Downsizing. Have to but don’t want to

karmalady

lilypops, there are some superb answers on this thread. Main is to get started, don`t wait until you are older. I did it by myself at age 72, a whole house, not as big as yours but I did it. It was not easy but I know I still have energy at age 74 and could do it again and so could you. It was incredibly worth it, I got rid of so much stuff, knowing I have helped a lot of people is very satisfying

My reward was to be safe and snug in a new build with 4 bedrooms, albeit 3 are small and one of those is now my sewing room. New builds are extremely well insulated and have downstairs cloakrooms. Very easy for me to clean and manage

Someone mentioned doing one room at a time, I would second that, otherwise it really could be overwhelming and you could end up staying put in a house that becomes decrepid and no longer enjoyable

Where I live, I did see a company that offers help to people trying to downsize, what a godsend that would have been

Karmalady. Yes there is some excellent advice on here as always and I am grateful to everyone who has contributed
We will start to look around and hope there is something out there that fits every criteria,
I am sure that when we find our perfect house we will both just know that this is it ,and feel happy.
Thankyou everyone for advice. Much appreciated x

Caleo

Two priorities:

1. Can you afford the extra expenses of an old house e.g. roofing, pointing, windows, building regulations?

2. You will definitely need a ground floor bathroom preferably wet room as you both become less mobile. Is there one or can you afford to make one by an extension or by moving stud walls?

Caleo. A downstairs toilet is on our priority list , where we are now there is no where to build one. We have gone in to this thoroughly, We won’t be able to afford any major repairs to this house. We really need a newish build, with smaller rooms to carpet if needed. To heat, and to keep heated and clean

lilypops, there are some superb answers on this thread. Main is to get started, don`t wait until you are older. I did it by myself at age 72, a whole house, not as big as yours but I did it. It was not easy but I know I still have energy at age 74 and could do it again and so could you. It was incredibly worth it, I got rid of so much stuff, knowing I have helped a lot of people is very satisfying

My reward was to be safe and snug in a new build with 4 bedrooms, albeit 3 are small and one of those is now my sewing room. New builds are extremely well insulated and have downstairs cloakrooms. Very easy for me to clean and manage

Someone mentioned doing one room at a time, I would second that, otherwise it really could be overwhelming and you could end up staying put in a house that becomes decrepid and no longer enjoyable

Where I live, I did see a company that offers help to people trying to downsize, what a godsend that would have been

I would add that infirmities creep up on us more quickly than we expect as we age. One minute we think we’re pretty fit, next it’s a different story. I would say definitely do it before you have to do it, when it will be much more difficult physically and emotionally.

Two priorities:

1. Can you afford the extra expenses of an old house e.g. roofing, pointing, windows, building regulations?

2. You will definitely need a ground floor bathroom preferably wet room as you both become less mobile. Is there one or can you afford to make one by an extension or by moving stud walls?

foxie48

We sold our house last year but couldn't find anywhere suitable to move to, so we stayed. I am so relieved as I didn't really want to downsize. If you don't have a financial need to move, then I'd take the pressure off yourself to make a decision, especially as your husband doesn't want to move. Think the unthinkable. We had a good heart to heart about what each of us would do if the other died suddenly or had severe mobility problems. We talked to our daughter, we thought about what needed to be done to our current house to make it easier to run and look after. We realised that actually there wasn't a need to sell up and that if and when the time came we would almost certainly be looking to move to something smaller than we were considering.
It costs a lot of money to move and actually if we considered stamp duty, agents fees etc + the increased value of our current house, it didn't make financial sense either. We will move one day but not now.

Foxie48. Sound advice from someone who nearly moved but am sure you are so relieved you stayed. , we are not infirm , far from it but admit to feeling at times a bit overwhelmed by the thought of moving , , along with our aches and pains that we get , my worry has always been we won’t be able to adapt to moving as we get older, but, maybe we will just know the time has come to do it , then it won’t be too sad or difficult to go.

Hi Green lady. Thankyou for your input, I appreciate what you are getting at, but unless you can imagine the strong feelings this house holds, it’s very hard to get a grip. , we moved in as newly weds in 1968 , so many memories are here and I really really wish I could just walk away with no sentimental feelings , but I know we must , I can’t not feel sad about it and DH feels the same. What are we like !!!

Sago. I don’t think we would ever convert to two flats. I know it would give us an income but we think of the noise , the intrusion as it would have to be entry by the same front door,
I would love a fairly new build , there are some new ones nearby but usually too expensive , but we keep an eye on the market just in case !

We sold our house last year but couldn't find anywhere suitable to move to, so we stayed. I am so relieved as I didn't really want to downsize. If you don't have a financial need to move, then I'd take the pressure off yourself to make a decision, especially as your husband doesn't want to move. Think the unthinkable. We had a good heart to heart about what each of us would do if the other died suddenly or had severe mobility problems. We talked to our daughter, we thought about what needed to be done to our current house to make it easier to run and look after. We realised that actually there wasn't a need to sell up and that if and when the time came we would almost certainly be looking to move to something smaller than we were considering.
It costs a lot of money to move and actually if we considered stamp duty, agents fees etc + the increased value of our current house, it didn't make financial sense either. We will move one day but not now.

Lilypops

If must be a huge wrench for you.

We live in a large Victorian house it’s over 3 floors, there is just the two of us, though we are 58 and 65.

The problem is the maintenance of these houses, it really is like painting the Severn bridge!
It’s very sad to see houses in our Avenue falling into a state of disrepair as the residents get older.

Think what a joy it would be to have a smaller possibly newer property without all the maintenance issues.

Good removal firms will help pack and take a lot of the strain of moving.

If you were to convert your property then consider the noise issues, I don’t think it would feel like home anymore.

Make a list, perhaps, of things a new home must have, and think of things which would be more convenient now.
Then you could look online at places and narrow them down.
Then you could make a list of things you must take, and things which might be able to go.
Then you are still in charge.

You can leave the list making anytime it gets too much, and try again another time.

We had watched both sets of parents put off moving and struggle with houses that they really couldn't manage. It was difficult for everyone - them and the rest of the family trying to help/ keep tabs on repairs/ keep the gardens under control.
Consequently we decided to move when we retired. We didn't so much downsize as 'flatten out' as our new bungalow has a similar footprint to our house but no stairs instead of three flights! We were so lucky that this bungalow came onto the market at just the right time.

In preparation for the move we spent a lot of time sorting through our belongings before we even began house-hunting and consequently felt that we had said our goodbyes by the time to hand the keys over finally came. We like to think of our beloved family house being enjoyed by a family rather than rattled around in by two dry old sticks.

As others have said you will know when the time is right for you.

I used to work in the community helping people who had had strokes, and other life changing disabilities, to manage at home. Sometimes it wasn't going to be possible in the long term....not difficult, impossible, and although I never showed it, it used to make me crazy how people couldn't possible move "because of the memories" Its bricks and mortar folks, you will always have the memories. Honestly one woman wanted her husband in a wheelchair to sleep and mostly live in the garden shed rather than leave the house she was born in.

I like my house and love my garden (been here 30 plus years) but if I could I would be out of here like a shot because of the practical problems its giving me.

As I understand it, in many places, you can't view houses for sale unless your own home is at least on the market or you are a cash buyer.

My advice to you would be to decide on what you do or don't want in your next home and take a look around online to see what is available and what it would cost. That alone may make the decision for you one way or another. I wouldn't be worried about the being left alone on account of age thing. No one can see the future, I was left alone aged 58 when my husband died from a brief illness (cancer). If its heating, then can you shut off some rooms? You could do a repairs/maintenance list and set it against any savings you have to get a more realistic feel for that...and what do you mean by "manage" ? Look on it as afun "what if" exercise rather than some huge terrifying event.

crying won't help you or anybody and you don't have to make any kind of decision right up until you make an offer on a new house....all the rest is fact gathering. Honestly I mean this kindly but get a grip. You seem to be making yourself miserable for no good reason.

I downsized as I felt I must. Is it part of the human condition that we often think of 'what might have been' or is it just me? I'm in a small new-build with two bedrooms, I 'lost' a garage, kitchen/diner and conservatory with this move.

I still hanker after what I once had, especially the bigger kitchen but I remind myself that it's warmer and easier to look after. Swings and roundabouts, as they say.

My granny used to say ‘ If in doubt...do nowt’. I’m rather inclined to think you should stay as you are for now. You’re happy, and a move may change all of that.

Is there any way you could heat just the rooms you use, to the temperature you need, and then keep the rest of the house ticking over, so as to keep damp at bay etc? Maybe you could get advice on this. I did have a friend once who did something similar, but the heating was just off in the other rooms. We were told this is no good, because the heated areas get drained to the non heated areas.

I think you’ll know when it’s really time. Your happiness together counts for so much.

View the viewings(?) As browsing. Not buying. If you unexpectedly found your hearts desire then so be it.
But the purpose of viewing g is to adjust your mindset to what is out there and to take small steps to help with the emotional wrench.

Are you worried about inheritance? If not maybe raise a lifetime mortgage and get the house into good shape for the next twenty years?

We have viewed a few houses over the years, but nothing came near to what we liked ,and those we liked we couldn’t afford , so it just got shelved for another day , but now it’s more realistic to look seriously and make up our minds ,but oh so hard to do ,

Peasblossom

It’s a worry. I just asked because I have known people who moved because of the future and then made themselves very very unhappy in the present, to the point of being ill.

A sense of place is very important to some people. Just like plants they can’t be uprooted and thrive.

I loved my little house that I moved to but the time was right for me.

Would you stay in the same area?

Peasblossom , yes. We would try to stay in the same area , we love it where we are, near the train station , bus stops , Doctors surgery. Parks. All within a 5 minutes walk , also DH gave up driving two years ago so I do all the driving , he would still want to have all these amenities within walking distance also near to a couple of pals he meets once a week for a walk and a chat, and I wouldn’t want to deprive him of these ,

It’s a worry. I just asked because I have known people who moved because of the future and then made themselves very very unhappy in the present, to the point of being ill.

A sense of place is very important to some people. Just like plants they can’t be uprooted and thrive.

I loved my little house that I moved to but the time was right for me.

Would you stay in the same area?

I wonder if you could think about this in stages?
Maybe start by going on a few viewings every couple of weeks or so?
Then, could you rearrange the accommodation to allow you to use just 2 floors?
This could give you opportunity to de clutter those rooms slowly, and stop heating the 3rd floor.
All of this would be a help when you come to move anyway.
I wonder if its harder thinking about it than doing it? Emotionally I mean.

I've talked about this to assorted people over a number of years. The majority opinion is downsize around retirement age.
Good luck lilypops

I know how hard this is moving out of a family home as I kept hesitating----as it was running away with my money ( savings )
Again, it was a 3 storey Victorian villa on the sea-front and had been the family home since 1943.

I won't pretend that still after 20 years I think about the place with both happiness and sadness, but it would have been impossible to keep up its Grade II status as maintenance was high. This was after H had died and I had to bite the bullet. I actually managed another 7 years before the finances hit rock bottom.

I do have a large framed art print of the house as a keepsake and of course one or two items of furniture, space allowed in my now one-bedroom flat.
As you get older, the bother of moving would really get to you and you'd find yourself staying put, unless you brace yourself for the more sensible option of downsizing.

There's no way I could have kept going as I was, both healthwise and financially---added worries and we don't need that as we age. Think long and hard but I so understand how you feel.

Peasblossom

Is it possible to divide it into a couple of flats?

Or honestly, if you can manage now just stay and move when you really have to not because you think you might have to somewhere in the future.

When it really becomes a necessity you could feel differently. I knew it was time to give up the family home when it felt like a millstone round my neck and I did it then without regret.

Peas blossom. Yes , we have said in the past , Why not wait till we have to move, then we will knows it is the right time, but my worry is will we be able to do this, although we are fairly fit, we both do have the inevitable joint aches and pains , will leaving it be to late, will we be able to , I know from friends how stressful it all can be,
I do thank all you lovely Grans who have replied to my post this morning. It helps to see another point of view.

It's an awful thought, isn't it.

Can you stay put and get a gardener and a cleaner - maybe take a lifetime mortgage to pay for it.