Squabbles about inheritance

Where there’s a will there’s a relative!

I was the only one that did anything for my narcissistic mother. I had had to go to the COP to get Deputyship, I dealt with all her affairs, the nursing home who wanted “top up” fees,her finances that were all over the place, I had two years of enormous stress that caused me to have panic attacks.

I knew that I was not a beneficiary in the will but did it all whilst trying to make sure that I could hang onto as much money as possible from her estate.
I cleared her house on my own, worked hard to get a private sale to save agents fees.
My three children were among the beneficiaries and they all thanked me for all I had done, the other beneficiaries didn’t even acknowledge their huge bank transfers.

My brother was the Golden Child, who did nothing for years, not even a Christmas card for her, I was the scapegoat.

At least I know that I always behaved honourably and honestly.

If children are not being treated equally, an explanatory letter should be placed with the will (written whilst the testator is compos mentis, obviously). That can halt squabbles and threats of court action in their tracks.

When I worked for a local authority and dealt with the Court of Protection to sell houses to pay care home fees when relatives weren't interested in being involved, I never ceased to be amazed at how many came out of the woodwork when their 'loved' one died, claiming that she had owned all manner of things which certainly weren't in the house when cleared (we had to supervise house clearance too). A good introduction to the realities of family relationships.

Probate can take a year or more to go through and I always feel its best not to discuss these matters with other family members if you know they are not going to benefit.

I think anyone in a 'normal' loving family would be upset if they were not treated fairly wrt inheritance (if there is anything) but families are complicated, unfortunately