House in need of deep clean - DH won't get a cleaner in

Do it, arrange it. You deserve better than this.

Well, get the oven cleaned as that's a specialist job!
Then do some research.

God Almighty - a husband and 2 adult sons treating you like some Maid-of-all-Work and you out working on top of it all?

Do they need a damn big rocket behind them!

Have they not noticed it's all too much for you (it would be too much for an army of Superwomen) or are they in some sort of weird denial and will only admit this impossible situation when you drop down dead from pure exhaustion?

The thing is, before getting a cleaner in, you would need to tidy up, clear surfaces for them.

Someone I used to know got her dh to pay for a whole house super-clean - oven, windows, carpets, everything. It was shortly before Christmas when guests were coming to stay, and she was too knackered to even think of it. She said it was the best Christmas present ever

I know someone will now ask why her dh didn’t help her - well, he could, but even with both of them hard at it, it would never have been done to the same standard, so quickly, as a professional team could manage.

I have never had to ask my husbands permission for any household tasks. Do your adult sons and your husband do their fair share of household tasks ?
I hate clutter and would not accept piles of it anywhere it makes cleaning hard work can you husband not have storage boxes for his fish maintenance clutter.
If I needed help I would just arrange it no questions asked.

Witzend

The thing is, before getting a cleaner in, you would need to tidy up, clear surfaces for them.

Someone I used to know got her dh to pay for a whole house super-clean - oven, windows, carpets, everything. It was shortly before Christmas when guests were coming to stay, and she was too knackered to even think of it. She said it was the best Christmas present ever

I know someone will now ask why her dh didn’t help her - well, he could, but even with both of them hard at it, it would never have been done to the same standard, so quickly, as a professional team could manage.

If you pay, people will come and do all this. If you live in an urban area, there are likely to be professionals who will do this type of thing.

Just arrange it, maybe he can go out if it's so tricky.

My DH (!) won't get anyone in to do anything ! His argument is that " it's not a priority at the moment" or " why should I pay someone to do what I can do myself".
My reply to this is that he doesn't do it himself, it gets put on a long "to do" list that never reduces. Our house is clean and tidy, we are both retired so I am not in the position of the OP. If I was I would most certainly get people in to help and I would use my own money to pay for it. She should not have to do this but dealing with an obstinate husband is no joke, you begin to wonder if the ensuing row is worth it. The OP has three male adults living in the house plus fish mess; She must woman up and get the help in, let us know how you get on. Good Luck.

If your husband refuses to help and expects you to do everything, I would consider hiring someone.

Your sons need a kick up the rear.

Who is "in charge" of the cleaning, you or your husband?
If he doesn't do any of it then he has no say.

Start with an oven cleaner, I have one every so often. It takes him an hour to strip it all down (the two oven doors have three layers of glass each) and put it all back together again.
I chat to him while I drink a cup of coffee.
Life's too short and you already work too hard to knock yourself out unnecessarily.

You work full time?????? Arrange the professional deep clean yourself! You have no time for all this and to be honest, with 3 other adults in the house it should not fall on you to keep the house clean and tidy……….they are all capable of helping!
Stop being a doormat, stand up for yourself and just get this done!

You work and you are waiting for a second hip replacement?

People trot this out as if it were nothing. It's major surgery.

For goodness sake get cleaners in ASAP.

I am always remined of an Infection Control Nurse who used to say 'unnecessary clutter impedes good cleaning'.

I agree a big decluttering where ALL who live within participate and then a good cleaning company with industrial machinery. THEN you have to keep on top of it.

Easier said than done. OR, you could drive everyone mad with your OCD like I do!

Astitchintime

You work full time?????? Arrange the professional deep clean yourself! You have no time for all this and to be honest, with 3 other adults in the house it should not fall on you to keep the house clean and tidy……….they are all capable of helping!
Stop being a doormat, stand up for yourself and just get this done!

Absolutely this. And if your dh objects, tell him to get stuffed!

He realises it's bad, so won't have a friend in to do it. In that case, get a stranger in to do it.

Sounds like they expect you to be wage earner, house maid, cleaner, laundry woman and then pop off to have a hip replacement, come home and carry on doing it all.

Hardly fair is it?

If he isn't wanting anyone in I'd say - to him and the sons "if you can do it in a week then I will be delighted and won't get professional help in."
" Otherwise at the end of the week I simply have to get someone in" as I can't live like this anymore and don't want to risk an infection with my hip."

I suggest that you get the oven professionally cleaned as an introductory step. Then, when you’ve had your hip done, state firmly that you can’t do any housework for the time being. Either your DH and sons do it under your direction or you get someone in to help. You’ll then have set a precedent.

Is there some reason you eto ask your husband before you can spend money on professional deep cleaners? Are you a little afraid of your husband? Do you ever show your feelings to your husband or sons?

Talk to your husband and sons about this unequal housework situation - calmly but firmly. This is absolutely not on for you, and it’s setting a dreadful example to your sons.
Many couples have hobbies, but you have to compromise in terms of the amount of time / space / cost of the interests. The house doesn’t sound a very pleasant place for you all to be in, currently. Do something about this soon, or things will never change.

Goodness me ! I hope you don’t mind me saying, what a mess !
You have to get this sorted. You have the ‘patience of Job’ as my dear mum used to say.
Put your foot down ftm

Just do it.. Book someone and tell your men, they are paying for it as you are not the cleaner and given up being nice about it as nothing happens.

Get the Oven cleaner in and then ask them to book you in yearly or every 6 months, my Oven man rings me to book my routine appointment.

Agree with all this. Major on good point re fearing infection re new hip. It will be a shock so give them 2 weeks notice and say that any clutter still around after 10 days goes to the tip, and start doing that.
Good luck.

My dog takes up a lot of space, he has dirty habits and is often to be found in inconvenient spaces , but never would I make similar concessions to fishes who cannot be cuddled or respond to me with affection. I enjoy finding out how others have different feelings about species.

And different attitudes towards husbands. My late husband took an intelligent interest in my welfare, and now I am old and dependent my sons follow my late husband's example.

If you are at work then your salary is yours to do what you will with after you have put your fair share in the joint household account.

if you choose to spend someof it on a deep clean and oven clean, that is nobody's business but yours.

By the way I assume that your sons are making a fair monthly contribution to household expenses. A minimum of £50 a week, assuming they are over 25. Half their benefits if they are drawing UB.

Once the cleaning is done, tell tem that they are to look after themselves. Do all their own washing and ironing if they are not already doing so and keeping their own rooms clean. Hoovered at least once a week.

I had to look at the date of this post thinking it was from the 1950s, just book a cleaner for a deep clean and then a once a week cleaner.