Hi Abbey, hopefully you are still reading the responses oh this thread, and I hope to give you a constructive answer.
Firstly, you could have asked your question without laying all your finances open for discussion - bad move, and obviously it has influenced opinions.
Secondly, I really don't understand your lack of knowledge regarding married woman's insurance stamp contributions. Jalima is spot on with the rules that existed at the time of the change. I know it was certainly made clear to me by my employer, and there was plenty of information circulated at the time. As a side, a friend of mine stayed on married woman's stamp, and bragged that she invested the money she saved through low contributions in a savings policy, and now is campaigning for fairer pensions?The mind boggles!
Anyway to get back on topic, your husband is being very unfair and a tad greedy I think. It does sound like you have a full on job and its sometimes hard to let go if it's been an important part of your life. You used the following words:
I do not intend wasting her gift to me, spending it on keeping my early retirement going. I have worked for my NI contributions and I am being made to work even longer before I get my state pension, the least that should happen is that I should get it, in its entirety and not give more scumbags money by leaving my work and letting someone else do it probably less well than I do it.
The 2 things that jump out are you should be enjoying your legacy, your aunt would have wanted that, get your head out of the sand Abbey for goodness sake spend some of it, I promise you will not end up destitute! Don't see it as waste, just don't waste 3 valuable years for an extra K1 a year.
The other thing is the suggestion that your successor in your job will probably do it less well than you do!!! Google The indispensable man!! It says it all.
Best wishes and I hope you take on board that you are in such a fortunate position financially it's not worth struggling on for a few more crumbs! But just my opinion! And in answer to your question as what is enough - there is no stock answer, as those of us who have to just cut our cloth accordingly.