I will shortly be sharing a home with my daughter, her husband and young boys. I own the house. We will have totally separate living quarters. Together under the same roof and only sharing the stairs. I proposed we sign a Tenancy Agreement and/or House Rules. It’s not gone down well to say the least. In fact they are pressing me to sign over their portion to them while I still have seven years in me! The atmosphere is dreadful. They rent. They have not put one penny into building the new house, but have had plenty to say what they wanted. Their stance being that they will be paying rent. My other daughter lost her life in car accident recently. No fight in me but I feel I must stand my ground. Oh do please help me. Gently.
Ooh isn't it awful how our AC try to manipulate us.. Just dreadful. But your DD has lost her sister so must be grieving too. Just stick to your guns, don't say anything that makes them think you might cave in. Repeat what you said before if they bring it up again. Seek support here if you feel down, we are with you on this.
How heartbreaking for you. As previously mentioned, unless you are living in one of the most expensive property hotspots you are unlikely to incur death duties. Care costs are something different, but then again if the law changes in the future and you have Al ready handed over your assets, who knows what creeks without paddles we may find ourselves on?! Society and councils may not be prepared to do much at all to help the huge aged population and you may be grateful to have your own resources to ensure you are cared for. This would be true in circumstances where peace, harmony and excitement at the thought of a new venture living together was the case, let alone in what sound very sad and dodgy times that you seem to be in. Keep your son in law awAy from your assets. Good luck
I have been in this situation for the last 25 years and believe me, over time, it becomes much more complicated than you could imagine. Lives change and no-one can predict the future. What seems a perfect solution now may be a massive cause of friction ten (or less) years down the line.
Many previous posters have pointed out the problems if your daughter and son -in-law separate and divorce - but have you considered what would happen if you remarried and your family don't get on with your new partner?
What if your DD & SIL decide to emigrate, or live abroad, or move to a different part of the country?
Getting them to sign a tenancy agreement seems an obvious solution but do you realise that in the eyes of the law you become a landlord ? You will need to comply with masses of legislation, declare the income to HMRC and submit a self assessment tax return. Being a landlord is not for the faint hearted (I am one)!
You definitely need good legal advice. If you do decide to sign your house over make sure that it has a condition attached that it will be your home for the rest of your life.
If I could go back - would I do this again? Definitely not.
Lots of good advice and experience here, but can I reiterate just from my own experience that your dad might face having to divorce and if they have a stake in the property dsil will have a claim to part of it. I'd been married 36 years when now ex left me, just because they might have been married some years doesn't mean that they will continue to be married. He went off just before my dad's 90th birthday, I was 57, which was v difficult. If you have friends who know solicitors or are solicitors themselves I'd start by asking for recommendations, and go and speak to the ones suggested. You might get a frée half hour, maybe even go to some that look good from what it says on their website, ask age UK, cab, speak to some letting agents or property management companies and fund out as much as you can, would there be capital gains too if sold, so you need to know this too. If you can find a solicitor who specialises in the affairs of the elderly they would be good to talk to too. So find as much as possible, yes a bugger firm might be sensible, you don't know what changes there will be in the future, so all you can do is so it as watertightly as is possible ATM. As for being a landlord, well I've never been one but know people who are and know that the contract is key. It is a new house, so hopefully there will not be any problems to deal with, you'll be responsible for example for getting boiler services and repaired, you'll need insurance, will you let it furnished or unfurnished, if there are appliances they will be new so you'll have a few years grace before anything needs mending. Expenses come out if the income for tax purposes, so you might consider an accountant to help with your tax return, another expense. People I've known who've rented have had regular inspection visits from landlord or agent, maybe consider using an agent, to make sure that your property is being looked after properly. Remember as a landlord you'll not be able to go into their bit without notice, unless obviously you are invited, which protects them. Think about what you require them to do, re painting etc, pets, garden. Lots to think about. Your dad and family would have all these things wherever they rented so you're not being mean just making sensible boundaries.
Su127 I think Davidhs has given you some very good advice, your DD and her husband are looking to the future and wanting to secure it for themselves and their children, your DGC. Talk openly with them about your intentions and your fears, seek legal advice and do these things together as much as possible, secure your future and those of your DD and your DGC.