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Need to hear thoughts of a gran or grandpa

(5 Posts)
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Gigi1975 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:46:41

I'm not sure if I'm meant to post on here as I'm not a gran but I hope it's ok as I'd love to hear some thoughts on this from a gran or grandpa.
My husband and I live in our own home which we bought 6 years ago, 4 years ago we had our son. Our world changed in so many positive ways. Unfortunately, our finances wasn't one. We spent a number of years getting back on top of our finances as my income had dropped, due to part time working, and our cost of living had gone up. My older brother has always been pretty hit or miss with money and during this time he ended up renting a flat from my parents a few years ago where he pays them a fairly cheap rent while they maintain the property as landlords.
My brother has now decided he wants to get on the property ladder and can afford a small mortgage but he wants my parents to sell this current property and put the money into a new property in a better area.
That's a brief summary of the situation. I could go into more detail but the gist of what I'd like to ask is, would you do all this for one child but not another? Sometimes I feel like I'm being penalised for standing on my own two feet and not asking for help even though I often feel like we're struggling. I worry about the way this makes me feel because I love my family and want them to be happy but I also struggle with feeling a slight sense of injustice. I'd love to hear from an older parent's point of view. Is this something you would do for one child and not the other? Is this common in other families?

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Leticia Mon 24-Apr-17 06:46:05

I personally would never do something for one child without doing it for another but everyone is different and plenty do.
Do they actually know that you are struggling financially? Quite possibly you seem the sensible one who can get on in life and he is the opposite and can't function alone.
I would discuss it with them - finding what is common in families is not really a help.

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Grannyknot Mon 24-Apr-17 07:24:01

Hi gigi that's a tricky question. We are fair when it comes to helping out our adult children, but one has needed it more than the other in the past (through circumstances beyond control).

I don't understand though, from your OP, if your brother can now get on the property ladder, what that has to do with your parents selling the flat he rents from them. Surely, he buys his own place, and off he goes? Or are they expected to help him buy a place?

Another point to make I think is about choices. For example, if someone chooses to have children, then I'm not sure ageing parents can be expected to help out with the resultant drop in income due to one parent needing to work less...

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Christinefrance Mon 24-Apr-17 07:46:37

Yes its a bit like the Prodigal son isn't it ? I am not sure why your parents need to sell their investment to fund your brother either.
Having children is a choice you made and we have to make sacrifices for them one way and another. Don't let this affect your family relationships but enjoy your children and your independence.

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J52 Mon 24-Apr-17 08:38:16

Sometimes it is difficult to be even handed. An older child might get help with driving lessons, a car, university, a wedding and a house deposit, before a younger sibling.
At some point it would appear that the older child has received more than the younger one.
I think most parents would want to help their children, if they can, but perhaps evening out the help, especially monetary, comes later.

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