Moving in with daughter and son in law

This is such a personal decision AlPam people can only advise or tell you of their own experiences. I wondered about the kitchen as well, that is the one place where things may become fraught if its a shared space.
I agree with BlueBelle I wouldn't want my children to feel they had to act as carers if I became incapacitated. Your family of course may feel prepared for this.
Grannyben's sad story is a salutary one, none of us know what is around the corner.
I would be more inclined to downsize closer to my family than share.

Welcome to Gransnet.
You have had a great mix of opinions here and some good advice. Best of all is the advice to get specialist advice on the legal, financial and tax situations. Sometimes on these boards people give incorrect information, which can mislead.
Things to think about are IHT, gifts with reservation, paying market rent etc.
If you are ever going to need state benefits, or may need care help or go into a home, consider potential deprivation of assets.
Your children Need to take separate advice too.

Do come back and let us know in due course what you decide.

Personally that sort of decision is not one I would consider until I am on my own and much older, in poorer health.

I have already had that suggestion ie that we combine and get a bigger house with an annexe. I said a very kindly `thanks but no thanks` You see it all the time on escape to the country, combining cash to get mum a tiny annexe. I expect that mum also provides the bulk of money

Absolutely no way, it muddies the water too when it comes to future care and also the will and inheritance. Not to discount the loss of freedom, which is also top of my list

I gave my daughter the proceeds of the sale of her grandmother's house to help with her mortgage. Then her husband was unfaithful, she is getting divorced and he is entitled to half of it!

My brother and sister in law, took in her widowed mother when she was only in her 50's, and each time they moved they ensured they could build a nice, separate annexe for her. My SiL found it difficult having her mother so very close, When they had an adjoining door, her mother would just wander into the main house at any time - until my SiL had a large, heavy cupboard moved in front of that.

If I visited my SiL (with whom I got on with very well and often did), if I did not also go to visit her Mum, then she got very upset about it.

Game to a horrific climax when they made their final move, downsized, although to a detached four-bedroom house, no separate annexe, so Mum (now with alzeimers), had to live in with them.

Within a couple of months, my SiL was at the point of total breakdown, with trying to look after her mum - Mums condition had been worsened by the move and she kept asking when she could 'go home'.

Eventually breaking point got past, and they managed to get the Mum into a home. So sad and such a pity.

Thank you so much for all of your replies. Yes we are indeed meeting with our solicitor to discuss the legal implications and we have a zoom call (how great is technology) with a financial advisor tomorrow so hopefully we can get their professional advice and opinion. Apologies but I forgot to mention that the annex does indeed have its own kitchen, own utility room, own lounge, own shower room and own double bedroom; overall it would give us a footprint slightly larger than that of our own ground floor as it tags a double bedroom onto that. My description of a converted garage was perhaps misleading as the annex was converted from a very large double garage (which fitted two large 4x4s with space either side) which was then double extended backwards into the rear garden so its by no means pokey. Fortunateky my D and SIL are lucky enough to have very large gardens to the front, side and rear of their property so we would still have our much loved and lately much needed outside space. During this horrid lockdown we quickly realised just how lucky we are to have a garden, so we would never wish to give up an outside space and luckilly for us our D and SIL's home has a garden we can use as our own- but without all the maintenence work lol. We have stayed over at their home many times but as a lot of people say this is different as this is a permanent move so lots to consider ie hold onto our home for a year or 2 to see how things go, we could rent that out etc. Yes we still like to think we are young but as some have said we would prefer to move whilst we are still fit and active so that we can leave our home on our own terms and not have a move forced upon us down the line. Our Ds home is only 5 miles from our own so we would be moving into the same area with all of our favourite places to visit and our regular weekly clubs etc still on our doorstep. Thank you all for the replies you have given, there's certainly a lot to mull over. Thank you from us both.