Selling up ?

I wouldn't be in a rush to sell up just yet. I think you are moving too quickly too soon after your husband's stroke. Mum and dad moved quickly to a flat after dad was diagnosed with prostrate cancer and they always regretted it.
I actually think that your idea of selling both and buying a bungalow is the best option, particularly if your dh has impaired mobility. You might find somewhere near the sea or with a lovely view. I'm assuming he would be unable to get to the beach safely at the moment. Perhaps now is the time to research where you might want to live.

It sounds to me as though your town house gives you a convenient and happy way of life. Your coastal home, whilst a joy is a lot of work and no longer working for you.

If you were to stay in your town house and sell the coastal house might you feel a huge relief, sad obviously, but as though a burden has been lifted.

With the funds from the coastal house and the reduced ongoing costs you could have some wonderful breaks that might be a new and happy way to enjoy yourselves.

If you’ve got the money why not hang on to both for a while?
You’ve thought through how that could work with lifts and an extra car but do a bit of research on taxis too for the long drive. You might find it’s not as expensive as you think.

I agree with Grandmabatty that you should take time before you sell if there’s no financial pressure. I don’t think either of you are ready to give up your house by the sea yet.

Yes, take your time for now.
When you have posted from your cottage you can tell the enormous amount of pleasure being there gives you.
Try getting there with lifts and see how it works out.
If it is troublesome then you will get the answer.
A bungalow sounds ideal if you can find one that is super convenient and that will suit you if you have to give up driving.
Good luck with the process.

What will happen when you can no longer drive? Will your DH be able to cope with the steps? I am practical and would prefer convenience to a view.

Forgetting about money, the townhouse appears to be very convenient, with everything close by. When you can no longer drive or get on a bus, it would only be a 10-minute taxi ride. For me, it is a no-brainer.

We faced a similar dilemma. We had a holiday home in northern France, for 33 years, which we loved, had renovated and couldn't bear the thought of leaving. So when we were 75 we made a decision to sell it when we reached 80. It gave us 5 years to get used to the idea. So that was what we did. We were 80 last year, DH had recently had a heart attack and bypass surgery. We sold it to a lovely French family, but I cried when we left.

However, selling the house has not meant the end of our visits to France. Now, we go back to the part of France our house is in, where we can go to our favourite shops and restaurants, visit our favourite beaches, but we hire a gite. No cleaning, no DIY, no gardening.

Why do you not do something similar, Ginster. Sell the seaside home, find a couple of year round holiday lets in a similar situation to your house and continue to have all the pleasures of your holiday home and none of the responsibilities.

I agree with M0nica.. Sell the seaside house before your current difficulties mean it becomes dilapidated and harder to sell. Invest the proceeds in a well-managed fund and, with the cost savings of only having one home to run and maintain, you should have sufficient means to pay for holiday rentals or hotels when you want a break - as well as an Uber /chauffeur service to transport you there and back if necessary.

First of all why don’t you attempt the drive to your seaside house, you can stop off on the way. You might surprise yourself and do it with no problems. (Forget the bridge, the sides are higher now, you will be concentrating on the traffic not sneaking a peep downwards)

I wouldn’t be in a rush to sell either immediately, see how things are in a few months.

You both have enough to focus on with your DH’s recovery and coming to terms with his new normal without the added pressure of house selling and buying.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Yes, try driving to your sea house. Plan a halfway stop for a coffee. If you can drive safely around town no reason you couldn't do a longer version.

Thanks so much everyone.
GG I hate the A12 and going over the Orwell Bridge gives me a sick panicky feeling. I know I couldn’t do it. I really am just a local driver! Annoying I know ! 🫣.

I think lots of you suggest we wait a while and I think that is sensible, rather than a knee jerk reaction. Our sons are taking us up there for a weekend in June (Dh being ok to travel) and we’ll have a sit down with them and discuss the situation.

Thanks for taking time to give your thoughts. It does help to get other people’s perspective. I do agree with all of you, one way or another .

At the end of the day, I'd say go with the quality of life offered. That will of course be different for all of us. Whilst I miss the facilities we had on the doorstep in London, nothing can beat fresh sea air and space on a day to day basis for me.
Good luck.

Sell both and buy a new house near friends and family and amenities.Have holiday breaks by the sea whenever you’re able to.
It won’t get any easier by leaving things as they are.

I think you’ve got to let your heart rule your head for a while to see how things pan out. It’s so easy to jump in with all sorts of knee jerk reactions.
I think you’re wise to visit your holiday home and sit down with family to discuss things. As it’s only 90 minutes away perhaps you could explore one son taking you there in your car and the other son following to pick his brother up - leaving you mobile at your holiday home.

When DD2 was discharged after 9 weeks in hospital following her stroke, we’d already moved her bed into the family room and drawn up tentative plans to convert the downstairs loo to a wet room - making both self-contained for her.
Although her progress was slow and she is a full time wheelchair user, her main aim was to get sufficient strength in her upper body to lever herself upstairs in her bum. We made no alterations to the house, although she moved out to a ground floor flat and onto a bungalow near her job.

I'm not sure how far your older property is from the sea, but it sounds pretty close. Heartbreaking though it is, I would advocate selling that one before there is any danger of it succumbing/falling in to the sea. Who knows what erosion/adverse weather conditions may be just around the corner. I am not trying to be negative, just throwing a thought in to the pot! Good luck

Oh dear Gingster.
My thoughts…

a. If in doubt, do nowt (for a while anyway as this knee jerk is much too soon).
b. Taxi drive there (and back) gives you autonomy and will be much less expensive than money spent on estate agents, solicitors, especially in the short term.
c. Enjoy what you can, while you can. Mental well being for you both is a huge factor in recovering from a life changing event.
d. What does your husband think about it all?

My very sincere best wishes with whatever you decide is best.

p.s. I think you are MARVELLOUS. 🤩

FGT2 I said almost exactly what I was thinking - what would it cost you to actually sell the house? How many taxis could you pay for with that money? I think that M0nica had a sensible approach too - when we’ve been unable to agree on a course of action, we have sometimes decided to shelve the decision, to revisit it in e.g. two years time. It’s surprising how much easier as often seemed to make the decision once we both had chance to think the idea through. I often think if you’re struggling with a decision, it’s just not quite the right time to make it and when the time is right, it’s much easier. I know that as we get older we can put things off for the wrong reasons, but I don’t sense that you are doing this.

Sorry more typos - sending quick responses between chores today!

Well for what it is worth here is my opinion
Sell the house by the sea, use the money to enjoy long weekends at the same location but in a hotel or similar so you have a worry free time! It is just bricks and mortar! You can cherish your memories from said beach house but have the time and energy to make more ! Health and well being are the key issues here!

Lots of sensible thoughts here gingster , your love for your home by the sea has been clear. I agree with others, at the moment it’s watchful waiting as the medics say. Although your husband has progressed well with your super care it’s early days yet.

Apologies if this has already been suggested, my brain is incredibly non retentive just now. I wondered if in a few months you both feel you can’t manage the journey even with help it would be possible to sell your holiday home and buy something accessible, still by the sea albeit in a different location.

We retired to the coast, it was always my dream. Mr C was happy to agree. There’s a little river the other side of our rear fence and the coast a 20 minute bus ride away, both have made such a difference to me. Mr C also loves it. Where we live is so important.

Wishing you well, whatever you decide.

If it will break your hearts to sell, I agree with others.
Putting both houses on the market & buying a bungalow will be expensive - work out how much it would cost, & how many taxi-trips between your properties that would cover ( & a runaround, unless it's cheaper to hire a car while you're there).

Would your family enjoy using the property by the sea as well as you if you feel you're not getting the use out of it? They could take the car out for a run as well.

How about renting out the property by the sea as an AirBnB or similar? Then you could still use it if you wanted to. Or if it’s in such demand then hold out for a good price and spend the money on a more convenient property.
You’re lucky, I wish we had a holiday cottage (preferably with a canal at the bottom of the garden, I prefer that to the coast)!

You seem happy with house one; it seems to be house two that is the problem. Why not see if there is another property, looking out over the sea, low maintenance (a bungalow perhaps). with a small garden or even a paved one?

It may not be possible but it could give you more years following the routine you love.

You might b able to get an Uber between our two houses. check this out.

5 years ago we were in an almost identical situation. Stunning house by the sea/ very convenient ground floor flat in city several 100 miles away (flat a pied a terre used when we visit family on the mainland). We are old, so we did the sensible thing and sold the sea house.
Living fulltime in a very well designed and built modern flat has been surprisingly liberating.; minimal housework; no repairs /maintenance worries, much lower bills and we never have power cuts.

Access (to family, hospitals, future paid care, ) is no longer a worry... when one day we no longer drive, good public transport is close by and taxis abound. We see family often but as they only live a few miles away, it's so much more casual and relaxed. We love having far more contact with the grandkids. We've found local groups/ opportunities for most of our old hobbies and interests and some new ones, and now spend more time outside than before.

I'd recommend it; and doing it while you're still resilient enough to make and enjoy a different life. This is old age made easy and sustainable.