Downsizing. Have to but don’t want to

The problem is that there is little on the market to suit older people. In fact, there is little on the market at all except new builds and much as I like children in small doses most in our road have grown up and moved away. New builds would probably be bought by young families.
Some may not necessarily want a bungalow but many do and it's very rare that any are built now.
A friend moved from a 4 bedroom house to a small bungalow and warned "don't downsize too much if you want your own space. You can't get away from each other". (She did love her DH but I know what she meant.)

If I were in hour situation I would get in touch with local estate agents to assess the house, talk about the state of the local market, and discuss the sort of property you may be interested in. These are the people who know what’s going on and may have purchasers on their books waiting for the right house. You are not committing to anything by doing this - just testing the water. Judging by the size of your house it’s going to be quite a job down-sizing and could take longer than you think.

You may have to be “sensible” and a little ruthless in de-junking, can anyone help you with this? We did this recently, one room at a time, and him indoors made nearly 1K on ebay sales, my junk was someone else's treasure. The local hospice furniture shop did very well as did a local charity helping those on low incomes.

Buying and selling property can be difficult today, and you will need all your strength and wits, do it before you’ve run out of steam, or one of you has real health issues.

There comes a time for all of us to let go - and let someone else build up wonderful memories in a happy family home.

Perhaps you could make a memory book of the house with photographs of the rooms and garden and of items you have loved but which need to go. You could write your personal history of your time there.

A friend and her husband did this a couple of years ago and decided on a bungalow where (if and when one falls off the perch) the other will be happy to stay in.

Good luck with it all. How special to have had a home you have loved.

move before you have to, and while you can.do we own a house or does it own us?
change is scary for everyone,I'm in a situation of where to move to,it's so easy to paralyse myself by over analysis.Your world becomes smaller as you age, i think houses to,but then we are all different.

My parents downsized from a five bedroomed house to a three bedroomed bungalow, which they had altered to their specifications. It is the best thing they ever did, especially as my dad unexpectedly became very poorly and died only a couple of years after they moved in. It is much more manageable for my mother and security of mind for her. It is a lovely bungalow too.

I too sat down and cried when DH first mooted moving, but now six years later, I am so glad we did it.

The longer you leave it, the harder it will become and you may, as my father did, leave it too long and not be able to face it at all.

Try to find out where you would like to move to, and what kind of house you would like and can afford.

Points to remember:
Near shops and on a bus route - the day will come when you either cannot or should not drive.

Doors wide enough and a bathroom accessible if you should need to use a walker frame indoors or a wheel-chair later on.

Stairs wide enough for a stair lift if that should become necessary.

The really hard part is looking round your home and deciding which pieces of furniture you can bear to part with and which you can't.

Don't pay a removal firm for carting things like fridge, freezer and washing-machine. Buy new one that use as little electricity as possible once you are in your new home.

Keep things that have sentimental or monetary value, but get rid of all the knick-knacks you never really see any more.

We finished up throwing 10 years' worth of income tax returns that were at least 30 years old when my father died!
I have made sure no-one will be faced with that task here.

lilypops absolutely well done, that first important step to letting go

re smaller and fewer rooms. You do get used to it, perhaps think about using a bedroom as your escape haven

It’s an adventure and new chapter

My inlaws often say ‘we should have done it years ago’ after having to be eased out of their huge, draughty house. They love their new home with new neighbours and easy access to village amenities.

A heartfelt thanks to all who responded to my dilemma of downsizing but not really wanting to, over the weekend we looked online at a house in exactly the area we wanted ,but oh the rooms are so small, and with only one reception room we wonder if we can manage this. Because if there is a programme on tv ie football , I can go in another room. ,but it’s not impossible , I know , I can put a tv maybe in one of the bedrooms , However, it has made us start looking seriously , I even started a declutter yesterday , while DH watched football most of the day !! Once again Thankyou all for your input, much appreciated.

In your shoes (you sound like money won’t be an issue with such a large house) I would absolutely be looking at something like this. I have visited a friend in a similar place and it was amazing. www.richmond-villages.com/retirement-villages/witney/

Can't really relate to this as I've never attached to a house. Perhaps because I moved so many times as a child.
However, we retired to the coast 2 years ago and are very happy here. Glad we bought a small 3 bed house though, as we have someone from our huge extended family visiting and staying at least once a month even in winter. Actually, the 100 mile journey is only 2 hours so not too far away. See more of family now that we ever did before.
I'd say downsize now while you are still reasonably fit. With utility bills set to rise dramatically you won't regret it. Home is the inside not the building

We moved from a 4 bed house to a 2 bed bungalow. The move left us with enough money to get it to our liking and some left over. At the time we were only 64 and both fairly fit, 10 years on, my husband's mobility problems from a ruptured disc some 15 years ago and a broken ankle, are now quite bad. We are so thankful that we don't have stairs and everything is easy to manage. We made sure we had a doctor in walking distance, the shops are also in walking distance, there is a bus stop nearby and a bus, if we can't drive, that goes to the hospital. I admit we had only been in our house for 23 years but we were happy there and I can honestly say we are just as happy where we are now.

We are 75 and 80 and upsized 2 years ago. We don't plan to downsize but make our house usable as we get older.

A move is expensive. Only worth doing when you are happy with your choice. There is no choice at the moment, so I would wait perhaps another year? Maybe selling some furniture and decluttering in the
meantime.

So much good advice!
I am repeating what others have said:
Be glad that you are sad!
Glad that you have had a wonderful home with all it memories - glad that you are leaving whilst still able to love your home.
Leave whilst you have a choice.
I have some elderly relatives who don't agree with that - they want the choice taken from them when the time comes. It's a point of view, but not one I agree with!

The only option that has been mentioned is some sort of conversion that leaves you a manageable flat within the property. You could consider financing it from the sale or rent of the other space. but you need specialist advice on that.

Good luck!

I understand how you are feeling Lilypops.
I downsized last year from a 5 bedroomed detached house where I had lived for 30 years to a flat in a lovely area. I am 72 and did everything myself. My daughter lives with me but she is ill and was not able to physically help although she was a great support with decision making.
It took me a year to clear the house of possessions. Who needs 3 dinner services and a cupboard full of linen? I got rid of hundreds of books I never looked at and at least half of my clothes. I also did some basic decorating to improve the look of the house.
It then took another year before I sold the house and found my flat. The pandemic held up completion but we finally moved. I am enjoying the freedom of not having to look after a large house and garden and I feel my future is more secure.

My advice would be to get it done while you are still quite fit as it was physically and emotionally draining. Good luck!

It would be a good idea to downsize whilst you are both fit. We have a widowed friend who has stayed on too long in her house and will eventually have to realise capital from the house to pay the bills. Plus she does not have the downstairs facilites she is starting to need, and she cannot manage her large garden on a slope. Don't let this happen to you.

I am not downsizing as husband is determined to die here. However I have a dclutterer come once a month, so that my files, papers, and possessions are all in order should I have to move.

There are quite a few decluterers who specialise in down sizing. So why don't you search the internet for local ones and then interview them. Find one you like and have her for 3 hours once a month. You will get peace of mind and at some point you will know that you are ready to leave.

This is their professional association. Just about to have a conference in Manchester in May. You might like to spend as day with them

www.apdo.co.uk/about-apdo/

It is something on my mind a lot. While we are 'only' 68 and 64 we live rurally - 7 miles to anywhere, so have to drive, (no public transport), and that is a large part of our long term plan to downsize/move to a small nearby town, Nobody knows when they will suddenly be able to drive.

I dread it too, especially having to part with so many of my 'treasures' from all over the world, but giving up the huge house and garden space we have now, and with no neighbours.

Much though it might be a few years yet for us, we have many friend's whose parents left it too late to move, i.e. they became too frail and a crisis arose. That really made the whole process far more problematic/devastating to the older folk.

Good advice: if in doubt do now't !! For now anyway. find way to stay put - moving takes 18 months I found - packing, unpacking, decorating, making a silk purse out of a sow's ear etc. We none of us know what's coming up next in ur lives but you WILL know who the time is right for you to move. Maybe it's now ? Maybe it's not ??

I'm sure it will be a wrench. I can't imagine leaving my home and we don't have the long history having only been here 25 uears, but its where we came after we got married and brought our son up...
But if one of you is left alone, moving is going to be even harder.

I'd probably start doingnthe decluttering/un- furnishing of the rooms you no longer use and once you have a half empty house then maybe you will see that you don't need it.

You need to move. Do it while you still have control and choices. You have to cope with the 'history' side of it - everyone is different and only you know what you will do. It will be easier when you have found a good place, so you are not so much moving from but to. Make lists, look at properties - have fun visiting areas you don't know.

My mum wanted to stay in her home, which was council owned, and she refused even the smallest adjustments to make her life easier.

It made the end of her life so hard, for everyone.

It's just bricks and mortar. You'll always have your memories. Your health is more valuable. Let it become the home for another family.

We downsized this time last year.
We’d been in our property for around 35 years.
The house wasn’t too big really but it had a half acre garden which was becoming a chore rather than a pleasure.
Our new home is almost perfect (could do with another bathroom)
I will always think of our last home as home.
It was sensible to move,but neither of our hearts were in it. With bills going up and my husbands increasingly poor heath it was the right decision.Is your head dominant or your heart?
Is the place in good repair now? Will it last another 10 years without a lot of work?
Can you heat just the rooms you use? If yes, then stay put would be my advice.

Dear Lilypops… don’t cry! Your house is just all your wonderful memories!!! You will always have those. I had the same dilemma a few years ago but under pressure from the family we bit the bullet and DID IT!!! A little at a time. We asked the kids what the wanted and then told them to take it! Our grandchildren are now old enough to tell me the things they love, so that’s a bit more sorted… I took a bag of excess household stuff, bed linen, curtains, cooking utensils etc to the charity shop every time I left the house… sometimes two bags ? and finally we were left with furniture. When we decided where we were moving our furniture didn’t fit and what did fit, didn’t suit!! ? So a local Hospice charity came and collected it. What they can’t take you can donate to the Council who care for homeless and those others (all too many) who are in need. I reckoned we’d had 40+ years use, so it was time to move on ?
I have never felt so liberated. Very favourite arm chairs we kept and bought a few simple pieces for our new home. It was fun planning and enjoying the result ❤️❤️❤️ DO IT NOW… otherwise age will be against you and you won’t have the energy.
I promise you won’t regret it ?
PS I’m in a modern characterful house, well insulated, cosy, cheap to run, solar panels, smallish manageable garden! I’m in heaven….