What to do about a hoarding daughter....

Hoarding has now officially been classified as a mental illness. I suggest that your daughter needs to be told this and offered help.

Oh dear, this sounds like a big problem and hard to tackle. I think all you can do is try and talk to her and ask her what her plans are. I wish you well

Sorry to be so abrupt in my previous post - I was needed for advice in the kitchen.

There is help available for both you and your daughter: www.helpforhoarders.co.uk/

I have worked with hoarders (tenancy evictions) and find the clutter scorecard has been very helpful to rate the scale of the problem, you can find the link here: hoardingdisordersuk.org/research-and-resources/clutter-image-ratings/

I know that the problem can be very intractable and often has a devastating impact on family members who share a home with the hoarder, so do please get help for yourself. (((hug)))

Hoarding of the extremity you mention BelindaB, is, as other have said, now considered a mental illness.

It is often triggered by an emotionally traumatic event in the persons life before hand. In your DD's case it may well be the result of her violent marriage - and indeed the fact that she has left her home, where the violence happened, but still pays the mortgage does suggest that this and the current hoarding are the result of her building physical and emotional barriers to protect her self from this past event .

Some years ago there was a tv program called The Hoarder Next Door, where psychologist, Stellios Kiosses, worked with hoarders, in each case behind the obsessive hoarding was unresolved trauma.

Here is a link to a US site, oddly enough, that describes in detail about the bloggers sympathetic understanding of this programme and describing how Stellios works with hoarders. www.real-memory-improvement.com/hoarding-a-different-approach.html
Like many US sites it is a bit wordy, but it makes a good read and is worth the read.

If you google 'Stellios Kiosses Psychologist' it also brings up the original programmes. I think, again, it would be worth watching a couple. There is one where the chap had piles of papers in barns where, it is clear even Stellis could not resolve the problem, but most of them deal with people like your daughter and the problem is gently resolved by a mixture of practical and psychological mentoring.

She is in need of psychological help to deal with this problem, probably councelling with a councellor experienced in this field

If she stops paying for the storage unit they usually change the locks and write to you asking for payment. If no response is received they dispose of the items stored and let the unit again. So that will go. If she's been with you four years and has now taken over a second room she is clearly not going to improve unless she has to. It may well be a mental illness but she'll end up affecting your own mental health. What she does in her own home is one thing but you can't allow her to ruin your life by taking over your home too and by refusing to talk about it and getting very loud she's just bullying you. She's clearly not happy but has no right to make you miserable too.

I think you have to be cruel to be kind.
Does she have any equity in her flat?
If so she needs to sell fast and find somewhere to rent.
If she stays with you any longer she will swamp your home and take over your life.
She has a mental illness and needs help but by giving her a home you are enabling her to hoard.

Difficult though it is I agree with Missfoodlove your daughter is mentally unwell and needs help. You are not helping by allowing this to go on BelindaB and you will become ill yourself if you don't get her some treatment.

I disagree with both the above posts. I must emphasise that hording is a mental health problem and while you have tried to talk to your DD about de-cluttering, as yet there has been no attempt to encourage her to seek help.

Se should see her GP. perhaps you could go with her, if she allows it. Here is a link to the NHS site describing what help should be available www.nhs.uk/conditions/hoarding-disorder/.

As she can afford to own a house and pay a mortgage, if there is a long wait for couselling, or her GP is unsympathetic, could she pay for her own counselling?

She can find an officially registered counsellor in her area on this site www.cbtregisteruk.com/ . All NHS therapists will be registered with this group.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I should mention several things I didn't put in the original post. 1) My daughter worked for MIND for over 10 years and one thing I can assure you of - working with the mentally ill will drive you potty. She left after her 2nd nervous breakdown. 2) She has already been to our GP and I was proud that she admitted she was a hoarder and asked for help. He arranged an in-house consultant once a week for 10 weeks. At the end of the 10 weeks, the chap told her that she was not a "quick fix" and needed more help than he could give her and that he would put her name down for further help. That was about 3 years ago and we are still waiting to hear from him again. 3) Once piece of good news - the storage place called her this morning and told her that they were going to sell the contents of her units. She went into a panic until I pointed out that this could be a blessing in disguise as it means that she won't have to make a decision about the contents ( there is nothing there that has any great monitary value), or worry about getting up there to sort them out. She had an unbreakable appointment regarding work so hasn't been able to call them back and I'm hoping against hope that when she does, it will be to late.

I have made it quite clear that I will not tolerate what is going on for much longer and I underline that (for instance) by moving/removing some of the stuff she has in the dining room - which, by the way, is also where my computer is, so I can't get ready access to it. It doesn't help that she smokes and the smell is awful. The last time I tried to force her into a corner she broke down completely and I just can't do that to her again. It was heartbreaking to see and hear.

Sending hugs. Being a parent can be very tough.
I think you are right to stand up for yourself however much she cries. Maybe she needs to cry.
4 years is a long time and it is not fair to take over your space with this behaviour. I would worry about vermin, damp, fire and moth infestation.

Cruel to be kind? Are you worried she may self harm? Could you see your doctor? It is impacting on you.

We host volunteers who work in exchange for their board. Sometimes they are very untidy and I have to tell them to keep their belongings in their room and to keep it clean and manage their own laundry. I was hanging out clothes today which really isn't my job. I say I'm not your mum.

Good .Luck I hope she can manage to get it into perspective Yes she does need help and there are long waiting lists for all mental health problems I don’t agree at all that all people working with mentally ill are ‘driven potty’ Yes stressful but fully trained professionals are given the tools to deal with all situations, if you ‘go potty’ you are either not right for the job or you have not had proper training or support
Can she perhaps use the money she won’t be using on the storage to get some private counselling
I hope you get the help you need a very difficult situation to house a hoarder when you aren’t one yourself