Leaving home of 30+ years how would you cope?

Thank you all - what a wonderful collection of stories and some people much braver than me! It's also very good to hear people saying yes, this actually IS very hard. Only 10 days to go now, I've booked the van!

It's only bricks and mortar. You take your memories with you.

I had lived in my previous home for 39 years and 11 months when we moved 8 years ago. I absolutely adored my old home, it held the most wonderful memories and I had such an immense attachment to it from the moment I first walked in, I knew I was really hone. I never envisaged moving, it was just unthinkable, but circumstances changed, as they do tend to as we age, we needed to be in a bungalow and nearer to family, so we did the unthinkable! Fortunately, we brought all our memories with us and our brand new bungalow very quickly became a very happy home and I now know that any building really is only bricks and mortar and what makes a home is the love and personality you put into it. Be brave, a whole new phase awaits you and I wish you every happiness in your new venture xxx

Gosh mrsnonsmoker, this must be so hard for you. You're leaving a beloved home of many years in very unpleasant circumstances and to an uncertain future. Please investigate any benefits you can claim. Have you applied for carer's allowance for example?

Some very strong and resilient ladies here. I'm in awe and wish you all a very deserved happiness. Well done.

Mum was.born here nearly 82 years ago, she said she will die here.

I was in my family home for 42 years! Suddenly decided to rent and downsize and release some of the money from my house. That was 2 years ago, am still renting and love it. I don't have the security of owning my own home anymore but I also don't have maintenance worries and garden problems. I hope it works out for you as well!

I too had a dreadful divorce but hung on to my home by the skin of my teeth. But it wasn't comforting as it held a lot of unhappy memories. The next few years I concentrated on just getting by, parenting alone and struggling at work. It wasn't until I had the energy and extra funds to redo my home and expunge all memories of my ex (including chopping down a huge tree which blocked all the light in the garden) that I began to feel happy living there. I sometimes think that I'd have been better with a fresh start! But you can do this in your new place, make it truly yours and I promise you'll grow to love it and be happy again.

Best of luck with that I was 67 he was 72 decided he didn't want to be married. Today I am offically seperated 2 years. Still wondering why he did this to me took half my house from my marriage that ended 34 years ago when my first husband died from lung cancer. Xx

We downsized as part of our plan to retire early and lead a simpler life. Leaving the family home after 35 happy years felt right. It was getting rid of physical memories that was hardest - so we regularly told ourselves that memories are in one's heart, not in physical things. Strangely it was our elder DD who found it hardest. She refused to help us at all, to listen to our plans, to even visit us in our new home for over a year. That was hardest of all.

Any change, especially if forced upon us is hard. But you're stronger than you think!

Yes, I left my home of 30years - at the age of 72 years- after a separation from a long time partner, who I felt I could no longer trust - Yes it was scarry and took time to get used to being single, but I am loving it now - in the end I feel it was a good decision to make.

After 30 years bringing up my two sons in a fsmily house in south london i de ided to sell 6 years ago after marital separation when my husband of 25years left mr for a woman half my age. They didnt stay together because he didnt want a baby with her at 60. But he didnt want to divorce instead keeping me in the family home and he and i having a property portfolio. I realised that tird me into property maintenance forever. Anyway i bought myself a small property with a little garden not too far away with a spare room for friends and relatives have a little dog lovely neighbours and dont have to negotiate
maintenance and upkeep with my now ex. There is no doubt itn was a wrench but i held a 70th birthday for myself and mixed up friends from old and new neighbourhood. All is well.

We moved country and home a couple of years ago, and, though the actual move and sorting out so much accumulated stuff was stressful, I have no regrets. In a smaller house and feel much freer. Good luck.

I also moved in my late 50’s, fortunately not due to divorce, and found having a new place very exciting. Obviously if you can only rent now you will have your next move to look forward to.
We have actually moved again since then, a proper downsize, which I find very liberating.

I left my home due to divorce my children had grown up there and my ex gave me a poor settlement as he said to give me more he would have to sell, I wanted my kids to always have their childhood home to revisit even though they were adults and had homes of their own.
Six months later he sold it gaining a healthy profit, but my point is that I really grieved for that house where the children had grown

grandtanteJE65

My husband and I were forced to sell the flat I dearly loved because we could no longer afford to live in it, we had new neighbours, who were the neighbours from hell and we realised that even if we could battle on while we both worked, upon retirement, we certainly could not live there.

When the dreadful truth dawned, I literally sat down and wept as if I had just had news of a death, so I really do understand how you feel.

It was not an easy transition, we stored only things that had great sentimental value for us, bought a motor boat and fufilled DH's dream of sailing on the canals and rivers of N. Europe, which we did for three years.

It was assuredly not my choice, but turned out better than I had thought possible. After three years aboard a boat , we bought a house, which we both loved. DH died last November, and I have no plans for selling up again.

That said, I do sometimes still dream I am back in my beloved flat, but when I waken, I realise that it was only a dream.

Like all hard times, this too will pass, and although it does not feel possible for you right now, you will find things you like about your new home and life, once you are out of the trying emotional time of divorce and moving.

I coped to start off with by being severely practical and dealing with the sorting in three piles: stored, out, taking with me. At times I had to bite my lip or my tongue and just get on with a bad day. Usually the next day was better.

I hope you find your way through this very trying and difficult time.

now that's something I'd love have done, 3 years.. wow.. wonderful memories

My husband and I were forced to sell the flat I dearly loved because we could no longer afford to live in it, we had new neighbours, who were the neighbours from hell and we realised that even if we could battle on while we both worked, upon retirement, we certainly could not live there.

When the dreadful truth dawned, I literally sat down and wept as if I had just had news of a death, so I really do understand how you feel.

It was not an easy transition, we stored only things that had great sentimental value for us, bought a motor boat and fufilled DH's dream of sailing on the canals and rivers of N. Europe, which we did for three years.

It was assuredly not my choice, but turned out better than I had thought possible. After three years aboard a boat , we bought a house, which we both loved. DH died last November, and I have no plans for selling up again.

That said, I do sometimes still dream I am back in my beloved flat, but when I waken, I realise that it was only a dream.

Like all hard times, this too will pass, and although it does not feel possible for you right now, you will find things you like about your new home and life, once you are out of the trying emotional time of divorce and moving.

I coped to start off with by being severely practical and dealing with the sorting in three piles: stored, out, taking with me. At times I had to bite my lip or my tongue and just get on with a bad day. Usually the next day was better.

I hope you find your way through this very trying and difficult time.

I had to do after a 23 yr marriage my dr said you have to go through a grievance even though they haven’t died but yes you move home but do you really want to stay put with every room reminder you of him. New start new life I actually moved away so I wouldn’t bump into him with his slapper but i need not have worried as it only last few weeks. I now live in a bungalow 50 miles away decorated the way I like bed to myself or grandkids lol I’m 100 per cent happy and don’t regret it one bit

Had to sell my home where I’d raised my 3 kids, because of husband no2 and his alcohol and money issues in the 90’s recession ….. I was heartbroken too. I downsized as all 3 had left home, but then upsized again as they all kept coming back, revolving doors 🤣 and then the 5 grandkids all came along too. Am now a redundant Nan, as all are teenagers now and I’m living in my DD annexe after selling my home again. I do feel nomadic at times ! Son no:2 invited me to live with him in Jersey but Ive a mum in her 90’s so not the right time, however, it’s nice to have an option. I feel a song coming on “wherever I lay my hat, that’s my home” 🤣 Stay positive and make some plans on how to make your next move for a new adventure, good luck 💐

We bought our house from my inlaws 40 years ago and although we've done lots to it since then, brought up our two children there, it still doesn't really feel like my home so it wouldn't bother me. However it's central to everything we need in the area so will probably stay.

Take one day at a time
I've had several painful upheavals in my life
But life moves on
Have faith, good luck!

I, too, was forced to move due to marital separation after 42 years of marriage. Chose to relocate near other family, who I see occasionally. Had to reinvent myself completely. Not a natural “joiner” but did. Then a THR. Then Covid.
Difficult? At times. Living alone? Love it, but am lonely too. Happy? Not totally (miss my old life too much) but I’ve just got to get on with it. Now have a dog, which is great, but v tying. Wouldn’t be without her though. You can’t live behind closed doors and own a dog!
Good Luck, try to enjoy your independence and I hope you find somewhere lovely to make your new home. I rented at first till the family home sold and I could just afford to buy somewhere.
Won’t pretend it’s easy. It was (and still is) like a bereavement but with only half the money.

If you love the house and you brought your DD up there it will be tough. Give yourself time to grieve for your marriage and your home. You will have your DD with you and people are more important than places and you've done well not having to share the dog with your exh. I know a person who really struggled with the dog spending aonth with her then a month with her ex. She missed her dog so much.

We left our house of 40 yrs to down size to a smaller house nearly 3yrs ago now, I adapted straight away, but it took my husband nearly 2 yrs to get used to/settle in the house/area etc. Tbf he doesn'tikechsnge at all and slightly ocd with things. I found it a bit odd that he couldnt adapt, as I never regretted moving and he kept saying he did. Any ways he's all good now thank goodness.