Moved into this house 2.5months ago. I had already ordered a shed costing £870 to be delivered 1 week after we [son & I] moved in. We did the base together which was real hard work, I was let down twice with a groundsman not turning up, so that's why we did it ourselves.
So 2.5months later and the shed is still not up. Every time I say to my son 'ok, lovely dry sunny day, let's get the shed up' he says he's not up to it. I have said if he doesn't want to do it, that's fine, I will get someone in to do it, but he replies he wants to do it. He constructed a friend of his, log cabin last year, so said this shed 6ft X 12ft, would be easy. Tuesday was going to be the day, at last, but didn't happen, then definitely Friday, didn't happen. I didn't talk to him for 7hrs, which is not like me at all, maybe an hour after a dispute, but then I let it go.
I'm hovering over the 'My builder' page to book someone to come and put the shed up, but know my son will say 'I said I'd do it and I will' and then another month goes by!
Same problem with the dish washer, he says he can do that, and to borrow a hammer drill from my s.i.l & a pipe cutter, but I'm not so sure he can do it, it's not a straightforward job. Not just connecting the pipes up, but cutting in to join and drilling through the wall for the outlet pipe, as he says that's easier than trying to join it to the one under the sink. I'm afraid I'll end up with no water & heating. But when I say I'll get someone in for both jobs he acts offended saying he can do them & I've no faith in him [or words to that effect] and so the months roll by!
Other problem is he hates the toilet freshener spray, I do one quick spray & open the window. He then opens all the windows and doors, including the patio doors, saying he can't breath. When he uses the toilet he doesn't spray & the whole house stinks & I can't go in for a quick wee, till I've spray and the whole thing begins again with all the doors & windows being opened. I'm going to tell him to walk down to the shops this morning and buy an air freshener that he can tolerate. Also, as I'm up at about 6am, putting the heating on, he gets up at about 10am, so all that heating being lost out the doors & windows! So I either sit freezing or put the heating on again, wasting money! He doesn't work, pays for his food, but not rest of the bills.
It's really getting to me now, what to do??
Aggie is right yogi your house, get someone in to do the jobs required.
Perhaps a little less tlc and a more straight talking would help your son understand there are responsibilities when you are an adult.
I realise he has not been well but maybe he needs treatment for depression, fatigue etc. It does sound as if the whole situation is getting too much for you.
I don’t think he sounds as if he’s very well! Just a thought tho! If he’s opening all windows and refusing to help erect shed especially when he’s helped erect a log cabin! I’d get tradesman in
Yogi, unless there is an understandable reason for your son living with you , not paying his way or completing tasks he has promised to do you really must speak honestly to him and sort this out . At the risk of sounding harsh ‘ On your bilke ‘ is a useful phrase!
Re bathroom smells. I live in a bungalow and my bathroom is rather close to the kitchen and obviously opens into the hallway so I am conscious of smells. I dislike the smell of cheap air fresheners but find that a more expensive type that is not a wet spray is better. I spray lightly if necessary and leave the window open and the door closed, there is then no smell in the rest of the house. I can’t imagine how much I would need to spray for it to stink out the rest of my house enough to open doors and windows!
However, your son does have breathing problems so will be very sensitive to air borne pollution and however little you use a spray, it is likely to affect him. Maybe try the poo drops that you put in the toilet afterwards, I’ve not used them but my friend does and she swears by them!
Re the outstanding work, I suggest you just get someone in to do the jobs, it might upset your son but hopefully his anger won’t last long when he realises that you are happy.
What Aggie says, really.
Just get someone in to do the jobs that need doing. No need to tell your son what you’ve arranged, he can find out when the operatives arrive. If your son is feeling low, the thought of those jobs hanging over him may not be helping his mood and you’ll both feel better for having them out of the way.
Chuck out the air sprays, they’re not necessary. Leave the window cracked open a little bit or get an extractor fan, as suggested.
Your son really should be contributing to costs. If he’s been unwell for so long is he getting all the disability benefits he’s entitled to?
If you have social media ask for recommendations for suitable people to undertake whatever work you need doing. Often those who are recommended respond offering to come and quote for the job you need to have completed.
With regards to your son has he received any help over the past 10 years with his health issues, and is it ongoing at all? I think it’s back to the health profession to try and help him.
What aggie said.
He doesn't work, pays for his food, but not rest of the bills
Yes, get someone in and tell him he really needs to contribute more to the household bills.
I'd rather get an expert in to do jobs like that.
If I cook fish I switch a plug-in air freshener.
Noooooo...
Horrible things.
Can you get someone in to fit an extractor fan?
Yogin I didn't rely on my children to do any jobs for me. The ones they did do they volunteered. They where jobs like getting the carpets up,stripping wallpaper,removing fitted wardrobes ,putting picture up , screwing my wall units to the and putting together a double bed . Everything else I hired tradesmen. I would never trust my family where plumbing ,electrics etc was concerned. For a start they aren't trained and would hate them to hurt themselves doing something for me. When my husband was alive we hired people to do jobs as he worked long hours and it was easier to pay them and quicker.
As you son has health problems just hire someone to put the shed up . And as far as the air freshener is concerned ask him what smell he likes . Buy it and tell him not to open the windows. I use solid gel air fresheners have them in every room . Even when we where a family of 4 and after my husband died the toilet and bathroom doors where always left wide open. I keep my shower room door open even when I have visitors. Only closed when in use when others are here. Only time it's shut by me is when I have a shower to keep the warmth in. Rest of the time never shut when I use the loo. It's a safety thing.
He doesn`t sound very well yogi, a bit depressed and a not fully functioning breathing mechanism, heart and lung are co-dependent and it does sound to me that there is something wrong underlying. I would say a push to the doctor and to get the tradesmen in that aggie said
re jobs, they are crying out for teachers with science/maths but I am not sure if right now, he could cope with the rough and tumble, however it may well do his psyche some good to apply and to get onto a teaching course.
those artificial chemicals in freshners are bad for anyone. Put some matches in the loo, he just needs to strike one and the smell will disappear
'I use 'bloo' foam AROMA' self acting fragranced powder '
..That how it states on the tub! ( not shouting. )
which you sprinkle down around the bowl of the loo.
I don't eat red meat, curries, onions or burgers..... which a lot of men like! I don't like sprays.
Just common curtsy surely, when you've used the loo.
Just rather have my house smelling of Lavender than
If I cook fish I switch a plug-in air freshener.
It's Pure lavender, window open, door shut, lid down, good healthy diet, no red meat.
You’re on a roll today Aggie - I can add nothing to both your posts!
PS Yogaetc- why would you want your heating on during the day? That must be a very nasty air freshener to necessitate opening doors and windows 
Have you tried “Poopourri” or “Post-poo Drops” ?
Or just keep the bathroom window open but the loo lid down and the door tight shut
how old is your son? so glad I live alone. You are treading on eggshells in your own home.
my sons are a phonecall away and will help if needed.
Nothing to add to aggie's post.
It sounds as if he isn’t up to doing tasks , I would still get the dishwasher fixed and get an expert to put in a bathroom fan , those sprays aren’t good for your lungs
Maybe look at your diet , my bathroom doesn’t need sprays after I’ve “been” !
That's exactly what my son says Elusivebutterfly
lixy
May be the friend whose log cabin was built could return the favour and lend a hand with your shed? DS may be more committed if someone else is involved too.
Dish washer sounds like a job for a pro to me.
It does sounds as though your son may be depressed though.
I did suggest that, re friend helping him, but he just muttered. He's friend and his wife split up this year and my son is more friendly with the wife, so he may feel unable to contact him re helping out.
My son seems very happy living with me, till this Friday, we do get on well, he does help but it's a hard slog to get him on his feet and out of the ether. He is looking for work, he was a mathematical scientised before, working for the m.o.d had he's works in the papers! But had to give it up due to near fatal reactions to the Swine flu jab about 10yrs ago. He still hasn't recovered, get's good days where he has energy and then not so good days, where he's fatigued & drops off to sleep during the day.
He would love to be married with children and he's own house, but says he can't look for a girlfriend till he has a job. So that is depressing for him and before he came back to live with me, he didn't want to go on with life. So I'm thankful he is with me now, so I can give him some t.l.c.
He's 35yrs and 6ft 2inch, so folk say you're lucky to have a tall strong son to help you and I think 'yea, when I can get him up on his feet!'
I would get tradesmen in for the shed and the plumbing and ask your son for a reasonable amount towards bills.
I would however agree with your son about the air freshener. Those chemical smells make me cough a lot. They are not healthy.
Is there any particular reason your son lives with you?
What Aggie said!
May be the friend whose log cabin was built could return the favour and lend a hand with your shed? DS may be more committed if someone else is involved too.
Dish washer sounds like a job for a pro to me.
It does sounds as though your son may be depressed though.
Get a man in to do the shed and tell him to pay up, for all other cpsts, not just food, including a supplement to pay for all the energy he wastes opening all the windows and doors, and as aggie says, fit an extractor fan in the bathroom. One that automaatically turns on and off when the bathroom door is shut.
Your house, your rules.
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »Get our top conversations, latest advice, fantastic competitions, and more, straight to your inbox. Sign up to our daily newsletter here.
