Torn over money

You can do whatever you like with your money, it as nothing whatsoever to do with your relatives or your husbands.
Any pressure from anyone tell them to take a running jump over the next cliff.
What a nerve your brother as telling you to leave the money to him and then saying it's selfish spending money on yourself.
I'd tell the next person that mentions it that you have made a will out whether you have or not it is up to you and you no longer want to discuss this any further and if they do bring it up again they are not welcome to visit.

Prioritise: Fix up the house; provide for possible care needs for yourself and OH (and cat); live a little! No, live a lot.

I agree wholeheartedly with Flickety - spend it and enjoy it. Don't explain yourself and don't feel guilty. Make a will leaving it to whoever/whatever you want - remembering that they will only get what there is left behind anyway!!!

I agree with JO8. It's your money. Why did your brother say you shouldn't be spending the money on yourself? It's your money. Get your windows and doors and whatever else you want. It's no one else's business. And yes,
whilst I agree there are a lot of good animal charities around, people come first in my book.

It does occur to me that, as the cost of bringing up a child is now £148,000 ( www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-23726224) that without my DS and DD, I too could have had vast amounts of money in the bank!

Seemed like a heck of a lot of money to me !!

I'm with you,j08. It's beyond me how someone can be living on the same planet as me and not be aware of what a lot of good a small amount of money can do!!!
And as for saying: it might not seem a lot to some of you, well, big angry face.

However, I make no apologies for my previous posts.

Your life doesn't' t sound at all sad Abbey. Nothing wrong with being a home-bird. I am too to a certain extent. Definitely spend your money however you want to spend it. But, if there is any left over when you don't need it anymore (in the far distant future) bear in mind that there are some very worthwhile charities out there.

I know how you feel about your cat (been there)

What you've said makes so much more sense now, abbey [so difficult sometimes to get things across]. Don't blame you for feeling how you do. Mind you [don't want to worry you] don't assume you will outlive your husband. My mum was much younger than my dad and it came as a complete shock to me when she died before him [probably from the strain put on her by looking after him]. Seems to me that you're 'an only child that just happens to have a brother' [if that makes sense] because you seem like an only child [so am I and I can relate to a lot of what you say]. I think you'll like it on here . Can I apologise for misinterpreting what you said ?

Abbey the money has highlighted the fact that you are a fairly solitary person - and you seem quite comfortable with that, but I'm glad you came on Gransnet. I hope that as time goes on you will enjoy becoming part of our virtual community. How about posting a photo of your cat in the 'pictures' thread for starters?

abbey you have had a snowstorm of advice and unsurprisingly are still unsure what to do! Take your time and ponder. Enjoy getting your home as you want it and maybe something will start to formulate.

Given your love of cats (and I can empathise with that) you may decide to help an appropriate charity. Would you not rather do that than have it just tipped into the Treasury coffers?

Anyway, come back on GN if you still want to discuss your problem - or anything else really. It's a usually a friendly and supportive forum. Take no notice of anyone who is not!

Have a lovely time doing up your house, abbey! You can afford to get people in to do it, and to make it exactly what you want. Enjoy it. I have no advice to offer about investments, though!

Would you prefer them to have it over your brother and his son? I would make a will to ensure that in those circumstances, my brother was included.

Hummingbird. In someways I do not care what hubby does. I have the same feelings for his sisters as I do for my own brother and no sense of feeling for his son. I know that sounds harsh. Neithermy husband nor I know the boy. We have never been invited to a birthday party or to even see him any time. The first time I saw him was at my fathers funeral

My brother is estranged from his wife and he has weekend dad access.

I do know that my brother has made a will which leaves custody of his son to his brother in law and his girlfriend ( they are not married) in the event of his untimely death. So I would have no contact at all with the child.

I saw my aunt and uncle. I had a relationship with them. In my own family none of those aunts/uncles I had little or no contact with left me any legacy, not even a photgraph ofmy dad as a child or his parents. although a couple of them left my dad something - and I think rightly. So I have nothing to go on here.

The boy is only 8 I suppose I should be more forgiving. My brother I will not forgive. He will waste the money and from his own mouth when dad died " skip the rest" That is he wanted to put all my dads ( and moms ) " things" in the skip. This included some nice and as it turned out quite worthwhile worcester and doulton pottery etc. and sell the jewellry

Similarly with my aunt, his advice was to" get someone in for a house clearance" and "skip the rest" (as in throw it on the tip) .My aunt had a lovely if modest house with some lovely things. I had them valued and kept them.

She was a great collector of antiques as well as having older family heirlooms. It just breaks my heart to think my brother has such little respect for such things.

If I die before my husband then I feel I have to leave him the money to do as he needs or wants. he might even want to remarry. I would accept that. I am not sure he would leave it to his sisters despite his suggestions because they are older than him so the chances of them surviving him or me are slight. They are also childless.

My husbands wider family are equally estranged as mine.

So the money may well end up in the Tresury. I am not sure what other family there are anywhere. They are certainly very distant in all senses of that word.

I will just have to work out what I will do. I am just out of ideas. I will have to look around.

But now I am rambling.

I agree with what's been said, but... If you don't leave anything to your brother, and you die first, everything will go to your husband - and then to his sisters! Would you prefer them to have it over your brother and his son? I would make a will to ensure that in those circumstances, my brother was included. It seems a bit harsh not to, really!

abbey you sound as if you've got your head screwed on pretty firmly and have done everything in a sensible manner. Just take your time, your money is safe and the choices are all yours. I think making your home as comfortable as you would wish, realising that the money will give you complete financial security and, importantly, choices, is enough for the moment.

I too hope you haven't been put off GN, it's lovely to read a new poster. to you.

Sincere apologies Abbey - I shouldn't have jumped in as I did - you got some good advice from the more sensible GNers. I'm really sorry that I said what I did.

To all those who gave advice -thankyou. I will consider what I want to do with the money.

I have decided that I am going to have the house done up. I like my home. I am very much a home person. I do not really enjoy going out and about places. I am not a big spender anyway.

My house is a bit tired around the edges and needs a make over. I need windows, doors and guttering mainly. I had some of it done a couple of years ago before my father died but didnt get around to the rest. My husband is OK at DIY but guttering and windows are not in his repetoire

As for where I have the money. It is in several accounts and it took a lot ofdoing to make sure I didnt have more than 85K with any one back group. Some of the money is joint accounts with my husband.

If I die before him I want my husband to have it all.But given I am younger than him and that my family ( bar accidentslike my mother) live to ripeold ages - my dad was 90 and my aunt 88 and my grandfather was also 90 when he died) I can expect to live a long time.

I dont have friends, I admit I am solitary. So is my husband. My brother is the main person causing me grief over what I do with the money. There are reasons. He was always spoiled by my father and his mother. They were a meal ticket and now they are gone thats dried up. I dont like to be spiteful but thats it really.

I will have to think about it and look at what might be the best to do. I might just tell everyone I Have spent the money on Bingo.

Thanks.

Bluebell, it may seem strange to you but my cat is my "baby". I have always had a cat. I love my cat. He is the one thinkg I really care about outside of my husband. I am sorry if that offends you.

Well Abbey I think Gracesmum's advice is spot on, and I hope you haven't been put off Gransnet.

You say your aunt died intestate - in that case her estate must have been shared between you and your brother ( you say she was your mothers sister) or does your brother have a different mother or is this a wind up? It doesn't quite add up - no nice friends or relatives whose lives you'd like to improve ( now or later)? No causes you are committed to apart from
One that will look after your cat? Goodness if I had that amount if money lying around I'd get so much pleasure out of all the good I could do with it.

Bluebell, sorry, I should have explained. My brother ( who is 11 years younger tha me) is my step brother. He is my fathers child by a second marriage.My mother died when I was young. My father re married and had another child. Unfortunately the way of my family, his second wife ( my step mother) died just before my aunt. Forgive me, I have been to a lot of funerals in the last four years.

I do not have a close relationship to my step brother. I suppose because of the age gap and various other things. I didnt think the details were relevent.

My aunt's money therefore came to me as blood relative. I know it caused some conflict with several " family" I use the word in speech marks because , they were all in laws of some kind who complained. I had been close to my aunt and uncle who died five years before my aunt. They looked after me as a child and took me on trips and things. My aunt knew I was next of kin and she often said it to me for when she died. I never knew she had that much money though.

You know, not all of us are very social people who have tons of friends .I said my life is a quiet one. I suppose to some that would seem sad. So no, I dont have anyone or any interests as such. Its just me and my husband. I came here because there isnt anyone else to ask.

But thank you for your response.

Mine won't either. I did say supposedly and should.
And I have suggested she get in touch with Viva! to get advice. I agree with you about charities. I cannot imagine having all that money just sitting in a bank account. Wateraid would be very grateful for it now. She does not have to set up a charitable foundation. A direct debit will do, and see how much she has left to squabble over when she dies.

Mine won't!
Seriously, if we are being serious, I wish I had half the OP's problem, but my advice, for what it is worth would be to set aside what I wanted or needed for my retirement and THEN do some good with all the surplus so that I could see the benefit my good fortune was bringing to others. There are so many worthwhile causes - how wonderful to be able to make a significant difference to e.g. clean water in the Third World, famine relief, SCF whatever! Look at Bill and Melinda Gates - they will not be leaving their squillions to their children (and Abbey says she doesn't have any) but are seeing how their wealth is helping others. Not really such a dilemma is it?

Maybe Abbey does not like the tone of some of these posts.
She did say it was her first posting, and some of you are not being kind.
As we are all baby-boomers and supposedly well off, many of our children should inherit a lot of money and will have a similar dilemma.

Eloped with Frank