What a fun night....

That's ruined that plan then Ella

Kitty I had one boy and one girl.......they don't speak!!!

See your problem kitty ....

Only 5 but it's a nightmare trying to decide. We started off by asking middle daughter (child 4) who is the most 'businessy' and very fair and clear thinking but she was horrified about what the others might say. Younger son and youngest daughter aren't always the best of friends. Grrrr - next time round I'm only having 2 children - one boy and one girl!

Apparently you can appoint as many executors as you want. However only four executors will be able to apply for a grant of probate following your death and so there is little point naming more than four executors in your will. If you are the lady with 14 children kitty then good luck choosing!

Its something that has always been a subject of general discussion in our family. My sister was killed in a road accident when she was 46 and left no will. She was not married so her estate was divided between the family by laws of intestacy but then my parents, who didnt want any of her estate, apart from some of her belongings had to organise a Deed of Variation to transfer their share to their surviving children.

Following this they revised their wills and set up Powers of Attorney. KittyLester you can appoint several executors so in theory all your children could be executors, although to many could be aproblem and it is best to have siblings that get on well together.

We have done the same thing and at different times as I variously dealt with the care of three sets of elderly relatives we have discussed all sorts of end of life issues and I have absolute confidence in putting my life in their hands when (and if) I am unable to express my own wishes.

As mentioned previousy I have no children so perhaps my experience isn't quite the same but when it came to choosing executors and who should have the power of attorney I decided on my brother in law (who knows a lot about property and investing) and my sister in law (who is also very good with money but also has some experience with caring for her Mother).

I also trust them both completely and know if I should lose my mind (some say I already have) then I know they will act in my best interests

How many have you to choose from kitty? It may be that some don't want to do it. My DD was initially reluctant but when I explained that they could act jointly or severally then she accepted.

We have wills made thirty years ago and keep talking about up dating them. Part of what makes is put it off us knowing which children to have as executors.

Yes, I have made a will and so have two of my children; neither of whom is even forty yet.

Thank you for your support. It was quite a big deal sitting down with our little family and talking about dying or becoming physically or mentally incapacitated.
GA very worrying when your mother refuses and there's so little you can do to change her mind without seeming insensitive. Have you made your own will?
yoga good luck with OH
* nightowl* spot on with that observation, very heartwarming.
Ana thanks
fonda
Everyone

Nanad life would be so much simpler if we all took the trouble to think of those we leave behind and sort this kind of stuff out in plenty of time. I still can't persuade my 83 year old mum to make a will.

Fondasharing - I do see the link with the OP, having read (and loved) the book. Just ordered the DVD; didn't know there was one as it wasn't ever released in this country.

That's lovely news to hear Nanadog - thanks for keeping us up to date with your evening. Now I must try to persuade OH that our wills need to be updated. It's been on my "to do" list for far too long

What a heartwarming outcome Nanadog! Our adult children can always surprise us. And how lovely to know that your son and daughter are so close - it's what we would all want for our children, to know that they will be there for each other after we are gone.

So glad it went well, Nanad.

That was very worthwhile. Surprisingly it was DD who was most emotional. But a lot of worthwhile issue were thrashed out. Both DD and DS have agreed to be executors of the Wills and Attorneys for our Lasting Power of Attorney. They had some insightful contributions to make and these we have 'taken on board '.

So glad that's all sorted. I'll sleep tonight. It's made me see a side of my DD that I didn't realise was there and made me realise what a close relationship she has with her brother.

I don't think this thread is the right place for that glowing endorsement, Fondasharing.

Nanadog well done for getting everything sorted out whilst you can articulate your wishes! i am sure that your children will always appreciate your selfnessless.

And now, a little digression!
Not sure how many Gransnet members have watched the film or read the book called "Tuesdays with Morrie" (film starred Jack Lemmon just before he died). A wonderful story of how a man (an ex teacher) who is dying shares his life's philosophies with a past pupil (a sportswriter) who visits Morrie most Tuesdays before he dies. Morrie also wants to have his funeral "before" he dies as he wants to enjoy the occasion!!!!

Would highly recommend this film/or book to help others confront the final journey they will make. DVD is available on lovefilm to rent...

Description of the Story
Maybe it was a grandparent, or a teacher or a colleague. Someone older, patient and wise, who understood you when you were young and searching, and gave you sound advice to help you make your way through it. For Mitch Albom, that person was Morrie Schwartz, his college professor from nearly twenty years ago.

Maybe, like Mitch, you lost track of this mentor as you made your way, and the insights faded. Wouldn't you like to see that person again, ask the bigger questions that still haunt you? Mitch Albom had that second chance. He rediscovered Morrie in the last months of the older man's life. Knowing he was dying of ALS - or motor neurone disease - MItch visited Morrie in his study every Tuesday, just as they used to back in college. Their rekindled relationship turned into one final 'class': lessons in how to live.

TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE is a magical chronicle of their time together, through which Mitch shares Morrie's lasting gift with the world.

It is a good idea Nanadog and something I have been thinking about for a while. I do have a will but it's about 10 years old and very out of date. OH doesn't have one. I am trying to persuade him that we should both have up to date wills and also take out lasting powers of attorney. I do see what you mean about the adult children not wanting to think about it though. Thank you for bringing this up.

crimson I'm hoping my DS will act as executor.

I didn't think you did Ana and I hope it didn't sound as if I did. I do want to keep it light if I can.

I can tell a wonderful tale of the day I collected my FiLs ashes from the undertaker and ferried them round Bootle all day while I was working. I had to leave my car in some very dodgy places so put the box in a Tesco bag and took it with me into the schools I was visiting and to all my meetings.

My mum and dad left hardly any money but, as they died without making a will, the solicitor got a hefty chunk of it. It pains me to this day. Nanadog; be careful that you don't use anyone as an executor that might take a percentage; I believe banks do this. Believe me, you'll feel so much better when it's done and out of the way .

I didn't mean to trivialise the situation, Nanadog - I too think you should be congratulated for putting things in place well in advance. Good luck!

I'm just feeling nervous for some silly reason. I've a feeling my DS may get quite upset/emotional, but then I'm going to try and keep it very low key. We went to see the solicitor yesterday and she said that we have to make our wishes very clear to our 'attorneys' (DS and DD) especially as regards the health issues. Not planning on 'popping my clogs' anytime soon ana but MrDog is in the very early stages of vascular dementia (though he's in denial) and who knows what's round the corner?

Will feed back in case there there are others in same position or considering this.

We have done both - just told them what we wanted to do and they said "Oh Mum, do we have to think about this?" I said yes you do, as I don't want you having a mess to sort if we become incapacitated or after we die.
They said OK and we just sent them stuff to sign, which they sent back without comment.

Get 'em drunk, they'll sign anything!

You are doing the right thing there's no doubt about that.