Planning our own funeral

I do not think there was any intention to 'cheat the government'. In fact I believe the SW's motivation was to save her time and the LA's money, by suggesting a perfectly legitimate piece of expenditure which took DU's savings below the limit immediately, rather than have him assessed as having to pay, paying for a couple of months and then having to be re-assessed as below the limit and thereby entitled to have his fees met. He did pay full whack from his savings while the assessment was being carried out which was not refunded and the threshold on savings was soon to rise.

His savings have been further depleted to pay for the special shoes he needs and the proper hospital bed he requires after breaking his hip. Had he been in a nursing home these items would have been supplied free of charge but in a care home the resident pays. Since the Post Office arbitrarily mothballed his savings account, neither he nor myself have any access to it so my sister and I share the cost of his clothing, two replacement watches (the others having been 'lost' while he was in hospital, biscuits and sweets for him, Christmas gifts to care home staff etc. and help with fundraising activities for the home. His 'pocket money' pays for the barber, a daily paper and outings - the rest of his pension goes to the home.

Sorry this is so long but I am that this 95 year old, former Bevan Boy who worked and paid his taxes and NI should be accused of being a benefit cheat.

Granny23, should you be telling people that a social worker encouraged you to cheat the government?

My mother-in-law has arranged her own funeral and paid for it already.
She did it after my husband died, her middle son.
She's 92 now and still living on her own.
When my husband died, our youngest son did everything with me, going to the bank, registry office, etc. He also knows where all the papers are, and how to get into my bank account as he had to do that last year when I was in hospital.
My will says I want to be cremated, and we had a very simple funeral at the crematorium, with family doing everything, no religious input, so they know I want similar.
The main thing is to get the Power of Attorney in place as Sunseeker said earlier, and the advance directive.

Yes, I've planned my funeral. My two dearest friends will sing me away at a small church service and then I shall be buried in an ecocoffin of English Willow. I think they're beautiful. The Wonderful Man will most likely go after me, but I expect he'll choose a cardboard coffin - he's such an eco-warrior.
Can I say too that I don't think it's morbid at all to talk about death? I often talk about my demise (there have been a couple of close shaves) and have had frank discussions with my mother (fingers in ears la la la response from her, but she has sorted a funeral plan at least) and my in-laws. When I think of all the planning that goes into a wedding, or anniversary/birthday parties - I can't understand why people are loath to discuss their final 'party', especially when it would potentially save a lot of worry and heartache further down the line.

This has inspired me. I'm going to arrange my own funeral. The ultimate control

Ancient Uncle (still in a care home) has a fully paid funeral plan with the Co-op. This idea was recommended by his Social Worker in order to bring his just over, savings to just below the limit. As I had at that time shared access to his Post Office Account so that I could pay his care home fees, I withdrew the money £500 at a time and put it into my own account until there was enough to issue my cheques to the Co-op.

And YES Jingle to my complete surprise, a few months later, I got over £50 in 'divvi' from the Co-op

That's a point! Does Tesco do funerals?

Can you use your co-op Rewards card?

Thanks dustyangel that's made my mind up

Kiora, when I was arranging my sister's funeral last year, I used a small local company that was excellent. However two different people told me they had a plan ' with the co-op' and recommended them.

Thanks all interesting replies but I'm not really any wiser. As absent says you pay now and that's that. If I use a savings plan then taking into account inflation there may not be enough to cover it. The reason I'm asking is because my fathers funeral was a complete disaster. I didn't know funerals could go wrong but believe me they can. The fall out was painful for us all. It's led to a family rift that may never be healed. All very sad. That's when I realised that funerals are not really for the dead. They are for the living to help them grieve and move forward. You know what writing this has made me realise what I want. I going for the plan even if it does end up costing more at least I will have done the organising. There will be no ill feelings of " mum said this,no she told me that" decision made. One last thing who with any recommendations?

My mum and dad paid for their funerals years before they died, and it was so nice not to have yet another thing to sort out.

I would like to do the same, and I probably will in a couple of years, but if I die before, my kids know not to spend a penny more than is necessary.

I think the bes thing is to have an insurance that can be cashed in when you die as this will pay for funeral costs

Goose My OH and I are doing the same thing and it is very common according to the people we spoke to,we have the forms signed and they have been registered.All we both want after that is a short & sweet memorial service at our local Church & then drinks at our local pub.

ive paid for a funeral plan through age uk and ive written a list of things to do for my son after i die...

when my husband died suddenly i didnt know where to start and i dont want my son to go through all that....

All my family know, as cheap as possible and if anything can be used, take it!

You sure they wouldn't just think, "another weirdo who can't do anything quietly", LizG?

If you become an organ donor (you can do it online), can you not say that any part of your body can be used for someone else or for medical research?

I have an insurance policy set up to pay towards my funeral and I keep telling the family that I have a tentative wish. I would really like my coffin drawn through the centre of town with a jazz band playing. Apart from being a jazz lover I want people to look and think 'that must be a very important person'

Goose I've made enquiries about this. I contacted the university in my nearest city. I can't recall all the details but they did say that distance from the university was one of the criteria. My present location is fine as long as I'm not too far from home when I die!

I'm still thinking about it. I knew someone who, during her time as a medical student, was extremely distressed to think that anyone known to her would donate their body even although they would be benefitting other students.

I'd like to leave my body for medical research - I don't believe in an afterlife. Not sure how to go about it, anyone else there looking to do the same thing?

Not morbid at all. But I would not wish to plan for an expensive or fussy funeral. The reason I'd like to plan my own is to ensure as little money is spent as poss- and as little fuss made. Sadly cardboard coffins are not allowed where I live- but I can pre-order a very simple local spruce one, without lacker and without silks and frills and fancy handles.

Personally I think the massive sums spent on funerals are just obscene and so un-necessary- but the hard sell, push push ' surely you want the best for your dear Mum ' is very prevalent with undertakers- as many friends have found. Funeral plans are actually very expensive- OH or kids will just have to pay out of succession and it won't be much.

My Dad opened a joint account with my brother many years ago and put some of his money in it to pay for his funeral. It was a godsend when he died last year, as the money was there and my brother could sign cheques on the account to cover the funeral and ongoing costs on Dad's home.

Of course this assumes that the parent has sufficient money - I just pass this on as something that we all found very useful.

My mother and one of my aunts made funeral plans, paying for the entire process – coffins, hearses, family cars, undertakers' fees etc. – at the price charged at the time they took out the plans. Some 20 or 30 years later when the funerals took place, they would of course, have cost considerably more. However, the most important thing was that I didn't have to make any decisions about burial or cremation, elm or oak, three cars or four. There is enough to cope with at a time of terrible grief without these sorts of things as well. You can, of course, still choose the music you want played, the flowers (or not) that you would like, the tea and sandwiches or full-blown wake and so on.

Kiora glad you have brought this topic up (think it may have been discussed at some time but a while ago, not sure what the thread was called now) but after having been to 3 funerals of my friends in the last 4 months, I was thinking the other day that I must organise my paperwork /files etc...my friends we 70/64/74 I am 58 and they all died from various illnesses, we used to laugh at my mum (we still do) as she labels everything! lol but!! she says "well everyone knows where things are and what they are) I don't mean she labels cupboards and doors etc but boxes with personal stuff in.. I know she has a "brief case" with "everything" !! in she keeps mentioning this "briefcase" although I have never seen it but I do know it exists and apparently "everything" is in it"! so she is quite organised I think!" my mum n dad are 78 and yesterday took them selves off to London to see Billy Elliot and have today gone to Covent garden..so I hope I wont be needing to look inside the "briefcase" for quite some time but they have sorted "things our and I think have a funeral plan. which is what I meant to say at the start [smiule]