Having lived abroad and moved a lot of times, I have had all sorts of neighbours, Mostly fine, but varying customs made differences. When I lived in Damascus, I had some very nice syrian neighbours, who were very welcoming and invited me into their homes. However some of the women were not allowed to visit me in my home as my husband was british and not moslem, and it was not considered correct for them to visit. Another time in england, I had a lovely neighbour, who was orthodox jewish. So again I was very welcome in her home, but she could not eat in my home as I did not keep kosher, but occasionally she would let me take her to a kosher cafe.
I found most people to be decent neighbours and you learnt what sort of a neighbour they wanted to be, so some would just say good morning, but would take in a parcel if necessary, others would become friends but there was one man who caused me quite a lot of heartache.
At the time we were living , in England , next door to a lovely elderly lady. She had been a gardener , but was no longer able to do much. My husband and I were friends and we would get coal in, collect her shopping etc etc. We also brought her garden back to how she liked it and on the adjoining fence I grew clematis, and she enjoyed it all as we did. Then she died and a man bought her house. It was a very hard time , as I also then had ovarian cancer and had had an operation and was coping with chemotherapy and all that entails. Feeling very sick and sometimes only able to look out at my garden, but looking at it helped me and I would look forward to next year and plan what I would do, and enjoy the flowers.
One morning I had been particularly ill and feeling dreadful, opened the curtains to see all my clematis chopped down and dead. The man next door had cut it all down. That was the last straw and I sat and sobbed and said I will never see it again. It was such a blow, and more so because I hadnt been expecting it. My husband went to speak to him, and find out why, and he said he didnt like it all untidy etc and it was on his side of the fence. But if he had come round and spoken to me about it I could have sorted it and moved it to my side. Yet that was typical of that man.
Obviously I am still here so survived the treatment etc etc. But it was so hurtful, such a blow at that time, and so unnecessary. But once I calmed down a bit, I decided that I must not let him ruin things. He was definitely an Anal retentive, as he did garden if you could call it that. Everything was in straight lines and clipped etc. Nothing was allowed to be natural. That was his choice of course. However petty it sounds I knew that I would not help myself by bottling up how I felt , but needed to in some ways ignore him, whilst finding a way to let my anger out.
In the back garden there was a bit near a gatepost where there was a dandelion growing through from his side. There was no way I would have asked a favour from him, so I used my brain. I planted several nasturium plants in that area. They did the job for me and smothered the dandelion, without the need for me to speak to him at all. At the same time I thought of what might annoy him. There was the answer. I simply picked two or three dandelion "clocks" from the hedgerow and when the wind was in the right direction, blew them to check the time!! It pleased me in ,I must say ,rather a petty way, to see him weeding his garden.
I am not proud of my petty behaviour , but at the time it was a way to keep going. We were friends with every other neighbour on that street, and he did not make friends with anyone but whilst he did not cost me actual money he deprived me of my pleasure in my garden at a time that I was in desperate need to find things to enjoy. The joy of growing things, countryside and wonderful plants and perfume, have been my place to go to for solace when ever life has been difficult, so it did cost a lot in what matters in life to me.
I do think that gardening is a great hobby, even if I cant do much these days. Hearing what Trump or Putin are doing? Get the secateurs out and do a good bit of snipping , with them in mind. Annoying letter from the taxman , dig those weeds out with gusto. Once we get a little more light, dont listen to the news in the morning, go outside and be pleased to see the snowdrops coming out as mine are right now. Soon of course will come the yellow book and the open gardens, where we have the chance to leave worries at home, and visit lovely gardens and get ideas for more pleasure in our own. So despite all I am still here enjoying my gardening and hope to keep doing it for a bit longer yet.
