I answered every question that has been asked truthfully and proved documentation. I am also doing it on my own my husband died fifteen years ago he was forty seven and I was forty five. The stress selling is awful and all the sleepless nights are taking a toll on my health. It shouldn't be this hard. The laws should be fairer and I think once the survey and searches come back and price agreed that should be it. You can only back out if someone buying dies or redundancy or serious illness or injury but you have to prove it. If not you have to pay so many thousands of pounds to each person in the chain as a penalty. People can pull out at the last minute and don't have to give a reason . How can people be so cruel. In Scotland and Europe the the laws seen a lot fairer than English and Welsh law.
Hang it there and I hope you don't have what happened to me happen to you.

midgey Thu 21-Mar-19 10:41:07

flowers for Craftyone and Whiff, I hope things rapidly improve.

craftyone Thu 21-Mar-19 10:48:55

They are very sweet and comforting posts, thank you so much. I will try and think one day at a time and no more of `what if`. The lack of sleep last night creased me this morning, it was also a full moon and I never sleep well under a full moon

So today, I resolved to get cracking on eating only from my fridge and freezer. My freezer is still too full, I have been counting on getting a new freezer as soon as I know completion date for that house. I made soup today, lots of freezer veg and some blitzed almonds from the freezer, another resolution was to eat better than I did yesterday. Then I had a phone call, my buyer is nearby this afternoon and will be stopping to take photos of the parking space. Now my house smells of cabbage, windows wide open and tops wiped again.

I have cluttering cardboard in my car boot, in case I see her and have to ask her in but I will do my level best not to be here, I have no idea what time she will be taking these photos

Oh whiff I could have cried when reading your post, no-one should have to go through that. I have been so strong since my husband died but these past few days, I have felt so close to tears. I need him in the house, todeal with the paperwork an help with packing but I shrug my shoulders and carry on

Re packing, I started a year ago and most is done. I either sorted and packed by myself or the alternative was to get everything packed up professionally and then I would have to sort after moving. I preferred to do it in my own time

Whiff Thu 21-Mar-19 14:22:37

Craftyone, I know just how you feel . My husband was a business man and very organised. All the i's dotted and t's crossed. I have prided myself on coping after his death as I don't want to be a worry to our children. But when my buyers pulled out I just wanted to crumbled and must admit I felt sorry for myself. I have never felt like that before and hated those buyers with a vengeance. People seem not to care about the months of stress we go through especially if we are doing it by ourselves. I don't know how far you are moving away from your home now. I am moving from the West Midlands to Liverpool. To be nearer to my children and my three grandsons. I started sorting and packing in July and was all set to move in September. At least most of the packing is done only the stuff I use daily to pack . All my extra furniture went August along with all the rubbish. The charity shops have done very well out of me. I am downsizing from a large three bed semi to a two bed bungalow. I am using a removal company to move me and they have been very helpful. Try and rest when you can. And I hope every thing goes smoothly for you.

craftyone Thu 21-Mar-19 15:15:31

I had a nap this afternoon, actually in bed this time, I had an hour and have caught up with myself, headache has gone. My new house is smaller, a new build and I will be first on site. The builder is lovely, he cannot do enough for me and will help to get the extra garage internals done before I exchange, so I at least have somewhere I can dump my stuff. I have to phone him tomorrow and meet him in site next week

Stay on the thread whiff, we want to know how things progress and we all wish you the very best of luck. Liverpool eh! well I spent all my life in Liverpool, it made me what I am

Marieeliz Fri 22-Mar-19 11:15:29

My buyer had Survey and now vanished no communication at all with Agent or me. Like poster someone hanging on with bungalow for me. I have another offer lower if original buyer doesn't resurface over weekend other buyer can have it. Offer is £3000 less but hey Ho!

Urmstongran Fri 22-Mar-19 12:18:12

Your last post sounds as though you are feeling more positive craftyone. The restorative powers of sleep! When I’ve read your posts on other threads you did sound uber organised with it all. Hopefully this is just a hiccup.

TwiceAsNice Fri 22-Mar-19 12:30:04

I do feel for you, hang on in there. I was fortunate enough to move from a temporary rented house which I lived in after my divorce. The plan was I would live with my daughter for approx 2 months whilst my new build flat was completed ( bought with divorce settlement, the stress of that is another story ) The hold up / problems with new build meant I actually lived with her for 5 months before it was ready. Good job we’re close!

craftyone Fri 22-Mar-19 14:08:58

That e mail list made me get more organised. So now I have 7 files for the new owner, all titled and separated. Eco house with many different systems. All sorts of docs were wanted by their solicitor, vague stuff going a long way back. I have done what I can, almost ran out of copying paper. All originals have to stay for the buyers, copies for the solicitor.

Took me another 5 hours today but I am (fingers crossed) done. Appointment on monday with lovely hand holding solicitor, to go through one question at a time. I am ready

I am very grateful that hubbie kept all paperwork and so did I, wasn`t very well sorted but it was there, 9+ years of it. Lesson learnt was not to write on original paperwork, covenants etc. Massive shredding session coming up after exchange, there is a big pile of `not needed` paperwork bits on a desk, keeping for now just in case. Another lesson is to print anything that is sent to me as an attachment from the solicitor re my new house

The old days are well and truly gone, when buying and selling was easy and much cheaper

Valerian taken before bed last night, was a bit dozy this morning, so half the valerian tonight. Should get me back into sleeping pattern

craftyone Fri 22-Mar-19 16:40:22

Now I am thinking about what I need to do wrt bills and who to inform. I am starting slowly because it is early days, electricity is ok, water is not as the meter is under a heavy roadside manhole, impossible for me. I rang them and am just letting you know that they will do an estimated bill.

I will start to make a list, who to inform etc

Chewbacca Fri 22-Mar-19 18:21:00

I too am on the move. My solicitor asked me for the original documents for the boiler being installed 12 years ago; evidence that the boiler has been serviced within the last 12 months; the FENSA guarantee for the doors and windows and the HETAS certificate for having the chimney swept and the wood burner serviced. All were provided within 24 hours of being asked for them. Yesterday I was told that they've "gone missing" and can I provide copies. As I was asked for the original documents.... no I can't. As if moving house isn't stressful enough. angry

notanan2 Fri 22-Mar-19 20:21:54

People can pull out at the last minute and don't have to give a reason . How can people be so cruel

Generally they are not. A buyer pulling out late will probably have paid £££ on surveys and checks so it hurts them financially.

Usually its the mortgage company saying no to the property. They do this A LOT more than they used to. Any little irregularity. They only like very very "standard" properties, and will spook at very small seemingly unimportant details.

When we first bought a 6 week from offer to completion time frame was the norm. Now its at least 3 months on average unless its a cash buyer. This is because of mortgage providers. Not "mean" peoole who paid out £££ on checks for a seemingly fine house before finding out last min that their mortgage provider doesnt like the property.

notanan2 Fri 22-Mar-19 20:30:18

My buyer had Survey and now vanished no communication at all with Agent or me

Another thing that has changed since we first bought is surveyers.

Back in the day the surveyor would provide a verbal "for dummies" summary as well as an indepth writen report, i.e. a phone call either saying "dont touch this place with a barge pole" or "its fine, avarage amt of issues for a property of that age/type" or "you will need to spend 30K on fixing X so renegotiate the price"

This meant you could quite quickly get back to the seller and progress. Or not.

NOW a lot of surveyors refuse to summarise their reports or advise on whether or not its a worthy purchase for the price.
You need to go find a 3rd party to interpret the report.
In the interim you are advised not to communicate with the buyer incase you inadvertantly accept issues that you later need to renegotiate over.

notanan2 Fri 22-Mar-19 20:39:08

The process has become terribly complicated since the whole sub prime lending thing blew up

TBH there is no solution because in systems where offers are binding, people do surveys and checks prior rather than after so it takes just as long. And mortgage companies would have to be satisfied before any binding contact was made... which is what exchange is anyway.....so it wouldnt actually be any different for the seller

notanan2 Fri 22-Mar-19 20:46:25

Oh and in terms of getting the survey interpreted, now that surveyors are not willing to say what they thing should/shouldnt be a deal breaker..
...there is no specific provider of this service!
You need to take it to a tradesperson or other expert for each specific individual issue. There is no one person any more who will tell you what is a normal report and what is a concerning one.
The surveyor used to do that for you but increasingly now they wont they will only commit to the written report

notanan2 Fri 22-Mar-19 20:47:57

This is why cash developers really hold all the cards and dominate