Wills and fairness

I agree with those who say 50/50 . When my Mum was ill she came to live with me and I looked after her until she died at home with us all here . She talked about leaving her house to me as my sister is very well off and has a husband which I do not . I , on the other hand , scrape by just managing but do own my own house . I asked her not to as I value the relationship with my sister and felt that it would cause hurt , resentment and affect our relationship . Why should my sister not get the half she is entitled to because her and her husband have worked hard and built up a business . Some may think I am crazy but I am still glad that she did not treat us differently because of our circumstances . Consider the affect on their relationship before you make a will .

That's such kind thinking f77ms. Would that more siblings were so sensible. Parents can often make or break family relationships forever in the division of their property and the sad thing is, the future generations have to live with the sometimes horrible consequences.

Our will splits our assets equally between our DDs. However I am not sure what I would do if one DD appeared to have a greater need for support, particularly due to a disability.
Hopefully the siblings a loving towards each other and would look out for each other in the future. Only the parent/s will be able to judge that.

May be better to speak to both your children. Your daughter may not be happy to be treated better than her brother - you did say she was independent.

If your son resented his sister for being given more it could cause a rift between them after you have gone. Will your son be the only close family she will have?

Your daughter having the support of her brother is surely worth more than money.

Best of luck with it all.

Wow!!thankyou! I'm overwhelmed with the number of responses so thoughtfully and warmly given. My instinct, as many of you have said, is 50/50 but then I think about the future for my daughter in this harsh social and economic climate. Lots to think about. Very interesting to hear all your views. Thanks again.

That's disgusting. An appalling thing to do. Her daughter should have had the decency to ensure it was split equally.

Harsh post Pease blossom imho.

Unless your son is a multi-millionaire investment banker and his wife the same, I'd say 50/50.

Who knows what the future holds for your son - it could be that one day he needs the money more than your daughter.

We can't predict what will happen when we've gone so 50/50 seems the most sensible, and will give you peace of mind that you've treated them equally.

There are so many different options here but ultimately whatever arrangements you make, these can be challenged by one or other of the beneficiaries if they feel aggrieved by your will.Talking to the children before making your will does not always suit the situation. I was told that I had to be careful in writing up my will as I wished to leave a smaller amount to my daughter compared to my granddaughters due to her appalling and frankly callous behaviour towards me over the years. But the solicitor warned me that my daughter could challenge the will and ask for a bigger proportion for herself and would probably get it. He then suggested to try and leave her more to help pacify her and put her off challenging the will. It resulted in my dividing my estate into 3 equal parts therefore leaving her a third of it. I felt pressured to leave her more than I wanted but just have to leave it at that knowing that I am rewarding callous behaviour. I am sure I am not alone and maybe some of you are in the same situation?

Why? It would have been the decent thing to do.

peasblossom can you elaborate on why you hold these opinions , has this happened in your family?

I think peasblossom is responding to lilyflowers post from yesterday at 11:13.

Trish29 you have received a fair few opinions on the matter of distribution of assets in your will. I feel for you as I understand how difficult it is to know just what to do as you and you alone can really make that decision as you alone know your own children and their needs. Although it is impossible to predict, you know that your daughter will need more support than your son. The advice I was given was that I can't plan for every eventuality and must write up my will as if I were to die tomorrow and the will were to take effect NOW. You can always change it as things develop and the future unfolds. Don't be hard on yourself. You are a courageous mum doing her very best for her children. Know that yourself and do what YOU think is best in today's situation. You can't do anymore can you?

I have three daughters , estate will be split 3 ways , also all 3 are executors , so they
will. all need to agree .
Have taken legal advice along the way .
Also have enduring power of attorney in place , ( I can trust them )
Funeral arrangements also paid for & in place ,my girls are fully conversant with all these arrangements.

My parent (I'm being very vague here - just in case...) has left everything to my child.
My sibling and I will get virtually nothing - a few knickknacks I think. (My sibling is actually a half-sib although we don't think about it like that - so they will get everything from their other parent - my other parent is dead a long time ago).
I have not fallen out with the parent concerned - we have a reasonable relationship, no better or worse than the relationship with the grandchild (who is as bewildered as I am about this).
I have asked the parent why they have done this (although that is awkward because I don't believe it's my 'right' to get anything).
No satisfactory answer. My financial position is not good - I don't own a home so it's not as if I am all fine and don't need anything.
I don't talk about it with the parent anymore.

It gets even more complicated when step children are involved. I've been with my partner 12 years and the house is in my name, but to be fair, I doubt I could have kept paying the mortgage without his contribution. My 2 children will not get anything from their father but his two children from different mums, are each sole beneficiary to their mum's estates and those estates are each much more than mine. I want my children to have my house between them (providing care fees don't take it of course) as his will be well provided for. I have an insurance policy in case I go before him which he has been happy with, he doesn't want to stay in the house without me, but he wants to leave something to his children from it. It gets so difficult, I keep putting off making a will.

My DS lives in Australia, he and DIL are high earners and it doesn't look as if they will have children. They are not very good at keeping in touch, although we do manage to see them every other year. My DD, on the other hand, lives close to me, has 2 DSs and I know she will look after me and my DH in our later years. I want to give my DD a larger share as she does a lot for us and will do more in the future. So I am thinking on splitting our inheritance 3 ways, one third for DD, one third for DS and one third to split between surviving DGCs. I don't think a 50/50 share is fair in this instance.

I really feel that disclosing the content of one's will to family members must be carefully thought through as it can cause of lot of resentment from those members who feel they are 'entitled' to inheriting more of the estate or even all of it. And believe me, feeling 'entitled' they do! You end up wanting to sell up and spend the lot on yourself before you die!

Not read all of the posts, but so your daughter does not lose benefits but funds can still pay for holidays, special equipment etc. you could consider including a Vulnerable Beneficiary Trust in your Will, this also has tax advantages.

Speak to a specialist solicitor, says a specialist solicitor!

And lodge the will with a solicitor . Don't just leave it in the family bible in a hidden compartment in grandma's desk. Yes dear uncle I'm talking about you.

Yes I agree it should be 50/50 but my son has had no contact does not
Wish to have any dispite husband and myself trying very hard.
He lives only 10 miles away.

He got married and told all his family that it was a new start for him
and wanted no contact with anymore that he was related to.

So that makes making a will very hard my daughter has been there
For us all her life

So does that make it fair that he had half I don't think so as sad as it
Is.

We are leaving everything to be divided equally between our 5 children, despite the eldest being disabled. The solicitor drafting the wills asked if we wanted to leave her extra, but we said no, because we`re sure that the others will make sure that she will be alright.

Does she need anybody to administer/oversee her share number or will she be fine coping with that? I also wondered if you need to make any provision for her accommodation when the time comes?

Sorry Daphne, only just seen your reply. She accepts that she will go into some kind f residential care. She`s not a youngster, she`s almost 53, so does realise that she won`t be living with me forever. As I said, she`ll receive an equal amount to what her brothers and sisters will get. They`ll help her get sorted when the time comes.

Lyndylou if you don't make a will and you die before your husband, your daughters will get nothing at all as if you die intestate, it all goes to your husband!! Just saying.