Bl***y CSA!

jingl. I too was surprised at what you said, especially since you are on another thread where you would be happy to replace your child's carpet choice for them. I have been puzzling over this, this afternoon, sad woman that I am.

I still find icing a cheesecake novel, what sort of icing did you use, and was it a baked cheesecake?

To be fair rubylady all anybody on GN can know is precisely what is revealed on here, so if a particular set of events or aspects of a relationship are described in a post, that is what opinions will be based on.

jing there is a whole lot of stuff you do not know, and that I would not even think of putting on here that has happened in my family, so please do not think of passing judgement on someone when they are carrying round knowledge of really bad things, things where courts should have been involved many times. Of course it gets condensed down to one problem on here but it is not that simple, as life isn't. If you have escaped a lot of serious problems in your life, then think yourself lucky. Otherwise, please keep your comments which do not help anyone, to yourself. You do not know anything about us really. Only a snippet which is posted, like many users on here.

All I did was agree with jingl that a lot of people have problems in their younger years and don't feel the need for therapy, rubylady.
Not directed towards you or your son at all...

[cake]

Or maybe just have a piece of cake, that might sweeten you up a bit Jing.

Isn't it amazing how you find out who your friends are in life? Both in real life and online by the looks of it.

Thanks to all others apart from Jing and ana. God help it if you need therapy any time. Luckily, we are not all the same in life and some do not have hearts of stone and relationships actually matter to them!

And, when someone is in need of support, it is not actually healthy to post snide comments. That won't help either me or my son. It's others who need to grow up.

You are certainly enterprising rubylady, that is the first time I have heard of icing a cheesecake!

The problem your son has, rubylady, is that he is still stuck at 8 years old.

Has he got depression because of it all? I havent read all your threads, so I cant remember.

Agreed, jing.

No they don't. A lot of people have troubles to go through in their early lives,
and manage the rest of their lives without whining or having 'therapy'.

jings I don't think anyone ever quite manages to put that behind them. If they try to push it down, they end up having therapy.

Jingle you are all heart xxx

love and happy birthday to your son

I had a very dear Scottish friend who's dad left him and his mum when he was young, and he never got over the hurt. My two, my daughter especially, took a long time to get over their father leaving us, even though they were in their later teens when it happened.It's the sense of betrayal never goes away..it's nothing to do with growing up. And young men especially feel a lot of anger about it .

For goodnesxs sake Rubylady! Your son is old enough to put all that stuff behind him. Tell him to grow up. He does sound very ungrateful. Perhaps you try too hard.

that was to Ana.

My son would be very upset about not having balloons and a birthday cake. And he's 31-ish (I think)

Does the fact that he is now 18 mean that CSA payments will finish, or do they continue while he is still in education? Life will be hard if the money stops but he is not working, hope all will be ok. How thoughtful were your gifts and little touches ! You have done a great job raising Rubyson on your own, be proud!

I guess any of his birthdays will be shadowed by what happened but at least he enjoyed the efforts you'd made to make it special rubylady

You didn't and haven't done anything wrong, and nothing is going to change the past. It's good that he spoke to his sister and perhaps she could help him get some perspective on his father's callous behaviour?

You're doing the very best you can, perhaps the day wasn't as flat as you think?

((Hugs)) x

p.s. I did pass on your wishes to him and he said thank you to you all and he loves his name on here, rubyson.

Thank you to all of you for wishing my son a very happy birthday.

The day started well. I finished icing the cheesecake about 3 am and got to bed about 4 am. Up about 9 am when he opened presents and cards (my dad got him two because he had forgot he had got him one ). Then I brought in the cheesecake plus sparkling fountains. He was fine, we played guess the intro with some music. Laughing, messing about.

Then his friend/girlfriend turned up and I paid for them a taxi to get to college. He went out with them after, just to the park and he said that he was feeling really down as it was 10 years since he had last seen his dad.

He had mentioned that his sister hadn't got in touch. I had told her not to get in touch as he hadn't heard off her for 12 months and I didn't want him upset. I didn't know which way to play it but I wanted a day where just people who do care about him were around him but I suppose things come to the surface on special days.

Anyway, knowing that he wanted to speak to her, I text her and asked her to get in touch with him, which she did. He says if anyone knows how he feels over his dad then she will do but she was a lot older, 18 at the time when he was 8. And I don't think it has affected her as much really. He used to go to his dad's, she didn't (her own choice).

So today has been a bit of a damp squib. I really didn't want it to unfold like this, I wanted a day for him to look back on and have good memories. Why do they do this to their own children? Do parents not realise that children grow up and will eventually want answers to how they have been treated in the past?

I want to wipe out his hurt like a board duster on a blackboard, but it won't happen. He hates his birthday he says because he has the memory of being left on the doorstep on his 8th birthday and never seeing his dad again since. He moved away shortly afterwards and never got back in touch and never answered messages or phone calls. It would make you question what you had done wrong. Even though I don't think at all it was anything my son did. My ex was married again and to a very domineering woman. But then if he was acting as she wanted, he acted spineless towards his own flesh and blood.

Oh bu@@er, I always do that! for rubyson, words won't hel[ him, lol!