Help calm me. house buying and selling stress. Part 5

I loved living in a small towing caravan. A couple of times I towed it to devon myself and had some blissful days on my own, away from family pressures. In the end we had to give it away, no -one wanted a small elderly caravan, even in good condition. It cost us £400 from a friend and could sleep the 5 of us

I think I will get busy early tomorrow. I have a metal plant stand to assemble and that will take me a good hour. Then I will set-up my new bike which arrived early today. The tyres are so slender and the frame is tiny and very light. I won`t know myself. I have never set a bike up before but everyone has to start somewhere. . I have to do the handle bars, pedals and the front wheel, which has a scary label `install this correctly or death may occur` flipping heck I have taken a front wheel off before. They are meant to be quick release but I will triple check to make sure it is safe

Today I planted 24 new strawberry plants, so it has been hectic all day

Crafty I think that that is an inspired idea. You can buy used caravans cheap as chips. Great time of year to live in one

Thought were flitting through my mind today and it was shandy, again. Shandy needs to be able to travel from place to place when home hunting, shandy has a big robust car, 4 x4 I think. Many a time I have pulled a horse box or sometimes a caravan. So now I am thinking, if there is a towball, what about renting a caravan. The camping/caravan sites are about to open. Park up and just use the car, at least it gets you there, wherever that might be

I just read that hoards from london are looking for homes in the SW

Shandy
Dreaming of fire isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is a cleansing and the sign of new beginnings ?

Whiff, I know I do not know your family circumstances - but just a word of warning - DO NO BE CONFRONTATIONAL when contacting your son. It is not a war - you want to mend fences, not break them. Yes, you are very hurt at his words and his behavior - but you will only make matters worse for a long time to come if you respond in a similar way

Just be conciliatory, start to re-build your relationship You will never forget (or forgive) the comments he made, and when your relationship is back on a firm footing - that is the time to re-visit them with him -not now.

This is what being a parent is all about - we have to sometimes rise above our children's strange or made-up memories. The NOW is far more important than the past.

My Brother-in-law last night put the kybosh on all the carefully made plans I had for bringing my sister-in-law back here for a week I do sympathise as to what he is saying that she is never there, and that a week away on top of the few days she intends being away in London prior to that is just too long.

I have sent him an email compromise arrangement for just three days, and will just have to wait to see if he will agree to it. My original arrangements (which I agreed in a phone call with my SiL yesterday morning) would have meant she would have had no driving, leaving her car at my daughters and being brought back there by another of my daughters. The new ones would mean she would drive down here, following me, and then be able to return under her own steam three days later.

The reason she is never there is because she hates where they live, beautiful house, but in the middle of nowhere and her heart is still in North London. So glad I do not have to consider anyone else when I want to go away, etc.

Oh well, let us see how it works out. I am still going to see my London daughter on Friday - home on Sunday (with or without company). It means I will be there on my birthday on Saturday and we can have a take-away!!

My Son in Law down here will be 50 next week and was planning a bbq party this Saturday for family and friends, as that is the day of my 79th birthday, my children were all coming here for the weekend., (hotels all booked). Was looking forward to a whole family meet-up - have to wait until next year for that now.

Got to get showered and dressed now ready for my U3A weekly zoom coffee morning

I’m on my phone - hopefully DPD will come on time!

That will draw a line across whiff, I hope the outcome is good for you and your son but whatever, it has to be tidied up, so that it does not disturb your thoughts and longer

I had slight odour in the bathroom last night, the one I only ever use in winter and obviously the water in the under bath and washbasin traps has evaporated with lack of water use so a bucket of water and a little zoflora has gone down both plugholes and equilibrium is restored

I am having to child sit again because of the dribbling of schools opening, leaving many essential workers without child care, obviously children cannot be left at home on their own. Very badly thought out and anyway I am now of the opinion that the virus has weakened and all this stuff is all about control of the masses. If anything the demonstrations last weekend will upset the apple cart, not children being off school. This child generation will surely suffer big problems in the future, not least their mental health

Franbern glad you got your shed sorted out.

Shandy57 did you see the programme about Cornwall and Devon last night?

My daughter is taking me to the bungalow later to see how everything is going. Phoned door company yesterday handles are in doors should be coming this week. Then delivery can be arranged. Have to ask my home improvements guy if after the paint has dried in my bedroom if he will put up my new curtain pole. A job my son was going to do for me.

Once I am home I'm getting in touch with him and telling him a time and date to see me. Enough is enough. He has stewed long enough it's time he faced me like the man I know he is and not the coward who sent me that email. If he refuses I know for sure that saying he loves me is a lie. As since that email I have found out via various members of the family all the lies he and my daughter in law have told me over the years. Which they keep from me because they knew I would be hurt.

My in laws hated me from the moment we met. My husband never liked his parents but did love them . After we got married we went every week and if they needed any help gave it freely. My father in law died when our son was 9 months old. Did even more for his mom after that. She died 6 years after my husband and I phoned and visited her regularly even though I hated her. She would never say my husband's name after his death and in my presence told people she didn't have grandchildren. Of course I always made sure people knew she had and that she saw them. She refused to go to both their weddings. Still I keep in touch. Even spent 15 hours by her bedside the last 2 days of her life. Only just got home when they told me she had died. Went straight back. And waited for her brother and family to arrive. When we left the hospital had to get a taxi at 2.30am as they didn't offer to take me home. My son will soon learn things he wish he didn't know. As that is one of the things he has accused me of. I quote keeping things to myself shows I had no respect for his younger self. I have memories of the last 20 years I wish I didn't. But I will not break my promises to my husband so if he wants to know things I promised not to tell he's out of luck. I have asked my daughter if she wants to know what I have kept from them she said no I'm an adult it's my choice what I tell or not. Wise woman.

Sorry just needed to get it off my chest.

Shandy, it is probable that those friends who did not send cards, may have spoken to you in person rather than through a card. I have been using such cards this year, but - normally - do not send them, much prefer to actually talk to the bereaved person and pass on my thoughts and feelings. Just saying that do not put too much into the idea that they did not care!!

Luckygirl, fingers crossed it all continues to go well

Ellianne, this is not the place to continue the debate - I am happy to do so on a more appropriate thread.

Shandy, it does seem such a pity that at a time when you are trying to find a new home town, you cannot visit so many of them. Hope you can continue to choose on line, and find the perfect place.

My daughter did a pretty good job of putting together my little patio shed, but we could not get the small door to hang properly - it appeared slightly too large. So she asked her hubbie to use their small saw to sort this out.

He decided she could not be trusted with that, and actually came over here on Saturday to sort it out for me. Then discovered that she (with my help) had put the two hinges on wrong way round - which is why the door would not hang properly. Took him five minutes to removed them, turn the round and replace them and all is absolutely fine. Never too old to learn - The knobbly part of a hinge needs to be on the outside!!!! whilst he was here he also sorted out a small problem I had been having with the sound bar on my TV.

Thank you Ellianne - I thought you were nearer to Exeter! How reassuring - and I would be grateful if I find somewhere I love if your son could impart his expert knowledge. I've had to give away so much of my family life with this move I'd be devastated to lose the rest in muddy flood water. I rang the Purple Bricks EA and held on for 10 minutes - when I got through I was given a number of the agent looking after the property, answering machine. I'm a bit concerned there are open chimneys, and hope they've been capped.

I've just come on to tell you I've bought a laptop, hopefully won't burn my legs like this one! I would put it on my laptray, but think the beads inside would melt. Talking of burning I dreamt the station was on fire last night and a fire engine went past this morning! Having a fire always frightened me, as it was listed it would have to be restored to its original condition, I always insured to the hilt.

Back to the paperwork, only three boxes to go!

Rolling Devon hills. Take some getting used to.
A bit cloudy today, need more sunshine.

Glad everyone is working on your side Luckygirl. Fingers crossed.

Just heard from estate agent that the builder of he house I want to buy has agreed to not put a for sale board in front of the one I want as he recognises I am a genuine buyer.

All I need now is for my potential buyers to sell theirs!

I live by the Byes Shandy! The river Sid is small and no real problem, the brook in Woolbrook is worse and the River Otter can cause problems. My son is a geologist so if you do find somewhere I can ask him.

Yes Franbern any Headteacher who says they don't have racism or bullying in their school is lying, but we never turned it into an all consuming issue. Most of the children (primary) had their own individual worries and concerns, so we encouraged an all round kindness approach where we would have a discussion and then move on from it to brighter, happier things. Many of the children were forces kids and were naturally very sensitive to comments from their peers on war, but an understanding talk in assembly was enough and then they were all off to comb the rabbits in the yard or walk the dogs round the playground together. Yes, they were protected, even cosseted as children, but today they appear to be young adults without prejudices which makes us proud.
I do prefer to be aloof from it all. I didn't know until later that I have Jewish roots from my father's side but I do not like all this constant reminding of the holocaust. I need to move on. My mother was a governess in South Africa and witnessed all kinds of racial abuse which made her sad, but equally determined to make her own life one of kindness. My grandfather was a Christian clergyman, my best friend is Muslim etc. Everyone is different and just doing their best, but not always in a demonstrative manner.
Maybe some of us have no conception of what it is like to be downtrodden, and I think I secretly seek out the quiet easy life on all these issues. I would rather they didn't cross my mind at all but I understand that others feel very strongly and that is fine for them.

Morning friends, sunny again here.

I've been having a weep over my husband's sympathy cards this morning - and now I am looking at them properly, so surprised to find several people I considered a friend didn't send one. I'm nearly through all the paperwork, four sacks of recycling so far.

My daughter sent me a happy photo yesterday, last day of her Airbnb quarantine - she does want to keep her uni work from this laptop so I've managed to copy it all across to a USB. I used to teach IT and remember the byte sizes with Baked Kippers Make Grandma Thirsty - the USB is 64GB and luckily took all photos/videos and documents. I did have an old one here but it was only 2 GB. Worth the £21.99.

I'm glad you have come back on Ellianne, I wanted to thank you for suggesting Sidmouth, I wouldn't have researched it without your encouragement. I was put off by an unfortunate image, ages ago. I do like their website. Cornwall is out now, I'll just go there on a volunteering holiday. I'm still dithering over Wareham/Swanage. I do think Eastbourne might be too busy. The only way I'll know is by visiting and I'm repacking madly so I can go down and rent somewhere first. There is a 2 bed house in Sidmouth at the moment for £250K but it's very near the Byes and the flood risk. Just 18 metres above sea level.

I wonder what the producer of the 'House Through Time' thinks about the statue.

Better get dressed and walk my patient doggo xx

Ellianne, I sympathise with what you say you did. Can remember back in the day, when gymnastic club were asked to complete those racial boxes, so many of us gave that sort of answer. (We coach children!!).

Sadly, it does not help and all the while we were doing that racial slurs, unuendoes, attacks continued and even increased.

I am sure at your school, you did teach that all humans matter equally - so can you honestly say, that there were no racial attacks in your area either by or to any of your pupils and former pupils?

Like so many things (child abuse, domestic abuse, paedophilia, incest - adult to child), until we actually recognise these things as happening nothing can be put in place to prevent them. Think about the ME TO movement, think about how much celebrities in the past have continued to use their money and status to abuse so very many people.

It has to be brought out from under those secrecy stones and aired in public. Some racism can be very covert - one of my long-term foster children - very black - came home telling me that he was being called the name of a chocolate bar. He was bewildered as to what it meant - they were telling him he was black on the outside but white underneath (as he lived and was being brought up by a white family). So this abuse came from both black and white school members.

The Headmistress at that school would never admit and even take on board that any of her pupils could be racists.

Long time ago that, but it has stayed with me.

It is easy to remain slightly aloof and on a high pedestal - 'some of my best friends are jewish/black/autistic/Moslem etc). Unfortunately, this is not really helping to get rid of underlying racial and other prejudices, and, of course, the whole horrible lying brexit debate actually seemed to permit some of these views to become legitimate.

We have discovered a new dog walk over the hills to avoid the river and the possibility of blue green algae. It was a bit chilly and blowy up there to begin with, but a bit of sunshine yesterday made all the difference. We will go back today and hope we don't meet so many tractors in the Devon lanes. I assume tractors can't reverse round bends due to their shape and size? Lots of cyclists around too, they must be fit.
Shandy you sound as though travel links are your main concern. Exeter is well served but once you go beyond and into Cornwall you really are in the back of beyond. The Flybe service to London City was brilliant, my husband used it weekly. Our son also flies from Exeter for work and Bristol airport is only up the road. I feel sure someone will take Flybe and the routes over. The planes were always pretty full. Train services are good too, don't forget you have Honiton to Waterloo in addition to the Paddington service.
As far as racist issues are concerned I am not one to get actively involved, but as a Headmistress when asked to count all the boxes for every different race under the sun, I used to put a red line through the lot and scribble "they are all children." I also had a problem with those saying we should do more to teach the children in school about our differences. Those in my charge were taught about human nature - kindness, generosity, forgiveness etc. It worked for us.

I keep a updated list of all my monthly outgoings, these include normal Direct debits and also a guestamet of my supermarket shopping, etc. I also include a monthly amount for christmas and birthday presents to children and g,children ( full amount each year divided by 12), also a monthly amount for extras and clothing. Like Mr Macawber, provided that is less than the amount coming in I am happy.

I can remember a few years ago visiting some friends and in their car we were discussing thing like the difference in water rates in different parts of the country (as you do!!), when I was asked approx how much I paid in London, they were astonished when I took out my little diary, turned to the back and gave them the exact monthly amount!!

Two of my young teenage g.children told their parents they were intending to go to Bristol yesterday to the Black Lives Matter demo. As she did not want them to travel on the bus there and back, she said she would drive them both ways. She let me accompany them, lovely to have a drive there. In other times, we would have taken my scooter on the car and would have gone on demo. with them.

Felt that was probably not wise in present circumstances - so parked up (very easy, yesterday), and whilst they went off, duly masked up, etc. my daughter and I sat, in the sunshine in Millenium Square .

Was lovely, nearby a trick-cyclist was practising so we got a free show, lots of small children running around in the shallow fountain areas playing happily. Then we went back to sit in the car- windows wide open.

Kept in touch with them by phone, many people, lots of them families. They were all carefully social distancing throughout. Lovely atmosphere, we saw many, as we were parked not far from where the speeches were taking place. At least I felt I was nearly part of this. Seeing so very many, mainly young people caring about this has given me a huge boost and real hope for the future.

My son in law rides his bike most days as he is working from home. Yesterday he went 45 km on his ride. Didn't really intend to go so far but was enjoying himself.

Must phone my door company to arrange delivery of the internal doors. Apart from playing with my grandson not doing much else. Keep offering to do jobs for my daughter but she says she's got it all in hand. Not really use to being looked after. Love being here but can't wait until the work is finished and I can go home. Sounds ungrateful but I'm not , just used to doing things.

Hope everyone has a good day.

and no, the mountain bike was a fly- by temporary thought

I am doing some maths later this morning. I have been drawing randomly on savings, which are obviously finite ie they are fixed and not growing so whatever comes out, stays out.

Time to do the regular pension inputs (not sipp savings) and also the regular yearly/monthly/weekly outputs. It isn`t essential for me but I do sometimes need a reality check, especially now that I have stopped spending on the house and garden. It is much better to have a clear picture of the monthly ebb and flow of money, otherwise, like many, I live in cloud cuckoo land.

I do spend too much on crafting stash but that will stop, while I am happily using stash to enjoy my crafts

Franbern you strengthened my own feelings. In reality we are all individuals and need to look after ourselves first, what is left in our resources and energy, we can pass on but not until we have taken care of ourselves first and formost. We, at the fragile stage of life, need to take the upmost care of ourselves and I include mentally

I did an hour cycle ride this morning, enough slopes to get puffy, it was lovely out and I `glowed` by the time I got back. Am now changed and ready for a lovely quiet day. I am asking experienced dd and ds about mountain bikes, I had to cycle on narrow muddy lanes, which I will avoid when I get my road bike.

I now also have a mountain bike for the olders in my sights, same maker, depends how much I love the road bike. The mountain bike is only 9.9kg and I can get that into my car for going further afield, even back to the forest tracks we used to ride in wales. Roll on normality

Morning all, wet here again.

Interesting to hear you talk about ice cream, I watched the Golden Girls many moons ago and they were eating ice cream from the tub - and I started doing it. I don't have an appetite stopper for eating, and used to eat the whole tub, so don't buy it anymore. My husband used to say I could eat two more potatoes than a pig - very affectionately!

I'm having a rest from paperwork today, it is clothes sorting today. I did start a few weeks ago, and still have a mountain to go through. I tried on a turquoise leather jacket which I used to love - has to go! I've turned into mutton

I'm a bit worried I've become too focused on Sidmouth, I've just seen the news and the comments about racism in Devon but the Exeter connections do appeal. I have bought an A-Z of the area, I would like to look on paper rather than screens all the time. My son could get the train, and my daughter could fly, although Flybe has now gone down and I'm not sure who is replacing them. While I can just about use this laptop (more vertical lines this morning) I'm going to look at Swanage and Eastbourne again today. I'm shocked at the prices seaside rentals command - a fellow widower recently rented out her Shoreham on Sea property for £1300. I wish one of the places was doable in a day and I could physically visit and get the feel of the towns.

Day two of not going past the station, I'm being strong. It's annoying as it's a route I use, but I think it's wise to avoid it.

Have a good day whatever you are doing

I was so bored with myself last night, that I made myself a lovely chocolate victoria sponge cake with buttercream icing. Obviously, now it is made, will have to eat that!!

Yesterday I did want a quiet, relaxing day, horrible weather. Had a long chat with my daughter in London in morning, and shebrought me up to date with all the problems my ex is causing the professional team of social workers, OT's Care Home Managers, District nurses, etc. Do feel so sorry for them all - but a small part of me is seeing the totally unreasonable way he can behave that I experienced for years!!! The only good thing about that daughter being shielded is that she can only attend such meetings on line and cannot possible have anything else to do with him. He did not like what that team were unanimously telling him last week, and then refused to have anything further to do with any of them and just pulled some covers over his head, telling them to go away!!!! He is, at present, in a good nursing home, being very well looked after, they are still trying to get his bed sores healed, but every time they get a little better, he starts to refuse to stay any length of time in his bed, and they worsen. He says he wants to return to his own flat - which is totally impossible for him under the present circumstances. He cannot seem to understand how the world has changed over past months, states he will get an ambulance to take him back there (not possible), and will use dial a ride to go shopping (not possible at present).
When told that the hoist there is broken, and cannot be repaired due to its age, and it will take a long time to get a replacement, so carers would not permitted to use it - he just says he will use it by himself!!! District nurse even told him that if he managed to get himself back there, the first visit by an DN would result in him being sent to hospital. That is when he pulled the covers over his head and refused to talk to any of them.

So pleased I am well out of that - will probably never see him again!!!

The first flower has come out on my sweet peas - I bought two basket with long canes when B& Q first opened.

I am still doing my Futurelearn on-line course on Medicine in Ancient Greece and Rome - definitely would not like to live at that time, some very weird and strange practices, particularly with regards to women and childbirth!!!

My current jigsaw is an extremely difficult one, and occupies my time well. If I manage to get even one piece joined up I feel quite celebratory!!

Yesterday afternoon two great films were on BBC 2 = first Carousel - I loved this when I first saw it as a teenager - and still thoroughly enjoyed it yesterday, then followed by Mwana - excellent film. Notice that Guys and Dolls is on this afternoon - another good watch.