Child arrangement order

Thank you Caroline.. Your advice is good. I will never give up hope. I won't take it down the legal route because I think she will see it as a complete betrayal of trust. I can put myself in her situation. I don't like her much and the feeling is probably mutual. I don't know what's going on in her life I just wish she could put that aside and think of the effect it is having on her son. I know he must be missing me because of our very close relationship.. Its bound to have an effect on his wellbeing. I caught a glimpse of him recently, he had lost weight, looked pale and was wearing a dirty coat. These small things I hope are being picked up by the school. My heart aches to hold him and see his lovely smile. Grandparents love is so precious. Mine were too far away and ill to care for me and I know I missed out which is why I wanted him to know me and the ways of our family to help him with good zf esteem. As grandparents we see the little things with our little ones, like it's the first time. My grandson and I would discuss everything new he saw, we'd talk about transformers and other characters he liked. I'd sing him the spiderman song, introduce him to classical music and old fairytale..he liked to see the steam trains and we do lots of pretend play together. All the things that children liked to do. There's nothing like the joy of being a grandparent.

This happened to me in 2005 joyfulnanna and I thought I would die of a broken heart, literally my heart ached at the sheer mess of it all.

However I knew that if I’d tried to go down the legal route with my daughter it would make things worse, probably unfixable. It appeared to be a control thing with her at a time when she had none in her marriage and I would have lost a battle of wills with her having the aces ie grandchildren.

It took 5 long, hard years of me getting on with my life (and I made it a good one) making occasional attempts at reconciliation and eventually it paid off with her agreeing to meet.

Almost a decade later we are in a good place and those times are behind us, never discussed by mutual agreement- it had to be that way otherwise the potential for it to happen again following endless re-hashing would hang over us.

Please don’t give up hope that you too can have a happy ending no matter how far in the future but have as good a life as you can right now albeit without them.

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1252499-Support-for-all-who-are-living-with-estrangement?pg=26

There's the thread I mentioned. IIRC the ladies there have some experience of considering court action. They also have the same experience as you and can help you navigate the decision.

Sorry but I can't see this going well. If there is a rift between you and your daughter, I can't imagine that any court order will convince her to let you see your grandson any more than she does now. My advice would be to try to break down the barrier that she has put up between you . It seems to have been quite sudden - maybe something has happened where she got a bad impression of you . Is there anyone who knows you both, who could talk to her ? Best wishes to you - I can't imagine how painful this must be for you.

When was the last time you had contact with him and how regular was the contact prior to that?
Did he ever live with you?

Hello kitty yes I am new on here ?

Welcome JoyfulNanna if you are new.

Thank you for your suggestions girls. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Muffinthemoo.. I will send a letter in the terms you suggested. Of course no one wants to receive anything threatening, I have tried to put myself in her shoes, I have always put her first. Grandparents can apply for leave of the court to apply for access. It's not automatic but if the judge grants it, you can apply for contact. Thousands of people do so every year.. I just need to find some of them to tell me what happened so I have a better understanding of the process and pitfalls, although I probably won't do this, I guess I'm trying to find reasons to justify why not. Each day, week and month that goes by not seeing my beautiful grandson is like grieving a death. Its feels similar to watching my own mother die a little everyday with dementia. Heartbreaking.

Joyfulnanna...I read that only a parent or guardian (someone who already has parental rights in place) can apply for a Child Arrangement Order.

I cant put the link up for you, but I'm assuming you can google it.

I'm sorry you are having these problems, good luck

Might I suggest you post in the "Support for estranged grandparents" thread and ask them to come take a look at this thread?

The ladies there have much personal experience of estrangement and they will be able to give you the support and advice you need.

I dont believe taking it to court will make anything better ,in fact it will make her dig her heels in to stop you seeing him.We grandparents dont have the right to see GC ....its entirely up to the parents when and if we do.You're best bet is to send her a message saying you accept her decision but hope that with tme she will change her mind for your sake but mainly for the child who will miss you.Dont accuse her and dont threaten .Its counterproductive.I wish you all the best ,I would be devastated if I didn't see mine .

I would like to hear of anyone out there who has applied for a child arrangement order and how that went. What else do you do when you're estranged? I just need to know how gruelling it is. Is it worth doing or NOT? As I said earlier, please post your exp of this. Thanks x

Hi
I have tried these steps.. Sent her an email, then tried to see her, then tried to get a mediation appt. All she does is reject my offers, and tell lies to mutual friends. I don't know where she lives and am heartbroken not to see my gc but if I take formal steps through the court, I don't want it to drag on and result in additional bad feelings. I don't know why she thinks it's OK to stop me seeing my GC. It tortures me to think how much he must miss me.

I have no personal experience of this and am sorry about your situation. However court orders may not be the solution. Do you know the reasons behind her decision? Perhaps mediation might help if your daughter agreed but at present it seems unlikely. A letter to her maybe? Good luck.