Help calm me, house buying and selling stress part 2

Lovely to read that all of your children are happy, whether renting or owning their own homes. Being an older Mum my kids are only 23 and 26, and neither are in a position to buy. My daughter is yet to find her first 'job', and my son is working as a taxi driver and only has enough for rent/food. Getting on the property ladder is so difficult for young people nowadays, I hope to help both of them when I sell here I do wonder where the money is coming from to 'boost' the Help to Buy ISA that is closing down this week, plus the new LISA.

Torrential rain outside, so glad the joiner turned up at 8 am this morning, he had the treat of seeing me in my dressing gown, but lots of drill noises from the scaffolding later I think the windows are in better shape. He hasn't finished so hope what he's done will hold until he can get back. He was very upset this morning - £5K had been taken from his bank account by a hacker/scammer, I'm not sure which, he said the bank were very unhelpful.

See you tomorrow, off to bed, I love my electric blanket - and so does the cat!

It might all go topsey turvey after the GE. My sister has found a buyer for her nodest second home which has been a rental for a small family for very many years. They provide a good maintained home at a very resonable rent but are now terrified of the consequences of a certain party getting into power. Anything to do with inheritance could be badly affected. One of the reasons I gave my dgc money early

I feel sick at that joiner being scammed, I was scammed once so now I look at my bank accounts every single morning. The bank was good and helpful but you have to be quick

I hope you all have a nice day, at least perhaps the sun might shine and that makes us feel cheerful

Ellianne hope I didn't give the impression that my children inherited a vast fortune. They got £60,000 each should have been more but due to pressure from her brother my mother in law changed her will and left him the same. I didn't know she had changed her will until after she died. Her original will left everything to my husband as her only child. When he died she changed it to left everything to my children. She even gave her sister in law her rings which she had promised to my daughter. Both my father and mother in law were pieces of work. Always told my husband if he told me he was adopted I would have believed him. He was the complete opposite of them. They only thing he had when father died was a set of brass cufflinks .

That's awful Mosaicwarts about your joiner. Scammers are the worse. Eight months after my husband died someone used his credit card number in London and brought goods worth £800. Credit card company were wonderful. It was very upsetting at the time.

Hope everyone keeps warm today as its a cold one.

Agree with what Ellianne says about getting a small mortgage, as this can so help credit ratings.
One of my daughters and her hubbie and daughter live in a house, which is quite small. Big enough, I suppose, for the three of them, but not large enough to be able to put people up. This is on the South Coast, not far from Hove, so quite expensive property. Lovely environment, right close to the South Downs. They did look at moving a couple of years back, but decided to stay put, use the extra cash in doing up the kitchen/bathroom, etc.
Their intention is to wait until daughter goes to Uni, and then move -probably further along the South Coast - going well east of Brighton is cheaper. That is when they will go mortgage free.
Whereas, I do think about how my g.children will manage, I am afraid it is not my problem. My children were my main concern - always - and still are. Their children are their problem (not mine). Even in my will, my estate is left shared out equally amongst my children - do not mention my g.children. I have always been much more of a Mother than a Grandmother!!!
Interestingly my daughter who lives in WsM, says that, hopefully, I will live at least ten more years -and if so, then she and hubbie would be child-free (as all their four would have flown the net to Uni, etc by then), and she and hubbie would be able to buy this flat and buy out her siblings.
Nice thought, means work I am doing on it now will continue in family for a very long time.
Today I have received the quotation from the company who could turn my garage door into an electric one. I find it very heavy for me. Hopefully, that work can go ahead very quickly.
Interesting what Ellianne says about how much they have spent already on new home. I am adding up the quotations I have received (wardrobes, Garage door, new bathroom, work on radiators, new unit in hallway for books, etc.), plus all new whites. Eventually living room and hallway needs new carpet (when I can feel able to pack things up again for this to be carried out). Comes to quite a lot of money!!! However, once these have all been carried out I will have little to do in future years.
Waiting in today for new dining chairs and small sideboard to be delivered.

I hope no news is good news! Have a good weekend

Hopefully, Mw, you should hear sometime next week about that survey and whether your purchaser is continuing. Hopefully - as you say - no news is good news. If all goes well, you could be moving early in the New Year. Have you made any decisions as to what and where?

Hi Franbern, have just come back to relax after spending a horrendous amount on my daughter's 'ethical' clothes!

Wouldn't it be marvellous if it did happen, I've just been outside to investigate a 'noise' on the boiler, everything here frightens me in case it breaks and involves another big bill. The surveyor made a comment about how much stuff I've got considering I'm downsizing, I was a bit shocked, I think I've still got my big house eyes on and need to start decluttering even more. Do you really think it could be early in the NY?

My plan is to put everything into storage, and rent somewhere locally. I just want to sit down for a while and do nothing. I am so very tired. I do think it is the sad end to my Mum's life that is frightening me - she moved to the wrong place, with the wrong people. Thank you for all your encouragement, I do appreciate it. I have decided that a detached bungalow is best for me. Hopefully the neighbours will be of a similar age, and I won't hear noises one shouldn't as in our terraced house in London. Shameless!

Oh, I can certainly emphasise with fear of 'noises in the house'. For so many years I was having to bring up my family on benefits, although we lived in a largish house in a very good area, we were very. very hard-up. Noises usually meant something breaking down, and that was always disastrous - I never worried about an intruder, my worries were always concerned with what was not working properly.
Indeed, during the great storm of 1985 (not sure of exact date), I woke in the night as the electricity had gone out, mys teenage son heard me going to the front door and called out to me 'It's okay, Mum, it's the whole of London that is out - you don't need to worry!' He was listening on a battery powered radio. He knew that I was checking to see if the street was out (which would be okay), or just our house, (which would be a major concern)/
Took me many, many years to recover from that fear of household noises. Long after the time when I could reasonably easily pay for repairs/replacements, my first reaction to noises was one of of fear!!!
Renting for a short time could be a good answer to allow you to take proper stock. However, paying rent for somewhere to live AND also for storage is quite quickly going to eat into your finances. Could be a good distraction now, to start to think about WHERE you would like to live finally. Bungalows can be expensive to purchase, as they take up much the same land space as a house. Good Luck in whatever you decide.

Know exactly what you mean about noises in the house Franbern and Mosaicwarts. Used to worry all the time in my old house after my husband died. As I couldn't always decide where they were coming from. Used to drive myself mad trying to figure out where it was coming from and once found deciding if I or my brother could fix or I needed an expert. Since moving here I don't worry as much. Also having all concrete floors the bungalow doesn't make as much noise as floor boards did.

Like Franbern said bungalows are more expensive than houses but I did the right thing buying mine. Due to my health problems don't know how I managed with the stairs. Love living on one level. Easier to clean and cheaper to heat.

Franbern did your new furniture arrive ?

Putting up my Christmas tree tomorrow. Wrapped most of the presents yesterday will finish them today.

Hope every one has a good day.

Morning Franbern, I'm sorry that through experience you understand my fear. Same with the car, I'm not driving it fast enough or for long enough, and yet again I can smell the exhaust isn't functioning properly. Must find somewhere I feel safe to drive it and put my foot down today. I haven't had the bill for the boiler pump and motor yet, I'm scared to look at the savings.

One of my daughter's friends Mum's was on her own with her two girls, and had a leak under her sink on a Saturday night. She had to empty the bucket every two hours for the whole weekend, setting her alarm during the night every two hours, because she couldn't afford the weekend call out charge. Very hard times. I am upset the plumbers haven't been yet to fix my leak in the loft, we've had such a bad frost here this morning. I'll just have to wait until they can 'fit me in' I suppose.

I do take your point of finances being frittered away on rent and storage. A widowed friend on the south coast has just rented out her bungalow for £1300 per month, bills on top. My bills here are half of my pension, I am looking forward to smaller bills when I move. I am so frightened of making a mistake and feel so alone - and although I'd like a bungalow, I think I will have to buy a small house as you say, bungalows are so expensive. Part of me is still considering my daughter as she is still living with me until she finds a job, who knows where she will eventually end up.

Have a good day, I'm off to scrape the ice off the car and go to the beach with my lovely dog - he does miss my daughter when she goes gallivanting.

I would think that the potential purchaser will have rung the surveyor to get the overall picture ie value for money and the fact that he has not been in touch with EA yet is very hopeful. Don`t worry too much about getting a house rather than a bungalow, as long as you can see ahead ie are the stairs wide enough for a little stair lift and are they safe ie not too steep

I understand the bungalow thing but I personally like going up a level, it is a different energy, it changes for me. Going upstairs is going to my bed nest. I like the sound of that surveyor, someone objective who is not too polite to mess around with words.

You are exhausted now mosaics, exhausted on all levels but franbern is 100% right about paying rent plus paying for storage, it will eat into your savings. There is another possibility ie renting a vacant house with garage and use that for your storage. We did that when we had to get out but even with a good remover, it overflows and then there is a degree of panic ie how will it fit into a smaller home. Paying for storage for things that will have to go, its just not sensible

First things first and that is the approximate location ie which area of the uk. Try and work that out asap, you are at the moment working on a very wide picture

Thanks for writing craftyone, I do feel down today,

I hope I find out soon but now I know he is a developer feel nervous he is going to try and knock the price down even further to make the most profit.

I have to weigh it up against continuing to have lots of viewings with the common 'too large a renovation' feedback as too many viewers that have come have no experience of renovation or old houses, or going to auction where it might not sell for months and months. The house was valued to remortgage 10 years ago at £330K, I don't think anyone here knows how to value it because of the live line. We spent £80K converting the annexe, with the idea of ploughing the rental profits back into the house, how daft were we. Should have done the roof and windows. The recent emergency works I've had done are the tip of the iceberg, I've spent thousands this year alone, it's only going to get worse. I do wish my husband were here to discuss it with me, it's so nice to have all of you to talk to, I'm so lucky I found your post.

I also feel such pressure to 'make Christmas' for the kids, and really don't feel like it at all, especially with the huge pack of solicitor's forms sitting on the worktop. I'm not touching them until I hear. I have ordered my 8.8 foot tree - I know, so precise! - but no news when it's coming yet. The lounge ceiling is 10 foot, I normally buy a 10 foot, but our normal supplier only has up to 7 foot this year. I put a few dex up last night, and I'm going to wrap the gifts I've bought and do my daughter's stocking today, I just wish my dog wasn't so upset by the noise of the sellotape.

My bad mood is because my exhaust has got a hole in it, I've just come back from my scary fast driving, and could hear it Luckily have a marvellous garage that can help me next Thursday, but I am scared I'm haemorrhaging so much money from the savings at the moment. I am so grateful to my aunt for sending me the cheque but haven't even bought her a gift yet. I think I've already mentioned she was odd on the phone about Christmas and just asked for the Downton Abbey DVD when it comes out. I'm not going to send her a box of 'thoughtful things' this year, she obviously doesn't know how to say she doesn't want them!

I did take your caravan idea on board by the way, but have an elderly cat so can't. I'd love to live in a caravan, what joy! Although we do have such high winds here, some were blown off the cliff in the 2010 winds.

I will focus and find an approximate location tonight, I cannot continue with this uncertainty. I know it's driving me bonkers, you are all being very patient with me!

I think I would make lists mosaics. Obviously the first list will be where and the potentials in that area

next list has to be, what can go ie what will you not need in your new assumed 2 bedroomed home. Assume 1100 sq feet and I bet your present home is at least 3000 sq feet

Third list has to be ways in which you can save pennies and that involves a mental lightbulb. Any which way you can avoid spending a single £. We all know that these £££s add up

Re house value. My eco house in 2010 cost 372k. We built a superb store/annexe value a good 20k. We added a kitchen plus appliances that cost 22k. We did the garden at a backbreaking 8k. We changed the stove at 6k. I make that 422k and it was fully maintained. I sold it in 2019 for 400k and it was a desirable eco home in a pretty companionable village. I mentally came to terms with that by calculating the `paper loss` as rent and even 1k a minth would have been 72k so psychologically I still gained and so can you mosaics

Mosaicwarts I'm sorry you are so down. I did mention some time ago about making lists. It was the only way I could sort out what I wanted and didn't want. Location was easy for me as I wanted to move nearer to my children. What I didn't realise that was Merseyside had such at lot of different areas within it. Luckily the children put me right about what areas where good places to live. I whittle it done to 3 areas and concentrated on those . This is the 3rd bungalow I viewed. While waiting to see if they would accept my offer I viewed other one . Luckily this was the one I wanted. So far I have spent just over £14,000 on it. It was £220,000. You need to think hard about how much you want to spend buying and how much you are willing to spend making it yours. All my bills here are a lot cheaper apart from council tax. But I get the free bus pass. Rural properties are nice but I know for me that was not practical . Because of my illness we had always had to think long term. Not what I need now but 10+ years in the future. Had to think that way as I was only 29 when I got ill . My husband was wonderful. Unfortunately there is no label to what is wrong with me so I have never been eligible for any benefits.

Where I live is a short bus journey for shops , doctors and local trains. Also it is 10 mins away from my daughter and 30 mins from my son by car.

I hope you can decide soon where you want to live. I found decluttering took a lot longer than I thought it would.

Hope you feel more yourself soon. Wish I could give you a hug as you need one.

I suppose I was lucky that I knew where I wished to re-locate to.
When I downsized from the family house back in 2003, I did talk a lot about going either towards Brighton or Somerset, but everyone knew that I would not leave the area I was living in. I moved just a mile away, and settled, then (age 62 yrs) into that house. Was very opposed to going into a flat then, I liked going upstairs to bed, and joked that in the worst scenario it could become the only exercise I got daily.
Different age, different time, different health problems. I did look into a stair lift, and with a straight stairs would have been easy to have one, but it did not really solve all the problems. I must say I absolutely love the fact that my living room door is next to my bedrooms, and the kitchen door is opposite the bedroom door. So much cosier, I have actually put on the heating this evening, but this is the first time it has needed to be on for several days.
I did view very many flats (all purpose built), it was important to me to have one that was spacious and roomy. Some of the flats were beautiful, but so small that I felt I would be wanting to push out walls in a very short time,.
Here I have two good-sized bedrooms, mine with lovely en-suite, bathroom, smallish but perfectly okay for me, Kitchen, wide and roomy hallway which can easily take bookcases, etc. and a large quirky shaped Living room which I, have easily divided off the have a dining area, spacious sitting area, and my new small sideboard has taken all my stationery, etc and sits behind the sofa (more or less hidden away), to be my 'office area'.
Yes MS, the furniture did arrive safely, sideboard is lovely, four dining chairs -I had not realised- are flat pack. Put one together, but that exhausted me (had a very bad night as this brought on a bad case of restless leg syndrome. Daughter says she will do the rest when she visits tomorrow. Her hubbie will be putting on my base kitchen cupboard door, the tv in the 2nd bedroom on the wall. and setting up my newly aquired Echo. I am fortunate having them to help me so much.
Do think it important towork out your finances carefully, do remember the cost of moving - have said previously, E.Agents Fees plus VAT, Solicitors fees both for sale and purchase, land registry fee for purchase, removal companies. None of this comes cheap and the difference between all those combined costs and your sale price is what you will be left with to purchase and then you will definitely need quite a lot extra for new furniture, decoration, changes etc to wherever you buy.
2-bedroom flats/houses etc. can be so much different in price according to where you live - if this flat was in my old London suburb (not one of the expensive ) it would be at least double, probably more, what I paid for it.
So it is important to look at WHERE you wish to live, and assume this will be your forever-home.
Yes, I agree, lists and more lists. You need a list showing what you MUST have in your new home, a second list showing what you would LIKE to have .
For different people, these lists are so different. Watching Escape to the Country earlier this week, I commented that NONE of my lists included 'VIEWS;. Totally unimportant to me, but did have such things as very close to shops, buses, trains, etc. etc.
As I said I did look at a great many flats, I am feeling very smug as I honestly feel that I have moved to be best one possible for me. But, as I said, four years of searching, looking and a lot of disappointment and stress during that time.

That was a mean thing for your MiL to do in her will Whiff just because her brother manipulated her. I have vowed not be persuaded/manipulated by any family member when it comes to leaving anything. It will be 50/50 to each child full stop and Franbern is right that I will have to trust my children to do the right thing by their children, the grandkids.
Mosaicwarts sorry to hear you're feeling a bit overwhelmed. Try to decide on your new location first, then what type of property, the rest will fall into place.
We've put the icicle lights up round the house today, the Christmas tree can wait until tomorrow. My husband has several cathedral singing concerts in the coming weeks, so starting to feel very Christmassey.
I stupidly feel upset and guilty today at having deserted London, my home city, in the wake of yesterday's terrorist attack, as if I could do anything to help anyway! Maybe because our DD, SiL and DGC are still there. I'm scared. But Londoners are resilient and life goes on. I lived next door to Ross McWhirter when he was shot by the IRA. My husband was caught up in the Kings Cross fire when our first baby was 2 months old.
Nothing we can do, just carry on. Thoughts with the victims.

Your flat Franbern reminds me of the apartments in the manor group in which we used to live. We had a town house and most were apartments. We had two delightful neighbours, sisters, both in their 80s. Two bed flat small but perfectly formed kitchen, bathroom amd large lounge/diner. Open, bright and on the ground floor. I did ask them how they coped with downsizing and they said it was hard but they were determined. They had a very big farmhouse. Another couple used to be in a large vicarage and went to a town house with 3 bedrooms, a bit smaller than ours. Another well-off glamorous older lady moved into a 2 bed apartment. The common denominator was that they got rid of almost everything and started again with furniture.

It has to happen, to squeeze a quart into a pint pot. Those of us with much furniture, there was no need to get rid and buy new but there was a need to get rid of much. So eg what does a bedroom need: bed, bedside table, wardrobe and chest of drawers. What does a living room need: seating for perhaps 4-5 people, one could be a sofa bed, tv unit, one or two side tables, shelves or drawers. This is what I would do mosaics, room by room.

Ellianne, I cross posted with you. I saw the London spirit emerge, people helping people. There is good in society, very brave people

Thanks craftyone. You're so right.

I keep telling myself you can take the girl out of London but you can't take London out of the girl. I hear my own voice talking out loud here in the shops sometimes and think what a misfit I am, but proud nonetheless.

Mosaics
I'm so sorry your feeling down and probably a bit overwhelmed with all that you've had on your plate.
Do you and your daughter talk over all the decisions you have to make?

When it came to where to move to there was no discussion as we knew we would never leave Southend when we got older.
We did live onboard for 20 yrs but we were never more than an hour from Southend. We lived in Bulgaria for 5 yrs but still kept a property in Southend.

We started from the point of: how much money do we need/ want. We both have very different ideas about money but OH went with what I wanted/ needed. Obviously this then determined how much we could pay. We both knew that we wanted a bungalow.

We are very lucky that there's nothing OH can't do Re DIY.
New windows, moved boiler into loft, radiators in conservatory, new kitchen/ bathroom. I'm in charge of all painting. And this bungalow needed everything but this didn't faze us.

We knew that we weren't going to have anymore expensive holidays. We are lucky that we have a motohome that we take to Europe.

Lots to think about, Mosaics, but don't look at the whole picture, whittle it down.

Thanks everyone for the virtual kick up the bum, I'm just like a spinning top at the moment. Whiff, I did follow your advice and write a list of moving costs because I was horrified the Stamp Duty was so high - can't find it but I remember the final figure.

Getting a note book and starting my lists tonight, project 'Me' starting now! Thank you all so much, big hugs from me to you all.

Hey Petra your post came just as I was leaving. My grandparents lived in Leigh on sea - I have a very happy memory of a tiny park with lit up Disney figures of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Sadly my dream of going home to Twickenham can't happen, unless I win the lottery, I'll be going on a memory visit when I'm settled somewhere.

Have a good evening, last freezing walk with the dog coming up! x

a big hug mosaics, it must be incredibly overwhelming at the moment. Small steps and you will climb that mountain and we will all be with you and if needed we will push you up

The trouble with house hunting is it's only ever fun when you don't have to move. As soon as you have to, it stops being fun.
I agree that location is everything.
I have a friend who lives on a Scottish island with a population under 100. I said how lovely that must be...idyllic, no crime, slow pace of life... village school for the children. She said "think about it" "you can't just go to the pictures when you want to. You have to keep friendly with everyone even if you detest them". Oh dear. It's not for me after all.
We live in a pretty good (convenient) location but the house and garden are too big for us as we are getting older, and it's expensive to run.
Reading your posts on here I would be very worried about downsizing. It does sound stressful.
Good luck with the prospective buyer MW. He may be the one.

You have probably thought of this Mosaicwarts but what about letting the house to a family and living in your annexe?
I know how much you love the area.
My niece came to stay yesterday with her family and her DC asked if they could explore our house! They ran all over the place and all said what a great house it is. I am so used to grumbling about it, but their enthusiasm reminded me of when we first came here 40yrs ago and our boys loved the space and had endless adventures.
I wish sometimes that one of them wanted to live in it now. They have their own lives - far away.