"Popping in" on someone without notice.

As a child always liked it when someone "popped in" usually biscuits appearing. Sunday after lunch would be a favourite day for whole family visiting prior arranged of course. Sandwiches, cake and tea for all of course. Later as an adult still enjoyed when someone dropped in unexpectedly. Then all changed with protocols having to be observed if wanting to visit anyone. Of course friends and family nowadays live far and wide so more likely to arrange a visit. People say everyone is so busy nowadays to have unexpected visitors. Goodness knows what folk did with their time 60 years ago, just sat about with nothing to do. My parents got the wrong end of the deal, Mum had 3 jobs, 1 early morning two in the evening, Dad was a miner worked shifts until he broke his back in a mine collapse. Four children for them to cater for, how did they cope with unexpected visitors or any visitors I'll never know.

I have never minded people just popping in, but as a young adult I perfected polite ways of telling them that I had only time for a short chat, if I was busy.

If the hint wasn't taken I made it quite plain that lovely as it was to see them, I would have to ask them to leave, as I had to finish practising (professional singer in those days) before people in the building came home from work.

So I still politely tell people they have come at an inconvenient time, if that is the case, and suggest when I will be delighted to see them.

Nobody pops here! My DScpart her will text/call first to see if I'm in? But never arrives expecting to come in and me stop everything to gasbag!

Popping in or popping out No No No

Everyone knew my mother was terminally ill but neighbours would shout through her bedroom window ( the bungalow was 50 yards from the road) 'Just popping in to see how you are, Mrs H' ,Funny that no-one popped in to see if they could help when she could not get out of bed and had advertised for a cleaner/ anyone to help. The church at which both parents had been heavily involved was conspicuous by its non-representation. I never saw my father when he was home, as he was so often doing repairs etc for the various old ladies of the congregation who called upon him. A friend said' Oh isn't your father lovely Will you swap him for mine' ' I don't know because I never see him' I answered
I have an auto-immune condition and my energy is easily sapped. Some days I cannot move from my chair. The very term 'pop-in' I find somewhat offensive under these circumstances when people have actually waited for a cup of tea and a sandwich. We DO have a phone of the land-line sort so please try to find out if we feel fit

The other 'popping-in' I cannot abide is that where a local shop does not have the item in stock......'Just pop in' this afternoon We may have one then. This consists of a 20 minute drive each way, finding a parking space and then queueing up to see if the said item has arrived

'The past is another country' where the grocer's boy would arrive on his bicycle the same day to deliver the missing item

.... also. although a grandmother, I feel somewhat old for this group

Funnily enough I just had a visitor from a family member who I am very fond of, who popped in on the offchance I was home. I was delighted to see her.

Here in Wales as a child, the house was open to callers, all the time. I found it interesting and lively. We lived near the church, so relatives on their way to and from that would pop in. As a child I could exit quietly a room if it wasn’t an interesting visitor. Wonderful working class friendliness.

I prefer to plan a visit, but during lockdown, very local friends would knock my living room window, and I would have a long lovely chat that way.

Looking back, I love the business of my childhood but now like the peace and quiet of my own home, alone.

A definite no for me, wfhome, busy and just doing my own thing. All visits arranged except summertime when I' m often in the garden and mind lesss

I can`t stand people popping in,that`s the only positive thing that came out of covid imo.
I always arrange with family and friends in advance before popping in and they do the same.

HATE IT!

I loathe it when unexpected visitors all, I will hide if possible - or say that I am just going out

Oh what I’d give for someone to ‘pop in’ to see me…. I love it, but it very rarely happens….

I like the idea of people popping over BUT in reality NO WAY and it’s actually rude.

Why? Because you catch your friends off guard. Are they dressed for guests? Is their house tidy for them to feel comfortable having guests? Do they have chores/ tasks to do or day otherwise organised but would feel it rude not to entertain you, then they’re anxious about how they’ll get their chores/tasks done.

So no, don’t just pop in. Call or message first.

It's good when people pop in. Of course it's occasionally inconvenient but that's a minor consideration.

Gosh, No Thank You

My friends and I normally send a message to each other checking we are home first and not busy before we call in.

I wouldn’t dream of just turning up without a quick call to see if it was convenient and I don’t like it when friends don’t do the same. They don’t, thankfully!

I absolutely hate it and get really stressed. I work from home and although it is voluntarily I work 8-10 hours a day with a long list of what needs to be done People think because it is voluntary work I can just leave it. I don't even like long phone calls, for me phone calls are a quick message. I hate chatting on the phone and have severe hearing problems which does not help. I much prefer emails for everything except booked lunches/teas and meetings.

When I was a child, we had a neighbour who used to just walk into the kitchen. She would shout after she was in the door. My mother would never walk into her house. I vowed when I had a home of my own I would not allow that to happen. Unfortunately I had a neighbour who felt it was what you did. She was often standing in the hall shouting "are you in" .part of the problem was she would stay for hours. For some reason she thought I was lonely. !!!!. She would come in on a Saturday morning and still be there at 3 in the afternoon. I wasn't lonely . I had 2 school age girls and parents who lived 3 miles away. After 3 years I had had enough and started to lock the door. I moved house a year later.

Have those who say it's unfriendly or inhospitable not to text first never muttered 'Oh $@&, it's your mother/sister/cousin' or similar when the doorbell's rung at an inconvenient time, but opened the door with a smile rather than make the doorstepper feel bad?

Do you really want to be on the other end of that, even if you are greeted politely?

Clearly, there are two disparate schools of thought, and so long as both the dropper in and the person at home are of the same view, neither is right or wrong. It's when there is a clash of viewpoints that it matters. My husband's family are droppers in, and as I've said, I hate it. Because he happily pops around to their houses (knowing they won't mind), they feel free to do it here. To be fair, it mostly only happens when someone has a birthday, and all the younger generation have left their respective homes, so it doesn't happen as often as it did, but I still gnash my teeth under my hospitable smile, as I sweep the washing off the radiator and shut doors on my way to the kitchen, mentally calculating how I am going to finish the work I was doing before the imminent deadline. My side of the family are too far away to do it, fortunately.

Depends on who it is, and whether we're busy or not.

I don’t like it- the poppers round never come when I’m looking my best or I’ve polished and vacuumed the house. If I’m having visitors I like to be prepared -have a tasty treat in etc. Given how I feel I wouldn’t dream of dropping in on anyone else.

We've always had an open door policy but only when it is convenient to us unless it is an emergency. My family know if they pop in they may get welcomed with open arms, fed and watered or we may say a quick hello and ferry them out. Managing expectations is probably the answer.

Always welcomed, sometimes if going out you have to say so but that’s not a problem if you drop in you take a chance. I live in a place mostly have too, that it’s sort of okay to do so. I love it.

biglouis I’m right with on your thoughts! Although as a mid 60’s woman I get a little anxious I might not be found for days on end if something were to happen to me.

I work full time but I’m talking annual leave etc.

I would hate it, unless they were very close family or friends where I could be completely at ease and it wouldn't matter if I was in my jammies or hadn't washed my hair or had heaps of laundry on the floor. Etc.