Help calm me. house buying and selling stress. Part 5

The box will be staying down there?

Thank you for the photo app info - I’ve downloaded a ‘date stamp’ apwhich should protect me from any meter reading queries

Morning everyone, sunny and warm here.

I hope you all have a VE celebration where you are, we have balloons and bunting on the bridge in the village.

I had a brainwave in the night, I'm going to try and rescue the box with the hoover pipe, might be able to reach it. I'm too nervous to jump down in case I can't get back up.

Hi everyone. After receiving a private message from SueH49 asking if I was ok thought I had better post. Had an awful upset on Monday evening. Had a text from my son telling me he has finally told his sister he is to be a dad again. I've know since February. Only then did I find out they had not spoken to eachother for over 18 months. But as they are adults decided it was for them to work out themselves.

I have always text them both everyday to see how they are and let them know I'm ok. They both requested I did it. My daughter always replied my son not everyday.

The text my son sent said he had told her and about the baby and a few home truths. Also he had sent me an email. I was not to ring him after reading it as he was going to bed after dinner.

In this email he said how for years he had held things and he was angry with himself he hadn't said anything to me years. He then told me off for not telling him things about his dad life and death with cancer how I hadn't said how my life has really been these last 16 years without. He was 12 when we had to tell him his dad had cancer and would not live 5 years. He then accused me me of things that I don't remember doing it saying further more the things he accused me off is against my nature.
It got worse after that. He has told me not to contact him or his wife I am not welcome at their home. And will not be seeing my grandson's or my new grandson until he has had all his vaccinations and maybe not then. He ended by saying he loves me but does not like me. Also he called me a racist. I am not and never be any thing ist.

Oh dear Whiff, that is awful....hope it will all sort itself out before too long but in the meantime just huds from me.

As you might know I am heart broken. What he doesn't realise I could write him and equally vile email pointing out all the terrible decisions he's made over the years which I disagreed with but keep my mouth shut as he is an adult. I have always loved and support him and his wife. I have never criticised them or been horrible. In fact I have been very understanding even when they have let me down at the last minute. If I am such am awful person why since moved he did he come every week with my grandsons and spend at least 4 hrs here. Did DIY jobs for me. Over the years not just here but where I used to live take me to hospital appointments even when I had to go to one of the London ones.

On the Tuesday I didn't text my daughter first thing as I thought she would be angry with me after not saying anything about the baby. She text me worried I wasn't well. I said I was so glad she still wanted to talk to me after her brothers email. She phoned straight away. And I told her all about it. She said he was vile to her as well. We have had disagreements over the years but have always talked it though and had a good cry together. She said there is not way to get rid of her. And wondered if he was having mental health issues. Either that or his just being an arsehole.

On Monday I sent him an email. I just said if that's what he wants so be it. I won't contact him again.

His mother in law lives with them and has been for over 6, years since her marriage ended. I have finished the boys Easter cushions. So I will be sending them to them and put in a letter addressed to her. Asking her to pass on a message from me to him. If he really wants to know what it was like for his dad living and dying with Cancer I will tell him in graphic detail also what it was like for me looking after my parents and mother in law. By the time I finish with him he's ears will bleed. I am not upset about the email shed all my tears . I and now just bloody angry. He doesn't realise just how vindictive I can be. I thing he could never accuse me off is being a liar. Speaking to my brother I found the real reason they did not attend his wedding. He told me it was because his wife was heavily pregnant and in a lot of pain to travel. My brother and her were face book friends. There were photos of them at a friend's wedding they went to on the same day. She has since de friended him off face book.

Keep posting separately as I didn't want to loose what I had written.

Anyway. Roofers had been had at it since Tuesday and hope to finish today. The roof has all been sealed. The bungalow all repointed just the garage to do today and then the massive clean up. As a guide for anyone have there property done it's cost me £4,800 to have all the work done. So far spent 4, hours on hold trying to get through to Barclay's to do a direct transfer. There automated system won't let me do it even though I have paid them before. And no one will answer my call. Hopefully he will take a cheque . His with NatWest and thing they are open Monday. When I needed to contact Sainsbury's bank last only waited 10 mins all sorted.

Hope everyone is ok. I have been checking up on you all everyday. But as you can see had a bit of a week.

Whiff, I am so sorry - any time would be bad for this sort of upset - but at present it seems so far worse.
Adult children often write their own version of their childhood history. My youngest daughter has done this for years, and has 'memories'', which none of the rest of us share!!!
It was she that I often felt I put too much emphasise on, sometimes to the detriment of her slightly older siblings - yet she has a very strange recollection of those times.
We have had quite serious fallings out over the years due to this.
Now, we maintain an uneasy peace. I now she wants me to be part of the lives of her daughters - so we do not (in her company) ever talk about the past. Her older siblings do laugh about her false memories when she is not present.
She, and her twin sister are very close - and her twin will defend her staunchly no matter what, we have to be careful in her presence also.
Fortunately, everything is a very even keel at present, and will stay that way. As they live on East Sussex I can only see them three or four times in a (normal) year - and when I go there I do not stay at their house - despite them having a spare bedroom - always go to a B&B. Think, an overnight stay might be pushing it a bit far - use the excuse that I can only use a bedroom with an en-suite). So, we are all really good friends at present . Must admit, that very occasionally, I will drop into a phone conversation we are having, some small detail about events that happened in the past -usually try to make these funny anecdotes - but they are actually being said to try to get her memories on the correct path.
Whiff, Give it time with your son - it is a very emotional time for all of us at present. So, he has dredged up memories -which can be totally false, and then put his own twist on them.
Don't push him at present, just let him know you are dreadfully sorry that he feels like that - would love it if he feels able to talk about any of it with you - but in the meantime, let him know how much you will always continue to love him, be there for him and hope he can let you in to have some involvement with his children.
Do not let him and his sister fall out over this - I am sure, that once the new baby is born, and life starts to return back to something like normal - you will find ways of mending this breach.

SueH49 thank you for the huds .

Franbern thank you. I won't push it . I just hope my son realises I won't be here for ever. And if anything his dad dying when he was 16 he should realise life is to short. We never know what is round the corner.

Oh Whiff, I am so very sorry to read your news, what a shock for you. This is your keyworker driving son? There is no rule book for being a Mum, as you know I had an awful email from my daugher recently. Big hugs, I hope he can be made to see that you acted in his best interests at the time, as you always have done. xx

Shandy57 thank you. He is an HGV driver for Iceland and has been working 60, hours a week since the lockdown. He usually starts work at 3am. I know he is very tired but does not excuse the vile things he said. Balls in his court .

Glad to see how well you have got on with the clearing out. When you have finished you need to treat yourself to something special .

Whiff it’s bank holiday perhaps that’s why you can’t get through. I’m sorry for your family upset,

Whiff I'm so sorry your son has upset you, they really don't think sometimes. Especially today, in the current circumstances, it must hurt you deeply.
He sounds like he is finding things stressful and that is undoubtedly when events from the past come to mind and cause grief. Remember he is seeing things from his own narrow perspective, it's a human failing although some of us try to avoid it.
Franbern and Shandy are experiencing similar in their own way. I too was firmly (rudely) put in my place today for coming up with suggestions for my DD's house move, (ok, I know I'm obsessed with it!). Everyone is very sensitive at the moment because what we hold dearest has been removed from us.
I hope your son will rethink Whiff and that things will soon sort themselves out.

Midgey the banks are working via the phones spoke to Sainsbury's bank a little while ago.

Ellianne thank you. Children think once they are adults you stop caring. We never do. Just can't wait until his children are teenagers and put them through all the crap he put us through especially after his dad died. Also when they are adults and think they know it all. He will realise then what he has put me through. But by then I may be dead. Balls in his court. But if he thinks I will forgive and forget he has another thing coming.

I have never forgiven my brother for not speaking or seeing me for 2 years because his second wife lied about what I said. I never let him forget to this day .This was 25 years ago.

I am a nice person and treat people how I want to be treated. But for my son to do this when he decides he wants answers he won't like the answers. He will have memories I wish I didn't have. He has told me for years he is proud of me for how I have coped after my husband died and losing all the weight. And how independent I am. Was he telling lies all those years.

Whiff, I am sorry that you have had such a distressing message. I hope you can work things out with your son.

whiff, all I can say is least said soonest mended and hard as it is, you know the truth in your mind but keep it in your mind and think what you like but don`t say it. Know that you are right but keep mouth tight shut. One day he will sort his own mind out but right now is very stressful for almost everyone and particularly for those who need to make a home for a family and are scared to death of the virus, of working too hard, of not being able to pay bills, of the future and living through what will be a very nasty recession

Like it or not we are baby boomers and have had the best of both worlds and I think there is a modicum of deep down jealousy. It is unbecoming to blame a parent when one becomes an adult but life is not perfect, maybe just bumble away in your own life and little by little he may shed the scales from his eyes

film 4 is looking good today. Black and white family life films after the wars. I have it on channel 45 film4+1 because I want to watch all of millions like us

Last night I was chatting with ds about a new and much better cycle for me. The one I use daily is a good workhorse but is very heavy at 26kg, the one I am looking at is 9kg and again a step through but is a road bike ie meant to be light and fast. I only need to find out if they can fix a rear carrier for my panniers, mudguards, bombproof tyres and hopefully a kickstand. I would do without the kickstand if not possible, they will be able to do the rest and that is what some of my council tax refund will go on

I need to be out and am seeing better levels of fitness, only having to walk up one hill today and I did the long ride. I have no ambition to remain seated in my home throughout this lockdown. I will be out and later will be able to lift a light bike into my car to get further afield

I love watching the hairstyles, clothes and house decor in these old films

Afternoon all, back after a really profitable morning. Every room is now empty and clean. I've taken out all the tools in the storeroom and put them on the drive for now, I ran out of puff.

But I had a shock when I arrived. I've told you I've been glad things have been taken from by the bin - but some arse has now stolen my big green bin! I'm furious. My neighbour's were in the garden and I asked if they'd seen anything - they knew who it was, and said they thought I'd arranged it! I don't know anyone that would offer to take my rubbish, I've been going every day to collect it once I've unloaded the things I'm keeping. I hope to find it back there in the morning, otherwise I'm going to have to fork out £65 for a new one for you know who and that sticks in my throat.

I've just got one more enormously thing to take and I'm done. I've got Henry at the house and the box rescue did work, I managed to get all of the box by leaning into the cellar and just dropped the hose down, so glad I thought of it.

I think it is saturday and I think garden centres will be open in a few days. I expect there will be a mighty rush for some days so I will stand back until that is over. Just pottering with stuff at the moment and direct debits, seeing what I could cancel. Not netflix, broadband or phone nor amazon prime but I found one, amazon music unlimited and gosh draining out at £7.99 pm, what a waste of money for me, duly cancelled. I prefer to sit or work in silence anyway and also have my own cds and the radio and audible.

So what today? no idea but maybe slow and easy and perhaps enjoy the sun while we have it and crockery sorting if I get the oomph to propel me into action

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202005/medium-100389-1-in-the-beginning-1981.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202005/medium-163792-20-and-we-created-2000.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202005/medium-799704-img-2848.jpg

A bitter sweet moment for us yesterday and the end of a chapter in our lives. Our home of 39 years was demolished. We bought a wreck, scrimped and saved and spent many, many hours doing renovations with our limited knowledge and labour but had no mortgage.
We started with the first photo in 1981, in 2000 the renovations and extensions were finished and yesterday it all came crumbling down.

That is a beautiful house Sue H49. Why the heck was it knocked down?

Framilode, it has been demolished so that the land can be developed. The original part of the house was almost 90 years old but it had no charm or character that reflected that age. It had been built, obviously well enough to stand for all those years but it was really no longer structurally sound. To make it so would have taken a lot of time and money. The house stood on almost 2 acres in what has become a residential area - it was rural when we moved there. Before we sold it we got a permit to build 16 town houses. It was a money making exercise for us - our financial security for the rest of our lives. While in an ideal world the house would have remained sadly in this day and age we do not live in an ideal world and had we not sold for development someone else would have done so.

Morning everyone.

Enjoy your crockery sorting craftyone.

I've decided to leave the very heavy sign at the station, it's not worth a hernia or months of pain because I pull something. It's 3 foot by 2 foot, three inches thick, solid cast iron. If I sold it I'd have to have someone to come to the cottage to collect it and the man that bought the bench was a bit odd, and he sent me a Jacqui Lawson card afterwards. I feel relieved now I've made the decision, I was thinking of trying to 'walk' it back here, trying to flip it onto the top of my recycling bin - ridiculous effort just so he can't have it.
I've got lots of cleaning stuff and the big hoover to collect today, hall carpet to go out to the rubbish and porch clean.

I'll leave the Shark and ladder for the last day. I'm going to put the heating on again with this weather forecast, although I'm scared in case the boiler stops working. I think I told you he won't pay for the oil. I think he is going to struggle to afford the bills, let alone do the renovations.

A big, big day SueH49, many hugs, I am glad you have so many happy memories. My grief has frozen mine for the moment. I understand your feelings in a very small way as I'm sure my buyer will be ruining the character of my house. I so regret the money we spent on the expensive things ie granite worktops, I'm sure we'd have got as much pleasure from cheaper alternatives. I wish you luck with your house hunt and do hope you find your forever home soon.

Feel a bit yuk today as the cottage isn't nice with all this stuff everywhere, need to potter today and find sensible places. I have a kitchen aid and the cupboards and window sill are too small, fits nowhere and on the floor.

Enjoy your day

SueH49 Sorry your old home was demolished. But memories of the happy times there will stay with you. Hopefully it won't be to long until you find your new home. When out to the post box this morning first time since lockdown. In that time a house near by has been put up for sale and sold. So round here people are still prepared to move.

The bungalow and garage look lovely with the repointing. Glad I got it done. Put my garden solar lights in the garden yesterday. Looked lovely last night all lit up. Going to go and do some weeding and ready areas for the rest of my plants that are on order.

Craftyone one you aren't sounding your usual self. Are you ok? I know it's hard all the days are running into each other and we have weeks of much the same to come. It's frightening to realise our lives will never be the same again. All the things we have taken for granted won't be the same. I wonder how many businesses will have survived once I can go out shopping again .

Hope you have the sunshine again. Take care everyone.

Shandy57 our posts crossed. Don't bother with the heating. The station is his problem now. As when exchange took place he would have had to take out building insurance on it. Hope you still aren't paying that as it's not your responsibility anymore. Just be careful what you are doing. Can't believe how much you have achieved. Very proud of you. You have come along way from the early days of Mosaciwarts.