Help calm me, house buying and selling stress. Part 3

Franbern your children are wonderful. I admire you greatly. You have had a lot to cope with since an early age. I don't moan about my life because there is always someone who has had to cope with worse things happening to them.

Jane10 thank you. My children were 20 and 16 when their dad died February 2004. We had to tell them October 2000 that he probably had cancer it was confirmed January 2001 that he would not live 5 years. My children had to grow up quicker than their peers . But they have grown into wonderful adults. I'm very proud of all they have achieved. They have both worked since they were 16 and both went to university. Financially independent since leaving uni. Neither would let me help with expenses when they got married. Both couples said they had a budget and they stuck to them. My husband would be so proud of them .

When my Dad died and I was sorting out his rented flat, I found all my Mums clothes, still in her wardrobe, etc. She had died eight years earlier. He never mentioned to me that he had not got rid of anything of hers.
When my youngest child died, I ever went near his flat, My son and eldest daughter sorted that out for me, just bringing back to my house a few boxes of things they thought I might want to look at. (Took me two yeawrsw before I was able to do that). Another two went to the coroners office to view and identify his body. There was no way I could have coped with that.
Must say that without my childrens help I would not have had such a smooth move last October. My eldest daughter (who lived nearby, and my son - who lives in Warrington), were with me there whole time that last couple of days, when the packers, etc were there. Stayed the final night at my daughters (my son was booked into a hotel). He then drove all the way to WSM tosee me into the flat, before going back up north. That was lovely, and we were able to meet up for lunch on the motorway.
At Weston my daughter there involved, not only her hubbie, but all four of her children (it was half term), and picked up the key, letting in the moving company, and started off sorting out where the furniture was going (I had drawn up a plan beforehand), sorted out heating and hot water, etc. etc. Son in Law did lots of odd jobs, and eventually sorted out my new phone and wi fi.
Grown up children do have to start to realise that they need to take over sometimes, and at the very least give assistance to their parents - particularly if a parent is by themselves. Do think it would be good for Mw's daughter to read some of these comments

I don't think you're awful saying that Whiff. It was sort of what I was trying to imply. Mosaicwarts knows what she's like though. Maybe she's just very young and too wrapped up in her life to step back and look at the whole situation her Mum's in?

Mosaciwarts must admitted I felt annoyed by your daughter saying that. She is an adult and should realise how hard it is for you. Also why hasn't she helped you more with the packing. I know she works but in some of your posts you say she has gone to stay with her boyfriend. My children where over 100 miles from me but still found time to help me with things. Sorting out your husband's things is hard. My daughter helped me but I couldn't face it until 8 months after he died. So glad she was with me. There were still things of his at his parents house my son helped me with those.
I know people on here will think I am awful saying this but you need help and your children should be helping.

I must remember to count my blessings, I've just been down to see the tenant in the cottage and he told me of his personal tragedy

I'm glad to say my trusty kitchen table, with all its dings and dents, will just about fit so is coming with me

yes Jane, spot on

I am job hopping today, a bit here and a bit there. I cannot settle because I cannot go out, far too slippery. I made a list for myself, don`t want to waste a day from the rest of my life

That was very good of your son. I hope your daughter appreciates all that is done for her by others.
Yes. Time to strap on your tin helmet and get ready for the next month. Hard work. However, I know its hard to believe it, but you really won't always feel like this. The next chapter in your life is waiting. Just have to get there.

Thank you craftyone, it feels like Sunday to me today, I'd even thought of going to the market! I will put on my hard hat, check my lists, and fill the day, boxes and bubble wrap are coming from the removers this afternoon. I'm not dressed yet but have been googling for packing tips, going to start upstairs.

Enjoy your day and thank you for your support. I know I'm putting off going through the things I kept of my husband's, I know that sentence is clumsy but can't express it, I'm going to tackle them first and get them packed.

your mind is going to be a bit whizzy today mosaics and no doubt you will feel up and down but try and make yourself busy with the radio on, fill the day to get tired and then settle into your bed knowing that you have done what every good parent needs to do, you untied the apron strings. Feel proud and happy for her. Your own feelings need to go on hold for a while and just become an automaton, have a very precise list if you won`t settle in the day and write the basic list before bed, even down to breakfast, walking the dog and so on, even what you will eat.

I could not live without that list when I was suddenly on my own and neither could my brother. Even as older adults, we need structure

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I hope you had a good night mosaics, that you slept well. Time to stop worrying about dd, she has just started on her own exciting solo adventure. You will need to keep busy, the empty nest syndrome is all too real and it is yet another transition for you. A list of targets for a few days will help. if you feel that you cannot settle

Crockery is now completely sorted and I have taken the relatively big step of actually using it on a daily basis. Garden planning today, just the rotations and putting some pentagon shaped beds out. I cannot do much else right now. Too cold and the soil is still far too wet to dig. So I am faffing, killing time, being as productive as I can.

Thanks for sharing your possession decluttering Franbern The room looks huge without the table and chairs. I've given the third chair away, I think I under priced them, he's driving 45 miles to get it! Good luck, I say, I won't be looking on ebay!

SueH49, if you have money when your sale finalises, could you find a piece of land and build your perfect house instead? Good luck with Thursday's viewing, fingers crossed it 'will do' temporarily. And best wishes to your husband for his op, it's not long now, he's going to feel so much better isn't he. Unfortunately my husband's upper ventricles were damaged, there was nothing surgical they could do for him.

Sorry to read that Grammaretto, how disappointing for your DD. I hope more properties come onto the market in the catchment area she wants, school and the friends your children make there do shape lives I feel. When we moved here we had a choice of two schools, I sent them to our village school. At the age of 9 they then had to go to the middle school in the next village, where children from our village were viewed as different. I had to move my son as he was bullied, and go to a school in another village, an unhappy experience for him.

I've heard from the EA today, apparently the buyer has forwarded the report to his mortgage company and will be getting back in touch with her. What do you bet he asks me to do the damp works! I asked her if they could draw up a 'reservation agreement' for me - they don't do them.

My daughter and her boyfriend are upstairs packing still, my poor dog knows, he's in his basket with his eyes squeezed shut. So glad my son can help and will see her house when he helps her move in tonight.

Sending positive vibes to you SueH for finding something soon.
DD was coming to look at a property today and even made an appointment with the school . EA phoned to say it's been taken off the market. One lot of hopes dashed after another.
There doesn't seem to be much on the market within their budget.

Unfortunately Whiff, we have made no progress with finding a house. Now just over 60 days until settlement day it is looking most almost impossible unlikely that we will find anything in time. Hence, we decided to find a rental property but that is as bad as finding one to buy. We have no rental history, we have no income other than a part age pension but we will have significant savings from our property sale - millions so will manage to pay rent but that is outside the norm and the property managers seem to have a problem with that.
We are considering buying a stop gap property that we can live in while we find what we want and then either keep it as an investment property or sell it when we are in our permanent home. Whether we can buy one and settle in the time frame remains to be seen but we are going to look at one on Thursday.

Just to add to the issue and stress level we found out last week that DH needs a quadruple heart bypass and that surgery is scheduled for the 3rd Feb. This of course means he will be very limited in what he can do for quite sometime.

I'm sure something will turn up.

We enjoyed the film, afternoon performance - so less than 20 people there. I used to love the books when I was a child, and thought this was a pretty good representation, but not sure why they decided to do it with so much jumping backwards and forwards in time. As I knew what happened with Beth, was not at all tearful. Wished they had given the roles to actors nearer the ages of the characters they were acting.
Mw - when I first put my house on the market back in 2015, I went through several months of frenzied sorting out of 'stuff'. Using London Gumtree sold off so many things -particularly those which I had just been storing in my large garage. Did keep putting that money into a box I labelled 'My Moving Fund'. Of course, I eventually used it all for other things!!!
Last year, when I decided to gt rid of many other items, I did sell some of them, but decided it was easier and less stressful for me just to give many of them away. Interestingly, two small bookcases I gave away there, I had identical ones I got rid off here - and those last I sold for £10!!!!
Very large items are obvious to get rid off, but many things you will not really know about until you actually move.
When my eldest daughter got her first small flat, she had virtually no furniture and I bought for her a small gateleg table, (folded extremely thin). Over ten years later, she gave it to one of her younger sisters, and some years on from that, I was visiting that daughter and saw this in her hallway - and she told me they were selling it.
Stupidly,- sentimentality took over and I purchased it from her - had no need or use for it, so it got stored in my garage. Still do not know why I did that the second time, but did manage to sell that along with a dining table and chairs, and sofas, and a fold-up pushchair I found buried amidst everything else in the garage. Also sold off a lot of my kitchen gadgets - as I had a large kitchen I had loads of these and decided if I had not used something for two years I should get rid. Must say, having a much smaller kitchen now makes me more careful about getting such gadgets now.
My large, very beautiful and dreadfully expensive oak dining table (and chairs), were given to my eldest daughter back during that 2015 sort out - must say it looks so much nicer in her dining room. I its place I purchased one of those gate-leg tables with (padded) dining chairs that stored within it. These came with me, but having now got a new round table and new chairs, I gave the table away to a local charity who needed tables for their office and have kept the folding chairs so that I do have some spares if needed.
Keep going Mw- sure this could be YOUR hyear for a new property of your own.

Nice to know you made money and your chairs will be given a new lease of life.

A nice farmer man has just been to buy the chairs - apparently his wife is going to upcycle them and sell them on. I've now got the money to give my son for his petrol costs, don't care what happens to them!

I'm terrified of falling as I have to go out in all weathers with the dog and and walk like a constipated penguin on icy pavements. Last week just walking across the tarmacked road in the village I slipped, I hadn't noticed the black ice. I keep meaning to get a walking cane but they are a nuisance with a dog and a lead.

My friend fell in the 2010 snow/icy weather and broke her wrist and elbow, I'd be so stuck if I broke anything.

I must recommend my 'grippers' that I put on my boots, I feel a lot safer - they are called Yaktrax. Stretchy black rubber shaped like a ballet pump, you stretch them onto your toe first, underneath the shoe, and then the heel. They have a velcro strap across the top to keep them tight. The coils are flat, not spiked, so can be worn anywhere.

Chair lady has just said she'll be half an hour late - I've just rushed back

Franbern the wassailing sounded fun. Hope you enjoyed the film didn't have to use to may tissues.

Mosaciwarts you have every right to be impatient about selling your house. When I thought I was moving September 2018 even though it fell through I had already mentally let my house go. I was not happy until I moved here. As both my children said you have to view it as your home not the family home. They have their own homes. You have to view your home when you buy it as yours not theirs . It's hard altering a view point. But like many here we have had to do that through widowhood or divorce.

Had a wonderful time with my brother and sister in law. My brother had seconds of cacciatore and apple cake. They brought my damson tree it's all in bud. I had left it at their house when I moved. Have to decided where to plant it.

Craftyone hope you had a good time with your visitors. My son gave me large tub of salt a month ago. Looks like I will be needing it soon.

Franbern, yes thanks for that tip about the salt, I have some in the garage and I may need it wednesday night for driving to my class on thursday. Its chilling down fast right now and I have lit some candles because I don`t want the potch of stove cleaning tomorrow. Very high air pressure today, you may get ear ache or ear pops

Craftyone - sprinkle some dishwasher salt over your drive paving stones, will help to keep it frost free and not slippy. I do have thingies that go on the soles of my shoes which I used to use when it there was snow on the ground. Grippers type thing. As I am not really able to walk very far they sit in a drawer - perhaps I should transfer them over to the charity box bag...!!!!
Must admit this tree wassailing was totally new for me. I had always associated this just with Christmas .......but it actually makes more sense now. They actually poured a little cider on the tree, to remind it what it was going to produce its fruits for. An Apple orchard that supplies to the main Somerset cider maker!!!
MW......you sound as if you are rather down at present. What is this about not being sure if you will be in that house when your future g.children arrive. Of course, you will not....you will be well established in something far more suitable and cosy.
Fifteen months is not all that long these days. My BiL and SiL had their very expensive house, in a very classy area in London on the market for five years, then they suddenly had two people interested in buying it. I, first started trying to sell my house back in Summer 2015, and it was on and off over the next few years, until the final successful conclusion at the end of last year.
Just stick in there - AND you do actually have a would-be purchaser !!!!. Are you having second thoughts about the auction?
Probably, once you have made your move to somewhere so much smaller and nicer and easier to run, it will confirm your decision to sell once and for all.
You are probably feeling down about the potential of missing your daughter. Yes, you will at first......but with the move coming up to keep you pretty busy.....and then once settled in there, you will realise how good it is that you have encouraged your children to fly the nest and lead their own lives.

no, not impatient at all but never be a martyr to `what if` they are some of the worst words in the language, what if holds so many people back

I love wassailing franbern, what a lovely atmosphere, its like a mid winter festival, knowing that the trees will sleep a while longer and then wake up

Be utterly careful stepping outside for a few days, it is crazy slippy here except on the pavers my builder used. I imagine there are already people in A&E with broken limbs. You know that big step out the door and wham the foot slips away. I am going to join the ranks of the careful while it is so cold. If I need to go out, I will park my car the night before, in front of my house, just needing a few steps to reach it from my porch. My drive pavers are very slippy

That night time car journey with the DGC sounds horrible craftyone .
I sometimes volunteer to be the driver but usually regret it. I haven't bought the special glasses yet but keep meaning to, though you don't think they are all that great?.

Wonderful to get the curtains sorted Whiff. I am going to do mine soon too though I will have to get a man in as I don't have a tame DIYer and there are 4 big windows. Our ancient velvet curtains fell to pieces when I washed them , whoops! and we've had nothing at the windows for a year or more. I tried to get shutters made but the price was prohibitive and the metal rails we put up 40 years ago are no longer fit for purpose

I do admire your skill at selling things mosaics. It is a real skill. Have you ever thought about running a shop? I had a vision of you in a little country town, with a shop selling antiques - which could keep open to suit yourself, of course.
You have an excellent eye (I have seen the interior of your house, remember) and it could be an answer to all kinds of future decisions.

Whist looking at houses for sale in the Borders we have come across some lovely places.. You could even live above the shop and have a large garden for the dog and cats out the back.

The centre of Kelso is up for an award as one of the best Town Centres in the UK .
www.itv.com/news/border/2019-08-13/two-of-the-region-s-high-streets-in-the-running-for-national-award/

and as for Galashiels, It's to be home to the Great Tapestry of Scotland next year scotlandstapestry.com/

and locals are desperate to encourage investment in the town centre for all those tourists! I don't work for them BTW

www.itv.com/news/border/2020-01-16/the-borders-town-determined-to-save-their-high-street/

Mw - it was me that said about you being cold. Did not realise you had single glazing. Must admit it is now over twenty years since I had that, and did not know it still existed. Think how lovely it will be in rental property - surely that MUST be double glazed at least.
Stripped floors are fine in some houses - preferably those with under floor heating. When I did the through lounge at my old house, I had the top quality Amtico floor put down - much better than stripped flooring, not only warmer but so much easier to clean and maintain. It was like parquet flooring which matched up to the original parquet flooring I discovered under the carpet in the hallway.
In my flat I have a carpet throujghout - it is a good quality, but will need replacing at some time. Cannot face up to the whole upheaval that would involve at present - will probably wait a good year - which gives me time to decide whether to put down a new carpet or have Amtico or Karmdean flooring.
Having lived with hard floors in my living area for so long, I was worried about carpet again - but must admit it is very nice and cosy and I do not have to think about having slippers on. Will see how I feel about it after I have had at least a year in the flat.
The flat is warm, - partly because the public foyers, etc are kept very warm, and my main non-external area are a shared wall with local solicitors who keep their heating on all the time. Fortunately, there are lots of big opening windows, so I feel I will not be too hot in the summer. Even though temperature has dropped (outside), not having to put central heating on at all during daytime, and have never had it on a night - I am still sleeping in my summer cotton short sleeved nighties with just a 4.5 tog duvet on the bed.
Off, this afternoon with daughter and one g.child to see the film Little Women. It is a real treat for me have cinemas within less than ten minutes 'trundling' distance. In London it was always a car or bus ride to get to one.