Bl***y CSA!

Will your son really be bothered about not having balloons or a birthday cake? At that age they're only interested in the presents, in my experience!

Try not to let the incompetence of bureaucracy get to you, I'm sure tomorrow will be a lovely day anyway.

does he live at home with you ruby? hopefully he will understand about the cake, or could you make him one, even a small one?He has presents and you can tell him you love him, worth more than cake.

I know, and in itself it doesn't seem a big deal. The problem is that my son has always been ignored by everyone else in the family, even his sister won't be bothering tomorrow. When it was her 18th she had all the bells and whistles, party, go-karting, sapphire and diamond ring, lovely birthday breakfast, helium balloons, all the lot. So if I just get up, when he already feels like people don't care, and he hasn't had some fuss off me, then it would be disappointing for him. And it is his 18th.

I will sort it somehow, it's what us mum's do.

I do have some money coming in after midnight, it will just have to be a very late shop. Thank goodness for 24 hour shopping.

But if I had been paid by the CSA I would have gone by now.

Poor you.
I think that it is a big deal in your case.

If the worse comes to the worse, is there someone who could lend you some of those things?

No, it's fine, I will just go to the all night Tesco later.

I have bought all things that he has gone through in his life, "It's a Boy" rice paper wafer, Thomas the Tank, Minecraft, Playstation, XBox, Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemaon, to guitars which he does now. So all these are to go on his cake. That is why it is important, because a lot of thought and preparation has gone into it. (Either rice paper pics or tiny models.)

Plus he only has a couple of things to open as his present is membership to a gym nearby for a few months.

The CSA have just phoned back and they have now sorted the payment and put it through as urgent. It won't get to me for the morning but never mind. I was just upset that they had said they had sorted it last week when they hadn't. Never mind, it will be something to look back on, a midnight dash.

I'm glad you took all that effort, and I'm sure he will be too, even if he doesn't show it all that much. I know what they can be like... But he will remember.

I remember having a similar panic about payments, between marriages, it's awful. I can remember dumping my daughter on a neighbour and running all the way into town to try to sort it before the offices closed, and being devastated, it felt like the end of the world.

I know janerowena. Another worry is that the month after my DD turned 18, payments stopped. He must have thought that all responsibility had ceased. So I do hope that he doesn't stop paying in next week. I suppose I will just have to see.

But I am now looking forward to my late shop.

Good, at last, some money paid in. I'm off then shopping. Tired, would rather be going to bed, but hey ho. My son rubyson love that, is flat out asleep on the settee!

Hope he has a lovely day xx

Typical government department.

You are a SUPERMUM.

Hope your son has a great birthday rubylady (think you said it was today but may be wrong) you have worked so hard making it special for him your a strong lady!

Happy 18th Birthday to rubyson [cake]. Hope you both enjoy the day after all the stress getting it sorted rubylady

Oh bu@@er, I always do that! for rubyson, words won't hel[ him, lol!

Thank you to all of you for wishing my son a very happy birthday.

The day started well. I finished icing the cheesecake about 3 am and got to bed about 4 am. Up about 9 am when he opened presents and cards (my dad got him two because he had forgot he had got him one ). Then I brought in the cheesecake plus sparkling fountains. He was fine, we played guess the intro with some music. Laughing, messing about.

Then his friend/girlfriend turned up and I paid for them a taxi to get to college. He went out with them after, just to the park and he said that he was feeling really down as it was 10 years since he had last seen his dad.

He had mentioned that his sister hadn't got in touch. I had told her not to get in touch as he hadn't heard off her for 12 months and I didn't want him upset. I didn't know which way to play it but I wanted a day where just people who do care about him were around him but I suppose things come to the surface on special days.

Anyway, knowing that he wanted to speak to her, I text her and asked her to get in touch with him, which she did. He says if anyone knows how he feels over his dad then she will do but she was a lot older, 18 at the time when he was 8. And I don't think it has affected her as much really. He used to go to his dad's, she didn't (her own choice).

So today has been a bit of a damp squib. I really didn't want it to unfold like this, I wanted a day for him to look back on and have good memories. Why do they do this to their own children? Do parents not realise that children grow up and will eventually want answers to how they have been treated in the past?

I want to wipe out his hurt like a board duster on a blackboard, but it won't happen. He hates his birthday he says because he has the memory of being left on the doorstep on his 8th birthday and never seeing his dad again since. He moved away shortly afterwards and never got back in touch and never answered messages or phone calls. It would make you question what you had done wrong. Even though I don't think at all it was anything my son did. My ex was married again and to a very domineering woman. But then if he was acting as she wanted, he acted spineless towards his own flesh and blood.

p.s. I did pass on your wishes to him and he said thank you to you all and he loves his name on here, rubyson.

I guess any of his birthdays will be shadowed by what happened but at least he enjoyed the efforts you'd made to make it special rubylady

You didn't and haven't done anything wrong, and nothing is going to change the past. It's good that he spoke to his sister and perhaps she could help him get some perspective on his father's callous behaviour?

You're doing the very best you can, perhaps the day wasn't as flat as you think?

((Hugs)) x

Does the fact that he is now 18 mean that CSA payments will finish, or do they continue while he is still in education? Life will be hard if the money stops but he is not working, hope all will be ok. How thoughtful were your gifts and little touches ! You have done a great job raising Rubyson on your own, be proud!

My son would be very upset about not having balloons and a birthday cake. And he's 31-ish (I think)

that was to Ana.

For goodnesxs sake Rubylady! Your son is old enough to put all that stuff behind him. Tell him to grow up. He does sound very ungrateful. Perhaps you try too hard.

I had a very dear Scottish friend who's dad left him and his mum when he was young, and he never got over the hurt. My two, my daughter especially, took a long time to get over their father leaving us, even though they were in their later teens when it happened.It's the sense of betrayal never goes away..it's nothing to do with growing up. And young men especially feel a lot of anger about it .

love and happy birthday to your son

Jingle you are all heart xxx