Wills and fairness

Being fair to children is not necessarily treating them the same. It's about their needs at the time. You know your children. I would trust one of them to to ensure that the other was looked after according to her need. Her benefit position could be affected by an inheritance. Difficult.

if the two get on well- why not discuss how you feel with your son and involve him in the decision. That was there will be no shock or resentment when the time comes.

How can parents not treat their children equally, regardless?

At the moment it sounds as if your daughter is managing very well with an independent income stream.
I would be cautious of leaving her an amount of money that might upset the status quo.

Talk to your son about your concerns before you write your will.

If it were me due to your daughters health I would give her two thirds and my son a third to ensure that daughter has some extra monies to fall back on.

I don't see there is any other way than a straight 50/50 split. Special needs don't come into it - they are both your children.

your daughter may be better not having capital money .I suggest leaving most to your son .

There are so many variables here including how much your estate will be when you die - it could be a life changing amount for one or both of your children or could have mostly been eaten up paying for care in your old age. You might not die till they're in very different financial circumstances. Given all the uncertainties I'd have a chat with your son but not to suggest an unequal split. I'd leave them half each and ask your son to take financial care of his sister as best he can when you're gone.

Please talk to your son, my father didn't and left me with a complicated mess to sort out resulting from his will.

All the best.

Could you have a chat with your son to gauge his feelings about being left a less than even share? I don't have any experience though..

Just as a point of interest concerning your daughters condition would it be Ushers Syndrome? We have the gene in our family and an affected niece and nephew.