Wills and fairness

peasblossom can you elaborate on why you hold these opinions , has this happened in your family?

Why? It would have been the decent thing to do.

There are so many different options here but ultimately whatever arrangements you make, these can be challenged by one or other of the beneficiaries if they feel aggrieved by your will.Talking to the children before making your will does not always suit the situation. I was told that I had to be careful in writing up my will as I wished to leave a smaller amount to my daughter compared to my granddaughters due to her appalling and frankly callous behaviour towards me over the years. But the solicitor warned me that my daughter could challenge the will and ask for a bigger proportion for herself and would probably get it. He then suggested to try and leave her more to help pacify her and put her off challenging the will. It resulted in my dividing my estate into 3 equal parts therefore leaving her a third of it. I felt pressured to leave her more than I wanted but just have to leave it at that knowing that I am rewarding callous behaviour. I am sure I am not alone and maybe some of you are in the same situation?

Unless your son is a multi-millionaire investment banker and his wife the same, I'd say 50/50.

Who knows what the future holds for your son - it could be that one day he needs the money more than your daughter.

We can't predict what will happen when we've gone so 50/50 seems the most sensible, and will give you peace of mind that you've treated them equally.

Harsh post Pease blossom imho.

That's disgusting. An appalling thing to do. Her daughter should have had the decency to ensure it was split equally.

Wow!!thankyou! I'm overwhelmed with the number of responses so thoughtfully and warmly given. My instinct, as many of you have said, is 50/50 but then I think about the future for my daughter in this harsh social and economic climate. Lots to think about. Very interesting to hear all your views. Thanks again.

May be better to speak to both your children. Your daughter may not be happy to be treated better than her brother - you did say she was independent.

If your son resented his sister for being given more it could cause a rift between them after you have gone. Will your son be the only close family she will have?

Your daughter having the support of her brother is surely worth more than money.

Best of luck with it all.

Our will splits our assets equally between our DDs. However I am not sure what I would do if one DD appeared to have a greater need for support, particularly due to a disability.
Hopefully the siblings a loving towards each other and would look out for each other in the future. Only the parent/s will be able to judge that.

That's such kind thinking f77ms. Would that more siblings were so sensible. Parents can often make or break family relationships forever in the division of their property and the sad thing is, the future generations have to live with the sometimes horrible consequences.

I agree with those who say 50/50 . When my Mum was ill she came to live with me and I looked after her until she died at home with us all here . She talked about leaving her house to me as my sister is very well off and has a husband which I do not . I , on the other hand , scrape by just managing but do own my own house . I asked her not to as I value the relationship with my sister and felt that it would cause hurt , resentment and affect our relationship . Why should my sister not get the half she is entitled to because her and her husband have worked hard and built up a business . Some may think I am crazy but I am still glad that she did not treat us differently because of our circumstances . Consider the affect on their relationship before you make a will .

Speaking from bitter experience, make sure you talk to both of your children, whatever you decide. No point doing what you think is best and not letting them know what's what beforehand. Trust me, I know!

When I downsized I brought 2 identical buy to let properties, which are in my will to each of my two children, the remainder of my estate to be divided equally between my grandchildren. Seemed the best way of avoiding future arguments and resentment.

Yes true .50/50 I agree

I agree with all those saying 50/50 otherwise you can foster resentment and it is almost a type of moral blackmail asking your son if it is OK, because he would feel obliged to say 'yes'.

Because of her disability if your daughter is unable to work she will be eligible for benefits including housing benefits. If she does not want to join a group living scheme it may be helpful if she has a house or flat of her own.

However my parents left a house to a disabled grandchild. It was in the wrong place. He lives in a Peabody trust housing group of 6 flats for the disabled. He is the only one of the six working. should he be unable to work he will not be eligible for benefits until he has spent the extra money my parents left him through the gift of a house. The good thing is that he is not living with his parents by near them. This means that when they die he will not loose his home as he has his own. This is perhaps the most important gift that your daughter gets a place of her own whilst you are alive.

My father was very mean to my mother and to us, his two daughters. When he married and died his new wife (as is legal) had everything and although she talked of evening things up in her will and leaving my sister and I a share she actually left my dad's house solely to her daughter. That's life.

With no family problems and siblings sincerely attached to each other, our estate will also be split between them except - we are leaving both our grandchildren something as well. As one of our children is childless we have discussed this with both and both are happy with our intentions.

I think the key in these circumstances is to talk to your son and also have a chat with a solicitor about setting up a trust. My two better off DCs have never minded the support I have always provided for the third.
You may trust your DCs to look after each other but they aren't the only ones involved, marriages break down and accidents can happen. Who would do the looking after then?

Straight fifty/fifty without question. I have 3 offspring - one is a millionaire, one is fairly poor and one is somewhere in the middle. We have left everything to them all equally in the secure knowledge that they love each other and that no one child would leave the others in difficulty if they could help. We just have to trust our children to play fair and equal shares for all is part of your playing fair.

We don't know how much or little we are talking about here!
BUT! Have you thought of putting some of your money, most likely from the sale of your house into a trust fund and your son and daughter can only draw off the interest each year for their life and then the same for all blood related grandchildren for how many years as stated in your will. Thus your money staying within the family and you will be helping a lot of people.

Lillie There are all sorts of reasons for not treating children fairly and the OP gives one of them. Justice and fairness are factors more important than equality.

In my own family my grandfather left everything he had, which was, essentially just the house, to the unmarried daughter who lived with him and his wife and had provided the help and support they needed in their old age. He did this with the knowledge and agreement of his ten other children, all married and with homes of their own.

However I do think, in most cases, every child should be left something. I read a very poignant article by someone who had been very successful compared with the rest of their family and she had known about and agreed with her parents decision to leave their estate to her siblings, but found herself deeply upset, when this happened. She said she realised that to a certain extent, a will is a final act of love from parents to children, so no child should be excluded. She didn't want an equal share with her siblings, but she wanted a mention in the will and a bequest along side her siblings, even if it was only a token amount of money.

Trish - I think you should leave son and daughter the same amount. Sometimes it's tricky to second guess the needs of others. You say your son is 'very lucky' buying in London but in truth he may be saddled with a heavy mortgage. Also, your daughter (not wishing to sound insensitive) may ultimately be entitled to appropriate benefits and support which, if she had cash assets, would be taken into account in any assessment. Others have suggested talking situation over with your son to make sure he looks after his sister which sounds excellent advice.

Lillie, in my circumstances I dont treat my children equally and never will and I certainly wont be rewarding them when I die!

the clue here is the word 'fairly'. One child clearly has more need of the inheritance. We have discussed our wills with our children. Our son and his wife are, on their own admission, comfortable to say the least. While we haven't cut them out we have left the bulk to our single daughter who still lives with us. When we discussed this with them my daughter in law was surprised we were leaving them anything at all. Adult children should be able to understand that love doesn't equate to money. Do you have some family heirlooms ( not necessarily valuable) that your son would appreciate?