Changing a joint Will

Is it morally wrong to make a will, excluding one child, that never sees or cares for you. I still love this child who is very wealthy, my other who is not and I get on and he does care for me. if I did that, could the one I exclude contest it, she has the money to do that. I don't want to leave siblings at odds with each other although they are barely in contact now either. The money doesn't interest me when I've gone, it's the house I live in where the equity lies.

Well done Cathy04
Sometimes the thought of doing something is worse than the deed!

Thank you all for your replies.

Spurred on by your posts I broached the subject, concentrating on my feelings. I said that I would respect his wishes should he go before me and he said he would respect mine. I think part of the problem is that he hates the thought of me 'going' before him. He was horrified when he realised how upset I feel and we had a good talk. He also agreed that the Wills needed changing and has no problem with the children getting equal shares.He also said that his relation has no need of the money so everything could be divided between them. So the result is that we have written out 2 copies of new Wills, mine and his and have made an appointment with a solicitor.

I think the idea of a separate letter detailing my wishes regarding funeral arrangements is a good one so I will do that.

Something else, a couple of people suggested giving pieces of jewelry while I am alive. Don't know why I didn't think of that.
So all in all a good result.

To add to what Cinnamon said, I think that 'Mirror Wills' are popular with couples who would not have complications of step-children etc because they are cheaper - both identical apart from changing the names on each!

With regard to your premium bonds, I would suggest you read up the rules about what happens to them if someone dies. I think they can be entered for the monthly draws for 1 year, but after that they become part of the estate, and cannot be passed on to anyone. Please read the rules about what you can do, as it looks to me that the only way you could let your children have them is by cashing them in and letting your children buy them with the money. Or by making your own will, I think you must get legal advice, otherwise your children may end up with nothing.

And as regards your remains, that is a matter for your executors, so the new Will should appoint the children as the executors (not your husband) and they can then carry out your wishes.

As a practising solicitor in this field I would say that you must go to see a solicitor with experience in Wills, and change your Will. Your assets are in joint names with your husband, so will pass to him automatically if you die first. You need to change that by "severing" the joint tenancy so you become "tenants in common". You can then leave your half of the assets to whoever you like. That's a very simple step involving a letter from you to your husband and the solicitor will be able to prepare that, but you do need to notify your husband. Then you make a new Will. Your new Will can leave all your assets outright to your children, who I expect would be devastated if they found that you had almost completely left them out of your Will.
A word or two about the terminology:
"Mirror Wills" has no legal meaning except that they are two Wills in the same form eg "all to my spouse if I die first." "Joint Will" might mean a single Will executed by both of you and is very unusual indeed. "Mutual Wills" are where you have promised each other that you will make Wills in a certain way and not change them without each other's knowledge or (possibly) consent. Again very unusual. Go to see a solicitor. Take copies of your and your husband's existing Wills if you have them. Don't delay.

Dear cathy04 - Please, please do get to a Solicitor! If you are worrying about this being costly, it does not need to be - just use the "Free Will Writing Service" which most Solicitors can do for you, in which you nominate your favourite Charity - all you pay is an even modest Donation to that Charity. This is exactly what I did last October, making a donation to Cats Protection. I came away with five copies of a 4-page Will, one each for my children and myself, and the 5th copy left safely with the Solicitor. I believe he also sent an electronic copy for safe-keeping to the National Will Register in London. Do be sure to tell your children to keep their copy safe, and always know your wishes re Burial/cremation/or whatever your wishes are.

This really must be sorted out asap. It's no good your DH saying it doesn't matter about things after he's dead - because it does. It will make things very difficult to administer the estate without a Will, and will be very costly.

Having heped my husband administer his late mother's estate, it was a very stressful time and took 18 months to finalise - probate can take up to 9 months alone without any other difficulties.

So, think about those left behind - the last thing they will want to do in their time of loss and grief is to be embroiled in uncertainty. xx

I have a husband who tells me not to worry as he will out live me.with his health not likely. There was one point I raised frequently. Then he came home one day and said his friends had said exactly what I had. Youwoukd think I had never mentioned it. It was immediately done!

My wife and I made a will in the 90s when we went back to the solicitors to change it in 2006 they had been taken over by another firm of solicitors and they could find 'no trace' of us ever making a will even though we had a receipt and letter from the original firm. They also told us that they could make a new will for us but if they acted as executor of the will they have a stranded charge of £9,000 pounds.
No thanks in the end we contacted Which who done it for us.

You should also look into making your joint ownership of the property into tenants in common. Although this will not alter any IHT it will give you the right to decide who should get part of the house proceeds.

With regard to your wishes for your funeral, make people aware of that separately from your Will. People very often don't look at the Will until after the funeral.

We haven't made a will yet, but I don't want to leave anything to our son's. One of them said he has no problem with this. Our other son hasn't spoken to us for nearly one year. We want to leave everything to our 4 grandchildren.

Seek legal advice. It really is the only way through this. You have an absolute right to leave your possessions etc to whom you wish. Good luck.

My husband and I are 'second time around'. We own our house as tenants in common and our shares are left to our children. The surviving spouse has the right to live in the house but must maintain it.
I have savings in my name which would go straight to my children and my husband's savings would go straight to his. The only joint account we have is for household bills and we both pay equal amounts into this.
The only problem that is obvious to me is if the surviving partner wanted to move, maybe downsize. As I am older than my husband, I have said to my daughters to allow him to move the money to another property but still keep the appropriate amount in their names. They are not money grabbing so would do this.

I am not clear what the current position is if you were to predecease your OH under the terms of the joint will. Maybe you need to start again and create separate wills. Are you happy for your own children not to be among the beneficiaries?

Write down what you want to happen and take that to a solicitor to make it happen.

Cathy04, have you considered what would happen to your legacy if your husband's close relative inherited and died shortly afterwards. My dad & siblings were very happy for their father's house to be left to his housekeeper/old friend who had cared for him for years. However, when the dear lady died 6 months later it then passed to her ne'er-do-well thief of a son who grand-dad hated. In no way suggesting that this would be anyone else's experience but it's worth thinking about the bigger picture and longer term.
As others are saying, please do consult a
professional.

Your husband can do whatever he wants wth his share of the house but for peace of mind you need to see a solicitor and have your wills changed. You need to do this sooner rather than later. You do have to tell your husband what you plan to do and why. I'm sure he'll be fine about it but if he isn't you will just have to go along and see a solicitor on your own. Yes,you can leave your share of the property to your children but like others on here have said why don't you ask your daughter to choose a few pieces of jewellery now!.

Any good family law firm of solicitors will be able to help you.

The last thing you want is for your assets to go to to a wealthy relative of your husband when you have children!

If he isn't bothered (which he should be) then you will have to consult a solicitor yourself. Like a lot of people he probably doesn't like to think about mortality but getting valid wills can save a whole lot of expense and bad feeling and worry and resentment.

If he won't see a solicitor you will have to bite the bullet and take yourself. You need advice.

Or at least try the Citizens' Advice Bureau.

He might say he doesn`t care what happens after he is dead but surely he would like to be remembered fondly.

Because of things in my FIL`s will his children and his wife now have some very negative feelings about him - not because of the amount of money concerned but because his will hadn`t been written correctly and it has caused much stress sorting it out. I don`t believe he was deliberately unkind but he hadn`t considered all of the implications that the will led to.

I would recommend you see the wills and ask a solicitor to go through them to see if anything needs clarifying

Surely this is a case for consulting an expert - ie a solicitor? That's what they do, innit?

margrete I think I got joint tenancy and tenants in common the wrong way round.
Joint tenants is the more usual way for a married couple to own a property.
Just off to check ours

We're giving to our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren as fast as we can, whilst we're aware to enjoy watching. Saving enough aside for good end of life care and holidays. Our funerals are written and arranged. Get thee to an attorney!

As I'm a Catholic and no one else in my family attends church I've sorted out exactly what I want for my funeral. I downloaded a profirma from a church in Somerset and I've filled in all the readings and hymns I want. I'm at an age where I go to lots of funerals and I know how trait it can be for your relatives to sort out all these things. My sister has done exactly the same. DH and I have mirror wills but every thing will be divided between our 3 children equally