GRANNY ANNEX

My mother lived with us for over 20 years, almost half of our married life. She had her own bed sit and bathroom. We cooked for her as cooking was never her thing and towards the end I took care of her financials. I can’t say that I would recommend it, maybe if there was a completely separate living area, but when you have someone else with access to your house you have no privacy, and it is hard. I would think very very hard before I shared a house with any of my children,

My mother went from being fine to demented in a few days due to a severe urine infection.
It would have been nearly impossible to have a life and care for her.
She is now in a home.
I would be very careful as if we had pooled resources the property may have had to be sold to cover care home fees.

My cousin in her 90 s adored her son and when he came back to live in her area it seemed to her a wonderful solution to sell up and move in with him and his wife They got as far as finding a house and starting the necessary building changes before she fell out badly with the daughter in law The last I heard is it’s all fallen through she hasn’t spoken to him for months and has been to a solicitor and written him out her will From 0 to 100 in 6 short months
I really feel you are very lucky if it all works out it’s too big a lottery for me to ever consider I love my kids too much

Don’t do it.

When I was young we had 2 grannies living with us in 2 separate granny flats. It was a rambling old house. As children we were delighted to have both grannies living under the same roof. I don't think my mother felt the same though.
Eventually, one granny moved out to a flat of her own and the other one became sufficiently unwell that she moved to a nursing home. As a child I wasn't privy to the economics of it all so can't comment on that.
My sister and I married and left home (old fashioned girls us!) and mum and dad fully converted to house to 2 flats and moved into the lower one selling off the rest to friends.

Friends of ours did this for his Mum but it only lasted for a year and she ended up moving into a supported living home where she was much happier. When they sold the house, it took ages (because the annexe had taken up so much of the garden) and they told us that they had definitely lost money on it. Take care ...

you do have to forfeit your privacy. We are so used to having no privacy (because we let the granny flat) and we have shared access and thin walls. We fill our empty rooms with visiting volunteers so often that it has become a way of life. However I do dream of having a peaceful little house and enjoy my holidays in quiet cottages by the sea!!
I think it has made me more adaptable and more hospitable than most of our friends. I was just asked today If I could put up a Romanian woman who is looking for cheap accommodation. I know my limitations and politely declined. why can't the asker offer her a spare room!

My MIL has lived in an annex attached to our house for 14 years ( paid for by us).

It worked well for the first 9 or 10 years, but my DH and I have both suffered health problems and DH is now needing to use a wheelchair more and more. We realise his condition is only going to get worse and I will be his permanent carer. This has led us to our now needing to move to a bungalow, but being in a difficult position due to MIL.

There are no properties in our price range which can accommodate us all with our own private space (which is my line in the sand as MIL is lovely, but the most untidy/unclean person ever!)

We can just about afford to buy a small bungalow for ourselves and a retirement flat for MIL, but she would need to pay her own bills (something she has never done). We know the conversation will have to take place sooner rather than later, but it’s something we are truly dreading.

Knowing what I do now I would say don’t do it. None of us know what the future holds. I have told my daughter we will never live with her as we love her too much to put her through the stress and upset this has caused us.

Oh Carole that is hard. It may work out for the best but you will have to have that conversation. Is MiL in good health? Could you install a stair lift? My inlaws have done this and it enables them, both in their 90s to stay in their house. They also have a downstairs loo. They live near us but not with us. They have no intention of moving out.
We have free care for the elderly in Scotland so they have support.

Think very carefully about it, a friend of mine & her husband sold their home & gifted the money from it to their daughter & son in law, I large house with granny annex was purchased out in the middle of nowhere, my friend doesn't drive, her husband is expected to be unpaid gardener, handy man, my friend does housework and ironing, they share a kitchen daughter likes it kept like a show home kitchen, & as they have gifted the proceeds from their home & don't have the cash to buy another house they are trapped, awful situation my friend is a broken woman because of it.

That is a horror story, jennyvg.
Did you not advise her against it!
Maybe it isn't as bad as all that and your friend lets off steam with you. I'm sure my DM used to tell her friends how awful I was.
Why would she put herself in that rural position and not be able to escape. Sharing a kitchen is a no no. You can buy mini kitchens and turn a room into a bedsit. Might that be a possibility? Perhaps DH enjoys doing the garden and being useful.
Any big change like this is bound to put relationships into the spotlight but it is certainly food for thought.

Grammaretto in reality the is situation is far worse than what I put in my post, I didn't try to talk her out of it but I did talk to her about pros & cons of such a move & my husband talked to her husband about it, we have been friends for over 30 years, her husband has always wanted to live in the country & I think she felt she couldn't deny him this chance. They have a small sitting room & a bedroom with on suite so no room for mini kitchens, he is happy to help out with odd jobs & gardening but as he is 73 not to the extent that he is expected to do. All in all a nightmare situation

Thankyou all for your inputs and stories - certainly food for thought!! My biggest concerns are the future and if I ever needed to go into a care home, or my sons situation changing, and these are the concern most mentioned in your replies!! And more horror stories than happy endings too.. Ummmm
My situation is this. At the moment I live alone, semi-rural, with the nearest supermarket 3 miles away and an almost non-existent bus service. I have a bought and paid for my home but I have no savings or pension pot. I have a very busy life, and Im lucky not to get lonely.
Within the three years (when I retire) I intended to down size and move nearer to town. Because property is expensive in this area (and I dont really want to move to far away) My idea was to buy a mobile home, as Im at the bottom of the property market here already.
Four years ago, my son moved an hour away to be nearer his job and has his own flat, with a mortgage. He now wants to move back to this area, where his partner and young child are still living. He wants to be nearer his child and have him stay with him at weekends, which he will find it harder to do once the little fella starts school next year.
He could buy in this area with a bigger mortgage, but I dont really want him doing that.

We have looked at a property which has a very large garden with a cabin at the end. We had the idea to divide the garden off and 'update' the cabin to an annex, which we would design and have built for me to live in.. We would have seperate entrances but the gas/electric would be run for the main house.
I would be getting the smaller part, but I had plans to live in a caravan anyway.
I would only be moving a few miles from where I am now, so still be able to meet with friends and continue my life as I know it. The house we have seen is also on a bus route and only a short walk to the supermarket & shops.

I have only one son and everything I have will be left to him & my grandson when I leave this world..

Thanks for sharing the full story. MarySunshine. There are no right or wrong answers and I believe you must use your instincts to sway your decision.
You could say; nothing ventured...

In your particular circimstances, I think I would pursue this house and annex because you have only one DS and one DGS to think of. Have a good look around and make sure you all like it and can visualise your lives there.
You only live once, as far as I know.
I am sorry jenny about your friend's situation. It sounds as if she was only doing this to suit her DH which never works because she will be resentful and no one is happy. Citizen's Advice?

Marysunshine, I wish you well and understand your thinking but you are talking about a residence within a garden. You are unlikely to get planning permission for that. You would likely need about 100k+ to get plans and services to it ie sewerage etc plus the actual building work with footings and access etc. You say that you are at the bottom of the house market as it is. Does your son have a very good job so he could get a good mortgage while you might provide the cash for the new building?

I think this is your dream but I fear that it is not feasible or practical

I have a story of success, and an unsuccessful story. Firstly, the unsuccessful story. My DMil sold her bungalow and paid to have a granny flat built over her daughter's garage. All went well until, after a few years, her D and H broke up and the house had to be sold. DMil couldn't afford to buy anything and was effectively homeless until her brother, a windower, kindly asked her to move in with him.

My aunt sold her property, her DD & H sold theirs and they bought a house with a ready-made granny annex. It has worked perfectly. I think having a kitchen in the annex has helped as my aunt is very independent so her DD is at hand but they are not living in each other's pockets.

Your son wants to be nearer his partner and son Why, aren’t they together then ? Do you mean they are split up and if so what if he meets someone else and wants to move again or are they together and will she be moving in this house
If you become unwell or unable is your son going to have to look after you
Each story is different, I love my children but would never consider living in their garden I think it would be a disaster but maybe it would work well for you

Yes I am Craftyone. Planning permission is not needed as long as the structure is considered mobile. However, there are certain permissions & plenty of rules to doing something like this and we intend to check everything out, including a talk with a solicitor, before we make a final decision.
The way we thought to finance this is for me to buy outright with the proceeds of my property. My son would use his mortgage to give me 100 k for my home/costs and refunishing a smaller home.. I was looking at spending about 45 k on an annex and all the services would probably cost around 15 k.. Whats left over would be mine as need to have a savings pot .. and of course things can always go wrong!!

It is not so much my dream to do this .. but it seemed like a cheaper living idea for me and I would also be around to help out more with school runs and helping out with the little one ...
My biggest concern Crafyone is that my son doesnt appear to have any concerns!

Yes Bluebelle I have also wondered the same. My son and his partner are together, but living apart. If she wanted to move in to the house it would be fine as they have been together for years and I really would like to see them living together. If they parted and he met someone else I wouldnt be happy should they want to move in together..

Chrissyh has just pointed out a tale where a break up caused problems and yes it is a concern of mine too...

My sister has done this and it works out very well for her. I wouldn't like it though because what if the DC want to move house. It could get very messy. I would think very carefully about it.

I think that, whatever you do, there are always risks. Nobody can predict the future. Far too many older people live isolated lives, though, so any way of being nearer (not in with) AC has to be worth considering.

Many of us live very long lives now. It makes no sense remaining in an unsuitable home while our children struggle with too small accommodation - or very far from work and us for cost reasons. They might as well have some of their inheritance when we downsize. I wouldn't mind living in an annexe as long as it was self contained.

Marysunshine I am worried for you. Honestly I do think you should take a different route and get yourself a bricks and mortar place of your own or even a park home but not what is virtually a caravan in a garden. I think neighbours would object strongly, you would be almost like a traveller setting up home or like the lady in a van on a more permanent site but even that may not even be permanent in the long run. Your son would own the house and field and you could be turfed out if he meets a lady love who does not like you

My dd set up a mobile structure in a small field opposite her house, two second hand stables. Is that really what you want as you reach difficult and fragile old age ? I think that letting go of the apron strings is very hard but really your son should be standing on his own two feet. You are still wanting to spoon feed him, not doing him any favours and making your future comfort very precarious

I’d be worried that in the (present) albeit unlikely future, what if the AC split up? Big upheaval then grandma.

No one has a crystal ball.

Could you possibly just swap homes ? Pay each other rent or buy each others property ? That way you both have the change you need and still maintain your independence.

MarySunshine

Would the property be jointly owned, as in would both you and your son be on the deeds?