Unfair Will

Some lovely older relatives in my family had little to leave and I and my DS were just glad to have received their love and we loved them.

15 years ago my last GP passed and the greedy manoeuvring around the tiny pot of money they left exposed the characters of some. One rellie spent all of theirs on clothes after manoeuvring and getting a solicitor on to the case.

I couldn’t care less - if people want to fight and back stab over a will, I say let them carry on.

For me, the memories of time spent and unconditional love with loved ones is worth more than all the coin in Arabia.??

I expect it's easy to be holier than thou about inheritance when you are already very comfortably off, which I believe from your previous posts you are Gabriella.

There are some people on here who are really struggling financially - perhaps having to continue working when they are ill and exhausted - and to get some sort of inheritance would take so much weight from their shoulders.

I don't think children should feel "entitled"to an inheritance but I do think most parents (including me) want to leave something to their children (though - unlike many - I am also a great fan of the idea of increasing inheritance tax, not decreasing it - even if it does affect my own children). However, I don't think parents should deprive themselves in order to leave money to their adult children.

I do not have siblings but I sincerely hope that if I did, we would not be fighting over money and possessions but would willingly take a lesser share if another sibling was genuinely in greater need. There are some very disturbing stories on here of greed and betrayal and, as others have said, it's not just about money. If there are unexplained disparities between what people are bequeathed it can lead to feelings of being rejected or unloved.

Oh dear loveoc how awful for Yr father and u

Norah, excellent point.

My parents divorced when I was 19 and I had already left home. It was only when I asked my mother at age 35 she admitted my father was not in fact my father which certainly explained why I was always treated differently. When he died he left everything to my 3 siblings who had been left enough money to each buy houses outright. One brother has never worked. When my mother developed dementia a decade later she sold her house and went to live with him and he was made POW and promptly spent all her money prior to her going into a care home so he wouldn’t have to pay any care costs. To add insult to injury I had to cough up a share of the funeral costs even though I’d been left nothing by either of them. I’m more bitter about my terrible childhood and miss neither of them.

mgtrob22 It is better never ever to expect to inherit anything and then if you do it will be a bonus. Never let the loss of expectations embitter you for the rest of your life. Money definitely doesn't bring happiness. Money does not bring any happiness at all, to my view. Equality does.

Fiachna50 For myself, I rather have had my parents alive and well. No amount of money or goods will ever replace my parents. I miss them every day. To me, make equal divisions regardless to who is the better of my children. They will all miss me.

Yes. Made all the more hurtful by the fact my Mother lied that I'd get the same when her and my Dad've both gone that my Sister's already had. Mum's gone, when I mentioned it to my Dad, he laughed. End of conversation.

Totally agree with GabriellaG54. I have witnessed people conniving to hopefully obtain inheritance. It is better never ever to expect to inherit anything and then if you do it will be a bonus. Never let the loss of expectations embitter you for the rest of your life. Money definitely doesn't bring happiness.

My mil had 4 children, will in place for years leaving it in equal measures. Sil swoops in at the last minute moves mil to be near her and gets her to change her will leaving it to just her. Mil was in hospital at the tim e with cancer and very ill, she got her to sign it in there. 2 years of contesting and we walk away with nothing! Apparently she was of sound mind even tho she couldn't remember making the original will!!

Has anybody else any experience of this type of hurt?

My question, which some people have been kind enough to answer in pm.

Thanks.

When my mum passed away, I, as the executor of the will followed it to the letter even though my two older brothers schemed and plotted, mainly against each other, to get all sorts of stuff out of her before she passed away. She had dementia and the favoured child (younger of the two brothers) tried every trick in the book to get as much money as possible out of her before I held the reins. I took great pleasure in stopping him in his tracks. If she had realised what this beloved son was really like she would have been devastated. I could have kept money back from the pair of them after she passed but didn’t.

People that behave in such a way have no shame and I’m a big believer in karma. Let them reap what they sow.

How can we possibly respond- as we do not know why this has happened?

We do not know what the other family member has done ro the poster either. I know that one of my brothers got his 1/3rd share - despite the fact he never helped my parents, and behaved really badly towards them, and sponged on them of his life- but his debts to them were never recorded officially.

Unless we know what has happened and the circumstances, how can we say if it was fair or not fair???

Endre123
Unbelievable.

My question was to Gabriella. If you are so very certain that you are right about everything, what is the point on coming onto this site.

From what I see many people use it as a safe sounding board to air issues and problems they may be shy to tell friends or family. That in turn gathers opinions, and experiences which can help.

I know how you feel, my mother was as evil, great actress, superb manipulator and left a lifetime trail of devastation, in fact was responsible for 2 suicides! She could appear as the outraged innocent. Although dead now, I feel such hatred towards her, she corrupted lives. Folks say move on forgive, but I shall never forgive, and feel like you do, seeing your lovely dad dominated with his wishes totally ignored. Karma will come, it is amazing how the bad get their nastiness right back. Totally understand your distress and the biggest punishment for the liars is for you to be so happy and show it. Make your life great, honour your dad with some beauty, a wonderful garden, bench with his name on, achieve something he would have loved you to do. Banish the thoughts of the horrid ones to the trash bin where they belong.

Wills can be contested where coercion has been exercised or where there may be evidence of fraud.
In DH’s case both parents had stated shortly before their deaths that there was a straight 3 way split between the AC. However, as DH has MH problems the brothers were made executors, and he never saw the will. I was too unwell to look into it, and Although both parents owned mortgage free houses in the south and FIL was a senior partner in a prosperous solicitors firm mysteriously the legacy was tiny.
As others have said it’s the duplicity and greed that is so upsetting and the feeling that his brothers didn’t care about him and were willing to take advantage of his vulnerability to feather their own nests! We are separated so my anger is on his behalf since I would not have benefited whatever the outcome. He has never felt strong enough to challenge things and has just dropped contact with them. It’s all very sad

It happened to me and my husband but in the larger picture people who do this come to no good .Its I’ll gotten gains .My husbands aunt did him out if his I heritable but twelve months to the day from his mum being cremated the aunt was cremated. Enjoy good health ,let them get on with their greedy lives and enjoy your life . Don’t let it define you or you will be bitter . Laugh ,give , love ,enjoy .

Why do you bother?

BlueBelle
Yes. Everyone knows exactly what I stand for and exactly what I mean. No grey areas, no confusion, no skirting around the facts or trying to make things sound more acceptable to everyone everywhere.
I'm not courting fans or looking for agreement, just giving my opinion.
If you like grey...good.
If I like black or white...good.

icanhandthemback
If it's not in writing backed up by an independent witness then you have no guarantee and even the paper has no absolute irrevocable value if someone chooses to challenge it.
I'd never put my trust in a verbal agreement.

at some point you have to let go of the fantasy relationship you thought you had with the deceased person

wise words.

Those people saying " it's only money" ,yes it is . If you have money it is more of the same. If you don't it's a life line.

I can never understand why wills can be contested.

Obviously if it is thought that the deceased had possibly been coerced or if children or dependents are involved then that’s different

However otherwise I feel very strongly that an individual’s will should always stand even if the entire fortune is left to the cats’ home!

Greed is always at the bottom of most cases I fear.

Yes my DH (who is vulnerable due to MH problems) was stiched up by his brothers over his father and mothers wills (died within a few months of each other) unfortunately this coincided with my developing cancer and subsequently nearly dying so I was unable to help him challenge things and time has now passed

Gosh the horror stories!
I was the executor of my Mum's will (Dad left all to Mum, Mum all to Dad, Dad died first) - middle daughter but regarded by Mum and Dad as the one that was "good" with money. Easy split 3 ways between us 3 daughters with a small cash sum to my elder sister's eldest child, a granddaughter my parents adored. Easy eh?

On the death of my Dad my Mum was fretting about money to pay for her funeral, anxious that her daughters wouldn't be footing the bill. So - at her insistence - we opened a small account with Alliance & Leicester which both she and I were signatories on - it had some £12,000 in it and was called the funeral fund. She told both my sisters about the fund - but didn't discuss any money matters with them, I was "her accountant", dealing with HMRC, pensions etc. She moved to be nearer one of my sisters (when Dad died they were 3 hours away from the nearest daughter - me - every other weekend driving up there on a Saturday, back on the Sunday for 6 months until the house sold), selling the 3 bed house in exchange for a 1 bed flat in a serviced block. But there was no Alliance & Leicester branch anywhere near. She set up her account with the bank in the little town she'd moved to - I went with her - and we agreed that the funeral fund would transfer to the full account as the bank and as agreed with the bank manager, on production of invoices they would pay all funeral costs.

Yeah, turns out Mum didn't tell my sisters that. And of course it wasn't my business to discuss Mum's money matters with them.

One sister knows me better than to think I'd do them out of a couple of thousand pounds, but the other still bears the grudge. The probate was handled by solicitors under my instructions and everything was copied and sent to my sisters. I had no idea there was this doubt until my other sister mentioned it 6 years after Mum's death. It bothers me that, as the one who Mum trusted with her money matters, I've been seen as the bad guy, and I'm sure there's been "gossip" amongst the family.