Help calm me. House buying and selling stress

Thank you, thank you all for the feedback. I feel quite heartened by it all. Not having someone to bounce ideas off has been quite stressful - don't want to fret the kid, I know my East Sussex sister will suggest tiny flats near her (we moved Mum into a residents home near sister and Mum hated it - direct view of the sea with own balcony but she absolutely hated it).

I am open to all sorts - with the good meds I'm still able to get around OK. I went through a period of falls a few years back which makes me aware I can't be anywhere remote (I put the falls down to me thinking I can move much faster than I obviously could - with that now firmly in my head I'm fine).

Lots of research for my lunch hour. Thanks !!!

My mother had a 3 bedroom house, through lounge/dining, one upstairs bathroom and a kitchen. She moved there by herself when we were all still at home she was widowed, I was the oldest of 7 and I was 20, so 8 of us in that house. The garden at the back was very nice and very good for children. It was only a walk from the shops. The house she moved from was compulsary purchased for demolition

We all got married, one at a time and eventually she was on her own there. She developed bad rheumatoid arthritis and was still able to use upstairs as she had a stairlift and a safety rail down the two steps outside and an electric garage door

She didn`t have a shower but had a bathlift put in. Good easy times in maghull, everything was so handy

She was a good example of why and how an older person can get by in a house rather than a bungalow

yay small world Elusivebutterfly. I saw my mothers road on that link via google and also the rc church at which I got married, there are many train stations, trains going into the centre of liverpool, lime street station, which has mainline trains going all over. A mixed age community in maghull, certainly not a retirement ghetto. Very big range of shops in Liverpool and entertainment. Not so much of a culture shock after London and plenty of very nice parks and green spaces

Craftyone - my grandmother lived in a bungalow in Southport which looked much like that.

Plenty of lovely bungalows are sold for around two hundred grand on the suburbs of Weston super Mare. And, with train line direct to London ,
Do note extra expenses when moving that need to be taken into account. The Agents Fees (plus their VAT), would need to be split between your self and your ex and so should the solicitors fees for the sale of the house. You will be totally responsible for Solicitors fees for any purchase. Do remember to allow for these costs plus removal costs.

Then do also allow yourself around £20,000 to carry out any work and refurnishing after your move no matter how perfect the new home may be.
I will Pm you with some details of the sort of place you could purchase here.

LondonM maghull is very nice, my mother lived there and is cheaper again. Lydiate near maghull is lovely

Look at this one, my mother lived by here
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-84845122.html
2 bedrooms and a lovely garden

oh yes shandy. Perhaps then you can send him an email with the address and what you want him to do and a telephone number for yourself. Maybe that is what you already did

LondonMzFitz that's strange about the valuations. London being what it is today I would have thought extensions and even houses in the garden increase the values all round. If over the back has generated £1million plus, it just shows potential buyers what they can do with a similar plot. That's the way it went in our part of London anyway.
I think there is a poster on this thread who considered Devon and Cornwall, and I think another who chose Somerset. If you're thinking of Devon, the coast is far more expensive than inland.

LondonM, I live in somerset, many areas are fairly isolated, it is relatively expensive now as people are coming here in droves, away from covid cities. In reality from your 250k, you will have < 200k to spend and would not get much in somerset, unless you would be content in an apartment. Some cheaper areas I would not touch with a bargepole

I would look at RM at areas up by whiff, I grew up near there and it is lovely and such good value with super lovely people, great transport and very good health care, thinking about your health and I know how hard your condition is. Bungalows are pricier but there are flats in eg crosby from 70k and 3 bedroom terraced in nice condition for <190k

It is important to be very realistic about what you can actually afford and that will make you sleep easy at night.

If your house does not gather viewers fairly quickly then the development is putting people off and perhaps think about being done and dusted by going to auction

Welcome LondonMzFitz, wishing you the best of luck. I agree with others to declutter ruthlessly - sell, donate and dump whatever you can. Saying that, I'm dithering over how many towels to keep at the moment ..... !

Craftyone I got an automated email, he works alone, so I'll have to wait

shandy tell the receptionist that you want to book him for a full structural survey asap and give the address, they will need the telephone number soon too, to arrange an appointment. She can pencil it in and deal with it. I never spoke to my surveyor until afterwards

Pittcity welcome to the family as well. Didn't mean to miss you out. I found people forget their manners when viewing. And must have thought I couldn't hear what they said. One dismissed my house because there wasn't a breakfast bar for him to eat his breakfast. Some people. You need to develop a thick skin. And don't believe someone is a cash buyer just because they say they are. People are liars . But I hope you have plenty of viewing and find your new home.

Thank you -!- for all the responses and the personal stories, they really do help, honestly.

The house was valued at £600,000 in 2017 but the STBX dragged his feet, and the property that backs onto mine was extended (the owner died and sons inherited) .. and then they built a house within their garden very close to the boundary line with mine. I've spent £3,000+ probably on on specialist advice and solicitors against the planning permission being granted - granted anyway, property built not as the approved plans, being too close and too high; the Council put an enforcement order on it just as lockdown struck, but was deemed by the enforcement people to be allowed in August this year. Very disappointing. And the valuations I've had last month are now £550,000 to £560,000. Incidentally both houses are now for sale, the extended house was rented out for a while but neighbours have seen bailiffs so he's obviously had problems. The extended is a 4 bed up for £570,000, the new build in the garden (!) is a 2 bed up for £499,000. They look ridiculous, on the same plot of land, but it does give the impression of a glut of properties up for sale in the local area.

Paying off the mortgage of £55,000 and then the split of funds, with a good wodge of luck I'll get maybe £250,000. We purchased the house at £132,500 in 1999 with a gift of £20,000 deposit from my parents and my savings.

I've looked at 1 bed houses with direct links to London Bridge (my office is a 5 minute walk from there). I'm really quite anxious about the commute and having to stand for any length of time. And right now property prices are, I think, going to be wildly different to what they may be in 4 years time when I will want to move to a different area, I don't want to find myself with less now ...

Somerset was one of the areas I was considering, cheaper than Devon, less remote than Cornwall (DS intends to remain in London). I'm not really close to either of my sisters, one is in East Sussex = out of my price range, the other is in the process of moving out of London herself, near Aylesbury. Since the split with the STBX I've made friends on Meetup, which has been a lot of fun, but I've no ties really to anywhere! Stick a pin in a map .. And I'd worked out that budget wise it would probably be £11,000 to £12,000 to cover things like council tax, utilities, food etc, so thanks for confirming that. I do drive but I want to ensure that should anything happen in the future I'm not stuck to a twice-a-day bus route.

A Covid plus, since March I've cleared out the massive loft and bedrooms over weekends where I've usually been too exhausted to move after a full week at work.

Your feedback has been great, thank you. All suggestions welcomed.

LondonMzFitz sorry can't help about London area. I moved from the West Midlands to Liverpool area. A year ago in August. Best thing I have done. This thread has been a life line and the help and support has been priceless. I feel I have friends here. Decluttering is a must. The sooner you start the better. As it takes longer than you think. Also it's amazing how freeing it is . If you read back on the various parts of this thread you will see we have all been on a journey which has been very difficult and heart breaking at times. But we are still here.

Franbern the year has flown by. Well remember your moving day.

I sent an email to the EA asking for an update ... she has just replied saying vendor has only just emailed this afternoon with her solicitor's details, so she can now instruct the sale. No sign of it yet.

Can I ask how I organise the survey? My surveyor is off until Monday unfortunately, but he's worth waiting for.

LondonMzFitz glad you found this thread where veveryone pretty much sings from the same hymn sheet, of course with our own individual experiences.
I would say, forget the past and the STBX, and maybe even the job. Head for pastures new, cut your cloth accordingly, and work out if you can get through the next 4 or 5 years. Sometimes quality of life is more important. I've no idea how much your property in NW London is worth, but I would have thought £350k will find you a nice place wherever you chose to be.
I agree with others:
Hall, stairs, landing need to be gleaming in light colours
Cover over cracks
Declutter, Depersonalise
Put by £25k for improvements in new property
Good luck and keep us posted.

LondonMzFitz, Could you relocate to outer SE London on a direct train line to your office? It would be much cheaper than NW London so you could probably buy a flat outright from your portion of the house. You could then look for a part time job.
Will you get a private pension? If so, can you claim that now and/or claim JSA and/or any disability benefits you can get so you can stop working. I am sympathetic as I struggled working to 62 when I got my state pension.
I agree on the decluttering - it is a major task.

Franbern, congratulations on a year in your flat.

oh yes very good tip from franbern, start the clearing and de-cluttering immediately. Make each area a project and I bear in mind that you are still working with a nasty debilitating illness. 3 piles, yes, no, maybe. I put maybe into a shopping trolley for a week or two, then I knew. Clearing was constant, ongoing, a bit every day. It does take a long time but the euphoria afterwards is very uplifting and the load feel lighter, every time some clutter is released

LondonMzFitz - Welcome to this thread. Not sure if you will be able to get all the answers you want from us, but will always have a sympathetic ear to listen to you.

I was in a sort of similar position to yourself. My husband of over 30 years left, back in the 1990's. Our large family house then still had ten thousand pounds (from an original one of £14,500 -purchased in 1976) left on mortgage. He was disabled and got a specialised rented housing association flat - I was left with a house in a dreadful state of repair, and was not in very good health myself.
Will not go into details as two how I managed to get a grant to do urgent work to the house, and eventually to pay off the mortgage. Never had a penny from ex. but his name remained 50/50 on the deeds.

At the age of 61 years old I was able to get employment and started to look for somewhere smaller. Foolishly did not get legal advice, so when I did finally move to a lovely 1930 house in close by (East London/Essex borders), the only way I could get him to sign the papers was to give him half of the new house plus half of the profit from the house being sold. He did so well!!!

He did finally get round to arranging a divorce a few years back. I was always slightly on edge about his 'tenants in common' half ownership of my house, in which he had never lived, only visited twice and I had paid, over the years for a great deal of updating. With just 50% equity there was no way I could stay in London - which was one of the (but not the main) reason I came down to Somerset to a wonderful flat - totally and completely and one hundred per cent in MY name.
That is bye the bye. It is worth while spending sometime getting your existing home viewer friendly. One of the best things I did to mine was having a professional painter come in to do the hallway and landing - just lovely bright white. First appearance as front door was opened was bright and clean . Small settlement cracks are to be expected in properties 80/90 years old. If there is anything more, then it would be money well spent to get them sorted and painted. It is still said that kitchens and bathrooms help to sell houses. Are yours up to date? or at least bright and clean? and do de-clutter kitchen work tops. I did not have a new kitchen at that house, had 'tweeked' it considerably when I first moved in, so there was still the good quality, but dark wooden cupboard doors. Few years back I had these all taken off and spray painted white. Much, much cheaper than replacing those doors, and the effect was so very good.
Not saying your home should look like a show palace for viewers, it needs to retain the atmosphere of a home, but try to look at each area and room with a new eye, and make them look as roomy and bright as possible.
Wherever you go, you are planning to downsize, so will need to start the on-going task of de-cluttering. Keep a box ready for local Charity Shop continually on the go.
Only you can make the decision as to WHERE to go to live and when is a good time to take retirement. You can get a lot more flat or bungalow by moving away from London than within it. But you need to take into account whether or not you drive, your current friends and relatives, how good you are at making new friends in a new area.
I would say, that I had never lived outside of London and was 78 years of age when I came down here a year ago. Nobody ever thought I would be anything else other than a Londoner - but it has been highly successful.
I would not, however, try to play down to you the stress involved in house selling/purchase. If you have the time to dip into and read this thread right from when Craftyone started it 18 months ago, you will have a good idea of all the problems that can arise - and be sorted.
GOOD LUCK

wrt your illness and work. I would aim to give work up as soon as your house sells

welcome London mz, I have no experience of London but have been good with managing money and my future

You are 62, have 4 years to work and live in a part-owned house in London. London houses appear to me to have accumulated a great deal of equity. I should think that if I were you, I would continue with the selling with a view to getting a small easy to run property, bearing in mind your illness and a bungalow sounds like the ideal property for you. You can buy a very nice bungalow with garden for £200-300k in various nice parts of the country but not really the touristy areas. That should enable you to live on the equity for at least the 4 years to retirement

You will be like most of us, looking to our futures and having access to shops, buses etc. For the house move after sale you would need an extra 20k on top of purchase expenses and then you could potentially factor in the living costs, maybe 12k a year for each of 4 years

You need to do some number work and try not be fearful about upping sticks, have an open mind

Gosh this is a very busy thread! May I dip my toe in these waters too please?

Purchased my current home in 1999, it's a 1930's build 3 bed semi in a very quiet bit of NW London. It's about to go on the market as the soon-to-be-ex husband (STBX) decided to skip out almost 9 years ago after another woman (we were 27 years together, 23 years married - and the other woman was, it turned out, only flirting, horror stricken at STBX thinking it was serious - oh, and YES, still not divorced, I said if he wants it, he sorts it).

I've lived in this house with our son since, although DS moved out in 2017; my constant requests to the STBX to get bum in gear and sort out divorce/selling have been ignored, I've been running a pretty expensive 3 bed house on my single income (he's paid half the mortgage) and half the debts he ran up without my knowledge (what a gem, eh?). He's now met another woman and is living with her and her teenagers (off the record as her ex would stop paying for the house etc) .... Muddy waters ... well rid.

And back to - I'm getting the house ready for sale, can see a few problems in movement with some minor cracks here and there. I insisted on the full survey when we bought but 22 years on, this is where we are.

My dilemma. I'm 62 in a few months, working full time in SE London (currently working from home). With the house sale, paying off the mortgage and the division of property funds, I won't have enough to remain in the area. I earn a fair salary, not good, not great, but OK. And, of course, I'm a WASPI woman, no state pension until I'm 66. And I have psoriatic arthritis, currently on red book medication and inject myself weekly so I don't seize up like the tin man.

Do I buy somewhere teeny on a good rail route to my office which is going to involve pretty costly train fares and a longer commute (living in London I get free Oyster travel although with Covid that's only after 9.30 now).
Do I rent somewhere near "home" which will be ultimately the most costly option, but will allow me to have an easy commute, with the hope of buying somewhere in maybe 2-3 years.
Do I give work up and buy somewhere cheap and live on what I can save on house purchase?

All options mean I won't be able to save anything towards retirement. My boss is pretty impatient about getting staff back to the office, my meds mean I've been on the NHS Shielding list; I went back 2 days a week in August and September until Boris (who he voted for) said if you can work from home you should ....

My ultimate dream is to have somewhere small in a friendly area - town over village thinking long term with transportation. I long for a dog (STBX "gave" our family dog to his GF earlier this year when he "didn't" move in with her).

And so, I present my quandary. Have I missed any options? I honestly can't think I'd be saving anything by continuing to work for the next 4 years with train travel. Boss is not happy with the working from home (many calls late in the afternoon to check colleagues are still working, video chats at all times, etc - really disappointing, I've worked there 11 years). Which, I guess, is another factor, being treated as a lightweight when I take my job very seriously.

I haven't approached the boss yet about the above, until I know what sort of offers come in on the house it's hard to make firm plans. A pay rise would help but I know "times of Covid" will come into play.

Gosh, long post! sorry, but I don't feel I can unload on family who would worry on my behalf. Friends are probably too close to see the issue clearly without the baggage of how I've been ill-treated by the STBX (my parents gave me a lump of money to buy this house and it hurts that STBX takes that to the new woman and her kids, money left to me by my Mum gone on the house, etc).

The split isn't 50/50, a small % has been tipped my way because of health issues.

Throw some thoughts my way, if you can. I'd be grateful. I'm sick of worrying, frankly - and the house might not even get any offers ..

yes shandy, at this stage you have to start to be a nuisance. EA should be helping this to move onto contract details

That link didn`t show the correct area so I had it deleted

Gosh the year has gone by so quickly Franbern, you are very well settled and happy, good to see that your decision was right for you and happy home anniversary from me too

Ellusivebutterfly , yes old covenants can be a minefield, hence the services of a good solicitor and surveyor, to establish boundaries on ground and below ground. In a way new build is much easier and often a surveyor is not needed but new builds mostly come with covenants too and a small management cost as most have eg communal parking and green space

If I had the money and expertise, I would build my own house on my own site, one with established planning permission. That house in that village went up x 6 in value over the 30 years. It sold when house prices had started to slump 2006 and we had a buyer waiting for her mums probate. It took 6 months of patient waiting, then we went to rented for 2 months and onward to a new build town house in 50 acres of woodland. We still had enough cash left to save for the future and by golly how useful that has been

That town house sold for a big loss, it was the housing recession, then we bought the eco house, a lovely detached house in a lovely very small village. That house made no money but looking back over the 10 years, we lived there free,no rent. I didn`t break even because I had paid a lot for a singing and dancing kitchen, booked when my husband was alive. In hind sight I should not have had the kitchen but c`est la vie. Without the kitchen I would have broken even

That makes me rather determined not to upgrade anything here in the future. If dd in wiltshire moves then I would go too, depends how far.