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"Popping in" on someone without notice.

(185 Posts)
biglouis Wed 09-Mar-22 12:22:47

Interesting thread over on MN about "popping in" on someone without calling/texting first. About a 50/50 split.

I run a business from home so popping in on me is a complete NO NO, no matter how well you know me. My time is money and I have a list of tasks to accomplish most days. So I dont have time to sit around and chat with you, wait on you with tea or coffee unless you are coming for business.

My ring doorbell allows me to filter unexpected callers and there are distinct advantages to being a non driver - so no car to suggest Im in.

In the "olden days" when I was a kid (1940s/50s) not only were there no mobile phones but many people did not have a phone of any kind. Sunday was the day for "visiting" so you might either go to see friends and family or expect them around. Appointments were made in advance or by post.

How do you feel about people who "pop in" - do you welcome them or hate it?

LovelyLady Thu 10-Mar-22 22:11:51

Black sheep 46 - beautiful said. I just don’t mind the ‘popiners’

LovelyLady Thu 10-Mar-22 22:09:19

It’s a pleasure to see friends pop in unexpectedly. All are welcome. In SE., its odd that you can be invited for tea - and that’s what you get, a cup of tea. How rude.
In our home you would get a snack (sandwich and cake at least) more likely soup or dinner. Can’t figure out why in our area, some are so very mean with their time and food. Big chandeliers and no manners.

BlackSheep46 Thu 10-Mar-22 22:08:36

What a lot of grumblers !! Yes, I prefer poppers in to text just to be sure I'm here. If I'm working, I'm working but I still try to make time to stop for cuppa with them. Yes, I have to make up for lost time later but aren't people the most important elements in our lives ? I thought Covid lockdowns and isolation had taught us that. Open your house and open your heart - it will show in your face!! Or do you want a face like a squeezed old lemon??

Hithere Thu 10-Mar-22 20:12:36

Some people think that having to coordinate and arrange visits is arrogant and rude

To each their own

AreWeThereYet Thu 10-Mar-22 18:53:24

...to call on anyone unannounced is totally arrogant...

You may think so. Not everybody thinks so. Nor does everybody think it's rude. Some of us like the fact that we don't need to make appointments to see family and friends. I don't care if the house is a mess, or I am a mess. Sometimes that's the way it is. My friends know that. Sometimes they are a mess too. Big deal. Of course it's very different for those WFH.

Callistemon21 Thu 10-Mar-22 17:58:37

Bijou I dont think I live near you but I do know that in some areas there are Befriending Services.
I know there is one in our area run by a lovely, kind woman but Age UK run some too..

www.ageuk.org.uk/services/befriending-services

Callistemon21 Thu 10-Mar-22 17:54:32

No, it's not arrogant.

It might be that they are the kind of people who would love to have unexpected visitors.

Bijou flowers
Do you have any kind neighbours who could pop in for a brew ?

GoldenAge Thu 10-Mar-22 17:43:46

Personally I think that to call on anyone unannounced is totally arrogant as it completely robs the unsuspecting person of their freedom to say "go away - I'm in the middle of baking, I've got a list of phone calls to make, I'm listening to a play on the radio, I'm too tired today to even get dressed, I've not washed the pots and the sink's full, I just want to be alone". I wouldn't dream of popping in to see anyone without arranging it in advance.

nadateturbe Thu 10-Mar-22 17:13:48

Bijou that's awful. flowers
Perhaps someone on GN lives close.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 10-Mar-22 16:41:35

Bijou

I wish people would pop in to see me. I am housebound and the only person I ever see is my help. Life gets very tedious.

I’m so sorry Bijou. Sending you a big hug and some ?.

Grandmagrewit Thu 10-Mar-22 16:32:44

Over 30 years ago, I found myself a single parent and without any parental support myself, but I was lucky to have several very kind friends and neighbours who helped me through a variety of crises over 5 years. One day, however, I was laid low with a bad case of ‘flu and was trying to look after a 5 year old who didn’t want to go to bed even though I was desperate to be there myself. After the usual battle of wills, I was sitting at the kitchen table, feeling very sorry for myself when the doorbell rang. One of my neighbours stood at the door with a Tupperware container – “It’s home-made lentil soup”, she said, “thought you might like some”. I know, without any doubt, that had she phoned me beforehand, I would have discouraged her from coming in order to try and hide my low mood. But I'm so glad she just appeared and, to this day, I have never forgotten her kind consideration (or the delicious soup!) So I'm always very happy to see anyone who makes the effort to call on me. Friendships are very precious and if you don't look after them, they will fade away.

Bijou Thu 10-Mar-22 16:24:09

I wish people would pop in to see me. I am housebound and the only person I ever see is my help. Life gets very tedious.

MerylStreep Thu 10-Mar-22 16:05:17

My Mother in law was so hospitable that she would leave the back door open in case any of her sons friends were locked out from their own homes.
She would sometimes come downstairs in the morning to one of them sleeping on the sofa.

Mamma66 Thu 10-Mar-22 16:00:05

I don’t mind family or close friends popping in unannounced, it happens all the time, but I am not so keen when acquaintances call round. I don’t know why it makes a difference, but it does.

Also, I like my boss and we have a good working relationship, but they have a tendency to call around unannounced - I hate it. They have been known to call around when I am off sick. I absolutely know that it is well intended and out of concern, but answering the door in my PJs and looking and feeling like death is not my idea of fun. If I am off sick I always feel like I must answer in case they think I am pulling a sickie. Having said that, the last time my boss called around uninvited when I was unwell, my GP called me (whilst the boss was there) and told me to go to hospital immediately and I was admitted for a week. I think the boss may have learned their lesson that day.

Diane7 Thu 10-Mar-22 15:57:27

Not really a problem with friends popping in but one person in particular tends to outstay their welcome! In the past when I had another friend who stayed on the phone to me for ages, I would signal my daughter to press our doorbell.

Nanniejude Thu 10-Mar-22 15:41:23

Quick text first!

Treetops05 Thu 10-Mar-22 15:35:36

Just remembered, my Gran always left her side door open, and if she wanted company would wash the floor. She swore some one would visit if the floor was wet.

On the other side of the family, we had an aunt and uncle who would phone at 1.30 to say they'd becoming for tea at 2.15. Mum used Sunday to wash for 6, cook a roast and pudding for 6, dry, iron laundry and make a tea. We all had to dash round, tidying up and making cakes, biscuits etc...and they stayed for hours. Their excuse, well we've driven 25 miles, we were very hard up, but at least twice z month from Spring to Autumn e had to feed 3/4 extra bodies sad

Treetops05 Thu 10-Mar-22 15:15:32

We don't have any 'friend' who lives close enough to just pop in...

Barmeyoldbat Thu 10-Mar-22 14:56:11

Well I love it, you can all pop in any time and drinks will be made

LibbyR Thu 10-Mar-22 14:53:19

Hate ‘dropper inners’ and would never just drop in on anyone unannounced.

annifrance Thu 10-Mar-22 14:49:07

I don't mind certain people calling in here, doesn't happen that much as we are so in the sticks. I prefer a phone call or email and usually do the same. I only call in with very few people who I know well.

I didn't welcome anyone in lockdown. One idiot local who was a covid denier and vaccine refuser called in a few times, he only ever did it when he wanted something. Stopped after getting the rough edge of my tongue which would apply covid or not!

When I lived in the UK I worked from home in a very sociable village. I was forced to put a notice on the door stating who could knock in working hours unless it's an emergency. Otherwise telephone.

The postman once asked my line manager why she was special!!

Kartush Thu 10-Mar-22 14:47:41

The problem with quick texts asking if someone can pop in is I don’t have my phone attached to my hip 24/7 so it could be hours before I decide to check it and I also don’t race to answer the phone if I am in another room. People who know me understand this and they know they are welcome to call by and see if we are home.

Chardy Thu 10-Mar-22 14:36:54

DD lives a 5 minute walk away. We both live in flats, we both have each other's keys. We ring/text first, and give an eta.

MerylStreep Thu 10-Mar-22 14:35:17

Widgeon
You could always phone the shop to see if the item is now in stock.

Mummer Thu 10-Mar-22 14:30:49

# DS PARTNER!!!!! fFs.