Selling up ?

Crossstitchfan

GrannyGravy13

First of all why don’t you attempt the drive to your seaside house, you can stop off on the way. You might surprise yourself and do it with no problems. (Forget the bridge, the sides are higher now, you will be concentrating on the traffic not sneaking a peep downwards)

I wouldn’t be in a rush to sell either immediately, see how things are in a few months.

You both have enough to focus on with your DH’s recovery and coming to terms with his new normal without the added pressure of house selling and buying.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Am I missing something? What bridge?
My late husband and I had a holiday home in Northern France, which we sold when getting there became an issue as we got older. When we took early retirement, it became too expensive to have both, so we decided, reluctantly, to sell the French house. Living in France permanently and leaving our family here was a step too far.
22 years later, I still miss it terribly. We had the best time of our lives there.
What I am trying to say is, think carefully before selling.

I’m assuming the Orwell Bridge.

GrannyGravy13

First of all why don’t you attempt the drive to your seaside house, you can stop off on the way. You might surprise yourself and do it with no problems. (Forget the bridge, the sides are higher now, you will be concentrating on the traffic not sneaking a peep downwards)

I wouldn’t be in a rush to sell either immediately, see how things are in a few months.

You both have enough to focus on with your DH’s recovery and coming to terms with his new normal without the added pressure of house selling and buying.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Am I missing something? What bridge?
My late husband and I had a holiday home in Northern France, which we sold when getting there became an issue as we got older. When we took early retirement, it became too expensive to have both, so we decided, reluctantly, to sell the French house. Living in France permanently and leaving our family here was a step too far.
22 years later, I still miss it terribly. We had the best time of our lives there.
What I am trying to say is, think carefully before selling.

I just thought I'd add a suggestion. It seems that you can afford both properties at the moment, and you mention your sons and family.
Could you consider telling your sons that you can no longer keep up the house, but if you don't need to sell it, could they keep it up for you and the wider family? You could offer to cover bills for a year whilst they work out if they want to do it, and for you to consider whether it ties up too much of your money.
Good luck whatever you decide

Thanks again for all your input.
So many good options and ideas.
I’ll let you know what we decide when we’ve mulled over it with our AC.

So kind of you to take the time and trouble to give your thoughts 🙏

5 years ago we were in an almost identical situation. Stunning house by the sea/ very convenient ground floor flat in city several 100 miles away (flat a pied a terre used when we visit family on the mainland). We are old, so we did the sensible thing and sold the sea house.
Living fulltime in a very well designed and built modern flat has been surprisingly liberating.; minimal housework; no repairs /maintenance worries, much lower bills and we never have power cuts.

Access (to family, hospitals, future paid care, ) is no longer a worry... when one day we no longer drive, good public transport is close by and taxis abound. We see family often but as they only live a few miles away, it's so much more casual and relaxed. We love having far more contact with the grandkids. We've found local groups/ opportunities for most of our old hobbies and interests and some new ones, and now spend more time outside than before.

I'd recommend it; and doing it while you're still resilient enough to make and enjoy a different life. This is old age made easy and sustainable.

You might b able to get an Uber between our two houses. check this out.

You seem happy with house one; it seems to be house two that is the problem. Why not see if there is another property, looking out over the sea, low maintenance (a bungalow perhaps). with a small garden or even a paved one?

It may not be possible but it could give you more years following the routine you love.

How about renting out the property by the sea as an AirBnB or similar? Then you could still use it if you wanted to. Or if it’s in such demand then hold out for a good price and spend the money on a more convenient property.
You’re lucky, I wish we had a holiday cottage (preferably with a canal at the bottom of the garden, I prefer that to the coast)!

If it will break your hearts to sell, I agree with others.
Putting both houses on the market & buying a bungalow will be expensive - work out how much it would cost, & how many taxi-trips between your properties that would cover ( & a runaround, unless it's cheaper to hire a car while you're there).

Would your family enjoy using the property by the sea as well as you if you feel you're not getting the use out of it? They could take the car out for a run as well.

Lots of sensible thoughts here gingster , your love for your home by the sea has been clear. I agree with others, at the moment it’s watchful waiting as the medics say. Although your husband has progressed well with your super care it’s early days yet.

Apologies if this has already been suggested, my brain is incredibly non retentive just now. I wondered if in a few months you both feel you can’t manage the journey even with help it would be possible to sell your holiday home and buy something accessible, still by the sea albeit in a different location.

We retired to the coast, it was always my dream. Mr C was happy to agree. There’s a little river the other side of our rear fence and the coast a 20 minute bus ride away, both have made such a difference to me. Mr C also loves it. Where we live is so important.

Wishing you well, whatever you decide.

Well for what it is worth here is my opinion
Sell the house by the sea, use the money to enjoy long weekends at the same location but in a hotel or similar so you have a worry free time! It is just bricks and mortar! You can cherish your memories from said beach house but have the time and energy to make more ! Health and well being are the key issues here!

Sorry more typos - sending quick responses between chores today!

FGT2 I said almost exactly what I was thinking - what would it cost you to actually sell the house? How many taxis could you pay for with that money? I think that M0nica had a sensible approach too - when we’ve been unable to agree on a course of action, we have sometimes decided to shelve the decision, to revisit it in e.g. two years time. It’s surprising how much easier as often seemed to make the decision once we both had chance to think the idea through. I often think if you’re struggling with a decision, it’s just not quite the right time to make it and when the time is right, it’s much easier. I know that as we get older we can put things off for the wrong reasons, but I don’t sense that you are doing this.

Oh dear Gingster.
My thoughts…

a. If in doubt, do nowt (for a while anyway as this knee jerk is much too soon).
b. Taxi drive there (and back) gives you autonomy and will be much less expensive than money spent on estate agents, solicitors, especially in the short term.
c. Enjoy what you can, while you can. Mental well being for you both is a huge factor in recovering from a life changing event.
d. What does your husband think about it all?

My very sincere best wishes with whatever you decide is best.

p.s. I think you are MARVELLOUS. 🤩

I'm not sure how far your older property is from the sea, but it sounds pretty close. Heartbreaking though it is, I would advocate selling that one before there is any danger of it succumbing/falling in to the sea. Who knows what erosion/adverse weather conditions may be just around the corner. I am not trying to be negative, just throwing a thought in to the pot! Good luck

I think you’ve got to let your heart rule your head for a while to see how things pan out. It’s so easy to jump in with all sorts of knee jerk reactions.
I think you’re wise to visit your holiday home and sit down with family to discuss things. As it’s only 90 minutes away perhaps you could explore one son taking you there in your car and the other son following to pick his brother up - leaving you mobile at your holiday home.

When DD2 was discharged after 9 weeks in hospital following her stroke, we’d already moved her bed into the family room and drawn up tentative plans to convert the downstairs loo to a wet room - making both self-contained for her.
Although her progress was slow and she is a full time wheelchair user, her main aim was to get sufficient strength in her upper body to lever herself upstairs in her bum. We made no alterations to the house, although she moved out to a ground floor flat and onto a bungalow near her job.

Sell both and buy a new house near friends and family and amenities.Have holiday breaks by the sea whenever you’re able to.
It won’t get any easier by leaving things as they are.

At the end of the day, I'd say go with the quality of life offered. That will of course be different for all of us. Whilst I miss the facilities we had on the doorstep in London, nothing can beat fresh sea air and space on a day to day basis for me.
Good luck.

Thanks so much everyone.
GG I hate the A12 and going over the Orwell Bridge gives me a sick panicky feeling. I know I couldn’t do it. I really am just a local driver! Annoying I know ! 🫣.

I think lots of you suggest we wait a while and I think that is sensible, rather than a knee jerk reaction. Our sons are taking us up there for a weekend in June (Dh being ok to travel) and we’ll have a sit down with them and discuss the situation.

Thanks for taking time to give your thoughts. It does help to get other people’s perspective. I do agree with all of you, one way or another .

Yes, try driving to your sea house. Plan a halfway stop for a coffee. If you can drive safely around town no reason you couldn't do a longer version.

First of all why don’t you attempt the drive to your seaside house, you can stop off on the way. You might surprise yourself and do it with no problems. (Forget the bridge, the sides are higher now, you will be concentrating on the traffic not sneaking a peep downwards)

I wouldn’t be in a rush to sell either immediately, see how things are in a few months.

You both have enough to focus on with your DH’s recovery and coming to terms with his new normal without the added pressure of house selling and buying.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I agree with M0nica.. Sell the seaside house before your current difficulties mean it becomes dilapidated and harder to sell. Invest the proceeds in a well-managed fund and, with the cost savings of only having one home to run and maintain, you should have sufficient means to pay for holiday rentals or hotels when you want a break - as well as an Uber /chauffeur service to transport you there and back if necessary.

We faced a similar dilemma. We had a holiday home in northern France, for 33 years, which we loved, had renovated and couldn't bear the thought of leaving. So when we were 75 we made a decision to sell it when we reached 80. It gave us 5 years to get used to the idea. So that was what we did. We were 80 last year, DH had recently had a heart attack and bypass surgery. We sold it to a lovely French family, but I cried when we left.

However, selling the house has not meant the end of our visits to France. Now, we go back to the part of France our house is in, where we can go to our favourite shops and restaurants, visit our favourite beaches, but we hire a gite. No cleaning, no DIY, no gardening.

Why do you not do something similar, Ginster. Sell the seaside home, find a couple of year round holiday lets in a similar situation to your house and continue to have all the pleasures of your holiday home and none of the responsibilities.

What will happen when you can no longer drive? Will your DH be able to cope with the steps? I am practical and would prefer convenience to a view.

Forgetting about money, the townhouse appears to be very convenient, with everything close by. When you can no longer drive or get on a bus, it would only be a 10-minute taxi ride. For me, it is a no-brainer.

Yes, take your time for now.
When you have posted from your cottage you can tell the enormous amount of pleasure being there gives you.
Try getting there with lifts and see how it works out.
If it is troublesome then you will get the answer.
A bungalow sounds ideal if you can find one that is super convenient and that will suit you if you have to give up driving.
Good luck with the process.