Help calm me, house buying and selling stress part 2

Mosaic - Your buyer may be being guided by his surveyor as to the cost of work needed. That's what happened with my buyer. It was me that got builders to give quotes to counter what they were saying.

That would be bad GrandmaMoira - the man I found to survey my windows used to work for a very expensive well known replacement sash window company and started up on his own. He led me to believe his charges are more reasonable plus he allows a piecemeal approach to the renovation. When he eventually sends me his quote I'll know! I'm so fed up with it all. People watch unfortunately, a poor old woman in a nearby village replaced the back windows of her listed building with 'non compliant' windows and had to remove them all because someone reported her.

Mosaic - my buyers offered a lower price after getting the surveyor's estimates. I had the heating controller replaced and got lower quotes for the roof etc. and managed to get a compromise price.

Do understand how the stress and anxiety and of not knowing is getting you down. This is exactly the state I was in four years ago.
I then made the decision that I could not go on this way - it was making me really ill. Told the EA's then, that if there was no proper outcome by end of December, would pull the plug. Which I did. It was such a relief, just not having all that uncertainty.
Mw, tell than to your EA's. today that you must have a proper decision by Christmas whether or not your buyer intends to go ahead. If that does not happen, then you have to assume they are not. So, try to put it out of your mind, have the whole festive season, and probably January and start again after that.
I know you did not really want to be there this winter, but that could be inevitable now. so go with it. Give yourself a stress-free few weeks - the house market is probably going to stabilise next year and prices likely to rise. So take advantage of that.
Always try to look on the good side, enjoy the beach and use the time to really look round (via Rightmove),on different areas you may wish to move to next summer.
On the other hand, this ultimatum could force your buyer into action and you could find things start to happen quickly in the New Year

Thank you Franbern. I was woken by my phone at 8.15 and thought it was the EA - but was the stone mason, might be able to come this morning. Glad he got me up early, I've just tried to order another huge amount of oil, it's gone down so fast - they are waiting to hear back from their suppliers, hopefully will be here by early January. I didn't have the aga on last christmas so oil use with the central heating as well is new to me, my late husband used to do all this.

If I haven't heard from the EA by noon I will phone them. Unfortunately I don't have a good rapport with the person dealing with the sale, I haven't ever met her in person. I will be very calm today. It is making me feel ill too, I'm sorry you suffered this. It's just so rude, really, to make someone wait so long.

Better go to the beach with my doggo, won't put my jumper on over my pj top today - felt a bit faint in the shops yesterday and had visions of it being discovered!

Oh dear - unlikely to find an EA working at 8.15 in the morning!!!!
Mw - you really do make the case as to how important it is for happily married people to ensure that their partners know and understand all matters relating to their households.
My SiL really worried me recently, when I was telling her (that last week before moving) of all the arrangements I needed to make regarding utility companies, tel and wifi arrangements, change of address, etc etc). They moved about four years back and she said that she know none of this , as hubbie had done it all. She told me that all she had done was to pack a small suitcase for a few days and drive down to their new home.,
she very much dislikes where they have moved to and says that if hubbie dies she will move back to London straight away. However, she has no idea at all as to what is involved.
I have lived by myself for over 20 years and am very self-sufficient. Was extremely grateful for moral support and help from my children for the actual move - at both ends - but the daughter who lived closest to me in London was the one most opposed to me moving, so I could not talk to her before that about anything going on.
Mw - I assume you are planning to spend Christmas at home, with your daughter. Is there any way you could isolate a large part of the house and just warm up two or three rooms you live in? There are some very good cheap heaters on the market, it might be worthwhile looking into.

excellent, lovely and insightful posts Franbern. I agree with every word, beautifully written by a wise woman

Mw, time to detach hoping and wishing from reality. You will know today if it is time to make that winter cocoon. You need the break so much

Hello again Franbern and Craftyone, thank you very much for writing. I don't know if I am thinking straight at the moment, it is so good to have your opinions. Nursing a big burn on my thumb, woodburner wouldn't light and I moved the log to put more kindling in - was hot hot hot!

Whatever happens I do have two happy healthy adult children, it is the first year anniversary of my friend's stepson being killed on the 18th, her partner is still in pieces. His son was 35, he is 77, and misses him so terribly. I will count my blessings, and find the poker before I attack that woodburner again! x

Have just had the company who organise mortgage valuation surveys on the phone ... they are coming tomorrow. I rang the EA and asked how this is possible when I don't know what he's offering, they asked for time to 'read through the papers' he's just sent. Is it me, or is this a bit back to front?

You do know what he is offering - it is the offer you accepted, looks like he may not be considering a revised offer. Good Luck for tomorrow.
They will not be there so long or be anything like as thorough as the private survey. All they are interested in is how it compares in value with other similar properties been sold in the area. I realise that yours is much more unique, so that comparison may be more difficult.
I have heard that in some cases mortgage companies do not even go out to the properties any more, just do search on line for other properties in the area that have been sold recently and work on that.

my buyer only had a mortgage survey and it is very brief. They don`t go poking around as they only need to know if the lender can get their money back

That sounds more hopeful and I also believe that the accepted offer stands. Try to stay as calm as possible and not worry about tomorrow. So that is survey done, mortgage survey organised and then his solicitor and it really will be all systems go. It sounds as though he is working on pulling his finances together which he has to do first

If it is any help, the stock market is booming again today and there are many signs that the housing market will go skywards too. Try and get yourself around to viewing one of those new properties mosaics. There might be one built and unsold and it is very possible that your selling and buying will co-ordinate perfectly. That new property might just be waiting for you and already has your name on it

I forgot mosaics, you will need to instruct a solicitor to get a selling pack ready and I don`t mean just for this buyer. I instructed mine 6 months before I had a buyer. The last thing you need is a hold-up on your side

Ooh that sounds hopeful mosaicwarts. The wheels are in motion. The building society surveyor came to ours with a laptop and tapped information into loads of boxes. Make sure you count all the bedrooms even if one is used as a study, 4 instead of 3 added £80,000 in our road. As your house is unique it might be difficult to compare with others close by, but the postcode helps them work out increases in value over the years. Good luck. Hope your thumb is getting better.

The EA rang back - he's reduced his offer by £50K. Apparently the survey highlighted £200K of 'urgent works' that must be done immediately. She kindly read out the survey list and I was very surprised by some of the 'works' mentioned. I think we should start wearing a hard hat on top of our bobble hats round the house

The EA encouraged me to go back with a counter offer which I did once I'd become calm again, she rang me back and he is considering it tonight. And thanks craftyone, the solicitor sent me that huge pack immediately - it's been on the kitchen worktop for weeks now.

I haven't had a text yet regarding the mortgage valuation time tomorrow yet, keep your fingers crossed it's not the 8 am appointment. The stone mason is also coming at 8 am, could be busy here

nearly there mosaics, I would hold back with spending any more money on the house now, including oil. I know you have some people booked though but not a penny more

I know you are always busy but now is the time to get cracking on that sellers pack, while you have your children with you, to help

So, it will depend on how much you will need to make your move. He is obviously still very interested, and has already invested money in that survey and also make application for mortgage.

Mosaic, it is unlikely the urgent works are anywhere near that much. My buyer's surveyor gave estimates much above what a builder would charge and some things stated as urge, such as needing a new roof, would not need doing for 5 or 10 years. In my case the only urgent job I got done myself. The windows did need replacing but still opened/shut/locked so were not urgent. My EA helped with countering their claims, as should yours - that's what you are paying them for.

Thank you so much for all your kind comments, I'm feeling drained and still need to clean upstairs for tomorrow, the thought of it takes longer than the doing! I did all of downstairs today, then took my daughter to the gym at 6 pm, and we went out to eat as the kitchen is ready to be 'surveyed'.

I agree GrandmaMoira that the urgent works won't be that much if local trusted workers are used. It is all the worst case scenario to drive the price down. I am frustrated the window specialist hasn't sent me his quote, it would have been so useful.

The buyer rang back and offered £25K more in response to my counter offer - the EA said she'd like to try for another £5K, and he's now thinking about it overnight. In the meantime his mortgage valuation survey is happening tomorrow, I was lucky and got an afternoon appointment.

I've just found out my neighbour's mother had a heart attack whilst visiting him on Saturday - I must relax and look after myself, I'm all my kids have now.

Mosaic -that's positive that your buyer immediately agreed to raise his price. Mine was 3 weeks of back and forth to get to that stage. Is this an offer enough for you to be able to buy what you want elsewhere? If it is, I would accept just to put an end to the worry of the big house. At least you have no chain so things could go quite fast now.

Almost there mosaics, just this one step and suddenly it will be fast moving. Luckily the children will be with you. I do hope that you can get into a house without the intermediate renting. Could you spend time later today ringing the estate agents in the areas you want, possibly for a young but not new house, one with all the extras fitted and the garden sorted

So the next urgent steps:
abandon anything but basics so that you can concentrate on

paperwork, the forms and documents
house hunting
sorting and packing

if you need very reasonable priced packaging materials
www.kitepackaging.co.uk/

imagine holding two hands straight in front of you, that is the width of box that is comfortable to carry, not too big. I suggest getting an order in so that this stuff arrives before christmas when everything shuts down. I got boxes, tape and a dispenser and marker pens and white paper for packing fragiles. Plastic sacks/ikea zipped bags for clothes and towels and bedding. It was all I needed and then I dedicated one room on each floor to storage, when it was full, then I spread out

The reason I am not suggesting the removers do the packing, yet, is that I get the impression that you have much more than you should take with you and sorting/disposal can only be done by you and yours. Bring the packers in later

You are on the move mosaics, you can soon dare to say it. End of january/early february I guess

It all sounds as if it is likely to happen now Mw.
Forget the cleaning upstairs at present, and concentrate on looking for somewhere that you wish to purchase. If you can get somewhere with vacant possession, then - indeed - you could be in by February next year.
I would very much recommend that you consider having whatever removal company you use also to do your packing. Although, obviously, there are some things you may wish to pack yourself (I did with my large display cabinet of fragile gymnastic statues and memoralibilia), it does mean that right up to 48 before the move you can live comfortably in reasonably normal circumstances. They usually pack one day and move you the next. If you are not moving too far away, they will leave the bed and such things as your fridge and add those on the morning of the actual move.
You really must now start concentrating on (A) completing that sellers pack from your solicitor. Once you start and go through it page by page, it is far less daunting than looking at it as it is. Also (B) you really must start looking for somewhere to purchase - you now know how much you can spend.
Do not forget that whatever you do get as purchase price, you need to take out your EA fees, solicitor fees, and Land Registry for your purchase, and removal fees. Also do allow money for spending on your new place - as has been said, new properties tend to eat up money in the first year.
Mw - this is the exciting part - looking for and preparing for you new ever-home. Involve your children -yes, but remember it will be YOU who will be living there.

Time now for you to really streamline everything mw. Your summer clothes are probably already stored away, but work through your winter wardrobe as you wear it thinking "do I really like this?" or "can I see myself wearing this another year or more?" Sorting clothes is satisfying and gives you the push to move on to stuff like kitchen cupboards, bookshelves etc in the same manner. The bigger items should be easy to offload, someone is always looking for a bargain to furnish their home.
Good luck! Get onto Rightmove and be prepared to consider anything, anywhere.

Thanks everyone for your support, I'm a complete jelly even with your strength giving words! The EA asked him to think about £335K last night, and he's phoned this morning to say he's 'getting more quotes' and will get back to her. Quotes for what I wonder, he obviously had enough quotes to offer the £305K.

Stonemason is labouring away outside, a very nice man, he's bought his own flask.

I think I might have already told you my neighbour is my solicitor. I got his mother a get well gift this morning - she had a heart attack on Saturday morning whilst visiting them. I spoke to his sister this morning, they had to give her CPR, and thankfully she did revive, she's 82. What a christmas we are all having, I've still not done the tree and have to take my daughter to the station in a minute. I need a PA!

I keep thinking about you mosaics and what I am worrying about is you not having your ducks in a row. It is absolutely imperative that you find a property and put an offer in and the sooner the better, you can get this done in days if you set your mind to it. The offer before surveyor, which can of course wait until after christmas. Only then can you look at the floorplans with the objective of furniture placement. The alternative is having to find lots of (wasted) money for storage and renting

After that you will get to a more peaceful state of mind because your head will rule your heart and you will know what you can take with you. Please ask your children to help, I am feeling that you are shielding them and they need to step up to the mark as adults, to help their mum

Do agree with Craftyone advice. It would be such a pity if this sale finally fell through because you were not able to move out quickly enough - or if you ended up wasting money on rental property and storage.
Ms - you really must start to really look for the property you wish to buy. It is becoming imperative that you do so quickly - and, of course, you are now in that good position of being able to tell EA's that your house is 'under offer'.
Somehow the fact that you keep finding excuses to put off this step, makes me wonder if you are really genuine about selling and moving. I know you are on one level - but you do not need to do cleaning for a mortgage company surveyor - much more need to be spending time looking for where and to what you wish to make your move to.
I know it is a very big decision, as to whether you stay in your current area, or take this opportunity to move to pastures new. Whatever, you decide, it needs to be now.
You said that he did increase his offer £25,000 when you EA's pushed it, so, surely ( for £335,000) , you are now only looking at an extra five grand - perhaps you can split this between the two of you - and get matters moving.
Do hope you do not let this opportunity slip through your fingers, we are all rooting for you.