I want to declutter, partner does not want to?

Re letters and photos:

My youngest daughter wanted to go through the photo albums with my mother-in-law but she "weeded out" lots that she thought were "unimportant" ahead of time - they were found in a "to shred" pile and rescued ny my daughter - some rare relaxed honeymoon photos of my husband's father for example (who died when he was about 6). She had saved instead multiple "formal" photos of them (all the same).

My oldest daughter is the letter lover... even the
"My dear Bertie, we are having a lovely time in Southsea. Uncle Simon is amusing the children with card tricks. Wish you could have joined us." sort

This is a bone of contention in so many houses .
I know women who despair of their husbands who have saved their childhood toys and men who are frustrated by wives saving clothes that no longer fit .
As we age we're not always in agreement!
Perhaps it's best to tidy up your own stuff .
Didn't Helena Bonham Carter live in adjoining semis with her husband?
The solution if we can afford it !

It actually all but finished a long and presumably happy marriage, in a couple I knew.
Wife wanted to keep their large home full of items from when her children were little, husband wanted to downsize and for them to go and see places and have adventures, now that many years of childcare, and foster children had ended.

“Won’t allow you”? That doesn’t sound great.
He/she can do as they wish with their stuff but have no right to tell you what to do with yours!

Letters are a bit of a quandary, I think. Now we have tech and people no longer write letters to each other, I think in time hand written letters will be regarded as interesting representations of a bygone age - like items written on parchment. They’ll be a window into a relatively brief period of time, post-illiteracy era but pre-tech.

As an aside, my GD asked her mother recently whether they wrote on scrolls when she was at school. Her mother was not amused, while I stifled my giggles!

My late beloved DH was a hoarder of tools and wood, plus scientific instruments, electrical and electronic components remaining from his small factory.
A few months before he died, he did start to clear things out, but he became too frail. On his deathbed, he said he was truly sorry to be leaving it all for me to sort out. And indeed, it has been very hard.
Think about the surviving spouse!

We live in quite a large house. And we have an awful lot of stuff. Thousands of books, strange ornaments, doll's houses, drinking glasses. We would be able to entertain the whole neighbourhood with drinks.

We're not hoarders, the house isn't chaotic but busy.

Recently we were having a family do and told the children we were thinking of doing this Swedish clean out.

All 3 of them were absolutely horrified. They couldn't understand why we'd even think of such a thing. As they said, once we've gone they will just clear out. It won't take a long time after all.

So that's that. I'm quite pleased really.

My adult sons hang on to old clothes, even after buying new, particularly underwear. Next wash im going to throw at least one pair and i bought other son a new 5 pr pack from M&S but as he only brought a couple of prs back in uni hols i cant shift very old ones yet.It must be a bloke thing..Last time we moved house i sorted all his old ones, and threw out about 40 odd socks but still sent him to uni digs with 18 matched prs😁(he comes back each break saying he has 'no socks')😆

I think OP id be tempted to chuck the definitely not needed or sentimental or valuable stuff on the sneak- and put anything you think or know to mean something in a box and say "can i dontate these or are there a 'few' you treasure- and why?"

*Donate.typo.

Youngest son was very good recently though and gave a relative a lot of hoodies that he acknowledged were too small and they were quite expensive ones too.

Would the old letters be any good to a museum perhaps?

Dear Goodness me Linda Pat!- if i had been able to lose so much weight i would definitely be clearing out the bigger clothes(maybe keep one dress or something as a deterrance not to gain that much again?) And you should treat yourself to a few new outfits as a reward.You deserve it! Well done.😃

I agree with all that has been said but sometimes it saves the hoarder’s feelings if you get rid of stuff quietly. I mostly make a decision (currently working on the loft but it’s a long-term project) but sometimes I’ll show him the items and hope he’ll agree that they can go.
I completely empathise with those who feel that the past, represented by objects from the past, can exert a stranglehold on one’s life.

My DH still brings up that I got rid of his wooden clogs and cowboy boots remnants of our 70s youth, they had sat on the bottom of his wardrobe for years and in the end I made him throw them out . Probably in 90s , when we moved he had pay slips going back probably 40 years which is how long we had been married then, why ? Do good to anyone. I now usually just have a good clear out he doesn't usually notice. If he says anything is tight I put it in the charity bag, when it is full it gets donated.

I throw away a percentage of mine and my DH “stuff” He has two small drawers which I’d never touch, with anything he feels is “sentimental”, as for the rest, so
Long as he has clean socks, pants, etc he’d never ever notice.

We’ve accumulated so much “stuff” (crap) in the 30 years we’ve lived together in this house (I lived here for 7 years before I even met him).

I’d say do it!

That's just your opinion Misadventure, throwing out someone elses stuff is not on.

Of course it's my opinion.
I'd look a bit daft posting someone else's.

I'd get rid of any of my own stuff I don't want. Then I'd collect what wasn't mine but hasn't been used for years (what I think should go) put them in a box or two and ask partner if he wants to unload them and if it's a NO I'd be asking why not? I'd leave them in the boxes and put them in the garage, attic, shed out of sight.

Just do it.If you dont use it get rid of it..What use is it.cant stant clutter

Have just been doing a lot of decluttering as have been in present home for 25 years+ and lots of stuff have discovered don't need now.
Get rid of your own stuff first. Go through household goods ( amazing how many extra towels/ sheets/ cushions/throws/equipment you find! I discovered several electrical items no longer serviceable and lots of old china/ glassware/ ornaments not used for years.

Show DH what achieved. Then take advice from other posters re how to discuss his collections with him. I agree don't get rid of any of his things until you have done this. You will know what items he especially values

MissAdventure

Of course it's my opinion.
I'd look a bit daft posting someone else's.

MissA you never fail to brighten my day.

NotSpaghetti nicely doesn't work I'm afraid, bull by the horns is more me.

Apologies, Essexgirl
I'm a bit grouchy these days.
I hope i didn't offend.

Decluttering clears the mind and makes you feel great. One of the reasons my brother is a rich man is because as well as a removal company he offers storage facilities. Many people have been paying for storage for 20+ years and never go near. They feel guilty and stressed about “stuff”. Get rid of it. It’s your home too. Living with clutter is debilitating.