Gransnet forums

House and home

"Popping in" on someone without notice.

(185 Posts)
biglouis Wed 09-Mar-22 12:22:47

Interesting thread over on MN about "popping in" on someone without calling/texting first. About a 50/50 split.

I run a business from home so popping in on me is a complete NO NO, no matter how well you know me. My time is money and I have a list of tasks to accomplish most days. So I dont have time to sit around and chat with you, wait on you with tea or coffee unless you are coming for business.

My ring doorbell allows me to filter unexpected callers and there are distinct advantages to being a non driver - so no car to suggest Im in.

In the "olden days" when I was a kid (1940s/50s) not only were there no mobile phones but many people did not have a phone of any kind. Sunday was the day for "visiting" so you might either go to see friends and family or expect them around. Appointments were made in advance or by post.

How do you feel about people who "pop in" - do you welcome them or hate it?

Grannybags Wed 09-Mar-22 15:11:59

I've always wished I could be someone who could just leave my door open so people could pop in anytime, but I just can't be that relaxed. I like to have time to tidy up a bit (both me and the house!)

I would never call on anyone without contacting them first either. I assume they feel the same as me!

VioletSky Wed 09-Mar-22 15:09:19

I've learnt which friends like being popped in on and which don't

I generally don't like it but there are a few exceptions to that who have been told 'pop by any time" lol

sharon103 Wed 09-Mar-22 15:01:09

Hate it. I think it's rude to assume it's convenient to visit and expect me to stop or change my plans.
I had plenty of this over the years and have found that those same friends wouldn't allow me to visit unless I made an appointment.
It always seemed to happen when we were having dinner, they would come in the back door and say "Oh are you having your dinner?" still stand there and in the end I'd tell them to go and sit in the living room.
Other times I perhaps had a bus to catch, decorating or other things to do. So maddening.
I had a friend across the road who would be constantly and I mean constantly walk into my house. She would be looking out of her window when I got back from going out some where and when she wasn't over here she would phone me. She eventually moved away thank goodness.
I've since learned to be a bit more assertive but fail when it comes to my relatives.
They wouldn't have taken advantage if I had have my ex husband still living here.

Daisend1 Wed 09-Mar-22 14:49:20

dolphindaisy
You call these persons friends ?

Josieann Wed 09-Mar-22 14:38:27

I am so happy to be back in a place where I can pop in regularly and people do the same to me. It never happened in London mainly because everyone around me was so busy. My house here is top to bottom glass across the front, so difficult to hide. The dog is pretty good at alerting me if someone is coming up the drive, giving me time to brush my hair! I like it.

Serendipity22 Wed 09-Mar-22 14:37:17

Hmmmmm, ok this has made me think long and hard and because literally everyone i know contacts me first to see if I'm in on such and such a day and i do the same with them and it wasn't until i read this thread that i sat up and thought about it which then made me think about how would i feel if someone just 'popped in'.

Ok, well i wouldn't like it for the sole reason, I wouldn't be prepared for their presence in my home. Dont get me wrong my hone is ALWAYS tidy tidy tidy but you could bet your bottom dollar that things hadnt been put away or there was a speak on the carpet or my hair hadn't been styled, blah, blah blah.

Stupid but there you go.
I would never ever just 'pop in' on my friends because i would think that they felt the same as me !!!

Jaxjacky Wed 09-Mar-22 14:35:54

I don’t mind, even when I worked from home, although it happens rarely, the majority of people txt or phone first to make sure I’m in.

GagaJo Wed 09-Mar-22 14:28:04

Hate it. Always have. I once left my MiL standing on the doorstep because she dropped in with no notice.

biglouis Wed 09-Mar-22 14:22:08

When you visited my grandmother there was a set routine. After 2 hours visitors, like fish, began to stink! She would stand up and announce "Time for you to go. I have things to do so Ill get your coat." And she did. You did not argue with my grandmother.

In contrast people, including neighbours, often popped in to my parent's house. The front door to the street was never closed until after dark. They would open the hall door and call out "Its only me!" It was one of those communities where everyone knew your business and what colour knickers you had on. I hated it.

PollyDolly Wed 09-Mar-22 14:04:54

I find it tedious to be honest. We don't have a set timetable for household jobs etc and we like to be able to go out when the fancy takes us. Wouldn't dream of dropping in on anyone unexpected or uninvited.

dolphindaisy Wed 09-Mar-22 14:01:37

Now that most people have mobile phones I do think it's bad manners to just call in without even sending a text. A couple we know, who's house is always immaculate, have a habit of popping round when I haven't dusted or washed the dishes, I know this will be duly noted and reported to their other friends.

BlueBalou Wed 09-Mar-22 13:57:31

I really don’t mind if people pop in but I very rarely do that myself. It doesn’t take 30 seconds to send a quick text asking if it’s convenient to do so.

Nannarose Wed 09-Mar-22 13:57:29

This has really changed over my lifetime. However, my DH was brought up in a small, insular family, who would never have dreamed of seeing anyone without arrangements, and he found the casual, open attitude of my family home quite bizarre!
We only really have one set of people who now 'pop in'. They are relatives, in their late 80s, and have just kept the old ways.

Poppyred Wed 09-Mar-22 13:55:16

A friend of my husband ‘popped’ in to ours last week and then texted a day later to say he had COVID!

Felt unwell a day later and yes he had passed it on to me. Fuming!

M0nica Wed 09-Mar-22 13:49:47

Generally it is inconvenient. Someone from afar visiting in passing are welcome, but even then, I would prefer some notice.

The French have a phrase for it Autres temps, autres mœurs, 'other times, other ways'. Nowadays, with mobile phones, texts and email therereally is no real excuse for calling in on people without warning.

foxie48 Wed 09-Mar-22 13:47:19

I don't mind if people call in but I choose who and when I ask them in. I think that's fair. I will call in on a few friends but most I would phone first.

MerylStreep Wed 09-Mar-22 13:37:23

Not a problem at all ? I often have people pop in when I have other people here who have popped in.
My very close friend ( lives next door but one) even brings her own cup of tea.
We have always been an open house type of couple.

PinkCosmos Wed 09-Mar-22 13:36:03

I hate people popping in, though it seems to happen quite regularly at our house.

I always try to say, 'If you are going to call, please text first to make sure that we are in so that you don't have a wasted journey'. It seems to be working and I would do the same if I wanted to call on them.

Unfortunately for me, my DH has many acquittances who call around at random times. They are all very nice but some of them will sit there for ages. I usually make myself scarce.

Random callers bother me because although my house is fine by most standards, I always plump the cushions, tidy stuff away, make sure the kitchen is tidy etc. if I know someone is coming.

Doodledog Wed 09-Mar-22 13:30:16

I hate it too. I don't mind 10 minutes' notice, with the option to say no, so a quick text is fine. I don't understand why people don't do that - it's not as though you just find yourself on someone's doorstep. You must know you are heading that way, so why not just let them know?

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 09-Mar-22 13:20:02

I’m so glad I have never lived anywhere where people pop in. I would hate it and hide like Zoejory.

Esspee Wed 09-Mar-22 13:19:16

When we are outside neighbours often pop over and are welcomed.
In the past people just dropping by would be welcomed but nowadays I would expect at least a text. I consider it rude to assume that you could drop by unannounced and be welcome.
Life changes.

biglouis Wed 09-Mar-22 13:02:38

With so many people WAH today it just becomes so inconvenient. The work still has to be done after they have gone. Ive had my share of clingy needy neighburs in the past and now I steer clear. My NDN is a whinger.

Oopsadaisy1 Wed 09-Mar-22 12:57:40

We don’t mind people dropping in, we don’t have many friends and the ones we do have will take us as we are, but we always call ahead to make sure they are in.
MrOops mate often dropped in with his wife, but she died last year and he now has a new ‘friend’ and I’m not too keen when he drops in with her as I don’t know her and she is very young. That shouldn’t matter but somehow it does!

Freya5 Wed 09-Mar-22 12:54:29

I love it when people”pop in”. My friend and family and I do it, not on a regular basis, but it’s a lovely surprise when it happens. Years ago, as a service wife, we used to just knock on each other’s doors, if they were busy we went away. Some of my family are working from home, so no I wouldn’t dream of just popping in.

Chewbacca Wed 09-Mar-22 12:47:53

Nope, I don't like it at all. If you send me a text or a quick phone call to check if I'm around and available, that's fine but don't just pitch up and expect a warm welcome.