House in need of deep clean - DH won't get a cleaner in

Order some clear plastic lidded crates from Amazon for DH to keep his fishy stuff in, and tell him where to store the crates (NOT in your livingroom).

Yes! Do this.
I know a few couples who have disagreed about cleaners/carers being needed and in each case the man didn’t want someone coming into his house. DH still dislikes it even though our cleaner, who has been coming for years, is excellent and he likes her. I just tell him if it came to a choice between them, he would lose! Or I don’t answer at all. He knows on this he has no say because I have other commitments and he rarely helps. It’s surprising too how the imminent arrival of the cleaner gets us all tidying up so she can get around. But don’t wait until it’s all decluttered before getting someone in or it won’t happen. Do what you can first then get someone - you’ll find the cleaner it gets, the tidier it will get and vice versa. And, once your hip is better, don’t listen to any talk of cancelling. I’m guessing your sons will support you as they will like a clean house without having to lift a finger.

You only make 25% of the mess the other three Adults (if they can be called that) make the other 75% so they need to take some responsibility. Does your Husband work? if not why is he not doing his share? Who is going to look after you following your hip replacement. Will your Husband and Sons do the shopping, cooking and cleaning? If it was me I would be inclined to ask the hospital to send me for convalescence or when fit to do so book myself a holiday treat for at least a fortnight and leave them to it!

Threaten your hopeless husband and dozy sons with calling in the Environmental Health at your local council.

When your son complains that the house is untidy and his girlfriend is coming to visit, tell him he knows where the hoover and cleaning materials are kept and let him get on with it. You could add that it's good for a woman to know what she might be letting herself in for.
If your house is big enough, select a room that is yours and keep it tidy for you. Anything of theirs dump into their rooms/bedrooms. Concentrate on keeping kitchen and bathrooms clean and tidy and let them sit in their own muddle. Please don't overstretch yourself both before and after the operation as it can undo the surgeon's good work and leave you worse off. Best of luck both with the house and the operation. If you can, go elsewhere to recover.

housekeep.com/
See if they are in your area

There is a good app/ service called Housekeep which organises different sorts of cleaners, you can book a one off or regular. It might operate in your area, I booked a one off to try out then she was really good so she now comes regularly. You can stipulate what chores you want ironing/ windows whatever and they calculate how long it will take. It works out at about £18 per hour ( London)

Order some clear plastic lidded crates from Amazon for DH to keep his fishy stuff in, and tell him where to store the crates (NOT in your livingroom).

Add some laundry baskets for the sons' bedrooms, and give them a lesson in basic laundering - sorting whites, bedding towels etc from clothes, using washing machine and drying clothes - and then they do their own washing. I did this when my daughters were in their teens, when I found that the laundry basket was full of their clean clothes that I had washed and dried just the day before They would try on several outfits before they went out, choose one and leave the others in a heap on the floor then stuff them into the basket unworn.

I can't add anything except to say - book a professional deep clean before your hip operation, tell the men to tidy up before they arrive or their stuff lying around will be thrown out and then find a weekly cleaner to maintain it all.

And make your sons pay towards all of this.

Yes GrandmaFrench

Stuff them, they ain't going to change.

But you can.

You work full time ! You need a hip operation! The house is need of a good clean ! You earn your own money!

Don't waste time and energy and emotion thinking that the assembled throng in your home might possibly agree to your demands and clean it themselves. Surely that would have happened a long time ago and regularly if that was the case.
No, they're quite happy to muddle along regardless of how you feel.

So, take charge. Point out the obvious which is that you are about to become fairly incapacitated/will need to recover/will need a germ-free home, and tell them the date that you have booked (when you've booked it) the cleaning session/s that you decide upon. And point out to the selfish bunch that you are paying for this yourself !!! Brook no argument, have no discussion or debate.
JUST DO IT.
They probably won't be thrilled at the necessary clearing of space before the cleaning takes place, but will love the further lack of responsibility once the work has been done.
But anyway, who cares? It's possibly too late to train them, just put yourself first for a change and do what suits you.
And I'm wishing you an uncomplicated recovery from your surgery.

With 4 adults in the house it should be easy to keep clean. Why aren’t the other 3 doing their share ftm420 ?

OP could probaably do with a few kind words and some support.

Suggest you book somebody for an initial visit and go forward from there with a weekly slot.

I guess the house is a metaphor, there must be an underlying problem for four adults to have allowed it to get to this state.

When I told my H I wanted a weekly cleaner he wasn’t happy insisting we could do it but I went ahead and organised it.
He was so delighted both with the two cleaners themselves and the excellent job they did.
When his dementia really took hold he would ask who they were and why they were there, but the burden they relieved me of was tremendous.
One of them would take him to his weekly respite day for me, it came to an end during Covid but my H was no longer here by then.
Just book it and present them with the fact.

I assume this is another case of a DH would be angry?

If not, stop being a doormat.
And choose some of the ideas above.

Get someone in, when we adopted our fourth child with disabilities we felt we could not keep the house clean and give our children the care needed without help. The house is large, 7 bedrooms. It worked well!

Witzend

Astitchintime

You work full time?????? Arrange the professional deep clean yourself! You have no time for all this and to be honest, with 3 other adults in the house it should not fall on you to keep the house clean and tidy……….they are all capable of helping!
Stop being a doormat, stand up for yourself and just get this done!

Absolutely this. And if your dh objects, tell him to get stuffed!

Just do it, before your surgery, so that you can return to a clean, uncluttered home with no risk of infection!

Great minds butterandjam

Write a list of chores. Clean oven, clear fish stuff, scrub bathrooms et . Each person to initial their chosen responsibility

Stick it on the fridge and calmly announce the unbreakable deadline date. for completion.

Either they do it, or a cleaner will be hired.

Cost of hiring a blitz cleaner will be split between all adult residents.

Just do it.

Work out a cleaning rota, tell them if they don’t do it to your satisfaction in two weeks you will hire a cleaner.

Elowen33

I had to look at the date of this post thinking it was from the 1950s, just book a cleaner for a deep clean and then a once a week cleaner.

OP has probably not set out to tbe like this. Things creep up on you.

But now enough is enough.

I had to look at the date of this post thinking it was from the 1950s, just book a cleaner for a deep clean and then a once a week cleaner.

If you are at work then your salary is yours to do what you will with after you have put your fair share in the joint household account.

if you choose to spend someof it on a deep clean and oven clean, that is nobody's business but yours.

By the way I assume that your sons are making a fair monthly contribution to household expenses. A minimum of £50 a week, assuming they are over 25. Half their benefits if they are drawing UB.

Once the cleaning is done, tell tem that they are to look after themselves. Do all their own washing and ironing if they are not already doing so and keeping their own rooms clean. Hoovered at least once a week.

My dog takes up a lot of space, he has dirty habits and is often to be found in inconvenient spaces , but never would I make similar concessions to fishes who cannot be cuddled or respond to me with affection. I enjoy finding out how others have different feelings about species.

And different attitudes towards husbands. My late husband took an intelligent interest in my welfare, and now I am old and dependent my sons follow my late husband's example.

Agree with all this. Major on good point re fearing infection re new hip. It will be a shock so give them 2 weeks notice and say that any clutter still around after 10 days goes to the tip, and start doing that.
Good luck.