Unfair Will

OH was asked to value a property at short notice. The woman had a hissy fit because the value was considerably less than in swanky parts of London. When asked if she wanted it to go on the market she reluctantly said that it had better wait until after the funeral! Old man had lived alone with help from neighbours who had never seen the daughter in over twenty years. Do some people smell the possibility of money instinctively?

My grand inheritance was a frying pan, a pouffe and two pictures. All that was left after the vultures had gathered. Amazing what my Dad had “promised” to various family members, mainly in-laws.

It must be incredibly hurtful when the person doing all the caring and running around gets shafted by the person who is too busy to even visit. It seems to happen a lot. Very sad.

It doesn’t have to cause problems. If a family has healthy relationships, trust and honesty, dealing with the death of a parent is a shared sorrow and any estate is fairly distributed. The issues that cause problems arise long before the death. Two big things underpin a lot of the angst. First, people have a sense that they are entitled to some inheritance. Second, family relationships are allowed to deteriorate. As grieving family members, we can address both. Don’t assume that parents owe us an inheritance. Work to build and maintain honesty and trust in relationships while our parents are still alive. We can’t enforce what we consider ‘fair’, but we can adjust our thinking and expectations so that perceived ‘unfairness’ isn’t an issue.

My sister disinherited me and my sister and brother in favour of her favoured three nieces and the will was prepared and sent to her for signature and witnessing but she died the day before it arrived in the post.Our other brother was the executor of the will (and a legatee) and he advised us what she had intended had the new will arrived in time.

I decided that I would honour her wishes and gave my share to the three nieces (also mine) in equal shares. I really had no idea why she had disinherited me as she had always been included in all our family life and major events as she had no children of her own. It felt like rejection and that hurt a lot and I did not want her money at all as a result. My other two siblings, who were about to be disinherited also under the new will, took their share.

My father left everything to my stepmother, on the grounds that "she would do the right thing" that equalled her giving me £20 and telling me go forth and multiply.

So sad to read these posts.On a positive note all families are not the same.Following my mum's death her will which treated her children equally was followed to the letter and there was not one disagreement.We are quite a close family and we all knew what was to happen when mum died and who the executors were to be.

It's very sad because you don't often see this coming but people have no scruples when it comes to money. Because of greed it breaks families.

My parents live in a big house with my brother and his family they have had their ups and downs but the whole house will be theirs. I have that knowledge and have to live with it every day.
I have to believe it's not all about money because I don't want to be bitter.

Sorry grapefruitpip. Yes I was not the executor of my Mams will she chose daughter in law. I looked after her, did everything for her she did nothing. I felt stupid in this instance.

Daisymae agree completely. For many people money is their God. For those people , they never seem to be happy. Always wanting the new things or the best things.

Oh yes, there's nothing like money for people to show true colours. It's important not to let it get to you. Doesn't buy happiness.

My mum and step dad had mirror wills, leaving everything to the other and on the death of the survivor dividing their estate equally between myself, my brother and our step father's son.

When my step father died, my mother altered her will and disinherited my stepbrother. I was annoyed and told her so as she'd gone against my step father's last wishes.

A few years later she disinherited me too, leaving everything to my brother.

TBH I was upset at the time but it doesn't bother me now. Her money; her choice.

The whole arena, I now see is fraught with difficulties. I was naive and trusting.

Sometimes the biggest rows are not about monetary legacies, but the sentimental things. I saw seething animosity between my aunts and mother about the little box my grandmother always had on her bedside table. It wasn't silver, it wasn't jewelled, it was a small carved box bearing the words
A Present from St Ives.

When my Mum was dying, she initially wanted to divide her considerable estate between me and m sister.

The solicitor came to her bedside to talk it all over and advise.
Mum and I had previously discussed several options and between us and solicitor, decided 50% for my sister (who had already told Mum 'now you're dying, sell up and send me my share) and 50% divided between my two sons.

And that's what happened. They got a lump sum and more when her house was sold 2 years later and I got nothing, from choice.

Well, actually not strictly true now I think of it. The crematorium asked if I wanted the garnet ring Mum was wearing when she died, so I do have that.

To be honest, the inheritance from my grandparents wouldn't have been much. A LOT more than nothing, but not enough to buy a house or a car. But it was the principle. The greed. People who I grew up loving. Horrible.

Easy to say let it go. But when you don’t have much and a small promised inheritance could have made a huge difference to you and yours it is very hard to smile and just accept it . I have never inherited a penny in my life and don’t ever expect to, but feel so sorry for those who genuinely thought they were due to, or expected, an inheritance and have been cheated by those they love and thought they could trust .

Yes. Repeatedly. First my uncle, aunt and cousins conspired to take all of the inheritance of my grandparents (there were 2 children, 4 grandchildren).

Now, my awful SiL, brother and neices are doing the same with my mother.

I'm sick of my family.

Caring and love are good bedfellows.
Caring and money are not.

Be content with what you have and what you can earn for yourselves because, at the heart of some relationships, is money.
If you lend but don't get it returned.
If you give and give and get no acknowledgement of your giving.
If you or a relative expect a slice of someone else's money and it's not distributed as you think it should be, or was once promised, things can and do turn sour, nasty, griping and ugly thoughts and past misdeeds are dragged up which have nought to do with the matter at hand.

One has only to read MN and GN to know the truth, that money and relationships are, for many, a bumpy ride resulting in injuries.
Even the wealthiest don't easily turn down bequests.
Rise above it.
Don't let someone else's greed or disregard of your feelings, taint your life otherwise it's a double blow.

Possibly after what I have been through ,I am entitled but I'll say no more on a public forum.

I knew it was risky putting this out there, those who have kindly messaged I thank you.

Difficulty comes with relations who think they are entitled to a bequest. I've also met many who think their parents/grandparents estate is their money, house etc. No, it isnt, it belongs to the estate of the deceased. The sense of entitlement with people nowadays is beyond belief. No one is entitled to anything when a person dies, family or not. For myself, I rather have had my parents alive and well. No amount of money or goods will ever replace my parents. I miss them every day.

Exactly what GillT57 has said.

Gabriell54 Jewels and riches don't come ito it. It's about realising that those you thought cared for you, did not care. Or were manipulated during their last days.

It is indeed GillT57

How could anyone even begin to enjoy an inheritance knowing they had cheated a member of their own family out of their fair share ? It’s beyond me .

Such sad stories. It is not about financial gain, about money, it is about witnessing disgusting behaviour from family, from people who share your DNA, who are supposed to love you, but love money instead. It is a chilling discovery.

Any inheritance is thoughtful gift to be treasured or spent as you wish. The hurt comes as others have said when there is deceit and manipulation amongst family members.
When I was nursing I saw many cases of relatives coming out of the woodwork in the hope of gaining. I have seen wedding rings removed and even dentures ( many years ago) so sad.

The money is a legacy , something for future generations.

or not.

I agree with you Hetti it is about the deceit more than anything . In the end my DH signed away his rights to everything . He has never regretted his decision but it broke his relationships with his family .